Here We Go II:

The More Lies The Better

 

**************** "JC! Did you get Mr. Lolly?" Chloe screamed as she ran down the front steps towards the purple van waiting for them. "Yeah!" He shouted back, "He's right here!" He lifted the doll in his right hand as he helped Luke down the steps. He had two suitcases in his left hand, his keys were in his mouth. The small boy hopped down the steps and began to skip after his mother, while JC fumbled with the suitcases, they all fell to the ground. He let out a moan. "Hurry up JC! We're going to miss the plane!" Justin yelled as he honked the horn. JC closed the door to the house, then locked the door. He picked up the suitcases and sprinted to the van. He jumped into the back and threw the suitcases on top of the rest. "Sorry! I had to get the keys, get the suitcases, get the baby-" "I'm not a baby, daddy." "Fine, get Luke!" He said smiling as he directed the words to his son. "Then I had to make sure we had everything. My mother called...You try to do all that." "We get the point, calm down honey." Chloe said resting her hand on his shoulder. Luke crawled from his mothers lap onto JC's and got comfortable. JC moved his arms so they were wrapped around the boys small body, he squeezed. Luke laughed and rested his head on his father's arm. Chloe watched the two intently. Luke was 4 now and growing up to be more and more like his daddy every day. Their eyes were still the same. As they smiled the same smile, Chloe couldn't help but smile herself. Luke was a miniature JC, he really was. Everything they did was the same really. If JC moved his head one way Luke would look that way. When JC lifted his fork to eat, if Chloe looked at the right moment she sometimes caught them eating at the same time. They were so cute together. They even got tired at the same time, which was at times a relief for her. Her days were long enough with just one of them, but now they were all going on tour... Woo Hoo. This would definitely prove to be interesting. "Drive faster, we wont make it!" Lance shouted from he passenger seat. "I'm going as fast as I can! It's hard enough with out you yelling in my ear!" Justin shouted back as he swerved to get the off ramp. "God! Don't drive like that! We have a 4 year old in here!" JC shouted back to the both of them. "We don't need to scream guys..." Chloe said casually as she ruffled Luke's hair. "Yes, ma'am." Joey said, putting his head down and sticking out his bottom lip. Chloe reached back to hit him, he dodged her fist and laughed. "We're almost there hold on!" Justin said to Lance who was bouncing in his seat. "The plane leaves in 25 minutes!" He said in a squeaky voice. "Oh brother!" Chloe said rolling her eyes. "What have I gotten myself into?" "You don't even want to know." JC said smiling as he grabbed her hand. "Trust me, you don't want to know." **************** "I have to go potty!" Luke said from Chloe's arms. "Can you wait?" She asked looking down into his big blue eyes. He shook his head. She moved him over to her other hip and poked JC in the side. "He has to go." "What? He can't wait?" Chloe shook her head. JC looked around the terminal. The plane was already boarding. "Here, I'll take him." He grabbed Luke from her arms and started off for the bathrooms. "Will it ever end!" Chris shouted as he went through the metal detector and it went off. Chloe laughed as she shifted the bag of toys and food on her shoulder. Joey took it from her. "Oh thanks Jo." She said feeling the weight lift off her shoulders. "That is an incredibly heavy bag. She gave him one of their secret looks and he winked. She turned her head quickly to see if any one had seen, no one had. She looked back at Joey and smiled, then walked over to Justin who was jumping up and down. "What's up with you?" "I'm just nervous." He said stopping, he was shaking. "Oh, god, you're a wreck!" She put her hand on his shoulder. He laughed unsteadily. "Oh! Poor baby!" She gave him a quick hug, then pinched his cheeks. "You're so cute!" She heard hurried foot steps behind her and turned around to see JC running towards them. "You just made it! Come on!" Lance yelled from the desk beside a stewardess. The six people ran towards Lance and all, finally, made it onto the plane. **************** Joey sighed and dropped next to her on the bed. He reached around her shoulders and squeezed her. "I missed you." He said into her ear. She rubbed his arm and leaned into his chest. "I missed you too. I get awfully lonely without you." She cooed. His body was warm against hers. She felt so loved in his arms, much more than she did in his that is. She closed her eyes and exhaled. "How you feeling?" He asked, closing his eyes too. "Great, you know that." She laughed nudging him lightly in the chest. "No, I mean how are you feeling with...well you now, him...Are you doing OK?" "Yes, he's being really sweet." She said, her body getting looser. She sighed. "Hmm." Joey said, his eyes still closed. "I just I don't feel it any more Jo. He doesn't say he loves me anymore. He doesn't show it to me anymore. It's like he's only there for..." She choked on her words. Joey squeezed her tighter. "I know, baby." He looked over at the clock. "You should get going. It's almost 4. The guys said they would be back by 4." She nodded and stood up, grabbing her jeans and tank top. She slipped her bra on and then her tank top. Joey watched intently from the bed, never taking his eyes off her body. She slipped on her jeans and zipped them up. She turned to him and blew him a kiss. "I'll see you in a bit." He nodded and waved. She ran her fingers threw her long blond hair and grabbed her jacket, she slung it over her arm and opened the door, walking out with out another word. **************** "Mommy!" Luke shouted as he ran into his mother's arms. "Hey sugar! Mommy missed you." Chloe said kissing her son's cheek. "Did you have a good time at the zoo?" "Yeah!" The boy said enthusiastically. "I saw a zebra poop!" Chloe laughed along with the 4 men in front of her. "Wow, that sounds cool!" "It was mommy! It was!" He said nodding his head ferociously. "Uh, do you guys want to get something to eat now or later?" Chloe asked turning to the men standing before her. "NOW!" They all shouted in unison. "Oh! OK!" She turned for the door, then turned around again. "What about Joey?" "I'm right here! Sorry I'm late, I had-I had another thing to deal with." Joey said uncomfortably. "Great! So we can go now." Chris said heading for the door. JC walked to Luke and Chloe and took him from her arms. "Come here, big boy. Are you my big boy?" "I am a big boy!" Chloe smiled a weak smile as she watched two out of the three men in her life go out the door. Joey turned to her, they were the last ones in the room. She gave him a hurt look and he gave her a quick hug. "You'll be fine baby." "I know Jo, thanks." The two walked out quickly so the group wouldn't suspect anything. **************** "I don't want to talk Chloe, there's nothing to discuss." "Yes there is!" She yelled stomping her foot with frustration. "You don't look at me anymore! You don't talk to me anymore! God! You don't even touch me anymore! Am I that ugly to you? Did I get that disgusting all of the sudden, that you can't touch me?" She put her head down as she spoke, her hand lifting up to his shoulder. Her hand felt warm against his icy flesh. He stood up and walked to the dresser, setting his watch down. "I don't want to wake up Luke, Chloe, so let's please not start anything. Just go to bed." "Why are you always to cruel to me? Why are you being so distant? What do I do to make you treat me like this? You used to tell me you loved me." She stood up and put her hand on his back , caressing it longingly. "You used to love me." He did not look up, he couldn't look her in the eye. "I love you Chloe, it's hard for me to show you." He lied. He turned to her, still avoiding her eye. He leaned over and kissed her. It would have been a good fake out, but she knew him to well. She pushed him away and let out a sob, turning to the bed. "Let's just go to bed JC. You were right, let's just go to bed." She wiped her lips with shaky hands and started pulling at the blankets. She crawled in and shut off the lamp, then pulled the blankets up to her chin as she rolled over onto her side, facing the wall. JC looked at his wife for a few minutes then sucked the tears back in. He lifted the blankets on his side high enough for him to get in. He turned off his lamp then rested on his back, staring at the ceiling as he listened to the sound of her crying in the darkness. **************** Chloe went into the pharmacy, walking to the counter swiftly. She knew the guys were waiting in the van. She rang the bell and waited for the pharmacist. She looked over her shoulder nervously and grabbed a pregnancy test. She put it on the counter and asked the man who had suddenly appeared in front of her to get medication for Chasez. He turned and grabbed the bag. She dug in her purse and paid the man. He handed her a small bag with the prescription and the test. When the man was gone she put the test in her purse and ran to the van. She had wasted enough of their time already... Boy, you best pray that I bleed real soon. How's that thought for you? **************** The back of the tour bus was quiet. Chloe lay with her son, both of them taking a nap as the group made there was to Chicago. Luke was sucking his thumb, his mother's arm rested lovingly over his small body. JC took another sip from his water and continued watching them sleep. Like the years before when he had watched her sleep, she looked peaceful. The pain was once again gone as she slept. And just like before he was the reason the pain was there, hiding behind her eyes. He sighed loudly and Luke's eyes fluttered open. His eyes lit up when he saw his father. "Daddy!" He yelled scrambling out of his mother's arms. Chloe was jolted awake, she sat up slowly as she watched Luke climb onto his father's lap. She was smiling as she looked at her son, but when her eyes hit JC the smile faded. She got off the couch and walked towards the two men. She ruffled Luke's hair and without a glance more at JC she left the room. Luke's squeals of joy hit her hard as she walked down the hall towards the front of the bus. She saw Joey, Justin, Chris, and Lance sitting in the "lounge" which is next to the "kitchen". She sat down on the couch across from them and stared out the window. She rested her head on her hand, "Where are we?" "Near Springfield I think." Lance asked looking out the window for a sign. "That's pretty close to home isn't it?" She asked, her head still turned away from the guys. "Yeah, about 3000 miles." His voice was sarcastic, "Why?" Joey asked wanting to reach out and hug her. "I think I'm going to take Luke and me home." She said still unmoving. Justin and Chris exchanged looks and turned back to Chloe. "You just got here Clo." Justin said affectionately. "Yeah, but I think it would be best if we left. It was a bad idea coming with you guys." She said, her voice quivering. "What's-" Lance tried to say, Joey interrupted him by hitting his arm. "I just can't stay with you guys this tour, sorry. I-I'm sorry. It's just too much right now." She said getting up and rushing to her bunk. Joey had to stay with the other guys, they would now something was up if he went after her. She closed the curtain and buried her head in her pillow. She muffled her cries into it, not wanting Luke to have to hear her. She didn't know what she was going to do. There was nothing for her to do. Her husband didn't love her, he loved their son. He loved the idea of a family, but he didn't love her. What about the baby? **************** "You can't change my mind Jo, I'm going home." Chloe said from the balcony of the hotel suite. Joey walked out and stood next to her, handing her a glass of wine. "I'm not trying to get you to stay, I just want to know why you are leaving." "I told you." "You sort of told me, but you didn't tell me." He said setting his glass down and putting his hands on her shoulders. "My marriage is falling apart." She choked out falling into his chest. He cradled her in his arms, kissing her head. "I think I'm going to leave him...And take Luke with me." She added, her tears now soaking his shirt. "Oh, god." He whispered slowly into her hair. "It's all I can think of to do. I tried everything else. He doesn't love me anymore, and...and." She stopped herself not wanting to say too much, after all it could be his... "Then he's crazy, any man would love you." He said squeezing her tighter. "No, not any man. JC doesn't..." She said before she broke down. She clung to him tighter as he caressed her back, trying his best to soothe her. He let go of her and lifted her chin to his face. "Then he's an idiot." He bent his head down and softly kissed her lips. He started moving back into the hotel room, moving her along with him. There kisses became stronger, more passionate, as they neared the bed. Joey began to slip off her t-shirt, she lifted her arms to help him. She knew she shouldn't be doing this, but... She went for his belt buckle as he went for her bra. They sat down on the bed. Her bra was off, laying on the floor next to his pants. She took off his shirt as he went for the skirt, it unbuttoned quickly. She ran her hands across his bare back. Their lips hadn't parted since the balcony. He laid her down on the bed, his body hovering over her own. "How are you feeling now?" He asked, brushing her lips with his. "Better." She whispered, her eyes closed. "Just better?" He said smiling. She laughed and pulled him onto her and kissed him. "I think you know what would cure me." She said kissing his neck. He smiled and began kissing her again. The only thing going on through her head was that she shouldn't be doing this, but she couldn't stop herself. They were so into each other they didn't realize the door had opened. JC stared at the bed, for some reason not as shocked had he thought he'd be. He switched on the light and watched the bodies scramble. Joey reached for his pants and started to put them on. Chloe just sat on the bed clutching the sheet to her chest. She stared at him, he stared at her. Their faces, expressionless. Joey grabbed the rest of his clothes and started to leave, he rushed past JC, but he grabbed his arm. "I'll talk to you later, OK Jo?" He said calmly. Joey nodded, avoiding JC's eyes, he turned and left, closing the door behind him. JC turned back to Chloe. "How long has this been going on?" His voice was still calm. "Six months." She said as if she was talking about the weather and not a subject that would surly end her marriage. JC nodded and walked towards the bed. He sat down on the edge of the bed, farthest away from Chloe. "Do you love him?" "No, not really." She said scooting over to him, the sheet still wrapped around her. "Why did you do it?" He asked still unaffected at what he had just witnessed. Chloe sighed as she stopped next to him, putting her hand on his shoulder. He made no attempt to shake it off so she began her story in a soothing voice. "We haven't been the same JC. You don't love me, I'm not sure if you ever have. I needed some affection. I needed some one to love me. You wouldn't so, I felt I had no choice. I couldn't live without being loved, hun. The truth is our marriage was over long before it started. Sometimes I think you only married me for Luke." "That's not true Chloe. You know that." He put his hand on hers and sighed, he still couldn't find it in himself to look at her just yet. "I don't know what happened. I really do love you Chloe." "You have a nice way of showing it." She said flatly, moving her sheet so that she was facing JC all the way. He looked hurt. "I know, I don't know what to say. I-Why didn't you just talk to me about it?" "I tried! I tried every day! You always pushed me away." She said louder, getting more worked up. "Yeah." He said softly hanging his head. She slumped her shoulders again and sighed. "What happens now?" She asked unsure of what else to say, trying to avoid telling him everything that was going on. "I don't know Clo." "I take it we're over." She said trying to figure out whether or not she should tell him just yet about the "new person". "I don't know..." Chloe let out a long sigh in response. JC finally looked at her, he noticed she was still wearing the sheet. "Get dressed. I came in to tell you Luke wanted to go to a movie. He wants you to be there...Just be downstairs in 20 minutes, we'll just make the 8 o'clock show. It's the last time we'll be a family in a long time." He added as he left the room. As he was leaving she whispered with her eyes closed, "I'm pregnant." **************** Luke sat between them and stared in awe at the movie in front of his big blue eyes. It was only the second movie he had ever been to. The first one had been The Rugrats Movie. He had liked that, but this... He was amazed at everything on the screen. Chloe smiled to herself as she watched her son watch the movie. He was too cute for words. She picked him up and set him down on her lap, kissing his tiny head. Hopefully his brother or sister would be just as sweet. JC looked up to see her picking him up. He would have felt something before, but now there was more. He could see her in his arms and yearned for her more. He didn't want to let her go. She was the mother of his son, his one and only. He looked back at the screen, making plans in his head. He would keep her. He did love her, now all he had to do was prove it to her...The hardest part. The part he always got wrong. **************** She closed the door to his dark room softly so she didn't wake him up. He had finally gone to sleep after three stories and a song. He was such a pain to put to bed. "He asleep?" Chloe jumped. She turned around, her hand to her heart. "You scared me." She closed her eyes and sucked in a breath, then breathed out harshly. "Why are you in here?" "It's my room isn't it?" He asked placing his keys on the dresser. "Yes, but I thought after what happened tonight you'd be staying with one of the guys. You usually do that." She said walking towards the bathroom, trying not to blurt out the truth. "This isn't a normal situation Chloe." He said matter of factly. "I thought we could talk about it." Chloe stopped in her tracks as the word left his lips. She turned back to him. "You mean actually talk about it? Have a discussion?!" He wasn't amused. "Yes, I want to work this out." "Why now after all the times I asked you. Why didn't you come around months ago? Years ago!" Here we go..."I-It's sounds selfish, and it is. I just realized that I had you and now I don't really...I don't want to loose you!" he said rushing towards her, his voice loud. She looked into his eyes, "Don't wake Luke." She said it plainly, but her eyes were still on his. He took her hands. "Please, let's talk this out. I know we can fix things." "Shouldn't you be mad at me? Shouldn't you hate me after what I have been doing?" "Do you want me to, because I'm not. I can't be, not after what I did to make you...I've been an idiot." He looked pleadingly into her open eyes. "Just give me another chance to prove to you I love you. I do! I never stopped loving you." He squeezed her hands. He glanced at the bed. "Give me one more night. At the end of the night if you don't know, you can leave me and I won't try to stop you." He asked, his eyes begging. "That's not what I am talking about...I don't love you for...for that. She said unsure of what to say. "That's not what I am talking about either. A long time ago you said you knew me the best when we...made love." The words were awkward in her ears, but she listened on, her ear aching to know more. "You told me I could never lie to you, I could never hide my emotions from you, even when I tried..." He said putting his head down for a minute in shame, both of them knowing he had done that. It had hurt, but he looked up again. "Please. Just one more night. At the end we'll both know the truth." "This isn't something that I can just say yes to." She said letting go of his hands, turning away from him. She began to wring her hands nervously. She had to tell him, she had to tell him now. He put his hand on her shoulder. She whirled around. "I have something to tell you and I'm not sure how your going to take it cause last time I did you left." She said with one breath. JC sucked in his breath and sat down on the bed, dreading the worst. She stood in the middle of the room for a moment, her heart racing. She started pacing. "I don't know how to say this...It's really hard for me to tell you. I tried to think of a way to tell you that would be easy on both of us, nothing came to me. Oh! Here goes!" She turned to him and looked up dead in the eye. "I'm pregnant." **************** In the morning all she knew was that she had to leave. She had to get out of there. She grabbed all her belongings and threw them into her duffel bag. She didn't bother with her suitcase, she just grabbed it, not caring what was in it. She tip-toed out of the room where JC was sleeping still unaware that she was leaving. She hurried to Luke's room and grabbed his things too. She picked him up out of bed. "Mommy, where are we going?" He asked sleepily as he rested his weary head on her shoulder. "Home, honey." She answered, struggling with the bags. "Is daddy coming?" He asked in his childish voice, just about as unaware as his father. "No, not this time baby." She said trying not to cry. "Can I say good bye?" "Not today, we'll call him OK?" She said as she opened the door and swiftly closed it rushing to the elevator. She pushed the button five times and stared down the hallway, her heart pounding. Come on, I have to get out of here! Hurry you piece of shit, close! She thought as she waited for the doors to close. She didn't want to have to see his face again. She didn't want to have to face him again. It would make things more difficult than they all ready were, and she didn't need that. **************** JC woke up, immediately knowing she was gone. There was something missing in the room, a presence only she could give. He lay for a minute on his back, not sure if he was going to cry or not, then he realized something. Something he had never thought of until now. Luke He leapt out of bed and ran to Luke's room, his heart pounding in his chest. He slammed open the door, all ready knowing what he'd find. It was empty. He let out a sob and sank against the wall. He ran his fingers threw his hair and let the tears fill into his eyes. She took him! She took my baby! Our baby! Oh, my god! How could she take him! She's going to have another one, why can't she let me have him! He looked around the vacant room expecting to see nothing but...well nothing, instead he saw...Mr. Lolly! He stood up and ran to the little bunny lying on the floor. Luke must have dropped it on their way out. He picked it up and clung to it, smelling it, kissing it, acting as if it was Luke. He let out a cry and fell to the floor once again. He kept on loosing the ones he loved the most and for some reason he was the one to push them away. Now because of him being an idiot he had lost the one thing that he truly knew to be his, Luke, his son. **************** Chloe had left him this time. Instead of him leaving her, she left him. She didn't want to give him the chance to leave her. When she had told him, the little bit of light that had been left in his eyes fell to the floor...and shattered. The first words that left his mouth had shattered her light. "Is it mine?" "Mama?" Luke called from the car seat. "Yeah, honey." She said as she was snapped from her trance. "Why didn't daddy say good bye?" The boy sounded hurt and confused. Chloe looked back at her son and smiled as best she could. "Daddy was busy. We'll call him when we get home." She turned back to the road and continued driving the black rental car. Luke seemed pleased with her answer and continued playing with his truck. She turned on the radio for some comfort, his voice hit the speakers loudly. "DADDY!" Luke screamed enthusiastically. She couldn't turn it off now. She laughed to herself as the young boy imitated his father's voice. He sang each word perfectly in her heart. Not each note, but he was only four. "Mommy it's daddy!" He shouted, throwing his arms in the air as JC finished singing and let Justin take over. "That's right baby, daddy was singing." She said softly, the word hurting her even more. She stared ahead blankly, a safe real safe way to drive. She slammed on the brakes when she came to the red light. She hadn't seen it. Her heart was racing. Oh god! You could have killed us! You could have killed Luke! She screamed at herself in her head. She turned back to Luke, who was still singing to his daddy's music group. She sighed in relief. The car behind her honked. Yeah, back at ya buddy. She thought angrily as she stepped on the gas and grew farther away from the hotel shrinking in the distance...and JC. **************** JC left the room almost relieved to never have to see it again. He had his bags across his shoulders and was ready to go down to the bus waiting for him. His eyes were red rimmed and blood shot. His voice was soft and slow. His steps were heavy. Joey got on the bus, averting his eyes from JC. He knew Chloe was gone. It was obvious, both Luke and her weren't on the bus. He sat farthest away from JC and tried to make himself seem innocent. JC didn't even look at him. He didn't look at anyone. Everyone knew. They all knew she was gone, no one knew what to say. No one knew why she had left. Chris put a comforting hand on his band mates shoulder and squeezed. After he had received no response from the dreary man he had turned to go into the back room. Justin patted the older man's back and followed after Chris. Lance looked at JC and knew what had happened, he tried to think of something to say, but nothing came to him. He put his head down and went to the back room. It was only Joey and JC now. Oh, what a pair to have stuck together...alone. Joey shifted uneasily, waiting to receive the beating of his lifetime. JC didn't move. He just sat, staring at the table...quiet. Joey thinking JC wasn't going to do anything got up and started to head for the back where he heard laughter. "No, Jo. You're not going anywhere." He said bitterly, still staring at the table. Joey stopped dead in his tracks. He turned slowly to JC, his expression clearly showing his shame and how scared he was. "I know why she did it...But I still have one question on my mind. Why would you do it?" He turned finally to Joey, the anger shining in his deep blue eyes. Joey stammered, he had practiced all night, but now that the moment had no idea what to say. "I-I-we never-I didn't-couldn't..." He stopped, knowing he was just sounding like an idiot. JC got up and Joey backed away. "Don't worry, I'm not going to hit you Jo." He said a smile on his face, Joey still looked unsure. JC held out his hand, his face grew serious. "Really, I'm not going to hit you." Joey sighed, relaxing a little. He watched JC start to pace the bus, his eyes anxiously following the man. "So, I take it you can't tell me why you had an affair with my wife. I know you get plenty of other women, did you really have to take mine?" He asked glaring into Joey's eyes. "She came to me JC. She was crying. She pleaded with me. I don't know, I couldn't stop." He tried to explain, feeling it was hopeless. "What, you can't say no?" "Not in this situation, JC. It's hard to explain. I'm sure if you were in my place it would be different-" "Shut up!" JC said, sick of hearing Joey's voice. "If I was in your place, I wouldn't have touched her!" Joey put his head down. "She took my son." He looked at Joey coldly and added, "She took yours too, you know." Joey's head bolted up. "What?" "You mean she didn't tell you!" He said sarcastically. "What are you talking about JC?" His voice grew stronger, and louder. He forgot his shame and stepped towards JC. "She's pregnant. I thought she would have told you." He crossed his arms and glared into his eyes. Joey's head began to spin. He felt like throwing up. They had always been so careful! But- "How do you know it's mine?" He asked clutching to the table next to him. "Well, it really couldn't be mine, could it?" He asked trying to play it cool. "You've probably fucked her more than I have in 10 years!" Joey's eye began to twitch with anger. "That's not fair JC. It could be yours. The odds are even-" "Shut up! My god!" JC sat down again at the table, he stared at his hands for a few minutes then spoke once more. "Was she worth it?" "Worth what?" Joey asked angrily. "Worth throwing everything in your life away, including your friendship with me...I trusted you. I treated you as if you were my brother..." Joey sighed, and put his head down again. No. **************** Chloe was now crying and driving at the same time. No matter how many times she changed the station, one of their songs would come on. God Must Have Spent, came on right as she changed the station for the 20th time. Luke giggled in the back. "Oh, baby. Do we have to listen to this right now?" She asked trying to sound normal. "DADDY!" Luke screamed with delight, his arms high in the air. She smiled, but the tears still came. Her vision blurred, she blinked. Why did he have to ask me if it was his. He fucking knows-! God! She hit the steering wheel. Luke sang on. She let out another sob, trying to not have Luke hear her, she turned up the music. That only added to her pain. Now he was blaring into her ears. How can I let you go! I've always loved you! Why can't you just love me! Her vision blurred again. She closed her eyes to blink them away completely, she opened them. She was headed right for a semi. It's horn blared in her ears. She swerved, her tires screeching through the air. The car got quiet to her. Then it hit. **************** JC finished getting dressed after the concert and took his usual place on the bus. His bunk. He laid himself out and closed his eyes. He was going to try to actually sleep for once on this tour. He closed his eyes and saw his family. He saw them long before the pain. Long before they fell out of love. He saw Luke running in their yard, playing in his kiddy pool. He saw-The phone rang. His phone rang. His eyes opened and he grabbed the phone eagerly. Please be Chloe! "Hello?" He asked hastily. "Hello, is this Joshua Chasez?" An unfamiliar voice asked. "Yes, this is he." He said getting up rubbing his head. It was most likely a rabid fan... "This is St. John's hospital in Springfield, IL. You're wife and son have been in a car accident. We need you to come out here as soon as you can." JC's heart stopped, he panicked. "Are they OK? What about Luke? How is my son?" He shouted. "Calm down, sir. They are both in critical condition. Your wife is in a coma. Your son is on a respirator." "Oh, god!" He whispered. It's all my fault. I'll be there in a few hours." He hung up the phone and jumped from his bunk, running to get the others. He shouted at them, telling them they had to go to Springfield. He was too distraught to cry, or be scared yet. He told them about the accident, not even noticing when Joey fell to the floor in a daze. **************** The room was quiet. He saw her pale face, her eyes closed. He walked slowly to the bed and kneeled beside her. The baby was gone. She had miscarried. He felt guilty, he felt like it was his fault that it was dead. The tears had finally came. He had forgotten his anger, all he could do was wish her health. He only wanted her to survive. He kissed her hand and listened for a moment to the sound of her heart monitor beeping. Please wake up! Don't leave me alone. Don't leave Luke alone. He needs you more than I do. God, please don't die. He leaned foreword and kissed her forehead, then stood up. It was time to see Luke. The boys room was bright with clowns and balloons all over the wallpaper. It was a major contradiction in JC's mind, but he didn't dwell on that. His son was on a hospital bed that looked too large for him. A machine was attached to him, helping him breath. He was wrapped in white cloth and bandages. He was black and blue from bruises. He had a broken leg and two broken ribs. He stopped next to his son and put his tiny hand into his large one. He played with the boys fingers. They were so small, so fragile... He sobbed, he let it all out and sobbed, holding his son's hand in his own. He sobbed. **************** Her eyes fluttered and he jumped. He stood up and ran to the door, screaming for the doctor. She heard voices around her, as if she were underwater. She saw blurry images of people scattered around her. All seemed frantic. Her vision was clearing. She saw his face in the background, worried and relieved. She looked to her sides, unsure of where she was. She felt tubes all over her. She looked farther to her right and saw a heart monitor. It was attached to her! She tried to scream, all that came out was a low moan. She turned to his face again, he was crying. Something sharp hit her arm, she moaned again. The room started to fade. She was out again. At least she was alive. The doctors stayed in the room for a few more minutes, checking on the machines and whatnot, then left. JC walked to her side again, clutching her hand to his cheek. At least she was alive. Joey who had been out in the hallway and witnessed all this was sobbing lowly. He loved her too, but that didn't matter anymore. She was back with her husband. And all of this was his fault. And, the baby was dead. **************** 1 week later: Luke had been taken off the respirator. That was one good thing. JC had them flown back to Florida, closer to home. The doctors had decided it was safe, so they could go back. Chloe was awake again. She didn't feel much like talking though. She just stared out the window and cried. When they went to see Luke she grew too emotional and had to go back to her room. She couldn't walk on her own yet. She had broken her left leg in 3 places and a rib or two. JC wheeled her towards the exit. They were finally going to be able to leave. Except Luke. The van was waiting outside, Justin once again driving. The good-bye to Luke was an emotional one. It took an hour for Chloe to leave him. JC had promised they would return, he had to peel her away from his bed. It had hurt her to see his small body hooked up to all those machines. She had been amazed at how many tubes they could stick into his fragile body. He had, had small bags under his eyes, cuts all over his soft skin. The van was quiet as they drove home. Justin was the only one who could make it. JC and Chris had to go to a press meeting to explain why their tour had been postponed. Joey hadn't been seen for a week. They pulled into the drive, JC helped her out and set her into the wheelchair. He said good bye to Justin, who asked if he should stay. JC said no and thanked the younger man for the help. Justin drove away, JC wheeled Chloe into the house. Nothing had changed, it was the same way she had left it before. "Take me to Luke's room." She said staring at the stairs. "Don't you want some lunch?" He asked kneeling beside her. "No." He stared at her for a few minutes, then sighed and lifted her from the chair carefully. He carried her upstairs into the boy's room, and set her down in the rocking chair he found her in after the first time he saw his son. He put a blanket over her lap and kissed her forehead. "I'll be back up with some soup in a bit." He said, kissing her forehead again. She didn't answer, just stared with tear filled eyes at all the little boy's possessions. He smiled and walked out of the room. It took all his energy to love her, but it had taken him so long to start, he felt he owed it to her. **************** Luke's heart monitor was turned off. The steady humming of the flatline was silenced as the plug was pulled. Luke's hand was in his father's. JC's face was expressionless. Chloe's emotions could not be read, even with the tears in her eyes. Luke stared out the window as he lay on the bed. His eyes wide open. He turned towards his parents. "Mommy? Can we go home now?" Chloe nodded, and wiped the tears from her eyes, she picked up her son and cradled him in her arms. JC put his hand on his wife's shoulder and they all walked out of the hospital together. When they got home, they put Luke to bed. The boy was exhausted, he had been through so much. The second his tiny head hit the pillow he was out. Chloe could barely get herself to leave, she didn't want to leave him alone. She wanted to make sure he was all right. She didn't want him to get hurt again. Damn, motherly instinct! She closed the door and started walking, with a limp, to her room. When she got there she found JC lying on the bed, his eyes closed. She made her way slowly and quietly to the bathroom and shut the door to get ready for bed. There was a stillness in the air, caused only by the silence between the couple. JC's eyes opened he sat up and stared at the door longingly. He sighed then started unbuttoning his shirt, he stood up. He heard the water turn on in the shower and took off his watch. He set it on the night stand next to the bed and took of his shirt. His shoes were already off, they were sitting next to the bed, he picked them up and put them into the closet. He walked to the dresser and pulled out pajama pants. He undid his belt and threw it into the closet blindly. The water in the bathroom shut off. He took off his pants and pulled on the other pair. The door to the bathroom opened. He turned around, she was standing in the doorway, wearing only a towel. She had a surprised look on her face. "I thought you were asleep." She choked out, trying not to look at his chest. "Guess I got you." He said trying to joke. She wearing a towel! She slowly moved to the dresser and started to dig around. Her wet blond hair fell in front of her face. I forgot how great she looked in a towel. He thought to himself, watching as she pulled out some clothes. She turned her head to him and gave him a funny look. "What?" She asked with a smile, noticing he was staring at her. He hasn't done that in a long time! Her heart cried. "Nothing." He said with a sly grin. She gave him a funny look, he watched as she started for the bathroom door. "Wait!" He said putting his hand out. "Where are you going?" The smile was gone. "To change." She said holding the clothes up. "Why are you going in there?" "I-It's just that-I." She sighed and gave him an annoyed look turning back to the room. He smiled again as she stopped in front of the bed. Her hand went to the towel, she looked up again, he was still looking. She stopped, her heart began to pound. He hasn't looked at you like that in years! She thought, the blood rushing to her face. He stepped closer to her, "Aren't you going to change?" She put her head down again and felt her face redden. "I-I was just." A tear rolled down her cheek. He lifted her chin up to his face with his finger. He wiped away the tear with his thumb. His face intent. He looked deeply into her blue eyes. "I forgot how beautiful you are." She choked back a sob. A sweet smile formed at her lips, slowly creeping up into her eyes. He grabbed the towel around her and pulled her towards him, she let out a gasp. He ran his fingers threw her hair, watching as they went straight through. He looked back into her eyes, more tears were coming. He leaned foreword and kissed them, tasting the salt on her lips. She closed her eyes and leaned into him. The towel became loose around her and fell to the floor. He moved his lips down her cheek slowly kissing his way to her neck. She her hands rested on his shoulder as he slid down to her stomach. He looked up at her when he reached her belly button. She looked down at him, the tears had stopped. She lifted his face to hers and kissed him, wrapping her arms around his body. Her hands rubbed his bare back as he lowered her to the bed. "I've waited so long for you to love me." She said feeling tears come on again. She lifted his face above hers again, staring into his eyes. "I love you." He said, a tears falling from his eye hitting her cheek. "I love you." She said, pulling him down onto her again. I love you **************** Luke woke in the morning to see the faces of his parents smiling down at him. He immediately tried to get up, but his father put his hand on his son's chest, pushing him down. "No, Luke. You have to stay in bed today. We want you to get better, not worse." He said softly. "Why? I want to play!" He whined. "Honey." Chloe warned. "What did I tell you about whining? You'll never get what you want with whining. Daddy got you some tapes though. You can watch movies in bed, OK? Does that sound like fun?" She asked scooting closer to Luke, her hand clasped into JC's. He nodded, but the frown stuck to his face. "What do you want to watch first?" JC asked lifting up four tapes. Luke pointed to the one he wanted, JC rolled his eyes. "Aladdin, what a surprise." Chloe laughed as JC put it in the VCR. She ruffled Luke's hair then walked downstairs to make breakfast. She was just going to bring Luke up his breakfast when the phone rang. "Will you get that?" She shouted, her hands full. She heard laughing and a thump. OK, I'll get it. "Hello." "Chloe, it's me." "Oh, Jo. Why are you calling here?" She asked setting the tray of food down. "I-I just wanted to make sure you were all right. I-Last I heard you-you miscarried the baby..." He said sadly, she could hear the guilt in his voice. "How-How did you know? Who told you?" She asked closing her eyes. "JC on the bus. I wish you had told me." He said slowly. "How could I? I don't even know who's it was. It's not like me and JC didn't ever..." Joey nodded to himself. "I still wish you had told me." "Why? What would you have done?" "I don't know, I would have been there for you. I mean it could have been mine." Chloe exhauled loudly into the phone. "Yeah, but that's the past. Where have you been? Everyone has been worried about you." "Even JC? Don't change the subject." He said frustrated. Chloe heard JC bound down the steps behind her and turned. "Who ya talking to?" He asked kissing her on the cheek. Chloe bit her lip and covered the phone, but Joey could still hear. "No one, it'll just take me a minute. Could you bring that tray up to Luke?" JC nodded and left the room. Chloe uncovered the phone and sighed softly. "Look, Jo. We're over and I think for the sake of the group we shouldn't talk for a while. You know, let JC cool down. You start the tour in a month and a half, I'll see you then." "Fine, Clo. Anything for you." He said flatly. "Thanks for understanding Joey. I'll see you in a week." She hung up the phone and rested her back against the wall for a moment. She closed her eyes thinking of him for a minute, then opened them sweeping his face away. She walked back up the stairs to her life and left behind her nightmare. **************** Chris picked Luke up and swung him through the air. He squealed. "Careful Chris." Chloe said putting her hand out towards Chris and the boy. "Careful Chris!" Justin mocked, standing next to Chloe. She turned around and slapped his arm. "Shut up." "Aw, come on baby. Lighten up." JC said patting Chloe's back. "Me? Me lighten up? How about yesterday when you didn't want me to give him a sucker at 3 in the afternoon because he would never get to sleep with all the sugar. Or when you didn't want him to go to the zoo because you thought he'd get lost and be dropped into the gorilla cage. What about the time -." "I think they get the point Clo." JC said blushing. "Oh, really. Do you now-" "JOEY!" Chris screamed running to the man standing at the side of the bus. JC and Chloe turned to him, there smiles gone. He walked over to them, head up. "Hey JC, Chloe." JC nodded. Chloe had no response at first then, "Hi." She said the words meakly, she couldn't look into his eyes, he looked right into hers. "Well, we should be going. WE don't want to be late for our first concert of our delayed tour, which should have been our-" Justin hit him on the head. "Shut up Lance!" Luke turned to his mother wide eyed. "Did you hear what he said mommy?" Chloe smiled and picked her son up. "Yes, isn't he naughty?" She looked at Justin who was smirking. "What should we do to him?" She asked a smirk now on her face. Justin backed up into the bus, his hands out in front of him. "Now, now, don't get any ideas." Luke smiled and looked up at his mother, he had caught on. Chloe set him down on the pavement and spanked him lovingly. "Go get him!" She screamed. She laughed as she watched the youngest member of Nsync chase the 18 year old around the bus. JC looked over at Joey who was smiling. He put his arm around Chloe's shoulder's protectively and moved her towards the bus. "Lance is right though, we should be going." **************** At the end of the show JC ran backstage and grabbed Luke. The father and son were wearing matching outfits. Chloe kissed them both quickly and watched them run onstage. Luke was having a blast. It was the cutest thing she had ever seen. JC had taught him some easy dance moves and now Luke was making an attempt to do them. Chloe laughed as her son got off beat and just started to wiggle. "Wow! Look at him go!" Justin shouted into the mike. This caused Luke to get even more excited and he started to jump around. Joey laughed into the mike and cheered the young boy on. JC picked Luke up and spun him around. "Let's give it up for Luke!" Chris shouted throwing his arms in the air. "Way to go buddy!" Lance yelled, patting the boy on the back. "Once again, my son, Luke!" JC shouted lifting his son in the air, high above his head. Justin ran backstage and grabbed Chloe's hand and started to drag her onstage. "No, Justin. NO!" She screamed as she neared the stage. She gave up half way on the stage. JC screamed into the mike and ran towards her. "Look! It's my beautiful wife, Chloe!" He lifted Luke onto his shoulders and wrapped her arm around her shoulder. "Chloe, meet Chicago!" The crowd cheered, she felt her cheeks flush red. "Thank you Chicago! Sorry we were so late coming." Joey shouted, waving to the audience as their screams rose. Luke blew kisses to the audience as the group ran off stage. Looks like we got ourselves a flirt! Joey thought to himself. Chloe hit Justin. "Why did you do that?" "I thought it would be cute, the entire family out on one stage...It just brings a tear to my eye." He said lifting his finger to his eye and sniffing. JC hit him across the back. Justin laughed. "Well, well looks like we have a little flirt on our hands." Chloe said bouncing Luke in her arms. I just said that! He said happily, then he saw JC. JC smiled and walked over to the two of them, water bottle in hand. "I don't know where he gets it." He rubbed his boys head, Luke ducked. "Definitely not from you." Chloe said smiling. JC gave her a hurt look. "What? You want me to think you flirt?" He shrugged, and smiled sheepishly. "I guess your right." "Aren't I always?" She said, lifting her head in the air as she turned and walked away. She looked back at him and smiled her fake smile. The smile he knew to be true. Why in this marriage did everyone find it necessary to lie? Why couldn't she just love him now? Why did she have to doubt everything? After what she had just been through she thought she could love him. She had almost died! She thought for a moment...Maybe she should have died................Her heart squeezed. She choked. I should have died! JC watched, he couldn't help himself. Ever since the night they had forgiven each other of everything they had ever done to one another...It's just been like they were on their honey moon all over again. The dress she was wearing was clinging to her body at her thighs. JC took a quick sip of his water and turned to Justin, smiling. Justin laughed at him and looked away. Joey had been watching all of this and had too look away also. He couldn't stand the fact that they were back together again. He didn't like the way she looked at him. She used to look at him like that...well not really like that but... JC finished his water and threw it in the garbage can. "You guys ready to go? Cause I'm ready to go. You know long day tommorow and all..." He picked up his coat and Chloe's purse and headed for the door. Chris looked at Justin and rolled his eyes. Justin laughed. Lance hit them both on the head. Joey dragged behind them as they left. You have to let her go some time... **************** JC tucked Luke in and closed the door to his room then jogged to his room and slammed the door behind him. He looked slyly at her lying on the bed. She staring at the ceiling and hadn't looked up. He straightened up and cleared his throat. She looked up. "Oh, hi." She said sadly looking back to the ceiling. "I didn't know you came back in, is he asleep?" He walked over to the bed, a concerned look on his face. "What's wrong, and don't say nothing, because I know you too well for that." She looked at him, tears in her eyes. She looked like a puppy, a pathetic puppy. He put his arm around her. "You can tell me honey." He said soothingly as he rubbed her arm. "I-I miss the baby." "Hmm." Was all he could say. "It feels weird. I never thought of it until now, but I lost a baby." She shivered and leaned into his warm body for comfort. JC wasn't sure what to say. "Do you want another baby?" He finally choked out, it seemed to come from nowhere. The words just escaped his mouth. "It will never replace the one I lost..." He squeezed her, "But it will be another baby." He kissed her head. She seemed to relax a little. "That sounds kind of nice." "If it's what you really want." He said into her soft hair. She turned her head up to his face and looked into his eyes. "Will you really?" She seemed to be getting excited. He nodded and kissed her nose. "Anything for you." She squealed and kissed him over and over again, all over his face. He laughed as she knocked him over on the bed. She was now on top of him. He pulled her close to him, she stopped laughing. Their faces were inches apart. JC leaned closer to her and brushed her lips with his. "What do you say we start trying to make this baby?" She almost laughed but his mouth crashed onto hers. This would heal all wounds. This would heal everything. This would make life perfect, jsut as we had always pictured... Nothing can go wrong now. **************** They had been trying for a month, no one knew about it. Chris just understood that Luke was going to stay in his room for a while, but though nothing of it. He would just...babysit, as they put it. JC looked over at Chloe and smiled. He squeezed her hand. This time it would come up positive, he was sure. Chloe bit her lip and glanced at her watch, she looked at him excitedly and got up off the bed. She ran into the bathroom and got the tester, she covered the results with her hand and walked back out into the bedroom. JC stood up nervously and stopped beside her, puting his arm around her shoulders. He gave her a quick kiss on the head and she uncovered the tester. She inhaled. He squeezed her shoulder tighter. "Wow." She said shakily. He couldn't speak, his eyes were glued on the tiny line... Chloe turned to him and stared at his face, he was still staring at the results. She lifted her hand and touched his face. His gaze turned to her, he grabbed her hand. Her lip shook as the tears welled up in her eyes. She threw the tester on the bed and grabbed him, hugging him so tight he could barely breath. He squeezed her back and exhaled. "I knew it." He whispered as he kissed the top of her head. "This is going to be great!" She said excitedly. "Luke's going to have a little sister." "Sister?" He asked jokingly. "Or brother." She laughed, slapping him, playully. This time around, she did not look him in the eyes. All was too risky and she didn't want to loose him again. **************** Joey stepped off the bus and started to slowly make his way to the hotel, some one grabbed his shoulder. "What?" He asked a little surprised. It was Chloe. "Oh, hi Chloe." He said relaxing and putting a smile on his face. "Hi, Jo. I need to talk to you." She said hesitently, her hand still on his shoulder as she lead him towards a small cafe on the corner. **************** JC watched from the hotel lobby as his wife and the man who used to be her lover walked out of site. He loved Chloe with all his heart, yet some where in the back of his mind he couldn't help but wonder... **************** "What is this all about?" Joey asked as he sat himself down in the booth across from Chloe. "I thought you weren't talking to me." His tone was flat. He has a sharpness in his voice, he was reaching the end of his patience "Don't give me that Jo. I care about you more than you'll ever know, I really do." "Then why treat me the way you do? Why did you let me sleep with you thinking you loved me. I love you." He said glaring into her eyes. She sighed and looked back. Her eyes pleading. "Jo I didn't realize what I was doing until it was too late. I didn't mean for-" Joey lifted his hand for her to be silent. "I've heard that before Chloe. Just tell me what you wanted to say so I can go to bed." Chloe bit her lip and tried not to cry. He was making this difficult. She didn't want to have to tell him, but he should know. She wanted him to know. "I'm expecting another baby Jo." He was taken aback my her straight forwardness. "Oh." Was all his mind would let him say. His eyebrows were raised, as if he were in shock. "I just thought you should know. I mean you'd realize after a while." She laughed, putting her head down to hide her glow. "But I just thought you should know." She lifted her head again. His eyes were still locked onto her, watching her every move. "Yeah." She watched him for a few minutes, waiting for a comment, something, anything. He made no other response. She put her hand on his and patted it gently. "I'm sorry if I hurt you. I really am." She bit her lip again, usure of whether or not she should continue. "I guess at one time I did love you, but it wasn't a real love. I wanted to be loved so bad and you were the only one who did at the time do I felt I had to love you back...Do you understand?" She asked her voice cracking. He nodded, still staring at her. She smiled weakly and patted his hand again. "I'm so sorry Jo." She got up and walked out of the cafe. As she step off the curb onto the street towards the hotel Joey finally let himself cry. A single tear rolled down his cheek and he let out a sob. She had hurt him in so many ways, many unintentional, if she only knew... **************** In the darkness of the hotel suite she lay awake. The steady humming of the air conditioner the only noise in the room, besides the heavy breathing coming from the other side of the bed. She turned her head to look at him. He looked just the way he had looked all those years ago when they had first met. She reached out and grabbed his hand holding it for some form of comfort. Who was she trying to kid? This wasn't going to work. She thought of all the other times he had said he loved her after he had left her. She thought of all the other times he had said he loved her when he didn't love her. It has always been Luke. She thought of all the times she waited for him. Maybe this time she didn't want to wait for him again. He would just become the same man she had grown to hate. The same man who left her. She same man who did not love her. The same man who brought her more pain than any man on earth. She had suffered enough. I've been through enough, JC. She thought to herself. She let go of his hand slowly and looked at his face one more time. She quickly, and quietly, got out of bed. She walked out of their room and walked to Luke's on the other side of the suite. She opened the door without a noise and stepped in. The night light in the corner was all the light she needed to see his angelic face. He slept just like his father. That thought brought a smile to her lips. She knelt down beside his bed and put her hand on his tiny head. She slowly ruffled his hair as she always did, then kissed his forehead. His eyes fluttered, but the boy did not wake up. She watched him sleep for another few minutes then got up. She kissed him one more time, then turned and walked out, not daring to look back. She would hurt him by leaving, but it was all she could do. She tiptoed her way out of the hotel suite in her white tank top and bunny pajama pants. She walked down the hallway towards Joey's room. When she got to his door she stopped infront of it. This reminded her of all the times she snuck out to see him. She used to just walk in and... She opened the door without knocking. He was asleep. The TV was on, but she knew he was asleep. There was that type of breathing he made when he slept coming from that side of the room. She made her way to the bed like a ghost and got in beside him. She stared at his face for the longest time, she wanted to remember it just the way it was... She put her hand on his and gently rubbed it. He did not wake up. He looked sad even on his sleep and it hurt her to know that she had brought the pain. She wanted to take it away even if only for a little while. She was going to take it away. She leaned foreward and kissed him on the lips. She had always done this to wake him up, and he always did. He lifted his eyelids slowly, unsure of what had woken him. When they were fully open Chloe saw, he was bloodshot. His eyes just stared at her, no emotion what so ever. She stared back, unsure of what to do herself. "I'm pretty sure I'm not dreaming...So why are you here?" He asked, his voice flat. She tried to smile, but it turned back into a frown. She looked down at the sheets. "I'm not sure." She put her hand back on his. He looked down at their hands and almost cried. "All I know is that I hurt you. I don't want to hurt you. I-It's hard to do this-to tell you this but-I have to do it, please understand. I'm leaving." He bolted up and looked at her, panic on his face. "But why? Is JC going too? Please don't go!" He begged, his eyes wide. He almost looked like Luke for a minute. "I have to. JC's not coming with me. No one is." She said beginning to cry. "Then let me come!" He said frantically, grabbing her hands. "No, you can't come either. You have to stay." "Why?" He asked sitting down again. His voice was soft, his hand still in hers. "I can't tell you." "Where are you going?" "I can't tell you." He looked into her eyes and relaxed a little more. "Is this all you came to say?" "No." She said meakly. His heart jumped. He squeezed her hand in excitement. "Wha-" "I lie awake, I drive myself crazy. Drive myself crazy thinking of you. Made a mistake when I let you go baby..." She sang softly through her tears. He smiled. "What? What was that?" "The truth." She said, finally putting her head up to his. "Then why are you leaving?" He asked, more confused now than ever before. "I have to. You may not think so but I can't go on-...I just have to." She lifted her hand and put it on his cheek. He closed his eyes and leaned into her hand. He opened his eyes again and looked at her once more. "Is that all?" "Why are you so sure there's more?" She asked, with a slight smile. "Because...I know you." This brought a smile to her face. She moved closer to him. His breath started to come out harder, and louder. "But you're leaving." He said with pain in his voice. "Can't I just say good bye?" She asked her lips almost touching his now. "I think you want to do more than that." He said, her lips now hovering over his. She was on his lap now. "Do you have objections then?" He shook his head as she began to kiss him. At least I know what I'm leaving behind. **************** The morning came and both men knew she was gone. Both men weren't sure why. They both got out of bed. One going to find his son, asleep. The other to find Chloe. Joey was on the balcony. He didn't know what to do, scream, pass out. His knees were weak. Lying in a pool of blood on the cement below was the only women he would ever know to love. Chloe There was a note though...wasn't there always?   My Darlings- I do this not because I feel I have to. I do this because I know I have to. I have gone on like this for too long. Please don't think it's any one's fault. It's not, if there had been another way I would have taken that route. I love you all. Don't tell Luke, JC. Not until he is ready. I don't want him to think it was his fault either. He wouldn't understand. JC, I love you with all my heart. I just couldn't go on living the lie. Joey, I love you more than words can say. I just couldn't lie anymore. I love you all. Behind this sheet is a note to Luke. Don't give it to him until he's older. Don't read it, it's for his eyes only. I hope you understand. Tell the others I'm sorry. It's all I could do. I had to. I love you, all of you, Chloe ****************