Warnings: If you don't like/can't tolerate/can take a joke about Relena, keep reading, if not, GET OUT! There is some Relena bashing... it's not MY fault... ok, it IS my fault.... MUHAHAHA! It just happened, I had a nagging voice in my head that kept nagging me and would never SHUT UP! Relena is obviously a main character and ... there's some chasing included in this fic...
You can e-mail rants/flames/suggestions/maybe compliments? to DeslyDuo@hotmail.com.
So... *a cricket chirps* ^_^;; Here's my fic! ^_-
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"AAAAYYYYYYYIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!" ran a braided figure and left a trail of smoke. Followed him was a gigantic metal mallet...
"Get BACK HERE! DUO! GET YOUR STINKING BUTT OVER HERE! Stop running!" screamed a blond long haired girl in a school's uniform.
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Geez, might as well explain. I suppose you're wondering why Relena Peacecraft, the ever so 'gentle' pacifist calm lady was chasing Duo with a gigantic mallet? *Narrater coughs abruptly* Well, let's start from the beginning, ok? Ok! It all started when...
***
[ Peacecraft Residence ]
"No fair! Totally unfair! I have MAXIMUM secruity on this place and it's GONE!?!!! WHERE IS IT?!!!!" a dashed look flashed by Relena's face as she looked crazily in her glass cabinet for some sake to drink.
Duo staggered into the room with a bottle of sake, still a bit tipsy, but operational.
"Hey, Mizz Peacecrrrraaaffftt!" he waved the sake at her.
Relena spun around in anger and gasped at the bottle of sake firmly grasped in his hand.
"Ho-ho-HOW did you get that!?!!" she pointed accusingly at Duo and the sake.
"Oh diss?" he pointed at the sake. "Oh, I was rummaging around da area and found diss interesting bottle. I say, it's mighty goooood."
Relena gave him a cold look and menacingly stepped forward, her eyes blaring angrily. "You! You! YYOOUU!!" she sputtered.
"Wha? Wha? What?! Wha 'bout me?!" Duo drunkenly demanded, sake flying all over the as he waved it.
"You took MY SAKE! MY SPECIAL SAKE! My OWN Sake! Do you know what you just did?!!" she shrieked, frustratingly pulling her hair.
The braided boy just looked at her and ... stared blankly. "Wha? Wha 'bout da sake? Huhhhh??" question marks popping out of his head.
Relena growled and leapt at the drunked figure, but he stumbled to the side to avoid her.
"Bedder watch et laaady..." he wobbled his head at her. "Ya could've gotton huuuurrt." He another swig from the bottle and pleasantly burped.
Relena gave Duo the I'm-Gunna-Kick-Your-Ass look and growled. She stepped forward, he stepped back, she stepped forward, he stepped back, she stepped forward, he stepped back, she stepped forward, he stepped back... Ok, I'll get to the point to where she steps forward and he can't step back.
Relena stepped forward and Duo couldn't step back. She temporarily froze in her footsteps, pausing to think what to do with the braided pilot. 'I'm going to kill him... wait, I can't. I'm a Peacecraft and I must uphold the Peacecraft name for the sake ( Not the drink ), for the sake of the people and for peace! BUT I don't WANT TO NOW!' she thought, angrily.
The other side of her conscience disagreed. 'You mustn't hurt him. He's a gundam pilot for goodness sake! He's just a guy, let him be a guy!'
'No! No! NO!' she disagreed.
'Yes, you must practice peace. Talk to him rationally! He'll understand! Hold a meeting.'
'NO!'
'Yes!'
'NO!'
'Yes!'
'NO!'
'Yes!'
'NO!'
'Yes!'
'Hell NO!'
'My, aren't we getting verbal?'
'Just shut up and lemme at him!'
'You can't! You mustn't! It's not right!'
'Who said it isn't right?! I say it's right!'
'How is it right?'
As Relena fought against her conscience while glaring at Duo, Duo took another sip of the sake still left in his hand. He tilted his head to the side and watched Relena with interest as she continued to make interesting faces.
'It's SAKE! It's MINE! I WANT MY SAKE BACK!'
'How is it going to solve your problem?!'
'I'll get my sake damn it! That's how!'
'Young lady! Such language!'
'Shut up and lemme at him before I really let out some language!'
'..... and you call yourself a Peacecraft....'
'Who said I was a Peacecraft? I could be a Dorian right now!'
'......'
'See? I win. I won this argument.'
'No...'
Relena's face began to turn a slightly flushed red color and tightened her hands into fists as she argued with herself still.
'NO!?! I won! You didn't say anything! Therefore you have given up!'
'It's just that you can be so dense....'
'What about me being dense?!'
'You're going out of your mind!'
'How am I going out of my mind?!'
'You're talking to yourself you moron!'
'HOW DARE YOU call ME a moron!'
'You idiot, you're talking to yourself.'
'Am not!'
'....'
'See? Proves my point!'
'Prove what?!'
'You just insulted yourself young lady'
'Just quiet! And let ME handle this!'
Relena's eyes began to glow dark red and her hair flared around her face viciously as her hands reached behind her and grabbed a large metal mallet from a dimensional tunnel. She whipped the mallet out at Duo and shook it threateningly at Duo.
"HANDS OFF MY SAKE!" her hands tightly grasping the mallet.
Duo's eyes widened and shook himself. 'This is Ms. Peacecraft? Thought she was a peaceful kind of person... huh, oh well, she doesn't show any signs of regretting her hitting me with that metal mallet...better run....' An idea popped up in mind as he thought that and snickered.
"So, eh, what happens if I, 'accidentally' drop this?" slowly letting the sake slide from his grasp.
"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!" she shrieked, shaking the walls around them and gripped the mallet tighter.
Duo covered his ears. 'Oww... talk about pain... ok, looks like I have to do this now...' He tightly grasped the bottle and tipped it towards his mouth. He let the rest of the sake slide into his throat and smacked his lips in front of Relena.
"KKKIIIIISSSSSSAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMAAAAAA!!!!" Relena screamed out loud and ran at Duo.
"Whoooaaaaaahhhhhhhh!" Duo ran to the side and started running around, with Relena chasing him with a metal mallet.
***
So, that's why Relena is chasing Duo with a metal mallet. No, it's NOT because of THAT! *points a finger menacingly at the hentai readers who happen to love 1x2/2x1* Heh, but it's a very good guess. ~_^
A cloud of smoke flashes by the narrater again, along with an assortment of curse words coming from both Duo and Relena. Will Relena ever stop chasing Duo? Will she get her revenge for her stolen sake? What about the sake itself?
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~Owari~ ( Maybe? )
Desly: Yes, I know. Very odd fic. I shouldn't of gotten her to chase him, but, if anybody wants to, e-mail me! Should I write an ending for this fic? ^_^0
Relena: Yes! It's unpacifistical of me to go off and chase a gundam pilot! Especially with a mallet! *crosses arms*
Desly: Look who's talking...
Duo: Well, I wouldn't mind if you wrote a sequel, just be gentle with the whacking, 'k?
Relena: *eyes squinting and twitching* And why?
Duo: 'Cuz I have to make it back to Heero in one piece! That's why! *grin*
Relena: *eyes widen and screams* YOU WILL NEVER HAVE HEERO! HE'S ETERNALLY MINE! MINE! MINE! NEVER!!!
Desly: Too late...
Duo: *sighs* Looks like someone hasn't been catching up with news...
Relena: NNNNEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Duo: *mutters* You can say that again... Geez!
Relena: NNNNEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Desly: Owww..ouch... Heh, e-mail me whatcha think, onegai? *points at a screaming Relena and dismayed Duo* Or else this will go on forever and I don't think I have the time to just listen to Ms. Pacifist scream. ^_^v
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