Life is Waiting For You
We were sitting in the apartment together when they arrived. And this was the beginning. Or perhaps it began with the walls. Ever since James moved out, a sort of positive feeling surrounded the apratment, and a few days prior to that night we decided to celebrate it. Anna and Eric decided we would smoke, and then decorate, but we spotted the Washable Magic Markders before we saw the posters. Instantly the plastic-coated living room walls were covered in our ideas, and after an hour or so they were covered in absolute color. Flowers, political protests, peace signs, general happiness, and Anna remarks, "Man... It looks like my apartment was overrun by hippies." She was right. We are all peaceful people, We live by our own rules, creating our own standards and we are happy.
That night, however, was a real unity. The boys walked into a room filled with lazy smoke, barely rising above our bodies. Sometimes it's hard to differentiate what we were smoking, whether it is cloves, cigarettes, ganj, or a lit incense stick. That day it was incense. Eric came over to give me a kiss (he is an integral part of our circle), while Brian leaned casually on the door. Brian is one of Eric's friends and is not used to our blatant happiness. His sentiments, though slightly less refined, were the same as ours and soon he was conversing with ease.
Earlier in the day Anna, Eric and I had agreed to go swimming in the river, a spot that Anna and I had known of. Unfortunatly I'd had to go to Sleazeville, a town not much more than a mile from our city, to talk to my boyfriend (James) to try and work things out without violence. My boyfriend is not a happy person.
When conversation slowed for us we began to discuss swimming. One thing that can be learned quickly about us is that we are not prone to much individual movement. We find securtiy in our group, comfort in familiarity. Eric and I moved as one tospur action. Out the door and into the night.
Now, imagine the night. Beautiful, clear, the stars visible above us-Andromeda, Cassiopia, Orion- but the Dipper was the only constellation that anyone recognized. Care weren't out, nobody was except for the occasional group on a porch enjoying themselves as we were also. As Anna and I fixed out purses the boys grabbed us and linked arms. As we skipped with them we sang,
We're off to see The Wizard!
The wonderful wizard of Oz!
Because, because, because, because...
Of all the wonderful things he does
After the first verse, still laughing, still singing, we realized we were smokers and decided to slow down. A few moments later, cutting through an empty parking lot Anna remembers, "You know what i forgot that we should've had?" She laughed. "I bet Eric knows."
Hearing his name, he looks up- "What?" then realization, "Ohh! Where??!" When he disocovers it is only at the apartment a block behind us he heads back, and we point him in the general direction to walk in order to catch up to us. Halfway through the parking lot I look up to see an ex of mine, on a balcony porch above me. I waved hello and he grunted, "hi" at me. Usually he is more responsive, but i saw he had a girl with him so i didn't stay to press conversation. Footsteps pounding on concrete. Eric leaps into sight as we scurry down a little drop to the strees, our arms above us, waving him on. He halts, talking to my ex, a friend of his as well, then runs on toward us. I am suddenly enclosed in a big bear hug- and he is walking with us. In his possession is now a ziplock sandwich bag with a small amount of green herb inside, and The Flute, adequatly named becasue a mutual friends younger sibling picked it up and asked how to play it.
Anna and I walk behind the boys who are avidly talking. We make general comments on our life and we walk side-by-side mainly in silence. This silence was how we first heard that Brian was "back." He turned to us, saying, "Tony and I have decided to bond tonight. We have never smoked a bowl just the few of us and we are going to do it!" He grins, "So lets go 'not' smoke pot." Smoking bud is not an unusual thing for any of us, but that came as a suprise becasue a month earlier Brian had decided not to smoke for a while. We became aware than we were to be witness to something special: The return of a stoner child.
We skipped down the road again, this time without singing, just in our genuine awe and excitement of the beauty of the night. After several side streets and a main road, we arrived at the tracks on the eastern side of town, near the old Greyhound station. Though there is an existing road that follows the tracks on the other side of shrubbery and underbrush, we took the tracks feeling brave. Our adults have warned us from elementary school, "Don't walk on the tracks." They tell us, "There are dangerous people there, especially at night." I though about that as we walked, and how I've never seen a body on along the tracks, night or day, besides myself. I decided that everyone was too scared to come out here and the only people to walk the tracks are people like us, pacifists with enough faith in humanity to not have to worry. I walked on the rail; Anna to my left outside the tracks with my hand on her shoulder, Eric on the other side on the ties holding my right hand. Brian walked next to Eric, occasionally clapping him on the back and reinstation his excitement over the upcoming blaze. After a fourth mile down the tracks, slowly houses disperesed and the trees and foliage became more prevalent. Then the trestles.
Once again, imagination is neccesary to see us. If trestles were to ever mean a safe bridge crossing to one of us, that connotation would be replaced as soon as our feet hit the first tie not supported by land. The bridge is maybe 10 feet tall, with running water below. Huge metal saftey wallsadorn the side of the railroad bridge. Graffiti in bright colors obscures the rust that is conquering the metal. The ties remain apart by a half of a foot and they are rotting through slowly. Every step requires a tentative foot movement accompanied by slight pressure. Empty black voids fill the spaces in between. We all remian in our places in the line, but Brian pulls ahed and Eric and I fall behind. Eric is scared of heights; he grips my hand with the strength of Atlas. My fingers grind together, it hurts, but i understand and i have my fears too. Anna's the only one to maintain an even pace. We are both familiar with this 20 foot obstacle but she walks unhinders, having no one holding to her, trusting her. I glance at Eric, his teeth clenched, and his breathing awkward. I think Brian was unnerved too but he barrelled ahead of us. Finally after endless dismay, we were on ground again. Land is never appreciated fully until people leave it and come back to it. I don't remember it ever feeling so good to know that i was on something so firm and safe.
This was where Anna and I had to begin our search for the right opening in the underbrush. About 100 feet past the trestles, Anna located it. We scrambled down the bank of small pebbles and stood at the bottom looking at the expansive wood around us and the small dark trail in front of us. Anna and I grabbed our lighters. I began to lead, but realized spiders (my biggest fear) we in the way, so i called Eric up to help me through it. A few minutes later we were in the clearing. A firepit was centralized with an overturned shopping cart next to it that we convieniently used as a table. As we were undressing to shorts, boxers, and tanks the idea of nudity came up. Eric, Brian and I agreed immediatly, though Anna voted to smoke first. We stripped completely, the three of us and ran to the water with the ganj and The Flute. Anna followed more modestly with the lighter, her nudity covered by a sarong.
A rock just the perfect size for the four of us to perch on lay a foot out in the water. We clambered up onto it and smoked a bowl. The boys looked around, taking in the surroundings, and i think we all felt sort of magical then. The clearing was small, and the trail led right through it and kept going. A muddy bank dropped down to the river which we had to edge carefully down to get to our current positions. Some sort of dam was to the left and the river flowed on to the right. The water was 15 feet across and it never got much deeper than one's waist, but the boys didn't know that yet.
We finished the bowl and packed the remaining into The Flute. Rotation changed and I found myself confused wehn i went to pass, but i only had to pass it twice becasue Brian tipped it and lost the contents onto the rock and into the water. "Nature Happens," reassures Eric. We ran to the clearing again to put our stuff away. I passed a cigarette to Eric and lit one myself, running back to the water. It was a beautiful feeling to be there. To be able to appreciate nudity and the human form with friends with the added bonus of smoking on the river was overwhelming for my sense. I floated on the water observing us, trying to see us objectively but i was so caught in the moment i couldn't ignore my own body. Brian said we should swim, and after he pushed Anna a little bit she removed her sarong, though she remained curled up on the rock, hugging her legs. I field-stripped my cigarette, tossed it in my purse and ran back to the water, slipping a little on the rocks underneath. The river was cold, but it felt good. The bottom was sandy and rocky and I felt several strands of algae which startled me for a moment before i realized it was alright. Eric sat on the rock near Anna, both refusing to go in. I splashed Brian and he threw me in the water, laughing i came back up only to be dunked fully in. I came up sputtering, but grinning. We ganged up on Eric who we eventually got in the water. Eric isn't a natural water person, especially in the dark. Brian tried to dunk Eric, but Eric put up more of a stance than me and Brian ceased. Anna didn't want to be in the water either so i pulled her in.
Minutes after Anna and Eric made their way in, we saw flashlights on the trail we had just come down. Two policemn in uniform were the bearers of the lights. They shined it on our belongings, then on us, then around the clearing. Eric was murmuring a litany of negativity, "Fuck, this is going to be bad, really bad.. shit.. shit.. this isn't good." I felt my stomach sink through my body, but when i realized it floated at water level, i felt a bit better. Brian had his hand to his head, and Anna and I were covering our breasts with our arms, slightly turned away.
Then, confused, "Hi... How are you kids tonight?" the policeman began, "Well, we just got a noise call and we had to come check it out." They proceeded to ask if there was anyone furthur up the trails and we told them not that we knew of. They said they weren't going to do anything about us, but that they hoped we would clear out. They shined the flashlights around one more time, then said, "We're going to leave you so you can come out and get dressed." They began to walk off when the other one stopped and looked bak at us, then, chuckling, "Nice suits!" and they were gone.
I yelled after, "Natural is better!" and we all broke out laughing in relief. I took a minute in the water to swim and we all got out. Dressing we realized the Flute and the baggie had been sitting on top of our clothes. I lit another cigarette, passed one to Eric, and we grabbed our bags to head out. The feeling of absolute bissful euphoriea was indescribable. Walking on the tracks i felt like something was going to burst inside of me, my happiness was a wonder to me. We all felt the magic then. We laughed about how casual the cops had been with us, and thanked our respective protectors for our good fortune, and we all agreed that Brian was one of the luckiest people in the world becasue he got to reinstate himself with the ganj magic as well as the magic of the whole night.
This story will live for a long time with us. Brian was profoundly impacted by the experience. He stopped Eric several times to hug him and call him brother. His initiation to our mantra of love, peace, and freedom could never have been more complete. He excaimed theories that we take for granted with such enthusiasm. It was turly beautiful to have had that experience and to have been there to witness everyone else's ecstasy. Collective euphoria down the tracks and even the trestles didn't detract although Eric and I took longer and he squeezed my hand harder. We walked back down the empty silent streets. The group mood wore off, but I retained my euphoria even now thinking about it, immortalized in my words, and we walked up to the apartment, in a line together with hands clasped and arms linked.
Email: kreesha5@hotmail.com
