i sit in the room

waiting for the disgnosis

i hear the door open

in comes the doctor

he starts with a chipper hello

then gives me the news

we are sorry to tell you

what do you mean sorry

what in the hell do you

have to be sorry for

we have to take your other leg

oh the hell you are

i need that leg

are you tellimg me

you have exhausted all

other medical treatment

if you take my leg

you are taking another piece of my soul

and i can't have that

i'm barely holding onto what i have now

they walk away

and leave me alone

with the memory of the legs

i once had, once upon a time

you may never know

the secrets i may hide

to reach out with compassion

to get the key of my heart

to unlock it

for the secrets to flow Tuesday, February 15th

i opened up

and let you in

now i feel

totally vunerable

to heartache

and pain

my lack of trust

questions your motives

am i nothing

more than a

girl toy for you

am i the supplier

of the needs you

are lacking

if i am all that

then what are

you to me?

jaded mind

left broken

everything inside

gone

used me

fulfilled you

left me

bare

Tuesday, February 8th

there is a man

and a woman

whom i love

dearly

they are my parents

if one hates

the other

am i to hate the

other also?

if one loves the

other

am i to love the

other also?

i am torn

between my love and

concern for one

and for the other

i want to do both

but not cause problems

problems only leads to

my own heart ache

what am i to do?

i look to you -

i do not want to

shorten my life -

i would like to add

now here is a girl

who is the child

of this man and woman...

Sunday, January 30th

a space opened

a loved one gone

left me alone

to fend on my own

but you went to a better place

a place one day

i hope to see you

a day will never pass w/out thoughts of you

your love and memories

will sustain me

over the days and the years

and soon the space will close

but my love and memories

of you will forever remain

i miss

your

smile

eyes

laugh

hugs

kisses

i hope that one day...

i an see, feel, and taste

these things again

no one will ever understand

what you mean

mere words will not describe it

i love you more than love itself

i would give you my first and last

and now your gone

and i will miss you dearly

when you left you took

a part of my heart

and the part will return

when i see you again

i hope to see you soon

but until then

i love you and miss you

my heart aches

at the thought

of not seeing you again

i wanted you healed

and it came

but i will still miss you