Rating: PG

Author: The Muse 77

Feedback: jenny_aust@yahoo.com.au

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"OW!!! SHIIIIIIITTTT!!!"

"What the hell was that?" asked Chris.

Six of the seven were in their office about to start lunch when they heard the unmistakable cry emanating from the room down the hall.

"Damned if I know." Frowned Buck.

"Didn’t Vin go to the men’s room?" asked J.D.

"Yep." Replied Nathan. "Went down there a couple of minutes ago."

Larabee sighed. "What has he done now?"

"Now Mr. Larabee… go easy on the man. Trouble just seems to follow him wherever he goes lately."

"Thanks for the words of wisdom Ezra, but this is starting to get a little monotonous." The man in black said as he reached the door.

As the six men entered the hallway they saw the familiar figure of their friend huddle in the corner next to the vending machine. He was holding the side of his mouth muttering curses and delivering the occasional kick to the side of the mechanical monster.

Reaching the man, Chris asked tiredly, "Alright, what happened now?"

"I goth a choclet baa outta da massine an when I bi intu it I fink it brokt a toof."

The man in black rubbed the corners of his eyes. Then looking back at the Texan shook his head. "Alright Vin, you broke your tooth. C’mon I’ll take you to the dentist" Turning to Jackson he continued. "Nathan, ring the local dental clinic down on 5^th and tell them we’ll be there in fifteen minutes."

"WAITH!!!" cried the sharpshooter. "I ainth goin to noth dentisth."

"Oh come on Mr. Tanner… stop being such a cry baby." Smirked Ezra.

"Ainth no cryth baby. Lookth I think ith better." He said as he grimaced, then tried to smile.

"Vin! I don’t have time for this. Get your ass on that elevator. YOU’RE GOING TO THE DENTIST." Commanded Larabee.

"Ohth , buth Christh. I DON’TH WANTH THU!!"

"Vin, don’t make me shoot you. You’re going." Chris said as he signalled Buck to turn Tanner around and face him toward the elevator.

"C’mon son," Wilmington tried to console while trying in vain to stop from laughing. "Vin" he continued. "You haven’t walked under any ladders lately, or had a black cat run in front of you, have you?"

"Noth, why? …..OW! OW! Shith!" Vin cried clutching at the side of his mouth.

"No reason." Laughed Wilmington freely now. "No reason at all."

************

Larabee arrived a short time later out the front of the dentist’s office. Tanner had tried everything he could think of to change his leader’s mind about taking him there. Chris remained unimpressed by the continued ‘I’m finth nowth’ and ‘Ith really nothin’ coming from the younger man. In the end the Texan sat quietly in the car holding the side of his face and going through his ever increasing vocabulary of expletives.

The man in black got out of the car and, seeing that the tracker was making no attempt to join him, walked around to the passenger side.

"Get out Tanner." He said.

"NOTH!" replied Vin obstinately crossing his arms across his chest.

"Vin.. I aint joking. Get out of the f***ing car!"

"Noth.. andth youth can’th makth me."

"Stop behaving like a five year old." Chris was becoming angry now. "Look, people are starting to stare."

"Bud I don’th wanth too." Cried Vin. He grabbed the steering wheel on the other side of the car and pouted painfully. "Owth… shith!"

Chris decided this was getting him nowhere. Taking another tact he began again. "Vin.. why don’t you want to go to the dentist?"

Tanner shook his head and looked at the floor of the car.

"Vin.. answer me."

Tanner pursed his lips and groaned, rubbing at the offending side of his face. He leant over to the black clad man and whispered, "Ith scarthd."

Larabee could barely make out the words, "What did you say?" he asked frowning.

"Ith saith I ‘s scarthd."

"Did you say you were scared?" smiled Chris now.

"Yeth I’M SCARTHD ….Tell the whole fucthing worlth!" Vin yelled then squeezed his eyes shut against the pain in his mouth.

"I don’t think I need to Vin.. you just did it for me."

"Aww helth." Tanner opened his eyes and noticed the people on the street peering in at the car as they walked by.

"Come on pard." Said Chris reassuringly now. "I’ll be right there with you, watching your back. Aint nothing to worry about."

"Easthy for y tooth sayth."

Vin sighed, then releasing his vice like grip on the steering wheel, allowed Larabee to ease him out of the car.

"You’ll comth in with me?"

"Sure will Cowboy. I’ll even hold your hand if you want." The man in black teased.

"Promisth?"

Larabee’s mouth opened in surprise. He had been joking when he offered to hold the younger man’s hand, but Tanner was deadly serious.

"You really are scared aren’t you?"

"Whath the fucth dith I justh tell y? OW!!! Shith that hurthsts"

"O.K. cowboy, let’s go." Chris said smiling and holding the Texan by the forearm.

Arriving at the door to the dentist’s office, Larabee held a firm grip on Tanner as he hesitated going through. They approached the counter and introduced themselves to the nurse.

"Morning. This is Mr. Vin Tanner. I believe you had a call from my office regarding having him seen to?"

The nurse searched through the book on the desk in front of her. "Oh yes.. here you are. The dentist will see you now. If you’d just like to follow me this way." She said as she walked towards the hallway.

"Noth realthy." Mumbled the Texan. Chris glared toward him and dragged him along the corridor and into the office.

The dentist greeted them as they entered. "Gentlemen. I’m Doctor Irwin." he said. "You’re Mr. Larabee." He continued and offered his hand to the blond. Chris shook it in return and introduced Vin.

"Mr. Larabee, if you’d like to wait outside, I can call you when we’re all done."

Vin’s eyes opened wide. He turned to his friend and clutched his arm. "Christh?" he said pleadingly.

"Ah…. Doc…. Perhaps I could stay….. um…… just to see how it all goes." Chris stumbled through, not wanting to let on that the younger man was indeed afraid.

Irwin looked at Tanner and frowned, then smiled knowingly. "I understand." He said. "Mr. Larabee you can stand on the other side and ‘observe’ from there. Ah… I would appreciate it if you would … uh…. Hold his arm… most parents with frightened children….." The dentist stopped mid-sentence when he saw the angry looks turned on him by the other two. "Um… just stand over there." He finished.

The chair was gently lowered and the light turned on above Vin’s head.

"Now, open wide Mr. Tanner." Irwin asked. But the sharpshooter’s mouth remained closed tightly.

"Mr. Tanner, I can’t fix your tooth if you don’t open your mouth."

"Thath’s whath Ith counthing on." Splattered Vin and clamped his mouth shut again.

"Now, now Mr. Tanner……Vincent….. open wide for me." the dentist smiled again, but there was only a determined ‘uh huh’ as a reply.

"VIN!" warned Chris. "Open your damn mouth…….Vin!"

The dentist signalled for Larabee to go with him to the corner of the room. After struggling with the sharpshooter momentarily to release the grip he held on his arm, the blond joined Irwin.

"I see your friend has a real fear of us."

"Yep, you might say that." Replied Chris rubbing at the bruising on his forearm.

"Alrighty then, I think we go for the gas."

"Gas?"

"Yep, will only take a second or two and he’ll do whatever we want, but you will have to have somebody stay with him for the rest of the day though."

"Sure, sure." Chris sighed. "I didn’t have anything else on… not like I’ve got an important job." He said sarcastically. Irwin looked at him questioningly. "Never mind." Said Chris. "Let’s get to it then."

"Mr. Tanner," began the dentist. "Mr. Larabee and I have decided that we need to give you something to calm you down."

Vin eyed both men warily.

"I want you to breathe into this mask. Just a few good deep breaths."

Irwin placed the mask over the man on the chair, while Larabee held on firmly to his arm.

"That’s it…. Big, deep breath….. good….. good….."

After a few minutes, Tanner closed his eyes and smiled. "Heth Christh!" he said happily and waved his free hand in the air. "Yee haaaaa"

"Alright Cowboy," began the man in black. "Just settle down, this won’t take long."

It wasn’t long before the work was finished on the drugged man’s tooth. For his part, Tanner had hummed and sung his way through the entire procedure. Chris didn’t realise the young man knew all the words to "I’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts" and "All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth" but having listened to them non-stop for the last half hour, he wished that he didn’t.

Larabee was given a set of instructions on how to look after the younger man and sent on his way. They negotiated the lift down to the foyer of the building and unsteadily made their way to the car. Tanner was intent on introducing himself and Larabee to all and sundry as they made their way across the street.

"Hey Chris." Vin giggled. "Where we going?"

"To my place."

"You takin me home with you?" he frowned.

"Yep."

"Hey…. You aint thinkin of takin’ advantage of me??" He asked a little louder into Chris’ ear.

The people on the street within ear shot glared at the man in black.

"Shut up Tanner." Hissed Chris as they reached the car.

"You filled me up with that happy gas so’s I’d do what you want." He giggled.

"SHUT ….. UP!"

"You angry at me Chris?"

"No!"

"Sure?"

"Yes" Larabee answered as he managed to push the smaller man into the front seat of the car.

"Chris?"

"Yes Vin." Larabee hissed. "What now?"

"I need to piss."

"You’ll have to wait till we get to my place."

"But Chris….." Tanner moaned.

"I said WAIT!"

The man in black jumped in the driver’s seat and started the car. As he screeched out of the parking space someone began singing ‘I’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts….’ The melody, if you could call it that, could be heard drifting out of the passenger side window.

"F***!" could also be heard from the driver’s side window.

**********

"We there yet?" asked Tanner for the fifteenth time since they left the surgery.

"Soon." Was the impatient reply.

"You said that before."

"Shut up."

"Chris… why don’t you sing with me."

"Shut up."

Suddenly, the Texan began to laugh hysterically.

"What’s the matter with you?" Chris asked frowning. His question was greeted by more laughing.

"Tanner! Goddammit!! What the hell…….." he said angrily as he drove up the driveway to his ranch.

He turned to see the tracker facing the open window of the Ram. He was holding something and laughing. Vin Tanner was pissing out of the window.. Not very well mind you, most of it was running down the door.

"Shit!" cried Larabee.

"Hey Chris… I signed y door with me name." Tanner said proudly.

"I thought I told you to wait till we got here."

"Well…" replied Vin looking confused. "We’re here aint we??"

"Put it away pee wee and let’s get you inside."

"O.K. Chris." Agreed Tanner as he fumbled with the fly to his pants.

"Hey Chris, it won’t go back in." Tanner said scratching his head and fiddling with his zip.

"Tanner, I aint touching it, so you best get that stowed away… and now!"

"O.K." smiled the Texan.

************

Chris managed to half carry half drag Vin to the front door of his ranch. Propping him up with one hand he fumbled with his keys trying to insert the door key into the latch. Finally managing this feat whilst not allowing the younger man to fall, Larabee kicked open the door and pushed the Texan inside.

"Hey Chris, can we go to the circus."

"No."

"But I want to see the clowns."

"Well I don’t. I’ve been watching a clown all morning."

"Where? I didn’t see him. Why didn’t you tell me there was a clown."

"Vin, sit down over here." the black clad man said grunting as he dropped Vin on the sofa. "I’ll be back in a minute."

"O.K. Chris." Tanner said happily.

"Now, don’t you move….. Vin?"

"Nope.. aint gonna move." Agreed the sharpshooter amiably.

"I mean it!" warned Chris again.

Vin smiled wanly and slid sideways on the sofa. Chris looked again at his friend and allowed himself a small smile. ‘I don’t remember anything in the ATF team leader’s job description about babysitting .’ He thought. Shaking his head, Larabee went to the spare bedroom to set it up for his friend. Arriving back a short time later he found the tracker standing up in the corner of the room. Hearing the older man enter the room Vin turned and waved happily to his friend.

"Hey Cowboy!" he yelled grinning ear from ear.

"HEY TANNER!!! Quit pissing on my plant!"

Vin giggled.. "I aint pissing." He slurred. " I’s makin Niagara Falls in the garden"

"Tanner!" growled Larabee.

The Texan spun around toward the voice. Unfortunately, he hadn’t finished ‘making Niagara Falls’ and Chris’ boots suddenly took on a sodden appearance.

"Shit! Tanner … quit pissing on my shoes!"

Vin looked down quizzically at his hand holding the still spurting male appendage. "Hey Chris?" he asked. "How do y make it stop. Aint no switch on here."

"Aww Hell!" groaned Larabee. The older man slowly turned the still urinating younger man and walked him unsteadily toward the bathroom. "Here," he said facing him toward the bath. "See if you can fill this for me. O.K.?"

"Sure thing Chris." Smiled the sharpshooter, then a frown crossed his face and he turned to the older man. "Shit Chris… you gonna take a bath in there?"

"Hell No!" Larabee cried. "I may never use that again."

Seeing that the other man was intensely concentrating on hosing down the sides of the ‘decks’, Chris decided he should change his shoes and socks. Looking back at the younger man Larabee grumbled. "If my house is ever on fire I want that man standing next to me. Hell….. where does he store all of that piss!" Raising his voice toward the Texan the man in black said "Vin, you stay there alright? I’ll be back in a minute….. Vin??"

"Sure thing." Came the slurred reply.

Chris went to the bedroom and rustling through his wardrobe secured another pair of black boots. Casting the other ones aside, along with some well chosen curse words, he put on the clean ones and returned to the bathroom. There was no sign of the Sharpshooter.

"Vin" Larabee cried. "Vin.. where the hell are you?"

"Here cowboy!" came the muffled reply.

"Where? ……Where are you Vin?" Chris yelled again as he tried to follow the voice.

"I’m here!"

"Where’s here?"

"Here!"

There was a muffled giggle and a long "shhhhhhhhh."

"Vin" warned the man in black, who was slowly inching toward straight out fury now.

Chris slowly made his way through each of the rooms. Finally he walked through the open front door and out onto the porch. Suddenly, there was a yelp, followed by a string of slurred curse words.

"Tanner!!! You in the Kennel with Sabre?"

"Nooo" he heard coming from the kennel.

The man in black shook his head and knelt down in front of the dog house on the porch.

"Vin.. get out of there before he bites you."

"Shit…. you mangy dog… you told him. Should a known not to trust y."

Chris whistled and the german shepherd rushed out from his prison. Larabee patted the dog and then leant into the opening. "Vin get out of there."

"But it’s nice and cosy."

"Vin, if you don’t come out I’m gonna have to go in and get you… and if I have to do that, I’m going to hurt you… badly… seriously. Now…GET OUT!!!"

The Texan slowly crawled out of the opening and into the sunlight.

"You’re no fun pard." Grumbled Tanner.

Chris slipped his arm under the younger man and began to manoeuvre him back into the house. Vin’s eyes were slowly drooping as, finally, the long day mingled with the pain killer given to him earlier began to kick in. The man in black reached the bedroom and dropped his friend unceremoniously onto the bed. Pulling the other man’s boots off he laid him down and placed a blanket over him.

"Thanks Pard." Said Vin sleepily.

"That’s O.K." replied Larabee smiling now. The blond agent turned to walk out of the room, but was stopped by a quiet sound.

"Sorry for pissin on your shoes." The Texan sighed and was instantly asleep.

Chris smiled to himself and closed the door as he left. "Damn.. mangy… pissing…. Texan."

*******

The next morning five of the seven were in the office, when Chris and Vin entered. Smiling toward the two men, Nathan asked "How’s your mouth Vin?"

Moving his jaw from side to side and rubbing at his chin Tanner replied. "Fine now… nothin’ to going to the dentist."

Larabee shot a fierce look at the younger man, making him look away hurriedly.

"Hey pard, something happen we should know about?" smiled Buck.

"Nope." Was the flat reply.

"Aw, come on Chris…. Spill it." Said J.D. playfully.

"J.D., drop it."

"Vin?" asked Josiah.

Tanner grimaced and followed the blond leader into his office. The other five looked to each other.

"There’s got to be a good story in this one." Stated Standish.

"Yep." Agreed Jackson.

"Reckon we’ll ever find out?" asked Dunne.

"Hell.. you know Chris don’t say more ‘n three words in a day. Getting anything out of ‘em will be like pulling teeth." Said Wilmington. Suddenly a huge smile spread across his face as he realised what he’d said. "Damn, you’re a funny man Buck Wilmington." he complimented himself.

"Yes, hilarious Mr. Wilmington." Added Standish dryly.

Buck headed toward the entrance to the office.

"Where you off to Buck?" asked J.D.

"Well, nature sure as hell is calling my name right now, and I aim to not keep her waiting." He winked.

The other agents sat back down at their desks and began working. Suddenly, there was a loud "OW!!!!! SHIIIIIIITT!!!"

Chris and Vin re-emerged from the main office and hurried to the door followed by the other four agents. As they enter the corridor, they saw the crouching figure of Buck Wilmington holding his mouth.

"Heth Christh…. Ith thinkth Ith broth a tooth." The big man cried.

The leader shook his head and turned to walk back into the office.

"Mr. Larabee," began Ezra. "Surely you will offer Mr. Wilmington the same comfort as you did Mr. Tanner and take him to the dental surgery."

"Nope." Was the flat reply. "If you’re so worried you take him….I’ve had enough piss on my shoes to last me a lifetime." With that the man in black turned and stalked back into the office. Five agents turned as one to face the Texan.

"Don’t look at me, I don’t know what the hell he’s talking about." Tanner shrugged and followed Larabee back.

"Buth Christh….. Hey Christh!!" cried Buck. "CHRISTH!!!!"

The End