December 3
I am going to keep this real short because I am so tired and want to sleep. Tonight was a wonderful night, probablly the best in a really lomg time. I found someone that I really get along with and can talk to.yey. My appointment is on Monday, and I told my mother and she is coming with me. I am really happy that she is being supportive because I really need that from her. So basically I am really excited and cannot wait to set the date.
November 29>p> I have a huge smile on my face right now. I just recieved a nice suprise...I had this feeling that we'd talk again...hehe Thursday cannot come soon enough. Yesterday I was so stressed out, but everything is much better now. I need to learn not to put off writing my papers until the last minute...I guess I deserved all the stress. So I saw FInding Neverland tonight, and it was really interesting..I don't think JOhnny Depp can make a bad movie. So I am definitely going to sleep well tonight..ahhh....thank you Lord.
November 26
Okay so I erased the super mean entry from last weekend. Sometimes your emotions just go crazy though you know..and I always feel like I am one way or the other, so actually I don't know how I feel...I do know however that I hate guys. So as an attempt to move on I went out on two dates with this real nice and extremely good looking guy..on the second date however he completely lost my interest..maybe it was the comment..but deep deep somewhere inside I just knew it didn't feel right. Well anyways I am going to Italy this summer and oh God I cannot wait...this is going to be the best experience ever! Hmm...I really want some left overs right now...yummy..anyways so two nights in a row I had dreams about ugh..my ex and the first night I was beating him up, and last night I was at his house but my whole family was and so was his..but we were broken up..that was really odd. Yesterday my grandma wanted to watch the video from her birthday party and my brother was like oh angela your ex-man is in it..so I decided to leave the room instead of watch it. Oh yeah WHAT'S UP HEATHER? I LOVE YOU!!!! THANKS FOR BEING SUCH A WONDERFUL BEST FRIEND!!!! Okay now I think I am done..
November 22
Oh wow! I just about died laughing when I read what I wrote this weekend. It is really funny what you will say when you are really drunk. I was going to erase it, but then again it is freakin funny..so it is going to stay. I really like how things are going lately. I feel like I can go back to really being me..always happy and spending lots of time with my friends. I am really excited to see Jessica, and I know we are going to have fun together. Things are falling into place in every possible way, and I am thankful for that. Ah talking to Tim..must go bye!
NOVEMBER 8:
God things really suck right now. So still frustrated becuase I just want to talk to my ex, and well I think he forgot who I am. Sadly I find myself defending him when others have something bad to say, or give their opinion about how I should feel. It is just really hard for me to think that his intentions were bad...maybe I am completely retarded for thinking that..or maybe it is just wishful thinking. I know that in my heart if he wanted to get back together... it would be really hard for me no say no...and I most likely would follow my heart...even if others say I shouldn't. Well I don't think I need to worry about that since it seems like he could care less about me. He is in my head constantly, I wonder if I even cross his mind. Well I have decided to do somethings for me...and I am really excited about it too. I made the decision to get breast implants...this is something for me and I seriously could care less if people don't think I should. Also really exciting I've lost a lot of weight...down almost ten more pounds since me and bf spilt..I guess that is what happens when you aren't as happy as you used to be..oh well atleast I look damn good..lol... really good news though is that Jessica is moving back next month. wahoo!!! I can't wait to see her and spend time with her..this will also give me a chance to get to know her husband better! Well I guess things could be worse...but I just wish things would go my way..obviously we don't always get what we want.
NOVEMBER 6:
I really wish he wouldn't rule my everything thought. I just can't stop thinking about what he is doing and how he is feeling. He hasn't called me yet ... I honestly think he wants me completely out of his life. It hurts me so much inside, and there is nothing I can do about it. I am trying to be strong, but how do you get over someone that you never stopped liking and you know you have feelings for? I feel like fish bait just dangling on the line, waiting to be devoured. My head isn't clear; I don't know what to think or feel.
