The Heidless Chickens

Gone, but not forgotten, The Heidless Chickens graced the lower divisions of the Pitz Sunday 5-a-Side Football League for almost a year. For their all-too-brief tenure in the Superleague, the Chickens were easily the most feared team in 5-a-Side history: even the most seasoned of campaigners shat his very pants at the thought of the matchless DERISION and IGNOMINY which would inevitably accompany defeat at the hands of such an ill-assembled group of no-hopers and girl's blouses. Yet they were a popular team, and their premature dispersion in early 2000 was considered by all to be a sad loss to the game, if a tremendous gain to its credibility.

Rumours abound that the Chickens are not dead, but merely sleep, and wait for the moment when their Lord and Saviour, Denis McGrady, calls upon them once again to reunite and smite the ungrateful world with their own particular brand of aimless passing and DISMAL defending. But, until that day, these pages shall remain as a testament: a perpetual reminder of better days, and of how shoddy Goldie's marking REALLY was.

'Cause it really was fucking diabolical ¹.

Team Name: The Heidless Chickens
Formed: June, 1999.
Previous Names: The Steel Men. (June '99)
Team Colours: Yellow
Change Colours: Red
Team Captain: Thomas Clark
Best Ever League Position: 7th in Division 3
Lowest Ever League Position: 4th in Division 4
Competitions Won: None.
Most Appearances (All Time): Thomas Clark- 35
Top Scorer (All Time): Craig Goldthorp- 34
Most goals scored in one match: David Peebles-7 (vs. The Mothers)
Most Man Of The Match Awards (All Time): Thomas Clark-6
Record Victory: 10-0 (vs. True Blue Crew)
Record Defeat: 3-25 (vs. Spanish Villa)

Overall Team Record:

Games Played: 35
Games Won: 6
Games Drawn: 0
Games Lost: 29
Goals Scored: 186
Goals Conceded: 467

Competition History:

4th, Division 4
8th, Division 3
8th, Division 3