But whatever the case, no matter the reason, you are welcome here, well there may be a few exceptions... Say, if you were here because... you wanted to use this page as a way to threaten to blow up the world with nuclear weapons, well, then maybe you shouldn't be here. Actually, instead you should probably be talking to someone about it and try to tell yourself that you don't own nuclear multi-warheads. Unless, of course you're the president of the United States or some other high-ranked government official with the power to launch your country's nuclear warheads. Then, you should instead sit down and immediately resign because man, you need help. We'd all need help if that were the case.

But, of course, none of the above fits you, right? It shouldn't, but if for some reason you are some high-ranked government official, but you don't want to blow up the world, then you should immediately write up an official document giving me full control of your country. Yes, you should do that immediately. About five minutes from now, would be a good time also. Well, actually anytime within the next week would be good. And don't forget that you won't be without a job because of me. I'll make you my official Person Who Walks Around and Talks All Day and Looks Important. You'll be my PWWATADLI.

But, we mustn't forget the rich folk out there. If you are one such person, then please make all checks payable to Lester Lau. You'd do well to make a sizable donation to the help ME fund. That way, when I am ruler of half the planet, I'll remember to put you on my "The Little People to Thank" list.

But, if you're not any of these. If you don't rule a country or have millions of dollars in assets, then you can still be here. (Though, it would be better if you were one of those.) You see, if you're here, then you must be half out of your mind! Who the hell would actually willingly come here?!?! Only someone who's so high that he can't even make a sound, let alone operate a computer, would willingly come here!! You must really be crazy and messed up!! You must be stupid and idotic and dumb and just overall MESSED OVER if you're reading this!! YOU MUST NOT HAVE A LIFE AT ALL!!!! YOU MUST HAVE LESS THAN NO LIFE!!!! YOU MUST BE SO LIFELESS THAT YOU'RE LEGALLY 30 YEARS DEAD!!!! YOU MUST BE BEYOND LIFELESS!!!! YOU MUST BE SO OUT OF YOUR MIND THAT YOU DON'T EVEN REMEMBER THAT YOU HAVE A MIND!!!! YOU ARE MESSED UP!!!! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE???!?!! ARE YOU INSANE??!?!? DID YOU LEAVE YOUR BRAIN IN YOUR OTHER HEAD!!!?!? (no sexual conotations...)

Well, actually, I didn't mean any of that, well not most of it, at least. You are my guest in my most humble abode and if you actually read this far, you are good and I welcome you as a friend, if you would have me for one. I give you the secret, hidden, double-whammy, super-special spectacular, never be seen, never heard of, behind the head and around the nose, twist the tummy, flip around handshake. Now, I'll know you by this secret, hidden, double-whammy, super-special spectacular, never be seen, never heard of, behind the head and around the nose, twist the tummy, flip around handshake. So take a look around, talk to me, do something, anything, but most importantly be welcome and you better tell me you were here!! Or I'll come and get you!! Well, I can't do that unless you tell me where you're from, but even if you do, I won't and if you don't, I won't either, so no worries.