The J-Files

And now it's time for Jerry Springer.

Jerry - Cheating, having an affair, conducting a ainausetua (Now I KNOW I'm spelling that wrong), in short betrasying a loved one. My guests today are guilty of exactly that, but what the suprise is that these people are considered hereos, mascots, and are adored by children and adults alike. The only problem is that they just can't keep it in thier pants. They are famous video game mascots who cheat on thier girlfreinds!! Our first guest is considered by many to be the favorite out of the video game mascots. He has appaered in many Sega games, has his own comic book, and three different animation shows about him. Please welcome...Sonic the Hedgehog!!

(Some cheers and boos come from the audience. Sonic speeds around the room a few times and pops into his chair.)

Sonic - What's up everybody? Yo 'sup Springer?

Jerry - Sonic, you've had a very sucessfull carrer with your series. It helped you expand into other fields such as comics and T.V., and-

Sonic - Yea, yea, we know all dat. Get to the point!

Jerry - during you comic book and cartoon time, you were seeing a certian Princess Sally Acorn, am I correct?

Sonic - Yea she's pretty hot. Me and her been going steady for about eight years, but I'm a man who is hyper. I can't be in one place for too long y'know.

Jerry - You can tell her what's going on now. Here's  Princess Sally!!

(Sally walks out in her traditional blue vest, and sits down next to Sonic, holding his hand.)

Jerry - Now Sally, you and Sonic have been together since archie comics started doing his series oh about five years ago correct?

Sally - Yes, he has a bit of an attitude, but we've managed to stick it out.

Jerry - Well, appearently, he's been sticking it out more often than you know.

Sally - What?!!

Sonic - Well baby, I'm way too fast for one woman. I've.......been seeing someone at my other job, y'know my video game field.

(Audience is going"OOooooohhhhh!!" Sally looks a little hurt.)

Jerry - Let's bring her out. Here's Amy Rose!!

Sally - You f@#$ing bitch!!

(As Amy walks out Sally grabs her by the hair and starts punching her in the face. They start pulling hair as security pulls them apart.)

Audience - Jerry!!! Jerry!! Jerry!!!

Amy - You better sit yo ass down bitch!! At least I can satisfy him!!

Sally - (Looking at Sonic.) When the hell did this start hunh?!! What the hell are you doing with that little bitch?!!

Sonic - About half way though producing "Sonic Adventure", at least she can keep up with me. I'm just too fast for you girl!!

Sally - Well to hell with you then, I don't need you anyway. I was going to tell you about my affair.

Sonic - Say what?!!

Sally - That's right. I'm having a three way with some other people at Archie comics.

Sonic - Who antoine? Rotor? Knuckles?!!

Jerry - Say hello Sonic to... Betty, Veronica, and Jughead!!

(The audince starts hooping and hollering as Jughead and the girls come out while "Sugar, sugar" Is playing the background.)

Jughead - That's right, pimp Jughead's in the mother f*#$in house!!

Sonic - You teenage punk!! I outta speed-dash you friggin head off!!

Jerry - Looks like you got more than an appetite for burgers.

Jughead - Yea, all the gals wanna try Jugheads jug-head. I've even done Sabrina man!!

Jerry - The tennage witch?

Jughead - The teenage slut is more like it. Sally's good too. She can lick the crome off my crown if y'know what I mean.

audeince - Wooooooo!!!!

Sonic - So what? I've had Betty and Veronica too. They're an easy lay. I've even had Spyres mom!!

Jughead - Spyre from FGN? Who hasn't had his mom?

Jerry - Audience? (Entire audeince raises thier hands.) Wow, what a slut!! We have to go to a commercial now, but when we come back we an affair between a man, three women, and a monkey? Plus, a wierd case of incest, and a pimping puppy. Stay tuned.

-Joey Jo Jo