Throw It All Away...

****************Prologue "Come on! We have to go or we'll be late for the plane!" Lance heard JC shout from the hallway. He quickly gathered his things trying to forget the girl he was leaving behind. He ran out and followed the others to the bus, sitting in the back. His heart was pulling him in one direction, his career was pulling him in another. ****************Flashback "Just go Lance!" She screamed pushing him away, turning to the window. "I- I don't want to! Please, just try to understand...I have to!" "You have to!" She had screamed turning to him. "You have to!" "I-" He stammered searching his soul for the words. "Just go!" She had said, "I understand, career before love." The last words had slapped him and with that, he left. "What do you want me to do?" He whispered shutting the door behind him. **************** Throw it all away... **************** JC walked to Lance, he hadn't been the same since they had left Chicago. Since they had left Jen... "Lance, come on. We hate to see you like this. Cheer up." "How do you suppose I am supposed to do that?" He asked looking up at JC with tears in his eyes. "I love her." He looked back down to the floor. "We-" "Leave me alone JC, I just want to be alone." JC got up, feeling helpless, and went back to the front of the bus. Joey looked up and saw JC walking towards him. JC shook his head and Joey looked back to the window. Both knowing it would be a long tour. **************** Five months had passed since he had left her and now they were back. Lance's eyes were fixed on the crowd before him. He smiled and waved at the screaming girls and looked to the back. His eyes locked on a figure, not moving, just standing and watching. He felt the blood rush from his face, it was Jen...His breath stopped, so did his body. He felt some one jab him in the back and fell out of his daze, he finished the song then looked back to see Jen. She wasn't there, she was gone... "I saw her! I did!" He said to Justin. "What? What are you talking about?" He shook his head and said, "Nothing, forget it." After the show Lance ran to his dressing room and got out his cell phone. With shaky hands he dialed Jen's number. He waited, and waited. No one answered. "Are you OK Lance? You look like you've seen a ghost." Chris said gulping down the last of his water. "I have." He said running from the room. **************** "Why did I come? Why?" The rain poured onto her in sheets as she ran from the stadium doors. He had seen her, she knew it. He had looked right at her! She stopped and leaned against the wall of the stadium. She sank down to the ground and put her head between her knees, breathing in deep, the tears falling almost as steady as the rain. She heard a door open and looked up, it was Lance. He stood in front of the door, panting, while looking at her. Rain began to pour down his head and into his eyes, while soaking his shirt. He looked like he was going to say something, but nothing came out. He walked slowly to her, his face full of pain. He held out his hand for her, she just looked at it. "Please!" Lance begged. "You can't just stay out here." She got up and shoved past him, walking back into the stadium. "Are you happy now?" She asked turning back to him. "No." He said with his head down. She was making it so hard. "Will anything make you happy?" She shouted her hands in the air. "Yes, but it's something I can't have." He looked up, she was glaring. She took a step back and put her hand on her head. He tried to walk forward, but she put her hand out. "Stay there!" She yelled. "Stay there! How could you? This isn't fair Lance, you know it isn't!" I gave you that chance, you threw it away!" He tried to come towards her again, his face pleading with her, "Jen- Please!" She pushed him back, "I gave you that chance!" She said, trying to choke back the tears. "I don't know if I could go through that again." Her eyes became softer and she looked him in the eyes. "You hurt me Lance, I loved you! Did that mean anything to you?" "It did! It does!" He shouted. "I loved you too! I still do!" "Then why did you leave me?" She said through her tears. He tried to find the right words, but none came to him. "I-I..." "You couldn't give me an answer then, you can't give me one now. Why is that Lance? If you really love me, you'd know." She began to walk to the exit. "Bye...again." And with that, she was gone, again. She had just slipped through his fingers once more. He walked slowly back to the dressing room, his soaking sneakers making squeaking noises on the cold cement floor. His head hung low he walked in and changed out of his wet clothes, he had placed to go, people to sing for... **************** Throw it all away... **************** "We just went platinum!" Joey screamed, running into the room. "Oh my god!" JC yelled as everyone in the room got up and hugged each other. "I'm so proud of you, honey." Sara said giving Lance a soft kiss. Lance beamed and kissed her back. This was one of the happiest moments of his life. "I'm going to call my mom!" Justin said running for the door. "I'll come with you!" Shouted Chris as he ran after him. Lance turned back to Sara, he had met her 1 month ago. She was all he had hoped to find in a woman. She was smart, funny, and nice. Still...there was something missing. He just wasn't sure what. He knew she loved him, but he wasn't sure if he loved her. He grabbed her by the waist and began swinging her around the room. "You're love is like a river, peaceful and deep, your soul is like a secret, that I never could keep..." She giggled and he set her down. Justin and Chris ran into the room with Silly String and began spraying everyone with it. Justin started chasing Sara around the room with it. She ran into the door and fell on her back. Lance ran over to her, trying to control his laughter. "Are you all right?" He asked trying to help her up. She pushed Lance away. Justin looked really worried. "I am so sorry! Are you OK?" He asked. "I am not OK! I could have hurt myself or something!" "You'll be fine." Lance said laughing as he put his arm around her. "I guess." She said pushing Lance away. "I'm hungry, let's go get some food." As Lance and Sara left the room Chris got on his hands and knees, Justin went behind him and made a motion as if to crack a whip. "You're telling me!" Joey said as he plopped onto the couch. "We really need to get rid of her. She's worse than Janice!" **************** "Lying in your arms, so close together. Didn't know just what I had. Now I toss and turn cause I'm without you, How I'm missing you so bad. Where was my head, where was my heart, now I cry alone in the dark..." When ended the song the audience applauded and screamed. To Lance the words meant everything. He wished Jen could hear him say all those things to her. He rushed off the stage, quickly waving to the hordes of girls who were screeching. After a year of dating an endless assortment of women Lance had decided Jen must be the one. He never felt whole with all the others, he felt whole with her. He knew it in his heart, and he needed to get her back. Joey slapped his back and smiled widely at him, "Good show huh?" "Yeah, whatever." Lance said watching Joey run down the hallway. He walked to the bus and hopped on just in time to hear. "So we'll be in Chicago by tomorrow then?" He froze. Chicago! It was perfect! Jen was in Chicago. He asked Chris what was going on. "We are going to stop by in Chicago on the way to New York to do an interview." "How long will we be there?" "5 hours." Lance's heart sank back down. That wasn't enough time. Wait! "Are we doing Eddie and JoBo?" "Yeah, why?" "Nothing?" He smiled again. Now it really was perfect. **************** "Hey guys, welcome back to Chicago!" "Hey!" "How is the tour going?" "Great! We are almost ready to wrap it up. We have 5 more dates set, then that's it!" JC said. Lance barely heard him, he was waiting for Eddie to get to "love tests". "Now, we have a special surprise today. It's a very special Love Test, for Lance. Am I correct?" "Yes." Lance said sheepishly into the mike. The others turned to him, shocked. "All right, who are we going to call?" "Jen." Chris let out a squeak and covered his mouth. JC rolled his eyes. Joey tried to muffle a groan. "OK, here goes." The phone rang twice and Jen picked up. "Hello? Jen?" "Yes..." "Hi, I'm Marge from Uptown Florists. You've won a bouquet of flowers, we will send them to anyone, anywhere across America. The shipping is free." There was silence. "Um, I-I'm sorry but I'm listening to the radio." "Ohh!" JoBo shouted. Lance through his head onto the table. "Is there anything you'd like to say to Lance?" "Call me?" Her heart was racing, so was her mind. "Yes!" He said, lifting his head. "Of coarse!" "Ahh! Well that all worked out wonderfully, didn't it JoBo?" "Oh Yeah, Hey thanks for coming guys. Hope it works out for you and Jen. Stay tuned up next, BURPING GRANDMA!" **************** He dialed the number twice, the first time hanging up before the 1st ring. The second time he stayed on. She picked up before the end of the 1st ring. "Hello? Lance?" "Yeah, it's me." "You sound different!" She said trying to sound happy. "Do I? You sound the same, probably look the same. Beautiful..." She laughed. "Yeah, you know me." "You sound happy." "I am! I am doing great!" The words were hard to say, but she had to say them. "That's great." He said feeling horrible. "Oh, yeah. I am doing just great. I met some one. He's really nice, name's Jack." "Really? That's nice. I...I met some one too! Her name is Marie. She's great. "He said lying through his teeth. "Oh, speaking of that I have to go. Wow, it was nice talking to you. I'm glad your doing good." She said, ready to die. "Bye." She hung up the phone and threw it angrily to the floor. She began to cry and curled up on her bed. She had just lied her eyes out. She wasn't happy, she missed Lance. He had moved on. He sounded so happy, last she checked he had a girlfriend. It was useless, she had her chance. How could she just... **************** Throw it all away... **************** He ran his fingers through his hair and choked back the sobs rising in his throat. He had been stupid to think that she would still be single. After all she was Jen, beautiful, smart, funny...Jen. He turned over in the hard hotel bed and grabbed a pillow. He hugged it for comfort, it did no good. She had a boyfriend! Anther person to hug her, hold her...kiss her. He squeezed the pillow tighter and shut his eyes trying to escape his pain through his dreams. **************** She rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling. She could see his face, hear his voice, feel his touch...She closed her eyes and swallowed. If she could just get through tonight, and the next night, she would be OK. She knew it, but how? It had been so hard before, it seemed harder now. She wanted him more than anything in the world, but he didn't want her. **************** As Jen watched from the back of the crowd she saw Lance getting on the plane. He turned and waved to the crowd, who screamed, and he was gone from her view. She found a seat by the window and sat down, ready to watch the plane take the only man she had ever loved away from her. She let the tears roll down her cheeks this time, not wanting to go through the struggle of keeping them in. As the plane started taxiing she kissed her hand and put it to the window. **************** Lance looked out the window of the plane. He had hoped she would have come to say good bye to him, but she hadn't. He felt the tears well up and let them fall. He knew he had blown everything and didn't know what to do. Anything he ever did reminded him of Jen. Singing, Eating, Dancing...He couldn't do anything without feeling the pain scorching his heart. He knew the only thing that could stop that pain, was Jen's love. Something he could never have ever again. He saw a girl sitting at the window watching the plane take off, for a split second he thought it was Jen...That wasn't possible. He closed the shade and tried to get some sleep. **************** He gripped the sink for support, the sobs coming hard, his shoulders shook. The tears flowed freely, swirling down the drain with the running tap water. His knees felt weak, he fell to his knees. "Just go Lance!" She screamed pushing him away. The words echoed in his ears, searing his brain. "Just go!" She had said, "I understand, career before love." How could he have been so stupid? He had just let her go. There was a knock at the door. "Go away!" His voice harsh and raspy. "I'm not leaving Lance you need some one." "Yeah, and your not that person." He said throwing JC a look of disgust. "That's not fair Lance and you know it. I am trying to help you! I'm not just going to sit around and watch you fade away! I want to help-" "Nobody can help me!" Lance said into his hands. "Nobody." JC grabbed Lance by the wrists and picked him up. "Some one can help you, you just aren't letting them help you. Lance...You're like a brother to me, to all of us, we hate to see you like this. You're not just hurting yourself by acting like this, you're hurting us all!" JC put the stopper in the drain and let it fill up. "Wash your face and get dressed. I'm taking you out of here, you've been in here too long." Lance stood stunned in the bathroom, his head felt woozy. "Thank you." He whispered. **************** The bus hit a jolted and Lance fell out of his daze. He heard laughter from the front of the bus. He moved to the window and sat down. He had become more detached from the group, only allowing brief moments with them before or after a concert. Knowing how much they cared did little to comfort the burning within him. He yearned to feel her touch, see her smile. He couldn't think of anything else. She roamed through his head day and night. He was falling apart The bus stopped. "We're there Lance!" Joey shouted to him. Lance nodded his head and got up. "Where is there?" He asked, looking around him. "Have you gone mad? We are on Rosie today!" Chris said turning to him in disbelief. "Oh, yeah." The five men walked out of the bus to be greeted by a horde of screaming girls. They waved and slowly made there way to the main entrance. "Welcome guys, if you'll follow me I'll show you to your dressing room. You'll be on in 15 minutes." "OK, thanks." JC said. Five figures waited in the shadows for there name to be announced. "And here they are NSYNC!" "You're all I ever wanted...You're all I ever needed, yeah. So tell me what to do now, Cause I want you back..." Lance sung the song, trying not to concentrate on the words. They tore at him, he wanted to scream. He wanted to run. The audience clapped, he waved and smiled. Rosie shook his hand and lead them to her desk. "Wow! Thanks for coming!" She said smiling as everyone settled in. "Thanks for having us." Joey said smiling warmly as a girl in the audience screamed. They laughed. "It's been a big year for you guys! What has it been like?" "Awesome." "It's been great, we never imagined this would happen. It's great." "Yeah...We have a girl who would like to ask a question, she's a big fan." "Oh great!" Justin said turning to the audience. The guys turned to a 14 year old giggling girl. Chris waved. She giggled and covered her mouth. "Hello...I" Giggles again. "I want to know if you have girlfriends...If not I'm free!" Joey laughed. Justin shifted in his chair. Lance felt his heart sink. "I have a girlfriend." Chris said to the girl. "Sorry." He laughed. "I'm not seeing anyone." JC said smiling widely at her. "No comment." Justin said laughing. "I don't have a girlfriend." Joey said in his Bobby voice. Everyone laughed. "Lance? How about you?" "Well...I have a message for someone." He turned to the camera. "Jen..." **************** Her heart stopped, she moved to the edge of the couch and clung to the cushion. "Jen..." He smiled a wide smile and sang. "I want you back!" She stared at the screen, shocked. I want you back The words echoed in her ears. I want you back... **************** The four guys stared at Lance with the mouths open. "Well...I hope she listens to you! Lucky girl." Rosie said happily. "Thanks for joining me guys." "You are very welcome!" Lance said feeling his heart race. I want you back... **************** "I wasn't expecting you to say that!" Joey said getting on the bus. "I was expecting to say that!" Lance said feeling weak with excitement. He sat down in the nearest seat, JC sat next to him. "What do you think will happen?" "I don't know..." "Well what are you going to do?" "I don't know..." "OK..." Chris said giving Justin an odd look. Lance saw a cell phone appear before his face. He looked up, it was Joey. "Call her." He smiled, grabbed the phone, and ran to the back of the bus. He dialed her number wit shaky hands. One ring....Two....Three.... "Hello?" Her voice was unsteady. "Hello Jen...Did you-" "See Rosie?" "I guess you did...So..." She smiled, "So what?" "What do you think?" "Think about what?" "Stop playing with me, Jen. What do you say? Will you give me a chance?" "Why should I?" She asked tightening the phone. "Because I love you." He said shortly. Her breath caught in her throat, she leaned on the wall for support. "What did you say?" "I love you, Jen." She let out a sob. "Jen-" "I love you too. For the first time in many months a smile formed on Lance's lips. "I have been waiting to hear that for a long time." "You have?" "Yes, for the longest time. I thought I'd never hear that from you again. I love it!" He said loudly, the joy coming through in his voice. "Say it again!" She laughed aloud. " I love you!" The words flowed into his ears and warmed his soul. The sound of his laughter bounced off the walls of the bus into the ears of his four "brothers". He was truly happy. **************** She walked down the hall her heart beating faster as she rounded the corner. She stepped through the door into the airport. Her eyes searching the crowd before her for Lance's familiar spiky blond hair. She spotted him in the corner with 4 men. She walked towards him, never taking her eyes off of his gorgeous face. His eyes lit up when he saw her face. She dropped her bag and threw her arms around him. He squeezed her into his body, tears of joy forming in his eyes. They let go of each other, Lance grabbing a hold of her hand. "We haven't seen you in a while!" JC said with his hand out. She took it and squeezed. "It's been too long." She looked at Lance and smiled. "We should get out of here before some one recognizes us." Joey said feeling awkward. **************** "I'm just sorry we didn't do this sooner. If I had known..." "Shh." She said putting her hands on his lips. "Don't think like that. No 'if only's' just...let's move on." He reached out and hugged her pulling her close to him. He smelled her hair and remembered what is was like to run his fingers through it. He smiled, he could do that now and he did. "I'm nothing without you." He said closing his eyes and kissing her forehead. "I could barely breath without you by my side. You make me whole...Marry Me" "Yes!" Jen let out a sob of happiness and squeezed him tighter. ****************2 years later "What do you mean I can't go in? She's my wife!" He screamed trying to pull lose from Joey and Chris's grip. "I'm sorry sir, you can't go in! There has been a complication, we need you to stay out here." The nurse said walking back through the swinging doors. He could hear her screams. Each one pulled at his heart. Tugged at his soul. He needed to go to her, he needed to help her. He could hear her screams. He felt hands go to his shoulders. He heard people try to console him. He didn't need that. He needed Jen! He felt dizzy. Setting his head in his hands he let the tears flow... ****************Flashback "I'm pregnant!" She said as she grabbed him and hugged him tightly. He hugged her shocked. She was going to have a baby. His baby! He closed his eyes and squeezed her back. "I'm going to be a daddy!" He said, his head spinning. "I'm going to be a daddy!" He shouted. He picked her up and spun her around the room, their laughter echoing throughout the house. **************** He could hear her screams. He put his hands over his ears, trying to block the noise. What were they doing to her? He leapt up from his chair and started to pace, looking eagerly back at the doors. "What are they doing to her?" he cried. "Why can't they-" Her screams died away. The room went silent. All heads turned to the doors. Nothing happened. Her screams had stopped. His heart began to race. It was a good thing right? He looked up, a nurse was walking to him, fast. "Is she OK? How's the baby?" He asked, his blood shot eyes pleading with her. "We are performing a cesarean. The baby is a breech, we have to get it out as soon as possible. Your wife is losing a lot of blood, we are doing all we can." Her voice was calm, her eyes full of pity. "What does this mean?" JC asked speaking for Lance. "If we don't get the baby out, they will both die." The words pelted at him, spearing his heart. He went limp. Chris caught him and dragged him to a chair. They will both die... Die... She can't die! He needed her! He needed her smile. Her embraces. He needed the way she teased him when he did something stupid, making him blush. He needed her to be there when he had a bad day. He needed her to be there. He needed her! ****************Flashback "I know pronounce you, husband and wife. You may kiss the bride." He lifted the vale. She was smiling, little tears falling down her face. He pulled her close and kissed her softly. They were married. They were together. Forever... **************** He slowly walked to the swinging doors. All eyes upon him. He almost fell over and clutched the wall. He pushed open the door and walked through. His eyes ached from the crying. His heart ached, she was gone. Dead He saw her lying on the table, ghostly white. He knelt beside her and picked up her hand, gently kissing it. He brushed hair out of her face and let out a sob. Dead "Why'd you leave me Jen?" She looked serene. She looked like she was sleeping. He fought back the urge to throw something and kissed her gently on the cheeks and lips. "Why'd you go? WHY!" He shouted through the tears and pain. "I love you!" She was gone... Their baby was gone... He kissed her one last time. Got up. Closed his heart. Locked it. And threw it all away.