Q: What superhero uses public transportation?
A: Bus Lightyear!
Q: What is a superhero's favorite part of the joke?
A: The "punch" line!
Sometimes I wish I was a cartoon superhero. Not for the whole "super powers" thing though, but mainly because they never have to work or go to the bathroom.
TOP TEN Indications That Your Girlfriend Wants to Be a Superhero:
10. She is constantly humming the theme to 'Mighty Mouse.'
9. Refers to her apartment as the 'Bat Cave.'
8. Keeps putting you down with, 'That's not the way Iron Man would do it.'
7. Has two spearguns welded to the front of her AMC Pacer.
6. Always says, 'I'll be back,' before going to the can.
5. Studies cybernetics in spare time because, 'You have to think like the enemy.'
4. She owns two copies of Leonard Part VI.
3. Mutters 'One shot, one kill,' with each belt of Jack Daniels.
2. Enjoys giving 'mortals' tour of her sword collection.
And the Number One Indication That Your Girlfriend Wants To Be A Supperhero Or Action Type...
1. Every Thanksgiving, snaps the turkey's neck, smiles at you and says, 'Chefs do that!'
Thinking of becoming a superhero? Here are some useful pointers.
1. Don't call yourself by your real name, e.g. Ms. Jenny Pinchuck, The Amazing Stevie Foster.
2. Don't call yourself by someone else's real name, e.g. Mr. Teddy Kennedy, Captain Dean Martin.
3. Choose a name that suggests power, heroism and prowess, e.g. Captain Power, Thunderman, Mr. Invincible, Justiceman.
4. Don't be too modest, e.g. Mr. Pretty Good, Captain So-So, Fairly Incredibleman.
5. But don't labor the point, e.g. Mr. So-Powerful-Don't-Even-Think-About-It-Buddy.
6. Don't choose a name detrimental to your crime fighting image, e.g. Captain Spongecake, Mr. Silly, Yellow Streak, Purple Slippers, Captain Evil
7. Don't choose the name of an existing Superhero unless you have lots of money and enjoy fighting litigation instead of supervillains.
8. It's no use calling yourself Captain Invincible if your only power is self-control over Hostess Twinkies and you suffer from a congenial hole-in-the-heart condition. It's just asking for trouble.
9. Don't call yourself the Invisible Boy if you're not.
10. Don't call yourself the Invisible Boy if you're a girl.
11. Don't call yourself the Invisible Lady if you're a man -- even if you do feel like a woman trapped in a man's body.
12. Don't give away important information in your name, e.g. The Glass Jaw, Captain Vulnerable-to-Strontium 90.
13. Don't call yourself The Green Avenger if you wear an orange costume. You'll confuse people.
Got one that's not up here? Email it to us at straightjacketcomics@gmail.com
