I have become rather pro-active in the fight against the abuse of women that can occur online. I spend some of my time searching profiles and have directly told some ladies the problems they are presenting for themselves.

I speak out against the "surveys" and "e-mails around the world" and any other number of things which give away identities. (I even mailed one woman a postcard when she had never gave me her address.)

I number my online friends as being a ratio of about 9 women to 1 man. I am active in the AOL community, having even attended one wedding. Maybe because I have been thru it, I understand what others go thru. I have been "father confessor" to a number of stories of broken promises and dashed love.

Just as in the "real world", the pain is real here, maybe even more so because of the intensity of the communication of the minds.

Here I am telling you things to watch out for. But who am I ???

Am I another player, disguised in sheep's clothing? Why are you reading this? Have you been hurt? Fooled? By a guy who was there to protect you from hurt?

What makes me different? Nothing!

You know nothing about me. That I appear in this web site, does that validate my sincerity? What do you know about me? Think about it.

Who are my online friends? What rooms am I in? Do I drop out of the room when you enter so we will be alone? Do I invite you to get to know my friends? Do I "disappear" for days at a time?

Or is it maybe I am a shill in the room? Observing, waiting for my next victim while I am "playing" you.

Know my friends is to know me. No, it is not a guarantee. Nothing in this life is guaranteed.

But if I am known, if I am accessible, if I can be found, then you have a better chance. Think about it.

Just think.

IF YOU THINK YOUR LIVE-IN LOVER/HUBBY
IS HAVING AN "ONLINE FLING"
Advice On How To Handle It From A Male's Perspective

Do not resort to "spyware". The types of devices and software that can monitor a PC are easily detected by someone that has computer knowledge and skills. The most common software available to the average person "slows down" the operation of the PC and is detectable to even the novice user.

Instead, talk to him and share your concerns. Ask him for complete access to the network and his information. If all you are concerned about is that he may be flirting or playing online, then be open with your concerns and ask him for his password and give him yours. See what he says. If he is hiding something from you, or is actually doing something "wrong", then his reaction will show more then what he is hiding. Also, you may want to consider that if you did install something and he found it ... what feelings will you hurt in this attempt to spy on him if he IS NOT doing anything wrong? How small are you going to feel? And most important, how much damage is it going to do to your relationship??? Honesty is the most important thing in a relationship/marriage, friendship second, and lots of great sex (a man speaking here -- LOL) third.

There may be a small amount of hesitation that may come from him in his reply when you ask him. If he has spent a great deal of time and money setting up his equipment (his hobby), then to him in a way you are invading his space and he will react to that and you could misunderstand that reaction for something else. Guys look at hobbies and toys differently then women do. Please keep that in mind when you judge his reaction. Remember boys never grow up, their toys just get more expensive. - LOL

As difficult as it is for a woman to understand a man and his thoughts, or better yet, misunderstand his thoughts, unless he is actually meeting a person off-line, having an affair and doing those typed "words", then I wouldn't worry. But this is a man telling a woman not to worry -- yeah right, almost as easy as to try to tell her not to breath... :o)

I think women even worry if they don't worry enough - (ducking now) LOL

Bottom-line: Using a spy tool should be the LAST resort to this type of situation.

Safe computing to all you ladies, Steve

To all of you ladies who have scammed by a player, so now you have learned.

But at least a majority of you learned with only ~ yes only ~ heartbreak...you were not physically hurt or taken financially. That happens more often than you think. But there is learning in all things; sometimes to have one's eyes, mind, and heart learn is hard.

As an ex-investigator I recommend a few things to ALL who get involved on line.

If you only want to innocently flirt, that is a choice only each person can make and accept how far they let it go, but when it goes further, then --

GET A NAME:
A full name. You may not immediately know if it is real, but you can judge by the quickness or easiness of the reply if it might be the real one.

GET AN ADDRESS:
It may be a PO Box or a street address. But again how easy does the person give it up. When they ask for yours, you say "NOT until yours proves true". Resist any attempt to be made to feel guilty. State because of wide-spread internet deception, you need to know. If they don't tell you....END IT.

Now we have a name and an address. Not too hard to ascertain if that person does indeed live at that address by following Sara's below suggestions OR...

GET A PHONE NUMBER:
It may be unlisted, but get it. You now have a name and address, call information to get the phone number. Does it match the one he gave you? This is one more way to establish that person is who they say they are.

BEWARE: If they tell you only call this number at a certain time or give you some reason you cannot have the number.

REMEMBER this person is professing love, what is there to hide?

DO NOT call 800, 877 numbers. This leaves YOUR phone number on their phone bill.

LAST AND THE CLINCHER ....
Tell them IF they have nothing to hide, and all they say is true and they love you, you want their SS# as you have a friend who is a PI who will check them out. If there is any hesitation, or lack of trust, the FINAL RED FLAG should go up and you END IT.

Again RESIST all attempts to make you feel guilty. If they really are sincere in their feelings toward you, then they will readily do these things to put you at ease. If they refuse,