Wanting Your Love

I do doubt your love sometimes,
not for lack of saying it,
but lack of showing it

Miles seperate us,
but communication
over the phone is initiated by me

I find my self resenting my siblings,
then resenting myself for being so selfish

Thirty years absence puts a wide gap in our relationship,
but I’ve gone out of my way

I keep waiting for some return of the emotions
I feel so deeply since I learned of you

You are my father...not by choice,
but never the less it is true,
and you’ve accepted that

Still tho, I wait for your acceptance
of me, the person that I am,
the grandchildren I have given to you

Saying your my father
and being my father is 2 different things

I want you to know I love you Dad,
As much as I love the man who raised me,
and maybe I’m unfair to him

For knowing what he did,
he never treated me as anything but his daughter

That must have been hard for him to love me so much,
and know I was not of his blood

The way you love my sister’s and brother’s,
the way I want to be loved by you

Again, maybe I’m selfish...........
if wanting your love is selfish...
then so be it

I’ll never stop loving you,
but I’ll always wait with a wanting, so bad,
it hurts.