Uprising X
More like Uprising Triple X!Cue 70's porn themes
Oh yeah baby, lemme just put my disk in, and we'll start playing. Oh yeah...ooohh...I seem to have spilled oil all over my self....*SMACK* Ow! Ahem, okay okay, back to sanity. This game is a sad, sad port of an excellent PC game calle, surprise:Uprising! The PC game was an FPS/ RTS combo that managed to supply both lightening fast action and complex strategy and troop managment. Plus, there is the wonderful multiplay option. Uprising X attempted to port this PC gem to the PSX, and the result made my question my own sanity, and then vomit. If I ever become an alcoholic,I'm gonna blame this piece of crap.
GRAPHICS
Now I'm no graphics whore, but I want a game with a good graphics engine. This is a fourth generation PSX title, so I expect the "WOW" factor to be high. Its not. Now, I know its not fair, but the comparison must be made to the PC version. Its unescapable. Now the PC game is 3dfx accelerated, so I knew the PSX game would be dull compared to it. But this went to far.In the PSX game, there is so much fog that I thought I was playing a first gen N64 game. I'm not kidding when I say you can't see more than 20 virtual feet in front of you in the game. Enemies just suddenly pop into your field of vision, then whup your butt. The enemies themselves are hideous to look at, as they are all color coded. Each enemy's vehicles are one solid color! This may sound good, as it lets you tell what side you are blasting, but it really doesn't work. It makes it look as though you are blasting monocolor blobs. yech! The flip side of the coin is that enemies 30 feet away from you can see YOU, and will blast you to pieces. Then there are the landscapes, which are dull monocolor smears. In the PC version, there were crisp clear rolling landscapes, which inspired epic battles. Here, you are doing battle on cookie dough. In closing these graphics wouldn't have made the cut on a first gen title.God damn my eyes!
SOUND
The next body part to be damaged were my ears. From the "Generic Overbearing General" voiceover to the lasers blasting garbage cans, this game is the auditory equivalent of a medival Judas craddle. Once again the PC version had crisp clear battle noises, and I think it had 3d audio but I can't really remember. Plus, the voicesof the troops were crisp and clear. In the PSX version, the voices sound like they were recorded in a toilet with a mic that was covered by a condom[ Credit to the developers of Drowned God for that line]. So, I've ripped out my eyes and tore off my ears, want to know what I did to my hands?
CONTROL
Now I'm opting for euthanasia. The control was the most mis-implemented piece of sh*t that I have ever had the misfortune to play. Control is done by using the left analog stick to aim, and the right one drives the tank that you control. Just try drawing a bead on a fighter hitting mach 2, 30 feet in front of you, with this stick. The control is so stiff and slow, that you just can't aim. Its true! And your really screwed if you have an old dpad, I won't even go there.
My combat strategy is thp ram the enemy, get right in front of them, and just blast straight away. It works. And for infantry, I just run em over. And for aircraft, well, I just pray for luck and spray the skies.
President Clinton: Hey! Thats my plan too! I feel your pain. Mind if I show Major Willow my missle defense plan?
Madgrad: Get outta here you pervert! Anyway, the topper comes from the fact that the shock feature doesn't work. It says that you will get vibrations, but half of the time you don't. The enemy can be right on top of you, and blowing you away, but you'll never know a thing. The PC version wins here too. A keyboard and mouse scheme is whats needed for this title,not the joysticks of death for the PSX.UgH!
GAMEPLAY
Now I've lopped off my hands too. Joy! The final insult came from the gameplay. The PC version had the sharpest ballance of troop managment, base defense, and FPS action. This...this...doesn't even work as a pure shooter. Let me explain. In the PC version, your tank could call in multiple unit types, and dozens of each one, so that the screen turned into a huge, Braveheart like bloodbath. It was great. Here, you can call in five units, and only one of each at at time. And their AI is horrible! Sometimes my own men hit ME! I'm not that bad a general! In the PC version, base defense was vital. You needed to balance the turrets and citadels and pray that the enemey ignored you. Then, when they boiled over in an all out assualt, you took over the citadel, started blasting and prayed to God that you could just hold on! Here, in the PSX game,
if, and I do mean if, the comp attacks your base, you will just seize control of the main gun, and in 1 minute, the ten units they sent out will die. Its just to easy, like a damn turkey shoot. No challenge at all.
So, to summarize, the bad graphics, bad sound, horrid control, and sh*tty gameplay kill this title.The only good thing here is the 2 play mode, and even that is mediocre. If you want a good FPS/ RPS combo, buy the original for the PC, and buy Battlezone for the PC too.Avoid this game, and buy anything else instead.
Summary
Graphics: 2/10
Sound: 3/10
Control: 1/10
Gameplay: 4/10
Overall: 2.5/10 Its rare that I buy a game this bad. Expect a space time rip anythime now....
Madgrad
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