Kiss me beneath the milky twilight.
Lead me out on the moonlit floor.
Lift your open hand.
Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance,
Silver moon's sparkling.
So kiss me.
ou might recognize this chorus, from one of the most popular Christian
songs-gone-mainstream it was #1 on the Billboard chart for two weeks in May of
'99. It's "Kiss Me" by Sixpence None the Richer. Scan your radio channels for a
minute and you're bound to catch the tune's signature descent of guitar chords
and whimsical vocals.
In a recent Christian catalog I came across an endorsement for the self-titled
Sixpence CD - "One of the most talked-about albums of the year!" From the
discussions I've had with Christians my age, I believe it. All the talking can
be summed up in a statement I found on a Christian listener's
Amazon.com review:
"What in the world does 'Kiss Me' have to do with Jesus?"
It's a fair question, but I think it reveals a profound misunderstanding. You might as well ask: What does the Song of Solomon have to do with Jesus? It is called The Song of All
Songs, though it never mentions God, Jesus or the Holy Spirit by name. Yet, it's an important
book of the Bible because it teaches us that sexual intimacy (kissing included)
in the right context is a gift from God. I'd bet Matt Slocum (songwriter and
creative force behind SNTR) and lead singer Leigh Nash understand the
connection between kissing and Christ, since they're both married.
I don't question Christian musicians singing a poem about kissing. I do
question the rest of my Christian family separating such a deeply significant act from
the One who designed it for us. Mind you, I understand their concerns. "I'm not thinking about God when I
hear that song," a 22-year-old male friend of mine said. "I'm thinking about
kissing my girlfriend. That's not very worshipful." My friend is trying to honestly assess his own motives, and he's right to do so. But he's missing the significance "Kiss Me" has in pointing toward an experience God intends as a type of worship. Worship literally means "to kiss the cheek of."
I firmly believe that we are kissing the cheek of God when we take delight in
the pleasures of intimacy with our marriage partners. Of course my friend was probably also right that he wasn't thinking worshipful thoughts. And here's where I get controversial. I also believe that
kissing a romantic interest outside of marriage is not gratifying to God.
"Treat younger men as brothers ... and younger women as sisters, with absolute
purity" (emphasis added) (1 Timothy 5:1b, 2b). There are two states of sexuality outlined
in the Bible, celibacy and marriage and during the transfer from the first to
the second we are still under Paul's command of restraint.
Rethinking a Kiss
"Passionate kissing is: (1) a harmless recreational activity, (2) a godly way to
show true love while dating, (3) something only married people should share,
(4) a means of seducing your date."
My eyes were immediately drawn to the survey question-of-the-week at the
Christian Web site www.singleness.org. Of the 302 people surveyed (I'd guess
most were Christians), 27 chose the first answer, 76 chose the
second, and 40 chose the last. Add that up and over 47 percent of them
allowed that passionate kissing is acceptable outside of marriage.
Something only married people should share. I added my click and my vote to
that group. At one point I might have chosen while dating, or even harmless
recreational activity but over the past few years I've found Bible verses that
have convicted me otherwise. "Drink water from your own cistern, running water
from your own well. Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams
of water in the public squares? Let them be yours alone, never to be shared
with strangers. May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife
of your youth" (Proverbs 5:15-18).
'Never' covers all of time before, during and after marriage. Since I'm not
married yet, I am responsible for guarding my husband's 'fountain' (my body,
which includes my lips) from strangers, even strangers who would only take a
sip. I am attempting to rise to the challenge of Proverbs 31 "a wife of noble
character ... brings her husband good, not harm, all the days of her life." Men, likewise, are responsible for drinking only from their own wells, only from
their own wives, and for staying away from mine.
Christians give the actual act of sexual intercourse a great deal of spiritual
significance, yet we rarely examine the motives behind our casual exchanges of
physical intimacy with brothers and sisters. We don't fully acknowledge sexual
intimacy as a whole package; we don't realize that the beginning and ending of
passion are inseparable. Most Christians of my generation would agree with the
biblical teaching of physical purity as a goal. Yet when it comes to
following up in action, we make the same mistakes as our supposedly more worldly peers. Why
is that?
I believe it's partly because kissing is treated so nonchalantly it's something
we exchange between dates, and it's justifiable as long as the people involved
are Christians and they don't take it "too far." It has little to do with God; it has been reduced to a touch
exchanged between two, instead of its intended purpose of three-way communion between man, woman and God.
The Bible never says "Thou shalt not kiss" so we assume Jesus doesn't come into
our physical connections until we are on the way to marriage.
I'm a sophomore in college with virgin lips. A few months after turning
16, I vowed to keep my "bow" tied until a man promises to commit himself
to the whole package. My first kiss will be from my husband on our wedding
day. Yes, that's quite a progression, from an inexpert kiss at the altar to
the complete unwrapping of the wedding night believe me, my friends have
pointed that out. Then again, Adam and Eve managed to figure everything out
in a day.
God never intended the engagement period to be a time for physical
experimenting, for peeking under the wrapping paper. Kissing which quickly
turns passionate when you are in love carries a current intended to light a
fire. In the Old Testament, the Hebrew word for "kiss" (nashaq) is derived
from the primary root meaning "to kindle." I don't want to open the matchbox.
"Why preheat the oven when you can't cook the roast?" as Doug Wilson puts it in
Her Hand in Marriage.
We see this truth reflected in places ranging from Scripture to literature that has endured for centuries. Song of Solomon 8:4 says not to arouse love until the right time. The
fairy tales of Sleeping Beauty and Snow White hold a deeper symbolism: a kiss
is (and should be) an awakening. I want to guard my fiancι; I want him to be
asleep to me until we are one before God. There will be other ways of showing
affection without arousing passion.
A Virginal Heart
Ultimately I am not as concerned about what Christians' lips do as I am about
where our hearts are. One short kiss might not spark anything (though a string
of short kisses quickly becomes a fuse). What's behind your kiss is what God
is concerned about. Are you bestowing devotion or taking gratification? If
you truly love that person, is it in their best interests to whet their thirst
when you cannot give them the whole glass of water?
Elisabeth Elliot says it best in Passion and Purity: "Can I say categorically
that a kiss is a sin? I can say that it might be. I can say that it might
take the edge off, spoil the taste and the pleasure later on. It might reduce
power. It might distract the heart. ... It is the heart's direction that is
always the central issue. God knows what the heart is set on. We can deceive
others. We can easily deceive ourselves. The humble and honest heart will
always be shown the truth."
God asks different things of different people. My point is not that everyone
should take a vow against premarital kissing. My challenge is that this generation of
Christians would take a deeper look at something we treat so lightly.
That we would take the initiative in saving something so precious for the right
time and person that we would pray about grasping what Solomon meant when he
said there is a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing. That we
would understand how intricately kissing is involved with Jesus and that we
would ask Him how we can better obey His commands for purity.
Since I don't have a boyfriend and have never been kissed, when I hear "Kiss Me"
on the radio I turn it up. I get a little dreamy and ponder on what it will be
like to dance among the fireflies and moonlight with my husband. And I know
that when he kisses me the joy I feel will be praise that goes straight to
heaven.