The Fanatic Entertainer
Warnings: It's supposed to BE funny. Shounen ai, weird-ness, occ-ness, craziness. I dunno what else, it's supposed to be amusing... I guess... >.<
Jay: *appears* Why the hell am I here again?!
Desly: *shrug* Bored. Watta you think of the fic so far?
Jay: -_-;; I haven't even started reading it...
Desly: *chibifies and squeaks* Ooops! Gomen! *unchibifies*
Jay: *sweatdrop* Eh, um, yeah.
Desly: *does a funky pose* Now... onto the summery of this luverly fic! MUWAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHA!
Duo has received a mission. A mission to make Heero laugh. He thought it was like making Wufei respect a woman....
Direct e-mails to DeslyDuo@hotmail.com, onegai? ^^V Ja!
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Duo stared at the screen that sat illuminating back at him. He read his mission assignment and grimaced. 'What!' he mentally thought. 'NOT EVEN HEERO HIMSELF CAN DO THIS MISSION!?!' He read the last words carefully.
/And Duo, take as much time needed to accomplish your mission. It is critical./
'Damn right.'
'This is just crazy! My doc gives me a mission and the mission? Make the pilot of Wing Zero laugh. He wouldn't even crack a teeny tiny smile if you brought him to the funniest place on Earth! How the hell am I going to DO this?' Duo thought and swiveled his chair to look at Heero.
Heero was steadily sleeping on one of the two beds on the room that they shared. 'Not to mention that psycho bastard is a major hunk. K'so. When did I start liking him too?!' Duo sighed exasperatedly, made a helpless facial expression and swiveled his chair back to the laptop.
His mind went through thousands of suggestions, but none seemed to work. Well, his first stop was to either ask Quatre any joints that have any good comedians. 'Wait, that won't work. Either Heero would get mad at me or the comedian and say 'Omae o korosu'.' Duo thought.
He stood up from his chair and yawned. It was a long day and it had just gotten longer. 'Sheesh, either the doc was really bored or wanted to keep myself amused with getting Heero to laugh. Argh.' He silently stole out of the bedroom he and Heero shared then dashed off to the nearest bookstore for some manga.
He opened the chiming door and was greeted with the heavy scent of fresh paper that flowed around the small store. He strolled by kiddie magazines and racks of new doujinshi that was published by amateur artists. He paused by a Ranma 1/2 comic and chuckled as he saw Ranma get pummeled by a large spatula. He picked it up and strolled around with one eye on the racks and the other on the Ranma comic.
Duo spotted another comic and pulled it out of the rack. It was properly titled. "How To Make A Pyscho Laugh" and Duo almost facefaulted onto the ground.
'Is it just me, or was this published on purpose? Aa, nevermind. I need this anyway... 850 yen? Not a bad price. I'd better get it in order to complete my stupid mission.'
Duo walked over to the cashier and the lady who was smacking gum in her mouth, raised an eyebrow as she rang the purchase up.
"Are ya," Gum smack. "Sure ya wanna buy this," Gum smack. "Thing?" Gum smack.
Duo glared back at her.
"Yes, if you don't mind, that is."
Gum smack. "Nope. Here, have a nice day." And she handed him the wrapped comic.
Duo nearly ran out the door and pulled the comic out the bag. He started reading immediately.
'Let's see... there are a lot of ways to make a pyscho laugh, according to this book. Page one, way #1, bring the person to the... circus?!!? This thing has GOT to be kidding...! Oh, well, I'm desperate. Looks like I'll be visiting Trowa...'
Duo walked into the safehouse he shared with Heero and found him typing stoically away. He sighed and rolled his eyes.
"Yo, Yuy, what's Q's number?"
With his usual manner, he ratted out, "Area code 444, number 434-3434, L4 colony residence. Why?"
"Nothing that concerns you. Thanks."
'Yeah right, it concerns you, you just don't know it, damn it.' Duo thought.
He quickly dialed up the number and discussed his problem with Quatre. Quatre nearly fell over when he heard Duo and quickly contacted Trowa with the dilemma.
Ten minutes later, it was arranged and settled. Tomorrow, Duo and Heero were going to meet up with Trowa and Quatre in Cairo, Egypt, where Trowa was currently performing.
~~~~~~~~~~
"Sugoi! Oi, Heero! Take a load of that! Oh! And this! That man just lifted the big heavy weight!"
"Hn."
Quatre, Duo and Heero sat themselves near the center circle of the circus and were in the midst of watching the performers jump around and do flips. Loads of clowns came out into the rings and loud cheering could be heard from all over as they engaged themselves in a pie throwing fight. Because of this, it caused the whole place to come down laughing.
Duo looked at Heero while he laughed at some of the things they did and gawked. Heero didn't crack a smile, not even a teeny tiny one. He sidled closer to him and waved at him.
"Hey, Heero, having fun?" and grinned broadly.
Heero raised an eyebrow and went back to looking at the chaos that flew around the area.
'This is going to be a very long assignment...' Duo thought as a pie flew towards the audience.
~~~~~~~~~~
Duo groaned as he watched the comedy show go on. 'This was the next thing on the stupid list and Heero hasn't even BLINKED at the screen... Argh!'
He gave Heero another glance. Looks like it's back to the book again. Watching the 48 hour I Love Lucy Marathon isn't exactly the best thing to do when your eyelids are drooping and your head is continuously nodding on and off.
~~~~~~~~~~
After taking a long sleep, Duo plodded towards the book and flipped to the third page.
'Uh huh. Right. Like Heero actually likes cartoons... damn. I have no choice in this. Damn...'
Heero raised an eyebrow as he watched another show Duo dragged him to watch that evening. It was called, "The Simpsons," and quite frankly, he didn't get it. Why was Bart and the fat guy named Homer acting like a baka?
Duo observed him from the other side of the couch and smacked himself with his right hand. 'Oh, nooo.... he doesn't get it... back to the book again....'
~~~~~~~~~~
Duo propped himself on his bed in the room he and Heero shared. The forth page showed a dangerous stunt. It was the cause of many injuries besides laughter. Duo grimaced in pain. This wasn't going to look good.
Heero raised an eyebrow as he sat down to do his work in an office building with the other gundam pilots. Duo quietly ate a banana and observed the hallway constantly. He finally finished it and tried his best to grin at Heero.
"Oi! Heero! Ya wanna see something funny?"
Heero looked back at Duo and blinked. "Hn?"
"Here, lemme show ya!"
Duo walked over to the hallway and looked around. No one. Good. He purposely acted absentminded as he dropped the banana peel in the middle of the hallway and motioned Heero to take a look.
"What's so funny about a banana?"
"Shh! Oh, look! It's Wu-chan! Heheh! Just watch!"
Heero raised both eyebrows as Wufei stoically walked to the end of the hallway with a newspaper in his face, taking no notice of the banana on the ground.
Wump! Boom!
"KISAMA! Maxwell, I swear you did that and if I see you today I will scalp your braid off your head!!!!!!" roared a very irritated Wufei as he sat there rubbing his butt sorely while his newspaper went flying over his head.
Duo giggled histerically at the scene in front of him while Heero was busy puzzling over why Wufei didn't see the obstacle in his path. Very unusual of him indeed. Duo paused to look at Heero. No response. Damn!
~~~~~~~~~~
[One week later...]
Duo sighed tiredly as he turned to the last page of the comic book he had bought last week. He had done every little suggestion on how to make a psycho laugh and it wasn't working at all.
'Ok, this is it. Last page, if this doesn't work, I don't know WHAT will. I've gotton pies at my face, Wu-chan slipped on a banana peel, watched comedy show marathons and the works. This is really getting on my nerves. If I don't get Heero to laugh by tomorrow, I give up.'
He turned to the last page and read the final instructions. Duo raised an eyebrow and it twitched a bit.
'I don't know how the others feel, but I'm saying sorry right now!'
Then he went off to find Heero.
~~~~~~~~~~
"Yo! Heero! Perfect Soldier!" Duo hollered at the figure typing stoically at the laptop in the living room while the other gundam pilots were snacking on food and examining some papers on another table.
"Hn?"
"Look, ya know I've got a mission and everything?"
"Hn hn."
"Yeah yeah, well, it's supposed to make you laugh."
"Hnnnnnnnnn?"
"Whatever, don't ask. Look, I wanna know if this is funny to you."
Duo did an awkward pose and ran at Wufei screaming, "YOU HAVE NO HOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNOOOORRRRR!"
Wufei looked up to see Duo running at him and shrieked. He jumped up and ran off to hide behind Heero while cursing out Duo. Heero just stared at the chaotic area.
"Kisama! You have no honor, Maxwell! What the hell were you doing? Stop acting like an ONNA!"
Duo only ran at him to grab his katana and took the katana from its place grinning. Wufei's eyes widened in surprise.
"BAKA! What are you doing with my sword?!!! Maxwell, let go of it!"
Duo's grin grew bigger as he mocked him.
"Look at me! I'm Wu-chan!"
"It's WUFEI! WU-FEI! Say it right, Maxwell!"
"I'm FeiWU! Nyaaah! You have NOOO honoooor, you stuuuuupid, Maxwell!" Duo mimicked and did a silly pose with the katana in his hand.
Trowa and Quatre just sat there in shock and then Quatre started laughing. Trowa had a disapproving smile plastered on his face and just shook his head in astonishment. Heero smirked at the scene as Wufei stood by him, fuming.
"DUO! GIVE MY KATANA BACK!" Wufei roared and grabbed the object out of Duo's hands. He walked off to his room in a huff with his head held up high and his pride hurt like hell.
"No bad," Heero commented and went back to typing.
Duo groaned aloud and tried another tactic.
"Ok, how about this one?" Duo ran out of the room and Wufei came back into the room with an insulted face. He sat down on the sofa with a grim frown with his katana on the side of him. Duo came back wearing really tight pants that Trowa owned and with a passive face.
Duo crossed his arms with a pose and made a straight face at everybody. "I'm Barton. Trowa Barton. I pilot HeavyArms. I love Quatre."
Wufei made a face and smiled a little. Quatre giggled loudly and fell over laughing. It was funny to know that it WAS the truth. Trowa sat there, not looking at anyone and blushed a deep crimson. Heero smirk grew a little more and smiled at the strange scene.
"Even better," Heero said and went back to finishing up his report.
Quatre patted Trowa on the back and smiled. "That's all right, Trowa. I'm right here, love you too." Trowa lifted his head and smiled back shyly.
Duo groaned aloud. 'There's only one person I can imitate now.... ahh, well, I'm headed for the kitchen....'
Wufei half choked, half gaffawed at the chaotic scene Duo made in front of them. 'Where is that baka headed? The kitchen? Natakuuu! No! We'll be eaten out and have no food to eat! We'll be barebones and soon turn cannibal! Ahhh!' Wufei dropped his head to look down onto the floor in agony. 'No food... the injustice! I don't wanna eat Nataku!' he mentally ranted fiercely.
Duo was gone for ten minutes, which was a long time considering the fact that Duo always hung around them to chatter and talk. Trowa and Quatre exchanged glances once in a while and turned to gaze at the kitchen door for the fifth time. Wufei even raised his bewildered head to look at the kitchen door every couple minutes.
Heero got agitated and glared at the swinging kitchen door. It fell down as it felt Heero's irritated glare at it. Wufei, Trowa and Quatre jerked their heads towards the whump! and widened their eyes at Heero and the door.
"DUO! What are you DOING IN THERE!" Heero shouted from his laptop.
"I'm alright! If you think I was going eat everybody out of food, not today! Oh, yeah, thanks for opening the door for meee, Heero!" Duo hollered back from the further recesses of the big kitchen.
Wufei sighed in relief and relaxed at the comforting thought of Duo not eating them out of food. Trowa's face visibly relaxed as well while Quatre smiled, knowing Duo was fine instead of acting abnormal.
"Hiii, minna-san!" Duo chirped loudly. He walked into the room with a complete tea set and was wearing Quatre's outfit, complete with the shoes as well. He poured a cup of tea and offered it to Wufei awkwardly.
"Would you like some tea, Wufei-kun?" Duo politely asked, offering the tea cup to him.
Wufei's eyes bugged out of his face as he stared at the delicate Victorian decorated figure in Duo's hands. Wufei made a face of terror and shrieked in Duo's face.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Quatre and Trowa stared at Duo while Wufei continued to scream. Trowa started laughing and Quatre joined him. Soon, both were toppled over each other on another sofa, desperately holding themselves from laughing too hard. Heero looked up from his laptop to find Wufei screaming in terror and Quatre and Trowa on the sofa with tears coming from their eyes from laughing too hard while Duo was trying to mimic Quatre in his clothes. Somehow, this struck Heero amused and he laughed out loud.
When he laughed, everybody stopped what they were doing and looked at Heero.
"Ahahahahaha...hehehehehe...ahahahaha... that's pretty funny, Duo." Heero smiled broadly and went back to typing.
Duo noticed everybody's shocked expressions and laughed at everybody.
'Mission completed!' Duo thought happily and ran off to send a mission report to his doctor that he completed his mission.
~~~~~~~~~~
Duo lounged about the room he and Heero shared. Things were different after Heero laughed on that day. He was... acting a little funny to be honest. 'I wonder what Heero's doing? Ah, nah, probably typing at that laptop thingy of his.' He sighed and rubbed his sore neck. 'I think I'll take a bath, yeah, that's it, a nice long soothing bath with loads of bubbles all over the place. Better put a Do Not Disturb sign on the door as well.' Duo quickly went off to grab bubble bath soap, a large towel and a pair of boxers.
~~~~~~~~~~
Heero stoically sat at a desk and typed up another report to send back to the doctors at HQ. He heard, felt and smelled Duo come into the living room and almost shuddered as Duo hummed some miscellaneous tune.
"Eh, Heero? Just in case if you're listening or anything, if you need to holler, I'll be in the bathroom taking a bath. Man, making you laugh is like trying to tell Wufei to respect a woman! I think you laughing has a higher chance. Thank GOD! I was about to give up on you. Whatever, I'm gone, ja Heero!" Duo left the room with a towel in hand and left for the tub.
Heero looked over the laptop as Duo's braid left his view. Now what? echoed in his mind. In the past weeks Heero had the urge to walk up to Duo and kiss him. Why? Was it because he liked him? Was it because he was so used to the blabber talk Duo did all the time while he was typing? Or was it because Duo is the way he was and didn't care about what people thought about him? The worst he could do to Heero would be to hate him for the rest of his life. Is it worth the gamble? Heero thought again.
He looked at the bathroom door in with a twisted heart. His emotions were running high, his breath coming out short, raging teenage hormones and on top of that, Duo. No, he decided. I'll try to figure this out until he comes out of the bathroom. He went back to typing on his laptop with a confused face.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Duo sat in the tub for a half an hour. Relaxation. Ahhhh.... Heero. Damn. Duo groaned out loud when his mind reminded him of Heero outside the door. Bad bad bad... What was Heero doing lately? And those looks he was getting for the past week! He looked like he was coming onto Duo, but yet, he was confused like hell! Half confused I-Want-You looks. Duo laughed at that and got out of the bathtub. He wrapped a towel around his slender waist and looked at himself in the mirror.
His eyes were heavily lidded with an unknown tenderness and smiled sadly at his reflection. Hopeless. Just hopeless. Now, what are the chances of an emotionless Japanese psycho going to go and love this boy? Next to impossible. Duo sighed and put on his mask again. He went out of the bathroom...
And walked right into Heero.
"Ehhh?? Ooo! Gomen nasai, Heero! Didn't see you there. You don't normally hang around bathrooms, eh?" Duo chattered nervously with an awkward grin and gripped his towel tightly.
Heero looked at him. Slender yet masculine figure with a towel around his waist and hair flowing around him like an angel. He felt something stir in his heart for the first time and caught him off guard.
'Heero, breathless?' Duo thought. 'That's a first. Wonder why...?'
"Uh, Heero, you ok? Ano, I'll just, um, be go--"
Heero snapped back to reality and managed to piece together what he was experiencing. He purposely wrapped his arms around Duo's neck and gently pushed him to himself in a warm kiss. He didn't care anymore what happened there and wasn't going to stop either.
Duo allowed himself to be led... into a kiss... with Heero?!!!!? Duo's eyes flew wide open as he felt the warmth of Heero's lips on his as left a tingling sensation there.
"Hee-ee- Heero?" Duo looked back at him in surprise with Heero's arms still dangling around his neck.
Heero looked at Duo and deep into his eyes. "I'm not quite sure what I'm doing, but I have a good idea what. I've decided to follow what my heart says, if that's all right with you, Duo..?"
Duo went chibi in his arms for a second which surprised Heero and smiled broadly at the cute antic. =^_<*
"Oooooh! Been waiting too damn long for this!" Duo crowed and hugged Heero like a teddy bear. Then, he looked back at him and kissed him fiercely. Heero returned the kiss energetically and soon they were kissing each other as if they had nothing else to do in the world.
The doorbell rang a couple minutes later. It rang again and again and again, until the door was knocked down by Wufei.
"KISAMA! What does a man have to do to get attention here?! Where the hell is Yuy and Maxwell? Heeeellloo---" Wufei choked as he saw them kissing madly in the living room.
"Garrcccch!!!! Geeessssssh! First Quatre and Trowa, now YOU GUYS! NO HONOR! That's what! NO HONOR! Am I the only one out of the gundam pilots with enough integrity not to do something crazy like that in public?! What would Nataku say???" Wufei ranted with a dismayed face.
Heero pulled out a plastic gun out of his pocket and aimed it at Wufei's direction... and shot it. Wufei ducked, but there was nothing to duck from, it would've hit Wufei if it was a real gun anyway. Out of the gun popped out a message.
"Chill Wu-chan and learn to live a little," Wufei read from the note that popped out of the gun. He grimaced and hollered while crying out, "IT'S THE EEEEEENDDDDDDD OF THE WORRRRRLDDDDD!!!!! HEERO YUY CRACKED A JOKE!" He promptly fell over with psychedelic circles in his eyes and a nosebleed.
Duo chuckled and murmured, "Hee-chan, you did that on purpose to Wu-chan, hmm?" and stole another kiss from Heero.
"Couldn't be helped," and they went back to kissing with a big smile plastered on their faces.
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Yah yah yah... it's crazy. I mean, I couldn't help it. The idea came to me while I was in mid-type and HAD TO incorporate Wu-chan, ne? I know all my fan fics are all happy happy, but I can't help it! If you want something different, go read Pacifism Meets Sake or any of my argument fics. ^_^V
Wufei: That was wrong onna, terribly wrong. There is no way you should treat me with no HONOR!
Desly: -_-;; Oh go walk off a cliff or something.
Wufei: *enraged* BAKA ONNA!
Desly: Jay-chan, please remove this person thing here away from this fic.
Jay: *appears and glares at Desly* It's Jay, not Jay-chan, got it? NOT JAY-CHAN! Humph, ok justice boy, we're going to have a little talk about justice and when it's not right and when it is right to bitch about justice. Hai?
Wufei: *mad* I'm NOT A PERSON THING AND QUITE FRANKLY I DON'T WANNA TALK TO JAY-CHAN!
Jay: *irritated* MY NAME IS JAY! NOT JAY-CHAN! KISAMA! DAMARE!
Desly: *sigh* What did I do to deserve such awful treatment, hm? Ok, e-mail me at DeslyDuo@hotmail.com! Ja! ^_^V C'mon boys, let's go visit Relena-sama, hai?
Wufei & Jay: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! *Desly drags a chibi Jay and chibi Wu-chan away*
Desly: *evil maniacal laughter* AHAHAHAHA! MUWHAHAHAHAHAH! AHAHAHAHAH!
Chibi Wufei & Chibi Jay: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
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