Throw It All Away: Frozen

**************** He let it go on. He allowed himself to suffer the pain of losing her again and again. He unlocked his heart for no one. You're frozen He continued living the lie that he could exist without love. He let no one into his heart. When your hearts not open He had locked away his feelings the day she left him, vowing never to open them again, for anyone. You're frozen **************** "That was a tiring show." "You're telling me!" JC flopped to the couch. "I need a shower." "I know." Justin said his fingers to his nose. "You smell!" Chris jumped at Justin and they started to wrestle on the floor. "I need to go to bed." Lance said flopping onto a chair. "Here's your water." She said coming into the dressing room with a smile on her face. "Thanks Beth." Lance said ignoring her vivacious behavior. She moved around the room passing out drinks, her warm attitude lighting up the room. "Beth, where would I be without you?" Joey said looking up at her while taking the bottle of juice from her hands. "Sometimes I don't know if you guys could walk without me there to tell you to move your feet." She laughed. "I'm going to the hotel." Lance said getting up. "Oh no Lance, you can't! We're all going to a club tonight! Come with us!" Joey said holding Lance's arm. "Guys, I don't know." "It'll be fun!" Beth said smiling over Joey's shoulder. "All right." Lance gave in. He followed the group of happy people from behind. Beth turned and grabbed his arm. "Come on, be happy! Let's paarty!" She shouted. Getting hoots from the guys ahead of her. Lance couldn't hide his smile. "There you go! See it's not hard to smile, I knew you could do it!" They arrived at the club and ran in, Beth immediately dancing. The place was dark. Lights swirling. Bodies moving. The air was musty. The bass was pumping. "I love this!" Beth screamed. "Dance with me!" She turned to Lance and grabbed his hand. "No, no. Beth I-" "Come on!" Beth said dragging him onto the dance floor. She started dancing, he stood and watched her. "Come on! Dance! I know you want to! Your reputation wont be ruined by dancing once!" She joked. He laughed and started moving to the beat. "There you go!" She persuaded. He let himself go and danced with her. He forgot his worries and let loose. "Wow! I haven't seen him dance like that in years!" JC said watching from the bar. "I know! She really brings out the best in all of us. Nobody else could have made him do that." Joey said sipping his beer. The song changed, the beat slower. Beth moved in closer, Lance stumbled back. "Come on, one more." Beth pleaded. "No Beth...I...I can't." He said walking back to the bar. "Hey Jo! Dance with me!" She yelled. Joey leapt from his seat and ran over to her, they slowly started to move. Lance looked pained, he watched them. Memories of Jen flooded into his brain. He felt weak. She reminded him of her. "I need to go." Lance said taking his eyes off her. "Lance..." "JC, just let me go. I want to go." "OK, OK. I'll go with you. Chris when Jo gets back tell him we left." "OK, see ya." "Don't wait up!" Justin yelled. **************** You're broken He gripped the tear soaked pillow. The memories tearing at his brain. She reminded him of her. He couldn't look at her without thinking of Jen. Without thinking of their baby... He curled into a ball, he wanted to get rid of the pain. He wanted it to go away. It hurt to think of Jen. He wanted to pull her from his mind...take the memory of her out. He tried. He failed. He could still hear her voice. He could still see her face. He could still feel her touch. He shivered. Her memory racking his brain. He cried. Finally sleep came to save him. To let him free from her memory. When your hearts not open. **************** "Is he up?" She asked walking into the hotel room holding coffee. "No, but I love you!" Chris said running to her grabbing one of the coffees. "Oh, sure. When I have something you want you love me. When I don't I am discarded! Oh! What a life I lead!" She said dramatically. "Morning." Joey said kissing her cheek as he took one of the coffees. "Maybe one of you should wake him up." She suggested. "Not a good idea." JC said from the couch as Beth handed him a coffee. "Why not?" She asked giving Justin some cereal, which he grabbed eagerly. "Because ever since...well ever since it happened he doesn't like people coming into his room...EVER." "Oh..." Beth said looking longingly at the door. "Hey, why haven't you guys ever told me what happened?" She said sitting next to JC. "Well...Lance doesn't like us to talk about it-her." "Well, he's not up. I want to know what happened!" She said to JC. "Well..." He leaned closer to her, whispering. "Two years ago, his wife died. She was giving birth to their baby and lost too much blood. He loved her very very much. He's never been the same really." "Oh my god! That's awful!" "Yeah, he still hasn't taken off their wedding ring, either." "That's terrible!" She said looking back at Lance's door. "What was her name?" "Jen...She was a great lady." Joey said his head down. The room was silent. "Gee, I shouldn't have brought it up. I'm sorry guys. I just really wanted to know." "Know what?" Came a voice from behind. Everyone turned. "Nothing Lance. Would you like some coffee?" Beth said getting up, rushing over to him. He had been crying. There was pain in his blood shot eyes. His voice lied to her. "Yes." He spoke, trying to sound happy. She handed him the coffee, her fingers gently brushing his hand. She shivered. He walked past her to the couch, turning on the TV. Chris walked past her waving his hand in front of her face. "Oh...I'm sorry." She stammered, still feeling the tingle from his touch. It had been so cold, so so cold! "So what are we going to do today?" She asked trying her best to sound cheerful. **************** Justin threw the ball and made a basket. Beth cheered and stood up from the bleachers where she was sitting with Lance. Justin bowed in her direction and was hit in the head with the ball. "Oh sorry!" Joey said sarcastically. "Sure..." Justin said throwing the ball at Joey. "So, why don't you play?" She asked turning to Lance. "I was never really much of a player." He said flatly. There was no emotion. There never was. "Oh," She said trying to figure out what to say. With the others she knew what to say, what to do. Lance was different, she had to search for words. He was hard to talk to. She wanted so badly to get to know him. Every time she tried he pushed her away. "Do you do anything?" She finally asked laughing. She received a weak smile. "I sing!" He offered. "No I mean outside your career." "I read, think...write." "Oh really? What do you write?" "It's not important." He said watching as Joey attempted to shoot the ball and missed. "Yes it is! What is it? Poetry? You look like you'd write poetry." "I TOLD YOU IT'S NOT IMPORTANT!" He roared, standing up looking down at her. Everyone stopped and stared at him. "I-I guess your right." She stammered, scared at how angry he had gotten. "Come on Lance. What's up with you?" JC said putting an arm around Beth's shaking body. "I'm sorry he never acts like this." "No really it's OK." She said laughing. "It was my fault." Joey looked at Lance with confusion. His head was down, he couldn't see his face. "I'm sorry...I'm going back to the hotel." His voice raspy as he turned and ran into the hotel. "I'd better go check on him." Joey said running after him. "What happened?" Justin asked sitting beside her. "I've never seen him blow up like that!" "Nothing, really I'll be OK. Play!" She said shooing them back to the court. You're frozen **************** Joey grabbed Lance's arm. "What's gotten into you! You scared her!" His back began to shake. Joey let go of his arm. "Lance! Turn around!" Joey yelled. No reaction. "Lance! Look at me." He grabbed his arm again and whirled him around. Lance put his hand on his face, covering his eyes. Joey reached up and grabbed his hand away. "Look at me." He said. Lance tried to turn around again. "No! Look at me!" He grabbed Lance by the arms and saw his face. Lance had tears streaming down his face. His eyes were red and in pain. "Let me go!" His voice was raspy. "Lance...What...What is it?" Joey asked shocked. "Let me go!" He shouted pushing Joey away. Joey was too shocked to move. He hadn't seen Lance cry since...since the day at the hospital. "My god!" he whispered leaning on the couch for support. He hadn't let anyone see emotion come from him since she had died. Not even at her funeral. There had been a flicker of sadness then, but no tears. Not even when they buried his baby. Joey was shocked. You're broken **************** "Has he come out yet?" JC asked walking into the hotel room. "Does it look like he has?" Chris said looking up from his magazine. "Hey, I was just-." "Guys, come on fighting with each other isn't going to help him." Beth said from the couch, Joey next to her. "You're right." JC said sitting in a chair. "Sorry Chris." "Yeah, whatever." He said flipping through the magazine, not looking up. Beth blocked out the voices around her, too concerned with Lance. He had scared her that day. She had never seen him act like that. He was always so quite. He never let his emotions show through his melancholy mask. She had never seen anything but pain when she searched his eyes for something more. "Beth! Beth!" She heard Joey say. "Sorry I-I was thinking." "That was apparent." Joey said sitting back into the couch. "What about?" "I was-Well I..." His door opened. She sat up and turned to him. "Lance!" He stopped at the door and stared at the worried faces before him. "I'm hungry." He walked out of the doorway towards the door. "Wait! I'll come with you!" Beth said hopping off the couch and rushing towards him. "No." He said his hand out, his eyes avoiding her gaze. "I want to go alone." "O-OK." She said, her heart sinking. "Don't wait up for me." With that he left. She walked back to the couch her head down. "Are you all right?" Joey asked putting his hand on her shoulder. "Ye-I don't know." She said as his in a daze. "Lance will be OK. He just needs time." "It's been 2 years!" Beth practically shouted looking up at him. "Beth-" "Look, I just want to help him, I can't do that if he doesn't let me." She said getting up from the couch. "What are you talk-" "Goodnight guys, I'm going to bed." She said leaving the room, heading to her own hotel suite. "What has gotten into everyone?" JC asked watching Joey vanish into his room. **************** A sliver of light hit her in the eyes waking her up. She groaned and rolled over. She looked up at the clock and saw that it was 10:00. "Oh no!" She said stumbling out of bed, towards the bathroom. She took a quick shower and got dressed, running out of her roo to the guys's suite. "Guys, sorry I'm late I slept in, you-" She stopped, no one ws there. She walked to the coffee table, there was a note. We got hungry, didn't want to wake you. Be back soon. She looked around the room and started cleaning up. Do they ever clean up after themselves? She smiled as she picked up one of Lance's shirts and walked to his door, opening it. As she walked in she noticed the room was dark. She walked to the window and pulled open the shades. "HEY!" She heard some one shout. She screamed and turned around, dropping his shirt. "Oh, Lance. I didn't know you were-" "Get out!" He screamed, his voice harsh. "Lance-" "Get out!" His eyes were blood shot, he looked as if he had gotten no sleep. His sheets were crumpled and he had been clinging to a pillow. She walked to the door, his icy glare following her with every step. "I'm sorry to bother you." She closed the door behind her. She sat down resting her back against the wall. She began to cry. She wanted to help him, but she couldn't. He had so much pain in his heart, she wanted to take it all away. He wouldn't let her. "You don't know anything about basketball!" Justin shouted. "Whoa, Beth! What happened to you?" He asked rushing to her side. "I....He....Can't help...." She said through the sobs. Joey looked down at her with fear in his eyes. She loves him. That's it! He should have realized it sooner. The way she looked at him. The way she always tried to cheer him up, and when she couldn't the hurt look would always apear on her face. The way she shivered whenever he touched her. She loves him. **************** He carried her in his arms, laying her on her bed. She had been asleep for and hour, he had let her sleep on their couch for a while but had grown tired of the pathetic look on her face. She brought her to her own bed, so he wouldn't have to stare at her and want to cry. He set her out trying not to look at her face. It had changed. It used to be happy and full of life. Now it was sullen and full of anguish. If he only knew how she felt! He bolted up. No, that would bring him pain. He felt helpless, there was nothing he could do. **************** Lance was on the couch staring at the TV screen, an empty can of Coke in his hand. Beth walked in slowly, so she wouldn't bother him. She sat on the lazy boy watching him. "Hi Lance. You look good today." No response. "Do you want to do something? We could get something to eat." She offered. "Why are you so nice to me?" He asked angrily not turning to her. "Because...Because I care about you." She said trying not to make her voice shake. His face turned softer, then flushed white. "What did you say?" "I care about you." "Why would you care about me?" He asked with no emotion turning to face her. "Because Lance...I see somthing in you. You don't show it all the time, but when I do see it, I know...I don't know it's hard to explain..." She trailed off. He wacthed her, trying to make sense of what she had just said. His mind was swimming. No one had said that to him in a long long time. The last time some one had said that was after...after her furneral. It had been Joey and the guys, they had wanted him to know they were there for him. They always were there for him. It had just been them for a year and a half. Then she came along. He felt alone now...Well he wasn't sure what he felt now. She stared at him, waiting for something, a look, a word. She just needed something to let her know what he was thinking. He lifted his head slowly, looking at her face. He saw a lot, just by looking at her. There was so much to look at. Her face told him she was worried. The crinckles in her forehead to him she was concered. Her eyes...her eyes told him something he wasn't ready for. Something he had tried to push away before, but couldn't now. They told him she loved him. "I need to go." He said, his voice shaky. His eyes avoiding hers. "Lance-" "Please." He said, his hand up. "I can't do this now...It's too hard. Please, understand." "I-OK, Lance. What ever you want." She said sitting down on the couch. He left in a hurry, not looking back. Leaving her, he was always leaving the women he-no. He didn't, not her! He ran down the hall, panting as he pushed the elevator button. This can't happen again, not to him! It happened before and look what happened. It's not fair! Nothing's fair, Lance. Life isn't fair, baby. You of all people should know that. He heard Jen's voice echo in his head, bringing a calm to him. The elevator door opened. "What do you want me to do, Jen?" I love you Lance. I can't tell you what to do, or think. Do what your heart tells you. "Some help." He thought. "I can't do that! Not to you!" Do what Lance? Move on. Love some one? I want that for you. I want you to be happy, and Lance you aren't happy. The last words peirced his heart. You aren't happy... **************** There was a knock at her door. It opened slowly "Beth..." A deep voice called. Lance! "I'm here!" She said walking out of the bathroom. "Oh, am I bothering you? I could come back later." He said turning around. "No, come in!" She said running to him. "What did you want?" She asked pulling him down onto the couch. "I, I just wanted to come and-And...well I don't know why I came!" He said throwing himself back into the couch. She lifted her hand to put on his shoulder, hesitated, then rested it on his shoulder, firmly. His eyes closed. It was such a warm touch...But it was her touch, not Jen's. Move on. He opened his eyes again and looked into her eyes. It was still there, the look. Her face, still concerned. "I-I." He let out a sob and put his head in his hands. She drew back her hand, it hesitated in the air, above her lap. His shoulder's began to shake. "Lance..." She whispered, moving next to him. She put her arms slowly around him and hugged him. He lingered for a minute then leaned into her. He cried into her shoulder, her warm arms wrapped around him, comforting and compassionate. He felt his head grow dizzy as she caressed his head with her hand. He clung to her, she was right. Jen was right. He had to move on...Beth was the one. He calmed down, still clinging to her shoulder. She held him in her arms, he was calming down. She ran her fingers through his hair, pulling him into her chest. Holding him tighter. Lance let Beth go, sitting back, looking into her eyes. They were full of compassion, caring...love. He wanted to cry again, cry out of happiness, love...He felt right again... He felt love. "Lance?" She asked, taking him out of his daze. "Yes." "Yes, yes what?" "I-I care about you." **************** Her heart stopped. Her body froze. I care about you "What?" She choked, tears forming in her eyes. He leaned closer to her. "I care about you." "But...You said....Jen?" He stopped her with a kiss. He let go, looking at her, smiling. Her head began to swim. Lance just kissed her. Lance! "You-" He put his finger on her lips, stopping her. She smiled. He leaned in again, kissing her passionatly. I care about you **************** His arms wrapped warmly around her, tight and soothing. His lips met hers. She stroked his head as he kissed her neck. It felt so right, so very right. Their bodies melded together, becoming one. Their kisses only for each other. "Lance." She whispered. "I love you." His soul floated into the sky, he was flying. "Love." He said against her lips. "I love you." His hands felt her body, searching every inch of her skin. Her kisses taking him higher. You have moved on **************** The two bodies clung together while they slept. Beth opened her eyes. She felt strong arms around her body. She lifted her body and kissed his lips. He opened his eyes and smiled. "Good morning." He whispered, his eyes half closed. "Great morning." She corrected, resting her head on his chest and closed her eyes. He beamed, feeling tingly all over. "Why me?" "Hmm?" "Why did you give yourself to me? What made you change your mind about it?" He shrugged his shoulders, "I love you." She smiled and turned her head to kiss his chest. He shifted them so they were sitting up. "Beth," He lifted her hand and took it into his. "I want you to have this. I've had it too long." He took of his wedding ring and started putting it on her finger. "It was just sitting there really, I have no use for it I thought-" She stopped his with a deep kiss. "Shut up, you idiot. You just don't know when to shut up." She said against his lips, tears rolling down her cheeks. She grabbed him again and kissed him with more passion than she had ever kissed anyone before. She stopped and looked into his eyes, panting, trying hard to catch her breath. In his eyes she saw all that she needed to see. He loves you He has moved on.