By Lezli Adams, For the Journal and Courier
Sunday is Mother's Day. People all over will be honoring the mothers who raised them. There is another group of mothers though who are ignored -- birth mothers.
Today, as the world prepares to celebrate and honor all mothers, more than 800 members of the Sunflower Birth mothers will mark Birth mothers Day by lighting candles in memory of births that changed their own personal histories.
The Sunflower Birth mothers is a group of mothers who have surrendered children to adoption. We are linked through cyberspace as well as through personal hardship. The sisters communicate through e-mail and are divided into three separate lists -- searching, reunited and rejected. Their status is determined by the status of their relationship with the child placed for adoption. The sisters offer one another emotional support as they endure the struggles associated with living as a birth mother -- what we consider to be the forgotten member of the "adoption triad."
On Birth mothers Day, each of the sisters will light a candle at 6 p.m. and burn it until midnight. The candle will be a reminder of members who are searching for their child and light the way for the possible reunion. For those who are reunited, it will burn to strengthen the tie that has been forged between the biological members of the triad. And for those who have been rejected, it will offer the hope for a change of heart and a better future.
The sisters ask the community to remember those who are living life with a part of them missing and offer a brief prayer for birth mothers everywhere who endure the pain of a difficult decision. It is their hope that in this show of goodwill they may share in the joy of all mothers.
Thousands of birth families are searching for each other. The public is learning that birth parents want to be found and adoptees have a natural urge to search.
There is a lot of support on the Internet. One's birth mother or birth father or birth child may already be online looking for them. A good place to start on the Web is: angelfire.lycos.com./in3/birthsearch.
Indiana also has a state-run registry. The Indiana Adoption Coalition was formed in 1986 to lobby for legislative changes. At that time, any adoption-related search was illegal in the state. Through the efforts of the coalition and our supporters, the Indiana Adoption History Registry was made a reality. This mutual consent registry is administered by the Indiana State Department of Health, and provides health information, when made available by the parties concerned, and nonidentifying information upon request.
In 1993, the law was expanded so individuals not reunited by the registry could petition the courts to appoint an intermediary to locate the petitioner's alternate and inform them of the petitioner's desire for reunion. To date, more than 300 families have been reunited through this process.
The state also will do a search for medical history that may be in your file. You just need to write a letter and request this to be done.
As those candles light, tonight would be a good time to think about mothers who are often forgotten.
