Int. SoL--Robert is talking on his cellphone with Roger, who is elsewhere on the SoL.

Robert--That's good to hear, Roger. Good to know something's going right. Well, see if she'll make us some dinner while you're at it, I'm starved! Right. Talk to you later, man. Right.

(Robert ends the call and turns to Cambot)

Robert--We've begun recording these for posterity. As in, proof for the lawsuit we intend to bring against Antagony and Fangrrl, if we don't kill them first! Are you getting this, Cambot?

(Cambot nods)

Robert--Good job. We're all grateful to Roger for finding the robots. He found Cambot, and the big purple one called Gypsy. She runs the SoL and makes sure we've enough to eat, things like that.

(Simon arrives, carrying a note. He's grumbling under his breath)

Simon--Hey, man. Look at this! Look at this shite! (He waves it in Robert's face)

Robert--Stop waving it, and maybe I can. (he takes it from Simon, and reads aloud)

Dear Cure,

Fangrrl and I are going to Convergence. Therefore, we won't be around to send you anything. Before you start celebrating your freedom, bear in mind that these transcripts are for your reading displeasure. We expect to have a full report on them when we return! Start with 'Laughter' by Nemesiz '99. We're sure it will have you crying 'Uncle' in no time!

See you in a week,
Antagony and Fangrrl

Simon (scowling) Wankers!

Magic Voice--Commercial sign in 5...4...3...2...1

Robert--Yeah...well, at least they haven't sent us any slash. Yet.

Simon (to Robert)--Wanker.

Magic Voice--Commercial sign now.

Commercials for the 2000 Election, Whose Line is it Anyway, and the latest 'Be yourself! Wear our stuff like your friends do!' ad aimed at teenagers.

Back from commercials.

(Int. SoL)

(The Cure are on the bridge of the SoL.)
Perry--We have to what?
Robert--We have to read all these fanfics. Antagony and Fanggrl want a full report.
Roger--Well, what the hell can they do to us, mate?
Simon--They could make us watch Barney again...
(Everyone shudders)
Jason--Well, I'm not doing a fucking thing until we get Fanfic Sign.

(No sooner does he say it then the lights flash and the sirens blare)
All--We've got Trek Fic Siiiiiiiiiiign! (The usual chaos and confusion ensues as they hurry to the reading room)

5...4...3...2...1

(the Cure take their seats around the iMac)

Author's not:
Roger--That's for sure!
Robert--I'm not sure I follow...
Roger--Author's not...an author...
Robert--Oh! I get it now!

For Stefanie, my German frien, who
Perry--Not a friend, but a frien. Know the difference--it could save your life.

I think
Jason--Could have fooled us.

should get into her thick little head
Simon--Ummm...*her* thick little head?
Robert--Replace head with skull. That should work better.

that Janeway/Kim,
Roger--I thought the whole point of slash was to not put opposite genders together.
Perry--Which reminds me. If you have two males, but one is really a she-male, is it still slash?
Robert (frowning)--No more Rocky Horror Picture Show for *you*, young man.
Perry--Awww...

never will work!
Jason--Lazy gits, always on the dole!

*giggle*.
All (Badly Dubbed)--Ha. Hahaha. Haha.

No, J/P
Robert--Jason and Perry? Oooh.
(Jason and Perry give Robert a dirty look)

and J/C,
Simon--Jason and Chris?
Jason--I think not!

but not J/K!
Robert--and you can forget the L/M, N/O, and the P/Q, too!

Anyway this is for Stefanie, love you honey!
Perry (as Stefanie, falsetto) Yeah, right! Sending me this drek!

Disclaimer: Paramount is the master over us all.
Roger (Torgo)--ThE MaStEr WiLl NoT ApPrOVe oF ThIs FaNFic...

Rating: PG, J/P.
Simon (To Jason and Perry) Sure this isn't about you guys?
Perry--Shut up.

Enjoy!
Robert--No! We don't want to!

**************************************************************************************************************<
Jason (singing) A star, a star, shining in the night...

Laughter
Simon--Is the best medicine, next to a good strong hit of acid!

by; Nemesiz '99
Robert--Soon out for the Sony Playstation.

Suddenly
Robert--A door slammed!
Jason--A maid screamed!
Roger--Gloom gathered!
Robert--No fair, mate! You can't use material from other MiSTings!

she is laughing,
Robert--Even as we are screaming.

a bitter laugh, but a laugh nevertheless.
Simon--Hmmm, sounds like you, Roger.
Roger--Haha.

She is laughing for the man that can't hear her.
Jason--Rather like stripping for the blind, wouldn't you say?

For the ones we lost on the way.
Simon (janeway) I just put them down for two seconds, and look what happens! I lost them!

And for death, nothing more and nothing less.
Robert--I wonder if she is laughing for those forced to read bad fanfiction...

She is laughing to her loved one, the one that isn't here anymore. Loved with no loving back,
Perry--But there *is* a loving front, so it can't be all bad, I guess.

a love just as empty as her laugh.
All (badly dubbed and hollow)--Hah. Hahaha.

She is laughing with a hoares voice,
Simon--she sounds like a tart?
Robert--I think she meant to say 'hoarse'.

hoares from all the crying and no speaking.
Roger--Speak no evil, cry no evil, laugh no evil.

A laugh without emotion,
Jason--Is like a day without sunshine.

empty, no love and no hate. No happiness and no sadness.
Roger--This, then, is the way of Zen.

She is laughing for nothing and for everything. The love she never got to feel, the tears she had to cry. And for the brokend
Robert--And for bad spelling...
Roger--Trite bullshit...
Simon--Stupid wankers making us read this...
Jason--Mary Sue fiction...
Perry--Badly written slash...
Robert--Notice, he said *badly written* slash...
Perry--Shut up.

heart that only a ded
Perry--Apparently, ded men don't spell.

man can heal. A man that died when his loved one died. His loved one not being her.
Jason--Ooooh, she's jealous!

She is laughing for all the fools in the this room
Robert--Who don't know shit about grammar!

that doesn't, and probably never will, understand what
Perry--The hell this fanfic is supposed to be about!

it is she is laughing about. But I do, I understand.
Roger (dripping sarcasm) Then might we ask, kind sir, if you could possibly *enlighten* us poor, uneducated slobs!

B'Elanna died so Tom took his life.
Robert--this set of a suicidal chain reaction throut Voyager, everyone died, the end.
Perry--We would never be so lucky, man.

And by ending his he ended hers. Ended her life and pain.
Jason--Right about now, I wish Tom Paris would do the same for us!

Ended her eternal punishment, to love him.
Roger--Is to know him.

She is laughing and it's the first time in three weeks
Simon--That she's gotten a good shagging.

the crew has heard her voice.
Robert (singing) Calling my name, sounds as deep, in the dark...

Some are smiling, others are
Roger--Hopefully plotting the death of the author.
Perry--If they are, that's the only plot going on here.

looking oddly at her, wondering how she can laugh in a time like this. But they don't understand. This is her good bye. Her thank you to Tom.
Simon--Yours to keep with the purchase of the socket wrench set.

She is laughing because she is relieved. Relieved that she has been released from the tight grip of love. But she and I both knowd
Robert (redneck)--Hee-yup, we are real smart, we done knowd it!

that loves grip is stronger then
Simon--Poor spelling.
Roger (cynical) You'd like to think that, wouldn't you?

that. And one of the reasons that she is laughing is because she wants them all to remember her voice like that. Laughing and bitter.
Perry (snobby wine taster)--This wine has a lovely bouquet, laughing and bitter.

She is laughing and looks me in to my eyes.
Jason--Uhhhh...owww...(holds his head, rubbing)
(Robert rubs his shoulders) It's easier to just go with it, man.

I look back in to those blue hols
Roger (Harry from 3rd Rock)--I am the High Commander of Hols!

of emptyness, she sees that I understand. And she only starts to laugh more.
Robert--Even as we are *screaming*!

She is laughing when I go to her, I kiss her on the forhead, bend my head
Perry--Owwww! That's gotta hurt!

and whisper good bye in her ear. With that I turn around and leave the room. As I walk closer to the
door I can hear how her laugh turns into sobes.
Simon (shakes head) That does it. No more spelling cracks. It's just *too* easy.

She is laughing with the tears of pain and she cries with the sound of joy.
Roger--And I sneer in your general direction.

And as I walk to the turbolift along the desert corridors
Robert--Ummm...I thought they were on Voyager! How did they get to the desert?

of this soon to be goths ship,
Jason--Aww, god, don't tell me Antagony and Fangrrl are taking Voyager over!
Perry--Well, it can only improve the show, from what I've seen...

I can't help but
Roger--Wet myself.
Simon--Well, I knew you were getting old, man...
Roger--Sod off.

to think that all of this is caused by love. Love for a man. Love for Tom.
Robert (as Roger as Soup Nazi) No love for Tom!
Roger--Don't steal my lines!

And I know that I won't see her tomorrow or any other day. Because she will leave us. Me. For the place where there is no pain.
Robert (singing) Where the birds always sing...

To the place where Tom is. Tom
Jason--Tom...the Tomster...Tom-o-Rama...Tom-Tom...
Simon--That wasn't funny then, and it isn't now, Jay.
Jason--Spoilsport.

and B'Elanna. So her punishment will continue, even in death she will cry the tears of love. Tears for a man. Tears for Tom.
Robert--Tears for Fears.

Suddenly I laugh, a bitter laugh, but a laugh nevertheless.
All--NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

The bitter End!
All--Phew!

**************************************************************************************************************
Perry--Stars upon thars.

Please tell me what you think.
Roger(evil)--How much time do you have, mate? I intend to make you pay!

Lots of love
Simon--sucking up is NOT going to cut it!

Nemesiz @~;~~
Robert--And neither will that fucking rose.

Nemesiz place of hiding
Jason--Go back, and stay there!

J/P fanfic
Simon--Jason and--
Perry--NO.

Email: nemesiz_jc@yahoo.com
Robert--Oh we plan on it, sweetheart. Just you wait...

5...4...3...2...1

Robert--Well, that could have been far worse, mates.
Perry--Agreed.

Roger--Well, I have to say it's given me an all-new appreciation for the word 'crap'.

(Everyone chuckles)

(Gypsy pokes her head in)
Gypsy--Guys, you have a Priority One message coming in!
Robert--From whom?
Gypsy--He says he's a friend of yours.
Roger--Put it on the main screen, Gyspy.
Gypsy--Roger, Roger!

(Gypsy leaves)

(Perry turns to Roger)
Perry--Roger, Roger?
(Roger shrugs)

(the hexfield opens to reveal...Lol Tolhurst! we see that Lol is in a bar)
Robert--What the--Lol! How the hell did you find us!
Lol--It hasn't been easy, man. Just know that I'm doing my best to get you all the hell out of there!
Perry--Great! Any ideas so far?

Lol--I'm working on it. I'm doing some research on it, as we speak.
Simon--In a pub?
Lol--Call it legwork. Anyway, I can't stay too long. Just know that you aren't going to be up there forever.
Robert--I have faith in you, man.
(Lol smiles. The screen fades to black)

Roger--I don't believe it. Lol is going to get us out of here?
Robert--Right now, I'd accept help from Stephen Ratliff.
Perry--Funny you should mention it, Robert...he's on the list of stories to read.

(silence)

All--Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!!!

end

(Closing titles and theme. MST:3k belongs to Best Brains, Inc. The Cure belong to themselves. 'Laughter' (c) 1999 Nemesiz 99. Keep writing the stories. The Cure forever.)