A Love Remembered

Shots rang out in the warm summer night, waking the riders from their slumber. In an instant they had their guns drawn and were heading for cover in the night. Bullets whizzed overhead as they returned fire.

"What the hell’s goin on?" Kid shouted what everyone was thinking.

"We gotta get to Rachel," Jimmy answered.

The house was unprotected, and none of them liked it. Rachel and Nicky were alone, they were good with guns, but no one was liked the idea of not defending them.

"They’re comin’ back!" Buck shouted, readying his gun.

Again, they returned fire into the darkness, each hoping the ordeal would end soon. Finally, the riders left. Without a word, the troop headed for the dark house.

"I got a real bad feelin about this," Jimmy said, walking up the steps.

No one had to tell him that they felt the same way. With caution, Kid opened the front door.

"Rachel," he shouted as Lou lit a lamp. "Nicky, you guys alright?"

The dead silence sent chills down Jimmy’s back. The house just didn’t feel right.

"Over here!" Kid shouted from Rachel’s room.

Rachel was hit, but the wound was minor, she was going to be fine.

"C’mon, Rachel…" Lou started, as she helped her up.

"I’m fine," Rachel said sternly. "There was four of them," she informed them, then realized Nicky wasn’t with them.

"Buck went to look for her," Jimmy told her. "I’ll go see if she’s okay."

Jimmy got to the doorway, and froze. Nicky lay in a pool of her own blood. Buck cradled her in his arms, rocking her like a baby.

"CODY!" he shouted. "GO GET DOC!"

Chapter 2

Two weeks went by. In those two weeks, the sun never shined, and Nicky never opened her eyes. Kid and Cody covered Buck’s runs, as he never left her side. The two said they were only friends, but their hearts thought otherwise.

The bullet had lodged itself against Nicky’s spine, the fall had rendered her unconscious. Doc was able to remove the bullet after an involved surgery. She’d lost a lot of blood, but continued to fight. He wasn’t sure how long she’d remain as she did, or if she’d ever wake up.

Each night, Rachel bathed her, washed her hair, and brushed it until it shined. That was her time with her niece. She told her stories, held her hand, and at times, climbed into bed with her, holding her through the night.

Icy rain fell from the steel gray sky, on Monday morning. The house was quiet as Buck sat by the window. He was amazed at how the world took little notice of who wasn’t around. He looked down at Nicky. She looked so peaceful. Quietly he prayed to her Gods to protect her and to his ancestors to guide her back to him. The next time he looked back, her eyelids began to flutter.

"Nicky," he whispered excitedly. "Nicky, can you hear me?"

She opened her eyes, wishing she hadn’t. Everything began to spin violently, as if she were trapped in a twister. For a moment, she closed her eyes again.

"Where am I?" She asked, looking around.

Buck smiled. "You’re safe, at home."

Nicky tried hard to think. "Home?" She asked. Who was this man looking at her? Why was he so happy? Why couldn’t she remember?

Buck became concerned. "Yeah," he answered. "You’re at the Sweetwater way station."

She looked at him quizzically. "Way station?"

His heart was gripped with fear. "Do you remember anything?"

She closed her eyes. "No," she replied, suddenly afraid.

Buck saw the fear reflected in her green eyes. "It’s alright," he assured her. "Everything’s gonna be okay. I’m gonna go and tell everyone you’re awake."

"But I’m not alright!" She insisted. "Please, tell me who I am, who you are!"

"Sssshh," he said, sitting on the bed. Carefully he cradled her in his arms as he’d done the night he found her. "You’re name is Nicole Fitzpatrick, and I’m Buck Cross. You live here with us at the way station."

She began to cry. "I don’t remember anything!"

Buck held her close, wishing he could do something, anything, to ease her fears. He waited until her sobs subsided before he loosened his embrace.

"Nicky," he whispered her name. "Everything’ll turn out fine. I promise you."

She looked up at the man she didn’t know. Part of her felt attracted to him, but she didn’t know if she should be. At this point, all she did know was that she was tired.

"Are you hungry?" He asked, brushing a lock of red hair from her forehead.

"No, just tired."

Buck eased her back onto the pillow. "Then go back to sleep," he said, fighting the urge to kiss her good night.

"I’m sorry for being such a burden."

Buck turned back to her and smiled. "You’re family," he replied. "We’d do anything for eachother."

As he closed the door behind him, he wondered how they were going the get through this adventure.

Chapter 3

The moon was high in the night sky. Glitter dot stars sparkled like a million diamonds against black velvet. Buck lay on the blanket Nicky had bought him months ago. He looked up at the stars and wondered what his future held for him, and what else fate had in store for Nicky. It had been two days since she woke up, yet she was still a stranger in her own home. On more than one occasion he’d found her staring out the window. He wondered what she was thinking.

He heard someone approaching on his right. In one smooth motion, he’d pulled his knife from his boot, and turned on them

"It’s me!" Nicky said, stopping in her tracks.

"I’m sorry," Buck said softly, as he put the knife back in its sheath. "I didn’t expect anyone to be up."

"Couldn’t sleep."

"Why don’t you join me?" Buck offered.

"You wouldn’t mind?"

Buck held her hand, helping her onto the blanket. He wanted to tell her he never minded before, but instead he said, "Not at all."

For a long while, the two sat, listening to the sounds of the night. Buck watched as Nicky closed her eyes, letting the music envelop her.

"Did I always like the night?" She asked, searching Buck’s eyes for the truth.

"Yes," he replied. "Many hours we’d spend out here…"

"We?"

Buck looked down at his hands. He has to be honest. "Yes."

Nicky became slightly relieved. From the time she’d first looked into his bottomless brown eyes, she knew they had a connection. Her heart told her that she loved him.

"I loved you," she whispered.

Buck looked up, not believing what he’d just heard. "You love me?"

Thought’s she’d kept only to herself came rushing back. She did love him, but she’d never said anything. Nicky stood up, not sure if she should stay or run back to the safety of the bedroom. Dizziness washed over her, causing her to squeeze her eyes shut.

"Are you alright?" Buck asked, taking her by the hand. "C’mon, lets get you back to bed."

Nicky tried to walk, but it didn’t work. In one swoop, she found herself in Buck’s arms, her arms wrapped around his neck. She couldn’t help but breathe in his clean scent. No fancy colognes just clean warm skin, and the light fragrance of leather. It made her feel safe and something told her she didn’t always feel that way.

Carefully, he placed her in the bed. "No more late nights, okay?" He teased.

She smiled, but didn’t want him to leave. "Stay with me?" Nicky asked. She saw the nervousness in his eyes. "Just till I fall asleep."

Buck nodded. "Close your eyes," he ordered, sitting down next to her, taking her hand in his.

In moments, her breathing became steady. He waited just a little longer, then leaned in and kissed her cheek. "I love you too," he whispered what he feared to tell her when she was awake, and left the bedroom.

He didn’t know that Nicky had heard him. That night, her dreams were filled with images of him. She wondered if they were real, or just dreams.

Chapter 4

"Rachel," Nicky began as she dried the supper dishes. "What was my mother like?"

"Why don’cha sit with me," Rachel replied. Silently, she wondered if she should tell her the truth.

"Don’t worry about me," Nicky assured her. "I can take it. I need to know, Rachel," she confessed. "No matter how hard I try, I just can’t remember."

"I’ll start by telling you that she loved you more than life," she began. "She was a great woman, Nicole, and she’d given up everything to make you happy."

Nicky listened, yet she felt that Rachel was hiding something. She waited patiently for her to continue.

"Nicole," she sighed, seeing no way around the truth. "Your mother and I used to work together. We were, for a while, saloon girls. Your mamma left, but we kept in touch. She’d married a man, and had you."

Nicky knew in her heart that Rachel didn’t lie, but how would she know if it wasn’t the truth.

"I’m gonna go for a walk," she announced. "I’ll be back later."

Nicky didn’t wait for Rachel to reply. Part of her wondered if she used to just leave, wanting to be alone. The other part felt very comfortable doing so. The quiet of the evening calmed her fears as she sat under an Oak, just past the bunkhouse, overlooking the rolling land that surrounded the house she woke up in.

She tried to sort out the feelings that ran through her. The one she couldn’t drive out was the safety and security she felt around Buck. She closed her eyes and tried to remember. As tiny fragments of events flashed behind her closed lids, a steady throbbing began in her head. The pain has become unbearable as she stood to walk back. Dizziness embraced her, as it had the night before, only there was no one there to catch her this time.

The sensation that she was floating came over her. For the first time since she woke up, she was calm and at peace. The air around her smelled of jasmine, and was warm, like sunshine. Everything came back, every memory, both happy and despised. She knew she loved Buck, yet, never told him. For the life of her, she couldn’t imagine why she’d never told him. When she woke up, she’d make a point of telling him exactly how she felt.

Chapter 5

Buck sat in the chair next to Nicky’s bed. He’d found her, only an hour ago, passed out halfway to the bunkhouse. She’d reopened the gash on her forehead, but Rachel patched it up.

"How is she?" Rachel asked, bringing him some coffee.

Buck looked up, his brown eyes meeting Rachel’s. "No change."

Absently, he brushed a lock of hair form her forehead. Rachel closed the curtains, keeping out the dawning sun. She turned back to Buck, the look in his eyes breaking her heart.

"I love you…" he began.

Rachel smiled sympathetically. "I know…"

"No," he said, trying to swallow the lump in his throat. "You don’t. No one does. What if I never get to tell her? What if she doesn’t feel the same way?"

"Buck," Rachel whispered, walking closer to him. "Everything’s gonna work out, I promise."

He looked back down at Nicky. She looked so peaceful. "I hope so."

"Why don’t you get some sleep?" She suggested. "I’ll…"

Buck shook his head. "No," he answered. "Maybe later."

Rachel embraced the boy she’d seen become a man long ago. "I’ll be outside if you need me."

Buck waited for the door to close before he moved again. He took her hand in his, kissing it gently. There was so much he wanted to tell her, he just prayed he’d have the chance.

By mid afternoon, Buck had dozed off. When he opened his eyes, Nicky began to stir."

"Hey, sleepyhead," He whispered with a smile.

Blankly, Nicky stared up into his brown eyes. The last remnants of her memory slipped away with the setting sun.

"You hungry?" he asked.

"I remembered," she told him, tears falling from her emerald eyes. "I remembered everything…"

Buck smiled. "That’s great!"

She looked away from him. Only one memory stayed with her. She’d killed a man while Buck watched in horror. "Please, go away."

His smile evaporated. "Nicky, what’s wrong? I thought you remembered everything."

She never looked back at him, doing that would break her heart. "It went away," she explained. "Now, please, leave."

There was nothing he could do now, except obey her wishes. Maybe this was best. Maybe he wasn’t meant to love her, or anyone. "I’ll leave," he told her. "But, I’ll be here if you need me."

After she heard the door close, she stared up at the ceiling. She was a killer, and no one in the house seemed to care. How many had she killed? How many lives had she ruined? She wouldn’t let her crimes harm those that said they were her friends. As soon as she could, she would leave.

Chapter 6

A storm came up from the south without warning. Lightning flashed, seemingly from everywhere, thunder echoed throughout the land. Nicky sat on the porch. Somehow, the storm seemed to calm her. From her left, she saw Buck approaching. She really didn’t need to see him, she sensed his presence which surprised her.

"Nicky, we need to talk," he said, siting down next to her.

It had been two days since she sent him away. Small bits of her memory had begun to return, maybe he’d be able to fill in the gaping holes.

"You’re right," she agreed. "I have to ask you something."

Rolling thunder interrupted her, as rain began to fall from the blackening sky.

"Wait," Buck said. "Let me tell you something first."

Nicky looked into his eyes, and saw only sadness. "Alright."

"The moment I saw you, the day you came here from Devil’s Bluff," he paused, hoping he was doing the right thing. "I knew I loved you…"

Nicky looked at him. "You love me?"

Fear gripped his heart. "Yes, very much."

She stood and ran into the driving rain.

"Nicky!" He shouted, chasing after her. "What’d I say?"

She turned back to him, tears mixing with raindrops. "How can you love a killer?" Nicky shouted over the rain.

"What?"

Rain fell in sheets, drenching them both. Wind began to gust, tugging at their clothes, while all around them, lightning and thunder played.

"Before," she explained through sobs. "When I remembered, I saw myself kill a man!"

"No! Nicky," he shouted, as she began to run again. "Wait, please! I’ll explain."

Nicky stopped and turned to him. "Don’t come any closer," she warned. "I don’t know what I’m capable of. What if I try an…"

"You won’t!" Buck began from where he was standing. "He beat you Nick. He hurt you badly. You came here after your mom died, and he followed you. He was gonna kill you, but you killed him first."

He watched as Nicky’s hands went to her head. In a moment, she’d fallen to her knees, mud soaking her pants. He ran to her side, not caring what she thought she might do to him. He knew her, even if she didn’t.

"He was my father," she cried, as Buck held her. "I killed him," she whispered over and over as Buck rocked her.

"He deserved it, Nicky. He did things to you that no one should have."

Nicky looked up at him. His soulful brown eyes as familiar as the stars at night. Every line on his face became known to her, just like her own name.

"I like peppermint!" She said smiling, all the tears gone.

Buck’s brow furrowed. "What?" He asked with a smirk.

"I like peppermint, those silly stories written about Jimmy, rainbows, saspirella, snowmen, rose perfume…" she rattled off happily.

Buck laughed as she pulled away and ran in the rain. She wasn’t running because she was afraid, but because she remembered, she liked storms. Nicky was back! He closed his eyes, thanking who ever he could for bringing her back to him.

"Buck," Nicky said, standing in front of him. "I also remembered I wanted to give you something."

Puzzled, he said, "Really?"

Without warning, Nicky’s lips met his. She felt his hands find her waist, and carefully pull her closer. She didn’t fight what her body felt. For the first time in her life, she was sure of her love.

Breathlessly, Buck pulled away, his eyes full of tears.

"What?" Nicky asked, taking a step back. "What did I do?"

"You didn’t do anything," he said over the thunder.

Nicky searched his eyes. "Then what’s wrong?"

Buck smiled. "You’re the first woman that’s loved me for who I am."

She smiled. "That’s not hard," she said, embracing him again. "I love you, Buck Cross."

In the middle of the rolling land, behind the house they called home, they held eachother. The wind whipped around them, but went unnoticed. They’d done in one rain-drenched moment, what they’d wanted to do ever since they met. From the window, five sets of eyes watched them sharing in their joy.

Everything was right again…well at least for that moment!

The end