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The J-Files #5Happy Birthday to meeee. "Sigh" Another year shot ta hell for me. As of Tomorrow 4/10 (BMS: Errr... yester day, sorry about my lazyness Mr. Shigamodo, it won't happen again.), I'll be the big two eight. I thought alot would have happened in my life by now. Y'know move out of my parents house, get a real career, have a steady girlfreind, but lady luck has not smiled upon me kindly. Instead I still live at home, just got my own wheels (I no longer share the car with my mom), and my job at Hick-Mart still sucks. I'm supposed to smile and serve these people who treat me like dirt. Grrr..Anywho, it has also been over one year since my internet personailty was born. I belive Joey Jo Jo was born between march 25-28 1998 I don't have the exact date. I won't tell you my real name, but it is not Joey. My initials are J.R.B. My bosses at Asshole-Mart didn't register for E3 (they don't know what the hell it is), but luckily a former E.B. co-worker of mine is getting me tickets for 40 bucks a piece, so I still might make it. Anyway folks, it's time for another J-File!! This one is short but sweet.Hello video game fanatics, Joey Jo Jo here at the Kamehameha Japanese resteraunt patienly waiting for my next guest to interiew. He seems to be about an hour late getting here an I don't know what keeping him. My guest tonight is James Pond underwater agent from EA's old Genesis line up. It's been about 6-7 years since the last time we saw James Pond. Unfortuneatly, during his short time in the spotlight, he squandered all the cash he made on booze, drugs, and women. Since then he's taken on any little project he could get his hands on. He was Muddy Mudskippers stand in on the Ren and Stimpy show, has done some commercial shots as "the goldfish in the bowl", and was almost swalloed in a college fraternity dare. Since then...hold on here comes the waiter. Waiter - Ah, here is you order Mr. unnnhh...Sheeggeedooobee-- JJJ - Nevermind, thank you. The sushi looks delicious! Waiter - Thank you. I'll be over there if you need anything. JJJ - Anywho, where was I?.......Oh yea! Since then, he has gotten back with EA to work on a new game for the DreamCast!!! James Pond; Goldenfly. Errr unfortuneatly that deal "munch, munch" fell thorugh. When he eventually gets here, we will be talking about why that game got cut, and what plans to do for the fut-"HAACK!!! CHOUGH, COUGH!!" Man! What the hell was that? I just coughed up something in the sushi! Lets see....it looks like a little tuxedo and...TUXEDO?!!! OH MY GOD!! I ATE JAMES POND!!! YOU BASTARD!!! Waiter - Excuse me sir, some one left you this note. They told us not to give it to you till after you were served. JJJ - (Reading note.) Dear Mr. Shiga...whatever, thank you for consuming me. My life has been nothing but downhill since '92. My wife left me for Charlie Tuna, and I went to the bottom of the heap by starring in some gay fish porn with Flounder from the Little Mermaid. My life has been a living stinking hell. Then there was some light at the end of the dark tunnel as EA was going to renew my contract. I was going to be a star again!! Then, those bastards decided they'd rather make another sports game! I was completley ruined!! Now that you have eaten me, I can find peace. I will be away from the pain of being the huge loser that I am, and the constant pain of having FULL BLOWN HERPIES?!!!!!!! ACCKK!! I gotta get to the bathroom!! (Runs to the toilet.) Girl - Get "Blaaakkk" lost pal!! I was "Whaaarrfff" here first!! JJJ - Outta my way Alley McBeal!! I have no time for your bulemia!!! McBeal - Bulemia nothing I was eating some sushi when I got a suicide note saying I just ate Flounder from the Little Mermaid, and he had full blown herpies!! "BRRAAPP!!" JJJ - I'll use the sink. That's all for now folks!! This is Joey Jo Jo saying "BBBLLLLAACCHH!!!!" -Joey Jo Jo |
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