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Q. I want to say I enjoy your answers on the bachelor and bachelorette series very much. It seems that many people are very much stuck on bashing Aaron. Although I disagree on how he treated Helene and the way he dealt with the breakup, don't you think it’s an unhealthy obsession for some people to have? The series has been over for 8 months; I am not sure why people waste their time talking about him anymore. I know I would much rather talk about Bob's show or Andrew and Jen, than Aaron. (Unsigned)
A. I agree with you, in a way. Aaron and the public should have moved on by now. He could have disappeared from public view, once he realized everything regarding his breakup with Helene had been exposed, and would have been practically forgotten by now. The problem is Aaron chooses to be in the limelight, and I feel people will continue bashing him as long as he keeps behaving erratically and publicly bashing Helene with his innuendoes. Personally, I am not certain Aaron is ready to step down from being in the limelight, even if it is currently hurting his image more than helping it.
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Q. Didn't you say earlier that Aaron resents Helene because he thinks she caused his "fall from grace" by telling the truth about the breakup? (Unsigned)
A. That is still my best guess as to the reason for his anger towards Helene, but sometimes I wonder if there is more to it than that.
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Q. In a recent article in People magazine about celebrities aspiring to be politicians, Aaron was quoted as saying that Helene hated George Bush and that maybe that was a "sign" that they weren't right for each other. Helene wrote an angry response in her website saying that she didn't hate the President and that it was a lie. Why do you think Aaron would feel a need to insult Helene? After all, he was the one who ended the relationship. (unsigned)
A. I feel this is a good example of what happens when a relationship ends without closure. I see hidden anger in Aaron, he does not waste an opportunity to express it every time he refers to Helene. I believe Helene still feels hurt, but I honestly don’t see anger or hatred in her words or actions. Personally, I don’t believe she even feels personal hatred for Aaron, therefore, his statement about her hating President Bush is farfetched. She might not have supported President Bush during the elections, but I believe hatred had no part in her choice of candidates. I don’t personally know Aaron, but I am curious to know the reason for his anger towards Helene. I have never seen him feel sadness because their relationship ended, or even a sign of acceptance in the fact they were not compatible and he fell out of love. I am not very knowledgeable about politics, but common sense tells me someone who is toying with the idea of running for public office should begin to measure his actions and words, especially in public. I believe Aaron should use common sense, and begin respecting and catering to the complete spectrum of his future constituency.
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Q. Do you think Aaron & Kirsten would make a good couple? They seem to share a lot of personality characteristics. (Unsigned)
A. I knew it was a matter of time before someone asked me this question. Superficially, both seem like a good match. Kirsten’s physical characteristics are similar to Helene’s, but that is where the similarity ends. It is possible Aaron and Kirsten could become physically attracted towards each other, but she is unable to represent the same challenge, for him, as Helene once was. I also feel their personalities would clash.
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Q. I’ve been an avid B-2 follower, and a Helene fan, ever since the show aired. I only got a computer recently and hooked up with your site for the first time. I enjoyed reading your articles, and have two questions for you. Since I’ve noticed you’ve been a Helene supporter and defender all along, I wanted to know if she’s ever written to you in reference to your comments, and if you think she would be emotionally ready to be the Bachelorette. Thanks. (Jean W.)
A. Boy, for a newcomer, you sure know how to get a guy in trouble! The answer to your first question is “no,” Helene has never corresponded with me. My opinions are based on what little I read and watch on TV. As for the second question, only Helene knows if she feels emotionally ready for a possible second engagement. Some people need more time than others in order to feel comfortable dating again. I believe Helene is a very mature individual, and her inner strength helps her overcome any obstacles in her life. I am certain she would not do anything rash. Whatever she decides to do, I wish her the best. By the way, welcome to the World Wide Web.
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Q. Andrew and Jen recently stated they still had to have a big fight, and a few other pre-requisites, before they felt comfortable with their relationship. Are they right? Also, Andrew said they wouldn't be together for his birthday, and I was wondering if this meant there are problems in their relationship. (Unsigned)
A. In reference to your second question, I believe fans are overanalizing everything A&J say or do. I wouldn't really worry about these small details. Now, getting to your first question, as everything else in life, relationships should evolve and grow, or else they die. In this particular case, there might be some truth in A&J’s statement, but it should not be taken too literally by the fans. I believe what they meant was they needed to experience the small things couples go through, in their everyday life, in order for their relationship to continue growing. There are several well-established myths out there, but the fact is each relationship is different. Believe it or not, I know some couples who have never argued, and they have been together for 15-20 years. I feel arguments begin as soon as communication ends, and as long as two people are exchanging ideas, it does not constitute a true “fight.” Jen and Andrew communicate well with each other and, excluding small squabbles normal for two people getting used to each other, I do not believe they will have too many big fights in their relationship. I wish I could inform Andrew the solution to most of their problems is to buy a second remote, and whoever presses the channel button first, wins.
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Q. After watching how Adam described Kirsten's "boyfriend status" to Andrew, she said that Adam was completely wrong. You saw the uncut explanation Kirsten gave to Andrew's siblings in the finale. What do you think? Did Adam read Kirsten's words well? (Unsigned)
A. I am a firm believer that, minus a few exceptions, everything in life has an easy explanation, as long as it is approached with the truth. Kirsten had over six weeks to inform Andrew of the situation with her ex-boyfriend. Even during the “After the Rose Special, she was still trying to appear as the misunderstood victim of a sinister plot. I feel Kirsten might have made the determination to end the relationship during the filming of the Bachelor. The problem is it was not official, since the boyfriend was not aware of her decision.
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Q. Do you think Aaron will ever have a lightbulb moment when he will realize he caused his own unpopularity with the public, or do you think he will always blame Helene? (Sarah)
A. It is difficult to say, he might accept the fact he did not end his relationship with Helene in a dignified manner, but that does not mean he will ever admit it publicly.
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Q. Do you think Kirsten actually fell in love with Andrew as she claimed? (Unsigned)
A. People love in many different ways. She might have fallen in love with him, based on her standards, but I never saw any indications which led me to believe it was anything serious. I personally believe Kirsten and Cristina fell in love with the idea of being Mrs. Firestone, but that is something totally different.
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Q. I have read people quoting "The Angelefire Psychologist" on the ABC Bachelor Boards and on Chris Harrison's board and it appears that you are writing somewhere else. Is there another place we can find your updated comments/opinions? By the way, while I am a Trista and Ryan fan, it appears that your observations about them are accurate: that big hunk of a fire fighter is turning in to someone's lap dog & I am now beginning to agree with you and wonder about their long term future! Thanks-keep on writing & we'll keep on reading! (Unsigned)
A. Theoretically, my articles are exclusively posted in our Angelfire site. Realistically, segments of our articles and Q&A’s are found on boards all over the net, thanks to several “cut & paste bandidos”. Perhaps this is why you have read some of our articles elsewhere. I am of the opinion our “bandidos” are a really nice group, and as long as they mention where the articles come from, and don’t use it for personal profit, I don’t mind. Honestly, I feel quite honored they have chosen to incorporate segments of our articles in their sites. As for T&R, I can not help feeling he is being undermined as a result of his feelings for Trista. I like Ryan, and if I had a little sister I would have sent her on a paid vacation to Vail, with instructions to ensure her car broke down in front of his fire station.
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Q. It’s been said Jen has refused to continue employment with Firestone Wines, and is not only searching for a job on her own, but also for her own apartment. She also seems not to want Andrew to buy her expensive items. Why do you think she would do this? (Angela)
A. If this is true, it wouldn’t surprise me much. As I have said before, I believe Jen has strong principles and is very independent. She does not want to appear as someone who is taking advantage of Andrew’s status and financial situation. This is her way of saying she can survive on her own, and is engaged to Andrew because she loves him, not because she is trying to enjoy the "commodities" the Firestone family are offering her. Jen will marry for love, and nothing else. I am certain Andrew and his whole family feel touched by her honesty and integrity.
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Q. It was reported in an article that "The Bachelor 2's jerky Aaron Burgee goosed Survivor contestant Jenna Lewis' butt and touched her breasts at a fund-raiser for kids with HIV/AIDS in Lincoln, Nebraska." Why would Aaron do such a thing? Is he just trying to get any attention, positive or negative? To tell you the truth it's enjoyable laughing at him. (Unsigned)
A. I honestly don’t understand why Aaron continues to place himself in unfavorable situations. He should see the media has turned against him, and is emphasizing every one of his mishaps.
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Q. You’ve probably heard about Aaron’s latest debacle with the DCO auction, and the subsequent scandal. Also, there’s been talk lately about Aaron actions and comments to the press, painting a picture of someone out of control. I know you’ve said before not to like giving advice, so I’ll just ask you to share your thoughts on this. (Unsigned)
A. I believe it is “much to do about nothing.” He was auctioning off a date, it is as simple as that. He could be a good sport and simply honor the date; perhaps taking along some of the other people involved in the joke and making the best of it. I’m curious to know the real purpose of having a friend at the auction ready to bid on his behalf. I feel this is the right moment for Aaron to take an extended vacation to a country where no one has ever heard of him, so he could evaluate his future options. He could return home whenever he felt ready to begin a new chapter in his life, away from everything related to the Bachelor. I believe Aaron should be wise enough to realize the press and fans can make or break you. Things have come to a point where both have pretty much turned against him, and everyone is enjoying watching him sink. It will be extremely difficult for him to walk away from The Bachelor, but not impossible, if he sets his mind to do so.
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Q. Do you think Bob Guiney (the new bachelor) is truly interested in finding a ladylove or do you think he's trying to ride the fame wave? (Unsigned)
A. I remember, not too long ago, Bob’s asking his fans to contact ABC if they wanted to see him more often on TV. He has a great sense of humor, and a pleasant personality, but I believe Bob is more interested in the exposure The Bachelor and Oprah will give him, than in seriously finding a life-long partner. There is a slight possibility he will propose, but I believe chances of that happening are slim. I am interested in seeing him on B-4, and hope he can make the women feel he is much more than just a funny and witty guy.
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Q. Let me begin by saying I love your articles. You say it as it is, without being insulting. I’m a very curious person and have an offbeat question for you: What is the process you and Wendy go through when doing the interviews, and when you answer our questions. (Dianne)
A. My weekly interviews with A.T. are done by telephone, the morning following the show. They are recorded, typed, and forwarded to our Webmaster for posting. All questions from our readers are sorted by topic. After filtering out questions not pertaining to the shows, or are similar in nature, I forward them to A.T. His answers are recorded unto a microcasette, which is later typed and forwarded to the Webmaster. Our “proofwriter” moved away, therefore, we ask you go easy on us regarding small errors that might slip through. On a humorous note, A.T. has a wicked sense of humor. His tapes sometimes include personal jokes for us, which we normally have to separate from his answers.(Wendy Thompson)
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Q. Hi! I am always baffled when I hear the term "plain Jen" and wonder why anyone would think that. I think she is absolutely beautiful in every way, both outwardly and inwardly. Why would anyone refer to Jen as "plain"? (Unsigned)
A. From what I remember, Kirsten was the one who made the statement. I would not pay too much attention to it, considering the source. I believe Jen is much more interesting and prettier than Kirsten, but that is only my opinion. It really boils down to personal choice, since I know some people find Kirsten’s "bony" look attractive. Oooops! Did I really say that?
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Q. You mentioned that Tina Fab. has a strong personality and is very mature. I always saw her as playing hard to get because she was immature. Am I wrong? (K.T.)
A. You must understand my observations are directly related to her age, and is subject to other’s interpretation of what constitutes a mature person. I compared her to an average person her age, and drew my conclusions based on it. Of course, I don’t know how old you are, or your maturity level, therefore it is possible you may see her as less mature than yourself. I really should have said, “Tina is more mature than the average person in their twenties”, if I wanted to be more precise. I honestly believe she will outgrow most of her “personality quirks”, since almost everyone had them at her age, including myself.
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Q. I love to hear your insight, but your articles are too short! I know you think highly of Tina Fab. I have tried to like her, but there is a delicate line between being self-confidant and being conceited. She truly comes across to me as the latter and I am curious as to how you see her as just being confident. Thank you in advance! (SJD)
A. I said I liked Tina, but she is not perfect. I believe Tina has a sarcastic sense of humor, a strong personality, and is well aware of her attributes. I believe she needs to find someone with a strong personality and quick wit who will be able to keep up with her sense of humor, and occasionally throw HER off balance. I believe she became carried away during B-3 and had some fun with Andrew, since he always appeared nervous whenever he spoke to her. Tina will probably outgrow her overconfidence, or perhaps learn to manage it, so it isn’t so obvious to others.
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Q. Greetings: My wife got me addicted to The Bachelor series and, of course, your articles. As a colleague, I must profess my admiration at your ability to successfully interact with the viewers, and bring your insights down to a level all enjoy and understand. Although I agree with your opinions, I must confess not having such a gift, for my wife finds my observations "terribly stiff and boring." I would like to know if you believe the relationships formed on these programs have a chance to succeed, once the show is over. Thank you, and keep up the good work! (B.K.R.)
A. I appreciate your kind words, especially when coming from a colleague. I am of the opinion the circumstances surrounding the way two people meet are inconsequential to the success of the relationship. The main issue is how they feel towards each other, once they surpass the initial stages. I believe the relationship between the two previous Bachelors and their final choices were superficial, in nature, and deteriorated once they were removed from the idyllic surroundings created by the producers of the show. On the other hand, I see constant reinforcements the relationship between Andrew and Jen is genuine, and continues to evolve well after they ended their adventure in “fantasyland.” I feel both will need to continue exploring their feelings and nourishing the relationship, much like any other couple, but I believe their foundation is solid. A & J’s chances of success is as good as any other couple meeting under more traditional circumstances. Thanks for your letter, and I hope you enjoy B-4!
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Q. Someone on our B-2 board received an e-mail from Kirsten. In it she writes: “ Tina P and I spent that last few days together and found out how much we had in common. Neither one of us wanted to be barefoot and pregnant on a vineyard. I think he (Andrew) was looking for someone more like Jen, not that she is bad in anyway but he wanted someone to kind of live in his shadow and that is not me. What do you make of this? Sour grapes? (Unsigned)
A. I could accept the fact Tina and Kirsten did not find Andrew attractive, and did not develop any feelings for him. If they, in fact, made those statements, I can not understand their offbeat claim anyone marrying Andrew will live "barefoot in the vineyard" and "in his shadow." No one in their right mind would believe any Firestone would have to stroll around the vineyard barefoot. As for the second statement, Andrew is the type of person who wants someone to compliment him on an equal basis, and would never undermine Jen. On a humorous note, I also believe Jen is not the type of woman who would put up with it, either. It is my opinion Tina and Kirsten are still in their denial phase, and feel Andrew should have chosen them over "plain Jen." Personally, I would characterize this as having a distorted sense of their self-worth.
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Q. What clues are you looking for when reading Paige's eye in order for you to determine that she was projecting an image she wanted others to see? Thanks for your interesting articles. –(LC)
A. It is difficult to put into words. Interpreting body language is something you develop more than learn. In Paige’s case, it is easier to say her personal resume is not indicative of someone who is still going through the "puppy-love" stage.
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Q.Hi A.T., I have a question for you. Way before her arrest records surfaced, you’ve been saying Paige, from Love or Money, was not who she portrayed herself to be. Do you have a crystal ball or something? How did you know? You’ve got to let me in on it!(Leslie)
A. All right Leslie, take a deep breath and calm down...... I previously stated my crystal ball had fallen to the floor and cracked, some time ago. I had to throw it away because it began to act "strange." As for Paige, she is an easy person to read. Just look into her eyes...........
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Q. You have been asked several times who should be the next bachelorette. You had reservations about Brooke and Gwen. Then you said Tina Fab would make an excellent bachelorette! This makes me very happy, because I'm a huge Tina Fab fan. Just want to ask, is it an official endorsement? Sincerely yours J.Y.
A. Thank you for your vote of confidence, but I’m afraid my opinion on this issue is as valuable as a burned out light bulb. Personally, I feel either Tina or Helene would make interesting Bachelorettes, and would take the role up a notch. They have the personality and elegance to keep a group of men, and the viewers, interested for all six episodes. I know there are mixed feelings regarding this issue, but Trista's acceptance rate has never been 100% either.
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Q. Based on what you have seen of Aaron and obviously not knowing him personally, do you think he might have a narcissistic (sp?) personality? Or do you think he is just self-absorbed? (Unsigned).
A. It would be highly unethical for me to apply diagnostic terms when describing anyone involved in these shows. I’m just "crystal-balling", you might say, and my personal opinions are solely for entertainment purposes.
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Q. What do you think caused Aaron to fall out of love with Helene after the end of the show? Do you think their relationship would have lasted longer if she had moved to his hometown immediately following the last episode? (Unsigned)
A. I don’t know the details, but something happened between them, right after the proposal, which was the beginning of the end. I honestly don’t believe it would have made any difference if Helene would have moved closer to Aaron.
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Q. What does it mean to have a "well defined" personality? Does it have to do with being headstrong, or just that a person has a strong sense of whom he or she is? (Unsigned)
A. Sometimes I don’t realize my attempt to stay away from professional terminology drives me to invent my own lingo. I will try to give you a synopsis, due to space limitations. I consider someone with a “well defined” personality an individual whose character traits have matured to the point of understanding and feeling comfortable with themselves. These individuals also possess strong convictions, and know what they want out of life. I believe you defined it fairly well when you said, “A person who has a strong sense of whom he or she is”. I hope my short explanation didn’t make things worse.
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Q. Hello Sir, I'm a huge fan of your observations and remarks and look forward to them almost as much as the episodes themselves. A few questions: 1) After each episode, do you read the bachelor's diary on ABC.com? They (obviously) give a little more details behind the decisions. It was very interesting to read what Andrew was waiting for Amber to say in order to give her a rose; 2) Are you as puzzled as I am about Andrew making out with Cristina in her home? I don't get it. His body language was obvious in the limo; 3) Andrew almost always crosses his arms whenever he's listening to someone. It's a curious detail. Does it say anything about his character and personality?
A. Thank you for your kind words. I try to do as much personal research as I am able to, but really don’t have too much time available. I do have a couple of “helpers” who keep me up to date on “gossip” regarding these shows. As for the situation between Andrew and Christina, we really don’t have the details regarding who initiated the kissing. We must take into consideration she was always aggressive with Andrew, and might have taken the initiative when they were alone. Perhaps this might explain why she was trying to snuggle with Andrew in the limo, while he was trying to save face, in front of the cameras, by looking the other way. I believe crossing his arms while speaking to someone is just a personal habit, much like clapping and rubbing his hand together whenever he feels excited.
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Q. As you noted, Tiffany was one of your favorites from B3. I have also read where she was a favorite amongst a few columnists and readers who write and/or post messages on various Bachelor links. Unfortunately, I have no recollection of her from the first episode, but did see her on the reunion show where she had a few questions for Christina. Was there a particular reason she didn't make it past the first rose ceremony? (Unsigned)
A. Tiffany was not seen much during the first rose ceremony. I remember her well from the episode in which all the bachelorettes were introduced with short clips of themselves. She demonstrated a wonderful sense of humor, besides being very feisty and pretty. I honestly don’t know why she didn’t make it past the first ceremony. Perhaps Andrew didn’t spend too much time with her, or they didn’t “click” for one reason or another.
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Q. When Andrew's brother confronted him about the Kirsten boyfriend issue, it almost looked as though Andrew knew what was coming. I, like you, believe Andrew knew he was choosing Jen way before that visit. Do you think his response was not only embarrassment for being deceived, but also that those were, in part, tears of joy? (knowing for sure that he chose the right one?) (Unsigned)
A. No one really knows what Andrew felt during his conversation with Adam. Personally, I believe Andrew felt embarrassed and hurt Kirsten had lied to him, and also because Adam had learned in one night what he was unable to see in all the previous weeks.
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A. Just when I though I had heard it all! I really have a great time answering some of the questions posed by our readers, especially the real imaginative ones, like this one. Just to humor you, I will give an honest answer. I am human, and perhaps ten years ago would have enjoyed tackling the possibility. Being 39 years old, I feel my chances of surviving six weeks with twenty-five beautiful women are slim to none. I like to play it safe and prefer my relationships one at a time. I’m also afraid I would make a very boring Bachelor, for I would have to change the format. In my opinion, the first rose ceremony is currently a total waste of time, for it is almost impossible for anyone to get to know the women well enough to make an intelligent decision about their personalities. Most of the Bachelors just choose whom to give a rose to based on physical attraction. Personally, I would keep all twenty-five of them for one week, and, at the first rose ceremony, narrow them down to perhaps two or three. At the end of the second week, I would make my final selection. I wouldn’t propose, but allow us to get to know each other better outside of "fantasyland." I don’t need six weeks of group dates, or even fantasy dates, to find out whom I am compatible with, and vise versa. I would also spend as much one on one time, with the women, as possible. I believe that is the only way to get to know anyone on an intimate level. Sorry ladies, but thanks for the thought.
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Q Do you think Aaron has an enormous ego that he thinks he could someday be elected state Senator? From what I have heard, he isn't well liked in his hometown (Springfield). As far as emailing Helene jokes, how tactless can a person be? (Unsigned)
A.He might be contemplating a seat in the Town Council, but this is a long way off from being elected Senator. It really isn’t too difficult to be elected Councilman of a small town, especially when your family is well respected and own several banks. In my opinion, Aaron will have to polish some personality flaws, and learn to control his adverse reaction to unpopular questions. Otherwise, his handsome looks, articulate speech, and friendly personality will work in his favor. We must remember not everyone is a Bachelor fan, or will hold against him the way he ended both of his engagements. I guess the only way to know how popular he really is, in his home town, will be by seeing how many votes he receives.
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Q. Who were your favorite girls on B3? Also, was it their intention on B3 to gather such a group of "cats"? Certainly they can find better women than this. Hopefully they will do better for Bachelor Bob! How did Andrew survive this bunch? (Unsigned)
A. My favorites, from the onset, were Jen, Tina Fab, Audrey, and Tiffany. There were a few others, but these were the primary ones. Most personal squabbles occurred behind Andrew’s back, and he was oblivious of what was going on.
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Q. Aaron has a recent interview in the new People magazine where he answers several questions about Helene, Cyber Girl Audra Lynn, and the fact he has "big political aspirations, since he wants to be on the city council in Springfield, and then, maybe a senator for the state." Is he dreaming? Won't people dredge up how he treated Helene on TV and his involvement with a Playboy bunny? He has also lied consistently in interviews. Is it only us obsessed fanatics that really pay attention to all of this, and not the voting public?) (Unsigned)
A. I have already dealt with his comments about calling and e-mailing Helene, which you can read on this page. As far as his political aspirations are concerned, I am certain one of the first things anyone running for public office will do is hire a campaign consultant, who will assist in polishing his image before the campaign. I believe having a history of broken relationships, and what some call “a roving eye,” is not something that will hurt him much. If this was important, a large percentage of politicians would be out of a job. It would be logical to reconsider his relationship with someone like Audra, since small-town people are somewhat sensitive about those things.
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Q.Here's a hard one for you. We'll give you a certificate if you know the answer. What type of soup did Jen have at the Firestone family visit? (Unsigned)
A. Boy, you people sure know how to put me in a spot! Considering Kate, Andrew’s mom, is British, I would venture to say it was probably Watercrest Soup, with a twisted breadstick and sliced truffles. Since I know what the next question is; you will have to ask Emeril for the recipe. By the way, I would like the certificate nicely framed.
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Q. I was wondering if you are going to cover Paradise Hotel. Thank you. (Unsigned)
A. I am going to pass on this one. I wasn’t very impressed by the premier, even though I did learn something new while watching last night’s episode. Although I do exercise regularly, I was not aware we men had to perform a workout just before going on a date.
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Q. Thank you for your interesting articles and for taking the time to answer our questions! Your response to the question about Jen's personality was very interesting. I wondered what it was that made you think that Jen was a deeply religious person, seeing as they never talk about things like this on the show. I also wondered what you make of Andrew's "no living in sin" comment-which I thought was really funny and cute! Was his comment just playful banter with his mother? Contradicting this are his other comments like "We are practicing a lot." I would think making comments about such private matters (for millions of people to hear) would make Jen very uncomfortable. I just wondered your take on this. (Unsigned)
A. As I mention in a previous answer, my personal opinion of anyone involved in these shows is based only on what I see on TV, and might be totally inaccurate. It is difficult for me to narrow down which exact words or scene made me develop a particular opinion. I observe many different details and come up with what I perceive to be the individual’s personality, or as close as I can make it, considering I don’t have much to begin with. As for Andrew, I believe he is an incorrigible prankster. I would personally characterize his comments as somewhere in-between playful banter and not wanting to appear as frivolous, since I am certain both families already knew their plans well before he made those comments on TV. I believe Jen is somewhat shy, and probably tries to play down Andrew’s jokes in front of the viewers. If you watched the “blooper segment”, during the "After the Rose Special", you possibly noticed Jen’s priceless body language and face expressions while Andrew was belching in the limousine. Let us say she "lovingly" tolerates his antics in front of the camera. That, is unconditional love!
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Q. We love your articles, A.T., and hope you answer this question for us. What do you think of obsessive fans of Bachelor and Bachelorette shows that are always asking you these silly questions? Are we nut cases? (Bachelor gang).
A. Are you kidding? All your letters are a great source of entertainment for me, and a wonderful stress reliever! As for you guys being "nut cases", I wouldn’t worry too much about it, unless people around you flee when they see you coming. Personally, I can’t wait for the premier of B-4 either.
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Q. I am comparing the post-show pursuit of staying a celebrity with Zora, of whom I have the highest regard and who has intentionally dropped from view, to Trista, of whom I have little admiration and who has done everything possible to stay in the public eye. Both women's post-show actions reflect my understanding of their personalities. Should that be the only guide? Is fame without achievement and the frenzied activity to maintain that unearned fame inherently bad, regardless of your level of extraversion and ambition? Or does prolonging this kind of unearned experience carry no more risk than other things people do to improve themselves. For her own sake, I think someone needs to yank Trista off the stage with one of those big wooden hooks, but my evaluation of Trista, probably just above the view held by Charlie's family, has likely tainted that recommendation.
A. I understand how you feel. Everyone has his or her positive and negative qualities, including Trista. Generally, we tend to summarize people’s virtues and compare them against what we perceive to be their faults, using our own standards as measurement. The result determines what our “personal opinion” of them is. I believe Trista has a well-defined personality, with little or no gray areas, therefore, people either like her or cringe at the mention of her name. I would not say it’s bad for Trista to wish for a “Hollywood style” flashy wedding, since this is her choice, but I personally don’t believe Trista is doing it because ABC offered to pay the bill. Andrew and Jen, for example, have the financial power to fly their entire guest list to a castle in Great Britain, and have a true “Royal Wedding”, and yet, are not inclined to do this. Personally, I believe people have lost touch with the actual meaning of the ceremony. Some say a few fancy words, in front of each other, and then forget everything while filing for divorce. The size of the guest list or extravagance of the event is not going to determine the success of the relationship, as most Hollywood stars have proven in the past. It is irrelevant whether I personally like Trista or not, I wish both couples the best. By the way, Zora was my favorite too.
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Q. This article was in Prevention magazine, do you think this is why Aaron was angry with Helene at the Tell All and why he was/or still is dating the Playboy bunny? He was with Audra the night before the interview with Helene, and called her right afterwards. Some time ago I heard Aaron had gone through a bit of a down time perhaps some depression. (silvercardrive) ***unable to post article due to copyright laws (W.T.) ***
A. It is difficult for me to ascertain Aaron’s state of mind, since I don’t know him personally, nor have we ever interacted with each other. This is why I avoid discussing any type of diagnostic terminology in my posts and articles, since it would be unethical for me to evaluate someone’s behavior or personality without spending one on one time with them. Thanks for your letter, though, and take care.
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Q. I love your articles!. You seem to be a well-adjusted person with a special gift for reading people and situations correctly. I need your help! On The View, I noticed Andrew made a face when asked about wedding plans. What’s your take on this? Is he having second thoughts? Please help my anxiety!!!! (A&J Fan).
A. Thanks for the plug! No need for anxiety, all appears to be well. On the contrary, their mutual body language was very indicative of two people in tune with each other and very much in love. I can imagine how many times both have been asked when the wedding will take place, and are possibly tired of hearing the question repeated during every interview. To them, it may appear like the press and fans are rushing them into something they are not ready for. A & J have just begun to experience their relationship outside of the show, and I am certain have already discussed marriage plans. We must realize marriage is not an end, in itself, nor does it guarantee anything. It is simply an important event in their ever-growing relationship, a pledge, if you will, to dedicate their life and love to each other. I am certain after they marry, the bothersome question will be when will they have children.
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Q. I am so impressed with your observations from just viewing these people on TV. How can you read so much about Jen from body language and her comments? You also made very complementary observations about Andrew and that he would pick Jen fairly early on. What body language do you look for? (Unsigned)
A. It is difficult to explain. You should also remember I am just guessing, and these people’s personalities could be totally different from how I describe them. I would need to spend one on one time with them in order to be precise. Many books have been published on this subject, and even so, it is difficult to learn by simply trying to memorize pages in a book. I will give you some pointers to put into effect during the next Bachelor. Begin by observing the individual when he or she is not paying close attention to the camera. Try to determine if a person is introverted or extroverted. Observe how they interact with others, and what type of people they appear to gravitate towards. On these types of shows, people usually gravitate towards individuals they identify with. Look closely for small momentary gestures, face expressions, and revealing comments. Try to put into perspective as much information as you are able to, without making pre-conceived determinations. Observe how he or she interacts with their suitors. Are they simply enjoying a fun date, or do they seem to have “clicked”? How does the main character kiss the other person? Determine if it is indicative of lust, or if there are physical signs of tenderness. Is the same person always initiating body contact, while the other one simply follows along? Are they at ease in each other’s company, or are the conversations forced and tense? Are there meaningful conversations to begin with, or do they spend their time on small talk or just “snuggling?” If you are able to record the episodes, play back intimate scenes without the volume. You will be surprised how much information you have missed while you were concentrating on what was being said. It is similar to building an imaginary crossword puzzle from small bits and pieces you have accumulated. Unless you are blessed with ironclad memory, I advise you to take notes, like the rest of us not-so-lucky mortals. Good luck! Let me know how well you do during B-4.
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Q. Could you please tell us what is your opinion of Jen’s personality? Thanks! (Unsigned)
A. I must remind everyone I do not know her personally, and this is just my personal opinion, gathered by watching segments from a highly edited show. You may say I’m crystal-balling, therefore; Jen’s real personality may be totally different than how I envision her. To some viewers, she might have come across as plain and somewhat boring, but Jen possesses a more complex personality than people give her credit for. She is intelligent and outgoing. Her mind is in constant motion, sometimes processing several thoughts at once. Usually, these type of people appear to others as being clumsy and absent minded, when in fact, their mind is racing at such speed, everything else around them is inconsequential to them. For this reason, I believe she gets bored easily, and is not very good at superficialities. Following fads or fashion is not important to her, considering it a waste of her valuable time. She is very loyal to her friends, but expects the same in return. She has high morals and deep religious values. Jen is family oriented and feels close to her parents, who she deeply loves and respects. Before she allowed her feelings to develop any further for Andrew, it was extremely important his parents accepted her and her family without reservations. I honestly believe Jen would have thought twice about accepting Andrew’s proposal if she would have felt rejected by his family during the home visits. I feel she is the type of person who sets personal goals, and tends not to falter until she achieves them. She is not impressed by luxurious surroundings, or by shallow materialistic people, and will not sacrifice her life and happiness to marry someone simply because of their personal wealth. Jen is a hopeless romantic, and has a clear image of what qualities her “prince” must possess in order for her to open her heart to him. It is my opinion she is headstrong, and has a well-defined personality, but hides it well because of her sweet and loving nature. Although she never showed it on the show, Jen can have quite a temper if she’s pushed hard enough. She is so easygoing and sweet it takes a long time for her to reach her limit, but when she does, run for cover! Her personality is very nurturing and loving, having all the qualities for being a wonderful wife and mother. Finally, Jen appears to be saturated with her momentary fame, possibly wishing everything was back to normal so she and Andrew could continue their relationship in private. It is my hope Andrew realizes this is one lady who will marry him for love, and appreciates all the qualities she has to offer.
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Q. Why do you suppose Aaron is still going around advertising himself as "the bachelor"? We have already had two shows since his season aired and I would think he would be a little embarrassed to advertise himself in that way considering all that has happened. (Unsigned)
A. You said it yourself, it is called “advertising” and “marketing”.
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Q. I am certain you’ve heard all the commotion about Rob’s (Love or Money) military records scandal. You made a brilliant comment in your last article about Rob’s drunken episode, on the show, and that people who were drunk usually acted out what was already in their minds to do, in the first place. We wanted to know your opinion of this whole mess. (Lea)
A. I believe the viewer’s perception of what would constitute a happy ending has possibly been distorted. Usually, we wish to see someone we like go all the way and live happily ever after. After Rob’s drunken behavior with the women, on this last episode, and this new scandal, I wouldn’t be surprised if the least liked and most materialistic woman on the show is now everyone’s favorite. Most viewers would enjoy watching her choose the million and turn down Rob’s offer. Life can be ironic at times!
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Q. What comments are you referring to that Paige has made? Could you go a little bit more into her character? What do you think about her "promise ring"? Did any part of her decision to wear it have to do with wanting to stir up some drama or further interest in her during the show? Thanks for your insight!
A. Most people evaluate others according to their physical characteristics. This fact alone is in Paige’s favor, since she is small and cute, much like a toy. I am certain she knows this and sometimes uses it to her advantage. Paige has previous TV experience, and was a Hawaiian Tropic model who, according to her own bio, has traveled extensively. She was in “BuffTanner Live” on stage, and has appeared on several television shows. She claims to be working on several independent film projects right now. Page is also the current Director of Retail Promotions for US Jesco, which includes being a guest on QVC about once a month. She has an Internet site dedicated to selling T-shirts and other novelty items, and has admitted to Rob she has had previous relationships with older men. I believe this is a long resume for a twenty-one year old person. There is nothing negative in her curriculum, on the contrary, I can't help liking her. Nevertheless, this is not the type of woman who is so innocent and naïve to have blushed when Rob asked her for a kiss, during this past episode. This last scene made me suspect her ongoing “innocent & bashful” act might not be genuine. It is my personal opinion Paige signed up to be in this show for the adventure and TV exposure. It would be out of character for her to decline one million dollars for someone she has only known for several weeks. As for the ring, I honestly don't know its significance.
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Q. I really love your articles and can hardly wait to hear your "analysis" after each show. I thought your opinion of Paige was very interesting and then I went to another site and read something. She is a Hawaiian Tropics model and even has a web site with all kinds of merchandise to buy that says "I Love Paige" on it (even thongs!) Isn't that a little weird? (Buffynut2001)
A. This does not surprise me much. I believe she is a nice person, but there are small signs and comments she has made that tells me Paige is not the squeaky clean innocent girl she is portraying on the show.
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Q. What was your favorite and/ or funniest moment from Bachelor 3? Which has been your favorite Bachelor/Bachelorette show so far?
A. These are good questions, but they are difficult to answer. My favorite moment of B-3 was seeing Jen walk up to Andrew right before he proposed. She was so tense and nervous, believing she was not going to be the one chosen. I don’t know if you noticed she inadvertently stepped away from Andrew, before he began speaking. This was a subconscious act of distancing herself from everything Andrew represented, and of self-protection from what she believe he was going to say. As she was bracing herself from Andrew's words, her face completely changed to that of disbelief and total surprise when she heard him tell her he loved her. In my opinion, this has been the best and most “natural” proposal of any of these shows, up to this point. For me, the funniest moment has to be the B-3 “blooper segments” shown on the After the Rose Special. ABC should do a “Blooper Special”; the ratings would go over the roof! I also had a laugh when all the men in Bachelorette had their wild party, forgetting all about “love” and Trista. I feel she would have been totally ignored if Trista had knocked on the door. It proves most of us can behave like overgrown kids, if given the opportunity. If we discount the proposal segment, my favorite show has to be B-2. The women were less malicious, and, after the third segment, there was a special chemistry and sense of fun between the women and Aaron no other series has been able to duplicate so far.
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Q. Just found your site and am amazed at your insight. "Reality" TV seems to have spawned a whole new branch of psychology. Anyway, my question...Do you read anything into Jen, and others, referring to Andrew as "Aaron" during their early interviews? Does this create a problem for future contestants or the producers in your opinion? (Unsigned)
A. I only give my personal opinion on the people and situations deriving from these shows. The reason for this is that it is impossible to evaluate anyone’s personality without meeting them in person and spending some one on one time with them. This is also why I always use simple terms when describing people and events. Answering your question, I believe their slip was caused by a form of subconscious association with the person they identified with The Bachelor, in this case Aaron. The fact Andrew’s name is similar to Aaron didn’t help matters much either. Even I subconsciously confused their names during our first B-3 article. Wendy couldn’t help laughing at me throughout the interview. The good news is it will be difficult to associate Bob’s name with Aaron or Andrew during B-4.
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Q. Most people compare Love or Money to other reality dating shows and are consequently really raking Rob over the coals. Isn't the show more similar to Survivor except you have a jury of one? No one honestly expects any woman to pass up a million for a guy she barely knows. The show is really about what woman Rob will pick to get the money and what the women will do to survive till the end. Compare the check burning ceremony to the "torch extinguishing." Instead of the tribe speaking, it's just Rob. (Unsigned)
A. You have an interesting theory, and I believe you are not far off the track. Something keeps nagging me regarding this show, and is difficult for me to describe it. I will just say there are too many coincidences happening, inside and outside the show, for them to be explained away by just saying it is reality TV.
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Q. I have always enjoyed reading all yours answers to the many questions you have been asked. You seem to be right on every time. This is my question. In a recent magazine (June/03) it showed pictures of couples from reality shows that have made it and those who didn't. Under the picture of Helene & Aaron, he was quoted as saying "he has called her once in a while..e-mail her too..she does not respond..I don't understand why? Does this guy not get the hint that she does not want anything to do with him and why keep trying after all this time? (Louise)
A. It is difficult for me to interpret Aaron’s behavior, since I don’t know him personally. I believe his words are mostly an attempt at “damage control.” If he really wanted to contact Helene, for whatever personal reasons, there are several effective ways to go about it. This would undoubtedly represent a difficult challenge, but possible if he was honestly determined to do so. In my opinion, sending e-mails and making telephone calls, he already knows are going to be ignored, seems to me like a comfortable copout.
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Q. Thank you for answering so many of our questions about these shows. My question is why are we fans of Bach-2 so obsessed with Helene & Aaron and what they are both doing now after all this time; are we crazy or what? (Mallory)
A. I personally believe B-2 has been the most popular of the Bachelor series. Aaron is handsome, mischievous, and very articulate, qualities that, at the time, endeared him to the viewers. It also had a nice group of women, which made the show interesting to watch. To top it off, it even had a touch of scandal. Although it was traumatic for Helene, this made it much more interesting for the viewers and press. It is my opinion B-2 is but a memory for most of the people who followed it, except for fans of Internet forums, where the subject of Aaron appears to linger on. Interest on Helene has resurrected again due to the possibility of being offered the role of Bachelorette 2.
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Q. I have read a number of your responses regarding Aaron and Helene and sense that you felt that there was more than just physical attraction between them. From an outside looking in view, do you think they were ever really in love? Also, I get the impression that they may still have feelings for each other. Do you think that is possible? (Suzy)
A. It is difficult for me to be certain about anything related to these shows because my opinions are based on what little we see on TV. I'm of the opinion Aaron had certain feelings for Helene at the time he proposed to her. As for Helene, I believe she keeps her feelings well guarded until she begins to trust the other person. At that point, she will open her heart to you. If you break her trust, something inside her dies, and she will never feel the same way towards you. I believe neither one can bring back the same feelings nor level of trust both enjoyed the day Aaron proposed.
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Q. You have great insights, and I was just wondering how do you know Aaron had a history of fooling around before he became “famous” after the show. I’m just curious as to how your mind works. Thanks! (Angela)
A. Angela, you should know better than to try to analyze the “analyzer.” I’m just kidding with you….. It is mostly an accumulation of small details, but there was one instance, during the show, that was very significant. When Aaron secretly gave Helene his phone number, at the time she was considering leaving the show, he was planning to continue their relationship after he had proposed to whomever was going to be his final choice. When it got out, Aaron tried to play it down saying he just wanted for them to get in touch “as friends”, when I am certain he never saw Helene as just someone to have a “friendly” relationship with. His attraction towards her was of a different type. At that point, I don’t believe Aaron’s mind was set on who the finalist would be. Helene might have been the front runner, but I am certain the show would have gone on without her and Aaron would have proposed to the finalist anyway or, in his own words, “pull the trigger”.
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Q. There are comments in Helene's website dealing with her desire to be a Bachelorette and praising T&R and A&J for their honest behavior in their series. Is this a backhanded way telling everyone what Aaron did wrong in their relationship, and do you think she is considering the Bachelorette to get back at Aaron? (Unsigned)
A. I have never interacted with Helene on a personal level, therefore, I can only express my personal opinion. I don’t believe there is any malice behind her statements. Helene has had many opportunities to speak badly of Aaron and she has refrained from doing so. Perhaps she enjoys seeing two couples coming out of these shows that are still happily together, and is simply expressing her personal opinion. As for her statements regarding The Bachelorette, I believe she would bring the position up a notch. Helene appears to be a fun-loving person, and I believe she is emotionally ready to enjoy the experience. If she meets someone special, it would be an added bonus. I just hope she is certain about her feelings before accepting a marriage proposal.
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Q. Are you going to comment on NBC's show, For Love or Money? Personally, I have some concerns about the concept. They have set up an impossible situation for the girls: A. If the girl chooses the money - she's labeled a "gold-digger" B. If the girl chooses the man - she's labeled an 'idiot' There's something about the guy I don't trust. I get mixed signals: He gives off "player" vibes although at 33, and a defense attorney, why is he so inept at speaking with women? I'm suspecting there's another twist to this show that we haven't yet seen.(Unsigned)
A. I was going to pass on this one, but Wendy talked me into it. It’s too soon to know which women are the favorites, but I believe Rob has to do a superb job of selling himself in order for anyone to give up one million dollars for him. So far, I don’t believe he has impressed anyone to the point of turning down ONE THOUSAND dollars, much less a million, in exchange for him.
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Q. I know you said before that (un)faithfulness doesn't change with time, but is there any hope for Aaron? He seems like he has some nice qualities, but really needs to work on how he handles relationships. What kind of an event would make Aaron realize his faults in his current and previous behavior and want to change? Thanks for your opinion. (-A-)
A. I can understand the “I love women” defense up to a point, but only until you meet someone special whom you develop feelings for. If this were the case, I would be curious to know his reasons for proposing to two different women in the past 2-3 years, breaking off the engagement shortly afterwards. From what I can see, all his relationships appeared to have been usually short-lived. I honestly can not define Aaron because I don’t know him on a personal level, nor have I ever interacted with him. What I do find curious is most, if not all, of his relationships develop very well in their initial stages. Aaron then appears to loose interest, ends the relationship, and begins the same process with someone new. This observation might be the key in understanding the core reason(s) for his short-lived relationships, but only Aaron can answer why he is subconsciously repeating the same cycle. I personally believe there will not be any significant changes until he understands the reason(s) for his behavior pattern.
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Q. Is it your opinion that any of these TV relationships can last? The track record so far is not good. (Unsigned)
A. I honestly believe it is possible, as long as the couple have strong feelings for each other, and both share the same long-term goals. The main problem, as I see it, is few of the couples coming out of these shows appeared to have had a clear definitive plan as to what was going to happen after the cameras were turned off. Most have been too busy enjoying their momentary fame, instead of seriously discussing a plan of action. In my opinion, Andrew and Jen have the best chance of making a successful marriage out of this experience. Both appear to have developed a well-defined personal and professional action plan, which they began discussing even before the show was over, placing it into effect immediately after their sequestering period. Andrew and Jen’s body language, when they are together, are indicative of two people in love with each other. Both have similar personalities, and share the same short and long-term goals. Trista & Ryan also have the possibility of making a successful long-term relationship out of their TV experience. The only plan they seem to have concentrated their attention on is their upcoming televised wedding. Neither seem to know what they will do after that, and appear not to have a definitive personal and professional action plan regarding their future. I would like to see both couples make it, but I guess we will have to see how everything unfolds.
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Q. Hi- I enjoy hearing your perspective, and wonder how you feel about this. Andrew and Jen have said that they have no interest in televising their wedding--because that's 'just not them.' It's hard not to compare this to T&R. The bottom line is this: Do you think T&R would be getting married this fall if ABC were not paying them for it? I happen to think your opinion on Trista, and why she picked Ryan is dead on, and would like to hear your thoughts on this. (CJ)
A. I honestly don’t know the answer to your question, but I am almost certain it was Trista who jumped at the idea. She’ll thrive on the hype and publicity, and will enjoy being “queen for a day”. I believe Ryan would prefer a nice quiet wedding, with a romantic backdrop, surrounded only by close friends and relatives. Like most people who try to avoid hurting their loved one’s feelings, I am certain he will never admit to this in public.
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Q. You said in one of your articles that you became "sort of a fan" of Tina Fab. Well, I am a big fan of Tina Fab. You mentioned very early on that you felt Andrew is not the type of person she normally feels attracted to and I think you are right about this. So in your opinion, what kind of person is she attracted to? I heard she had a seven-year long relationship with her boyfriend. That's almost as long as many marriages. But it seems to be in the category of high-school sweethearts. (Unsigned)
A. I believe she would be attracted to men that are very mature, successful, witty, self confident, with good manners and a sense of humor. He must possess what people generally refer to as “class”. One humorous note: I might be wrong, but I strongly believe our Fab. is somewhat of an incorrigible “shopaholic.”
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Q. I love your articles and think you have very good insight. You said that the first stages of romance are the easiest to surpass, but the challenge of having long-term love comes after a few years. My question is, do you have to wait a few years to see if your love can be long-term and serene? Are there any clues to see if you can have that long-term love when you're still in the first stages of romance? Thanks for your opinion. (Y.T.)
A. Nothing is written in stone, especially when all relationships are different. Usually the “puppy love” phase makes people ignore signals that become very obvious later on. It is complicated to explain, but just consider it as part of our natural “human conditioning”. To make a long story short, it is something our species have “built in” since our evolution, in order for us to procreate. In this stage, the other person’s small faults may appear to be unimportant, and we have a tendency to magnify their positive qualities. The best advice I can give anyone is to take his or her relationships one day at a time, and try not to overanalyze the situation. You will both know if your love is real as time goes by.
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Q. I am confused. You mentioned in one of your articles that one of the six pillars in a good relationship is sexual compatibility, but in your Q&A you said that you don't believe in the "test drive" theory. Could you please explain? Thanks! (Unsigned)
A. I apologize for not going into more detail and making myself understood. When I made that statement I was specifically referring to the period while the show is being taped. I feel six weeks is a relatively short period of time in which to get to know someone well enough to feel comfortable proposing to them. It is possible, but there are many personal issues to discuss, in order to learn if they are truly compatible. This problem is compounded because the main character is trying to get to know several people at the same time. I would see it under a different light if the couple chose to go up to the suite for a few more hours, in order to spend more time in which to exchange ideas and get to know each other on a more personal level. This is just my opinion, but I don’t believe, at this stage, the main character should be having intimate relationships with any of the finalists. It makes no difference if it is the Bachelor or the Bachelorette. If one night of intimacy is going to determine the winning finalist, I would consider the relationship to be very shallow. I believe there will be enough time for the couple to explore their sexual compatibility once the show has ended.
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Q. I've heard Trista say before what she loves about Ryan, but I've never heard Ryan say what it is that he loves about Trista. What do you think it is? Also, is it okay to love someone unconditionally, as Ryan loves Trista? (Unsigned)
A. The answer to your question is difficult to explain in detail, given the space limitations. Nevertheless, I will try to simplify it, with the understanding it is only my personal opinion, since I do not know T&R personally. I believe T&R are going through the first stages of what we call “love”. Since we are only concentrating on Ryan, I believe he feels a strong physical attraction towards Trista. He possibly admires her strong personality and self-confidence, also seeing her as someone who is exciting, fun, sexy, and interesting to be with. He also may feel extremely comfortable and cozy whenever they are together. These are the general feelings associated with being “in love”, but must not be confused with the serene long-term love that is much more consistent and may last a lifetime. The first stages of the romance, usually lasting a few years, are the easiest to surpass. The real challenge comes afterwards.
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Q. First, I absolutely love your commentary on the shows. I noticed how you emphasized fate i.e. your friend who bumped into another friend’s car and has been married for 9 years. I live in Los Angeles (originally from Seattle), I'm 33, never married, no kids or baggage of any kind, very attractive (looks are not my problem), smart, high energy (blah blah blah) and have met more commitment phoebes and/or players to last me a lifetime. I am at a point where I’m marriage minded and want to really connect (like Jen and Andrew) naturally. I do "on line" dating. My question to you is, isn't finding a life mate like finding a good job? I am very social and prefer Internet dating to bars or parties but keep them open as well. If I'm actively looking they say you won't find (cliché term) but I disagree. If I don't look it certainly won't land in my lap. Curious of your theory on this looking as opposed to not looking and a quick view on "on line dating" especially in areas like Los Angeles. Cheers, (Dawny).
A. You have a unique way of expressing your thoughts! I liked your analogy about “finding a job”. I didn’t mean people should sit back and wait for someone to come knocking at their door, on the contrary, they should take the initiative and explore every possible situation, as long as they use simple common sense. You will KNOW when the right person crosses your path, but it is imperative you remember it could happen at the most inopportune moment. In my opinion, Internet dating is somewhat similar to meeting someone in a bar, night club, or any other public place, except you don’t know what the other person really looks like until you physically meet him or her. In today’s world, you should use common sense precautions, like ensuring you meet the person several times in a public place accompanied by a friend or someone you can rely on, just in case the situation deteriorates. I don’t advise anyone to give their home address, or be picked up at work, for obvious reasons. I would also suggest to take things slowly and get to know the other person before giving out too much personal information about yourself. I may sound like your overprotective big brother, but I do worry about my readers. Good luck! Let me know when you’ve bumped into your “Prince”. ______________________________________________________________________________________
Q. I enjoy your posts, and read them weekly. How long do you think The Bachelor will keep the publics interest? Why don’t more woman decline the rose when given to them, especially as they get to know the bachelor? I think only 3 woman have declined that I can remember. I wish more would, because it would seem more realistic. The answer may be too obvious..they all want exposure..., which really contradicts the nature of the show. Any thoughts? Thanks! (Julie)
A. You have touched upon a question I have asked myself many times. Quite honestly, I find it curious almost every woman or men involved in these shows falls in love with the main character. My personal theory is their feelings and expectations become confused by being placed in an unnatural environment, secluded from everything else except the Bachelor or Bachelorette. For several weeks, all these people think about is competing against each other to win the love of the main character, much like an obsession. Some do fall in love with the Bachelor or Bachelorette, but I believe they are in the minority. Most realize their behavior was unfounded, when they return home to their everyday lives. This might explain why so many ex-contestants say they felt crushed when they were let go, but are over their pain shortly after the show ends. I also find it difficult to believe all these people, with their different personalities and backgrounds, agree the main character possesses the same qualities and characteristics that fulfil their personal requirements. As for how long these shows will last, it depends on many factors like the success rate of the couples coming out of these shows, having interesting main characters, “picturesque” contestants, etc. I personally believe they have a while to go before the public becomes saturated and bored with the concept.
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Q. Hello! I was so amused by "After the Final Rose" and thought Andrew and Jen were so sweet and perfect together. I thought their body language was so interesting and I wondered if you could elaborate on that. I also wonder if you feel at all sorry for Kirsten now that this whole thing is over. (Unsigned).
A. I dealt extensively on this subject in my Bachelor 3 article on this ABC Special. As for Kirsten, I feel she is young and somewhat immature in some areas, but I wouldn’t necessarily say she is a bad person. Some people’s personalities change for the worse whenever they become too obsessive on winning a competition, and she might have become too carried away during the filming of the show. Nevertheless, I wish her the best.
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Q. I really enjoy your weekly articles and have been following for some time now. You're so right on some of your predictions! You've talked about many of the characters in terms of their level of morality. I'm wondering what you consider moral or immoral. I know this is a broad question so I'll try to narrow it a bit. The last three contestants are given an overnight date. This, of course, is known by all the other contestants. But (in a mirrored real world version) what do you think of someone (morally) if he/she lets another person (who is already committed to someone else) share a bed with him/her while keeping it a secret from the third party? Thanks for your opinion. (Unsigned)
A. I would need to write a book in order to discuss all the diverse perspectives, and opinions, of what we could call “acceptable moral principles.” I do believe two consenting adults can be intimate, with each other, anytime they choose. I just don’t believe in the “test drive” theory. The Bachelor or Bachelorette shouldn’t need to have intimate relationships with three different people in order to judge if they would make a good life-long partner. Not only are the families of everyone involved going to watch it, once it’s aired, but also the person who they will ultimately proposed to. How would you feel if the person who proposed to you, offering their unconditional love, had spent the previous night with two other people, just to be certain he or she was making the right decision?
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Q. What part, if any, do you believe fate plays in a relationship? I liked the story about your friend meeting his wife after backing his car into hers. I know a similar story..her car, a VW, broke down by his dealership..a VW one! They recently celebrated their 35th wedding anniversary. Do you think Andrew and Jen's relationship was fated? I do. It seems hard to fathom that such two beautiful and sincere young adults could have remained single. (Unsigned)
A. You are really placing me in a spot! I am supposed to be a man of Science! I will just say I believe there are still many mysteries for us to explore, and try to find answers to. “Fate” is in a similar group as people experiencing a strong feeling of having “known” someone they have just met. If I knew the answer to those questions I would be an exceptional genius, which I can guarantee you I am not. There have been many theories written about these two subjects, some explaining them using scientific reasoning. Up to this point, I do not favor any of them.
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Q. We are delighted with Andrew choosing Jen, and believe they look very happy together. If you had an opportunity to give them advice on their relationship; what would you tell them? (Bachelor gang)
A. I do not like to give advice to people that have not asked for it, therefore, I will just give you my personal opinion. I feel A&J must fulfil whatever post-Bachelor obligations they currently have and then leave everything related to the show behind them. Both should then concentrate exclusively on their relationship and plans for the future. Anyone who focused their attention on Andrew and Jen’s face expressions and body language during the “After The Rose Special” will see both have had enough of dealing with Kirsten and her ex-boyfriend. I believe both A&J were placed in an uncomfortable situation, just for the sake of making the show exciting, and were visibly upset from having to go through the experience. On a lighter note, I believe they make a wonderful couple and wish them the best.
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Q. Love what you write. I think that many of us that love these shows make us want loving romantic relationships that satisfy and fulfil us. I really like the things you write about relationships in these articles. What reading, web sites and other things would you suggest that may help me get and sustain a wonderful relationship that satisfies my soul and lasts over time. (Sharon)
A. My feelings on the subject are a little unorthodox. I believe no amount of reading will assist you in finding your prince. For entertainment, you may type the word “love” or “relationships” in any Internet search engine and come up with thousands of hits. I try to stay away from giving advice on love and relationships on the net, for obvious reasons, but I will give you some pointers. One of the most important is to always be yourself. Putting on an “act”, to impress someone, will work against you, since he will never get to know the "real" you. My second advice is not to have a schedule for socializing and possibly meeting that special person. Most people put aside their social graces during the workweek, turning on the “magic switch” only during Friday night socials and weekends. In fact, you never know when your “prince” will cross your path, and you might ignore him if he crosses your life while you are in your “off mode.” A friend of mine met his “princess” one rainy day when he inadvertently backed up his car into hers. She tells the story of angrily getting out of her car and walking up to his driver’s side window, ready to give him a piece of her mind. Both began talking under the rain, while exchanging insurance information. They were soon laughing at the whole incident, and set up a date for the following night. This happened nine years ago. Today, they are happily married to each other and have two wonderful children. What better example to illustrate my theory.
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Q. Many people cannot get over how accurate your predictions are and those ABC editors are sure 'naughty' the way they mislead us. I am writing from Australia and I have been following B 3 on the Internet- interesting, but only completed B-2 about a month ago, so Aaron and Helene interest is still active. As a male and a psychologist maybe you can understand Aaron's behavior post B-2 better than a females! Did he really go to a Playboy party and paddle a 'bunny's' bottom? How does this fit in with his mid-west morals and upbringing? His mum would not be pleased, I am sure. The look on her face while Brooke and Helene visited his home was priceless. Don't think Audra would fit in here too well. Is this a male 'out of control' or so disillusioned or ego-bruised that he is not sure what he is doing? Does 'bunny' serve a purpose for the time being, that is he has a bruised ego or is insecure in his masculinity and hey guys look what I can get? I cannot say I liked him at the end of B-2 he appeared to become very egotistical. So is Aaron having some kind of meltdown? From a male point of view, can you enlighten us? (Unsigned)
A. Boy, you do have some heavy-duty questions! I have answered most of them already on this page, therefore, you may scroll down and read my answers. I wish to take this opportunity to send my greetings to all Australians who write to us every week. I hope they air The Bachelorette and Bachelor 3 down under. If they do, you are in for a treat!
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Q. Why do you think Jen was not really sure that Andrew would choose her? In the final episode, she stated she felt in her gut it wasn't going to be her.
A. I would blame it on “last minute jitters”. Jen was extremely nervous that day. As confident as I believe she is, I feel she was entitled to it, after having gone through six weeks of filming. I can just imagine what she is going to be like on her wedding day!
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Q. I am very impressed with your analysis and love reading your predictions. ABC showed lots of clips about the watch that Tina borrowed/ took from Andrew, but little was made of the diamond necklace, earrings, and bracelet given to Kirsten. She told the girls it was a half a million in diamonds. Have you any information to the value of the set that Andrew gave Kirsten and was that from ABC or Andrew? I was impressed that Andrew paid for Jen's engagement ring, I don't remember any of the previous Batchelors paying for the rings.
A. The bracelet and necklace were not a gift for Kirsten, but were a promotional loan from the same jewelers where the engagement rings are purchased. I believe the estimated value was around $400,000. Sadly for her, she had to return it after the date. Aaron, in Bachelor 2, also paid for the engagement ring with his own money. ABC paid for Alex’s (Bachelor 1), and Trista’s(Bachelorette) engagement rings. Wendy T.
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Q. I felt really awful after watching Helene cry on TV after her breakup with Aaron several months ago. I believe she has or will get over Aaron, but what about the public humiliation? Do you think that's something that she will be able to put behind her? It seems even now her name comes up in articles as being in the relationship that didn't work out. (Unsigned)
A. This experience HAS been very difficult for her. Emotionally, Helene is a very strong and levelheaded person, and has begun to look towards the future instead of dwelling on the past. I am confident Helene WILL find her “real” prince someday, and I wish her the best.
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Q. HI,I HAVE A QUESTION: DO YOU THINK IF KIRSTEN CONTACT ANDREW,THAT HE WILL CHEAT ON JEN WITH HER.{fabi}
A. Not this Bachelor!
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Q. Hypothetically speaking: 1. What kind of media reaction do you think it would stir if Aaron and Helene ever reconciled their differences? 2. Do you think it is in Aaron to appologize to Helene for his inappropriate actions? 3. Do you think Aaron will ever be able to get back into public favor and be the media darling he was prior to the poor manner in which he broke up with Helene? 4. Do you think Helene would ever be willing to sit down and talk with Aaron again. (Unsigned)
A. Let’s take your questions one at a time. (1)This would be pretty explosive news! At this stage, I believe public reaction would be mixed. (2)Hard to tell. One thing is to realize you have not handled a situation properly, another is to face the situation, acknowledge it in public, and apologize. (3) Very rarely do we get the chance of starting again with a clean slate. It would never be the same, and it would be a difficult process, but it is possible, up to a point. (4) I can’t predict the future, but it would depend on many factors. I don’t see this happening anytime soon.
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Q. Are those of us who intently watch the Bachelor/ette shows OK and normal -- what are your general thoughts?
A. These shows are very addictive, but so are “daytime soaps” and televised sports. We are OK, as long as we don’t take things to extremes, therefore, you may sit back and relax. By the way; "For Love Or Money" begins June 2 on NBC. It sounds like an interesting concept!
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Q. This is the first time for me looking into your website. I've read all the previous Q&A's and loved your answers. I have to admit I myself got hooked on the Bach 2 and would haved loved for Aaron/Helene to work out, to me they looked like the perfect couple. From what many people from his hometown said when she was there they we always hugging and holding hands & he did not look miserable at all like he said. Anyway my question is the breakup has been about 4mths now, but in recent interviews Aaron always makes jabs about Helene; like "they are no longer communicating" ; " she is not interested", " he doesn't understand" and "to see if their are still feelings...wouldn't hurt anything" and the still try by phone/emails to contact her. Why must he always make comments about her, can he just say no comment. Do you think he is trying to change the public's eye to his favor or his guilty conscience is really bothering him about how he handled the whole situation? And if I can add now we hear he is calling Brooke and talking to her also..What do you think this guy is trying to do. Thnks (Unsigned)
A. It is difficult for me to say, since I don’t know Aaron personally. I do believe he will eventually gravitate back to reality, perhaps realizing then he did not behave very well during his breakup with Helene. In my opinion, all couples coming out of these shows are powerful media attractions only while the public sees them happily together. Aaron still has some following, but they are a fraction of what they use to be. As for his intentions for wanting to speak to Helene, it’s hard to say, but I imagine the answer lies somewhere in-between both your theories.
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Q. I would like to hear your views on why Andrew was brought to tears when his brother mentioned that Kirsten had lied about her ex-boyfriend. Were the tears because he was truly going to choose Kirsten or were the tears because he felt she made a fool of him and he did not see? I would like to think that he truly was in love with Jen at this point and did not choose her by default. Thanks! P.S. Love your articles! (Unsigned)
A. Thanks! It is difficult for me to pinpoint what was going through Andrew’s mind at the time. We must remember ABC did not show ALL the footage of that conversation. Personally, I believe his reaction had more to do with feeling hurt by being lied to, than anything else. I am almost certain, by that time, Andrew knew it was going to be Jen. In my opinion, the issue with the boyfriend might have been “a” factor, but it was not “THE” deciding factor for him to have chosen Jen. Crafty editing made it look like he was struggling with his decision up until the last day.
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Q. Hello, Like many others, I really enjoy reading your articles. You have great insight and wisdom. My question now is regarding something Kirsten said during the "after the rose" ceremony. When asked, "Do you think Andrew made the right decision in choosing Jen?" Kirsten answered that she believed that either she or Jen could make Andrew happy. In other words, he couldn't really go wrong with either choice, and so in choosing Jen, he did make the right decision. What do you think about that? This seems to go against the romantic sentiment of fate, "It had to be You" kind of thinking. Maybe when it comes down to the final two, you really can't make a "wrong" choice...Andrew just would be happy in different ways depending on who he chose. What do you think? (Unsigned)
A. Thanks for your kind word! I believe Andrew and Jen clicked from early on, and both have an excellent opportunity of enjoying a successful and happy marriage. As for your second question, my theory is there are a number of different people out there that are able to make you happy, but your life would take different paths according to whomever you choose. The important point to keep in mind is you must feel much more than just attraction, no matter how intesive it is. In Andrew’s case, I believe he fully enjoyed his dates with Kirsten, and he might have been mesmerized by her exotic looks, but he never felt genuine love towards her. That is why he told her this process was much more than just “feeling comfortable” with someone. I would have agreed Andrew could be happy with either one of the two finalists if I had seen a glimpse of him being "in love" with both. This is definitely not the case. I believe Kirsten is still having a hard time believing Andrew did not fall in love with her.
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Q. Message: Hi! I just discovered your site and have been mesmerized by your brilliant commentary. It is great to see someone taking these shows seriously. Regarding the bloopers segment on B-3 "After the Final Rose," you said that it was clear that had we seen all of the video shot, it would have been easy to tell who would win. Could you elaborate on that? In particular, what would we have seen about Kirsten and Andrew that would have told us she would not be picked? I think most people thought she would be a very bad choice, but we were not all sure that Andrew had the sense to see it. After all, he kept her on so long and kept gushing about how wonderful she was! That couldn't all have been creative editing on ABC's part. Thanks and please keep up the good work! You should write a book about these shows! (Shiloh)
A. Thanks for the plug! You may write to me anytime. Seriously now, the few segments we saw last night depicted some of the situations and scenes that show how both are realistically reacting to each other. Just from what I saw, I noticed Tina did not react well to Andrew’s sometime goofy attitude. I am certain there were many more scenes, of both interacting with each other, where it is evident their personalities are totally different. Like everyone else, we want to share our lives with someone who can be serious and formal, but at the same time appreciate and join us in our “ wild and crazy” moments. It is logical to assume Andrew and Kirsten might have shared equally goofy moments, and, if we would have been able to see their body language and reaction, it would have given us a glimpse of how comfortable Andrew really felt with her. Another great source of information is the mini clips of them being asked questions by someone off camera. Having the opportunity to watch all of these clips would paint a better picture of what Andrew is feeling for each bachelorette week after week. I am certain the editors, up until the last ceremony, choose scenes and clips which create an air of indecision and confusion for the viewers. Most of the time, I believe the main character has made his or her choice by the time they meet each other’s families. We must remember this is, after all, a show. Sometimes the main character may stretch the facts a little, just to keep the interest alive and the viewers from realizing, early on, who the real front runner is.
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Q. Do you think Helene is handling the break up well, or does her last interview sound like 'sour grapes' to you. Do you think she actually would consider doing the Bachelorette? And, if she is right about Aaron being nice during the show, do you think he will come back to earth and be nice again? (Unsigned)
A. There are always going to be hurt feelings and bad memories attached to this episode, but I believe Helene has put most of it behind her and is concentrating on the future, instead of dwelling on the past. She is a fun loving and adventurous person; therefore, I can not see any reason why she should not be a Bachelorette. Actually, I believe she would make a very classy one, and would take the role up one notch. If she would find her “real” prince on the show, this would be an extra bonus. I have always thought very highly of her, and wish her the best.
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Q. What is your basic opinion of Andrew Firestone? I view him as being genuinely nice and sincere in looking for a serious relationship. (Unsigned)
A. You must remember my personal opinion of him is based on watching a few segments of a highly edited TV show. His true personality may be totally different from what I am going to say, but I believe Andrew is a remarkable person, but slightly difficult to get to know well unless you spend some time with him. He is the type of person that grows on you at a slow pace. I believe he allows people to get close to him up to a point, but will not show them his inner self unless he is confident about their intentions and gives them his personal seal of approval. He is very noble and somewhat shy, needing to spend time with someone before he feels comfortable enough to let his guard down and be himself. Perhaps that is why sometimes others may see him as being slightly awkward. Andrew appears to be sensitive to people’s feelings, and is very straightforward when he needs to express his thoughts. He is very caring and nurturing towards the people he loves, and communicates well with children, not an easy task to perform. He has high moral standards, and has a clearly defined sense of what is right or wrong. Andrew has a high opinion of family, commitment, and marriage. I believe he knew Jen was the one half way into the show, but his challenge was determining if he was going to propose, a step which he was not going to take lightly. In the end, I believe he did proposed to Jen because he feels genuine love for her, and is fully aware of all the responsibilities attached to his proposal. On a personal note, I believe, if they do marry, Andrew will make an excellent husband and father. He has two loving parents that have taught him well.
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Q. Great articles! You have been continuously right, every week, with your predictions. You made me laugh with your comment about the “hippopotamus nose” but I don't know what that is and can’t remember seeing that part in Jen’s home visit with Andrew’s family. Did I miss something? (Carrie)
A. Carrie dear, “did you miss something?” You missed the best part of the whole show! This was a short clip shown at the end of the program, right after the credits. Apparently Andrew’s family have this internal joke about who can and can’t do the now famous “hippopotamus nose,” which is their name for simply flaring their nostrils. It was humorous to see Andrew and his mother showing Jen what it was all about. Much to everyone’s delight, Jen jumped right into the fun and showed everyone she could also perform this feat. From that moment on, she was spiritually accepted into the Firestone family (I am joking on this last part). This may sound silly to some people, but things like these are extremely personal, and usually not shared outside of a family group. The fact Andrew’s family felt so comfortable with Jen to have included her in this family joke said much about their acceptance of her into the family. You still have the possibility of experiencing the “hippopotamus nose” if you watch this Sunday’s “Bachelor Marathon.” Check your local ABC Family Channel schedule to ensure you don’t miss it.
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Q. Do you really believe Andrew was going to choose Kirsten and he changed his mind only after he realized what the story was with her boyfriend? (N.F.)
A. I realize the show was edited in a way to make it appear that way, but I honestly believe Andrew knew it was going to be Jen from half way into the show. You must realize this IS a show, and the producers have to edit it in a way to create suspense up until the last day. Some of the voiceovers we heard of Andrew saying he was leaning towards Kirsten might have been saved from previous weeks, and edited in the last episode to create confusion and doubt in the viewers. I always take whatever they say with a grain of salt, and focus on body language and their interactions with each other, which is generally more indicative of what people are really feeling. I believe Andrew might have been awed by her beauty, and enjoyed snuggling with Kirsten, but subconsciously did not envision her as a future Mrs. Firestone after the first 2-3 weeks. The rest, as they say, is show business.
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Q. Here is my hypothesis regarding why Andrew wanted to do the show. Could you please comment on it? On one hand, Andrew is young (27) and adventures and wants to experience more romance and passion. If we look at how many different things he has tried in his young life and the adventurous heritage of his family, we can understand he enjoys experiencing new things. On the other hand, Andrew wanted to settle down because he must have very strong sense of family growing up from the Firestone family and seeing his brothers already having 3-4 children each. There isn't any better opportunity than going to the Bachelor show that can satisfy Andrew's contradictory needs at the same time. These contradictory needs also can explain why Andrew was attracted to both Kirsten and Jen, two very different people at the same time. I would predict Andrew would eventually listen to his family responsibility and choose Jen. Thanks. (Kai)
A. I couldn’t have said it any better. His family input did not sway Andrew's choice, but it was important for Andrew to have their blessing. Some people confuse this attitude with being a "mama's boy", when in fact, anyone who is extremely close with their family will understand it's importance.
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Q. I am baffled by the two different personalities Andrew has chosen for the two women in his selection. Why would he choose two people so opposite of each other? I am sensing Jen is baffled about this too. (Signed Kissmyface2)
A. You’ve written to me before, and always ask very good questions! I don’t know if you have realized Aaron, Trista, and now Andrew, have subconciously done the same thing. Both finalists, in their series, have been complete opposites. I will have to simplify my answer due to space limitations, and stay away from complex terminology, but I believe all of us experience a conflict within ourselves whenever we make difficult decisions in our lives. I believe one side of us is attracted to what I will call our “wild” side, while the other is our “conservative” one. Placing this theory into perspective, we are attracted, on one side, to someone we would like to be passionate and adventurous with, without having to give much thought to serious details. The other side of us rationalize our long-term goals, and choose someone based on common sense and what we perceive to be a good candidate for marriage, starting a family, and life-long commitment. This does not mean we can’t feel love for either one, but the reasons for the attraction are different. Our final choice is based on which side of ourselves wins. I’ll let you figure out which woman represents each one of the two sides of Andrew. I’m certain you will get it right.
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Q. LOVE your articles! I thought your observations on Kirsten and Jen were extremely interesting and right on the mark. Just a question about Christina and how she acted so blown away by Andrew's decision. Do you really think she was that shocked? Before he even handed out the roses she looked very unhappy, as though she knew she wasn't going to get a rose. She looked as if she'd been crying. Another question...why do the girls always have to "blame" when they aren't the ones chosen? Why can't they accept that the bachelor is simply following his heart and he has the right to choose who he finds most compatible? Christina was very possessive for someone who never receive any promise from Andrew. That possessiveness was irritating to watch, and I can only imagine how irritating it was for Andrew. Christina's line "You made a big mistake" irked me to no end. I view Andrew as being very sincere and respectful of the girls and I wondered if you felt the same way. (Unsigned)
A. I believe Christina knew, deep down, Andrew was not attracted to her, but wondered why he hadn’t seen all the positive qualities she had to offer in a relationship. Usually, we are the last one to realize he or she is judging us by THEIR standards, not ours. That is why, when a relationship goes astray, we sometimes ask ourselves what we did wrong, or why didn’t the other person appreciate all my qualities. Very rarely do we realize the other person’s needs might be totally different from ours, and we are not what they would consider their ideal mate. In Christina’s case, she also knew her chances of having another opportunity to marry into a wealthy family were very slim. Her hopes increased as she continued to receive a rose, week after week, already imagining how her future life with Andrew would be, only to have everything shattered in a split second. These rose ceremonies are traumatic for the people involved. They go from being in the spotlight and pampered like royalty, to being sent home, like a castaway, with not time to let such a drastic change "sink in". As for Andrew, I believe he has behaved like a true gentleman throughout the show.
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Q. I know they weren't shown during The Bachelor show and I'm not sure if this is something new, but if you visit Aaron's apartment he has a lot of those "success" plaques around that have clever quotes on how to succeed in life. Several of them have to do with how important it is to choose the right mate to complement you to reach all your goals and the pinnacle of success. I have to say, most guys don't have these in their home, maybe their office, but not at home. If he feels this way, why did he give up Helene who is an achiever like him and wouldn't he be smart enough to know that a Playboy model will not enhance his career goals. He has really dated the Playboy model longer than he did Helene, isn't that odd since he seems so career driven. Thanks for your insight. (Springfield lurker).
A. Many aspects of Aaron’s behavior have been contradictory, in these past months. I believe Aaron has always had short relationships with women, even before he applied to be The Bachelor. At the same time, I am of the opinion the Aaron we all saw initially being interviewed in B-2 is different from the current one. I honestly believe this is a transient period in his life, and he will eventually gravitate back to his original “self” as time goes by. The “bunny” is part of his current lifestyle, but I honestly do not see her being a part of Aaron’s life, once his regression begins. I honestly don’t know what really happened between Aaron and Helene, only they know ALL the facts, but I somehow refuse to believe it was all due to that one scene in Canada. As for the plaques, I would imagine they were given to him during his many public appearances, after the show ended, and he just thought they looked good on his wall. The curious side of me would love to hear how you knew of their existence, if they haven’t been shown on TV. Perhaps you could write again and satisfy my curiosity.
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Q. I wonder if you’ve heard T&R are getting married. I wonder what is you opinion on this, and if you have changed your mind about them not being compatible. (Unsigned)
A. I did read they were getting married, and honestly wish them the best. Getting married is not an end, but just a beginning. We need to give them 5-6 years, see how their relationship is progressing, and then be able to evaluate their compatibility. Right now T&R are still enjoying being in the spotlight, living a life full of social events and traveling. The real test will begin once they both settle into the life of an average middle-class family. I would be the first one to celebrate their success. We need to see a couple, making it out of these shows, living happily ever after.
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Q. I wondered if you make anything out of Andrew parroting Kirsten's comments throughout the show. For example: 1. His comments to Tina about being young and having some "living to do", and his comment to Jen's family about "is the goal to make 25 new friends, or to get to know him?" He seems to always defend Kirsten. Why do you think that is? (Unsigned)
A. I can’t give you a straight answer because it is impossible to know Andrew without actually having met him. Personally, I believe he was of the same opinion as Kirsten, and was just saying what he felt.
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Q. Have you heard who will be the next Bachelor? Thanks!
A. I believe some of us wished it so hard someone finally heard us. We don't know if it will be for Bachelor 4 or Bachelor 5, but Bob, from Bachelorette, will be one of them! I imagine it should be an interesting run. (Wendy Thompson)
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Q. I will be away for a few weeks and wish to tape the final show. when will it be presented? Thank you! (Unsigned)
A. The two hour finale will be aired Sunday, May 18, at 9:00 PM Eastern Standard Time. Check your local ABC listings, just to be certain you get it right. (W.T.)
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Q. I’m a fan of yours ever since B-2. I don’t know how many people remember, but you said, in your second article, Cristina C., Heather, Jennifer S., Tina P., Shannon, Kirsten, and Tiffany were your favorites. How did you know, so early on, the three finalists would be in this group? (M.L.)
A. To be honest, I believe it was mostly luck, on my part. If I remember correctly, I said those were MY favorites for Andrew, but that he might end up having a different opinion than mine.
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Q. Do you think there will ever be a bachelor who is black or Asian or something other than white? Or will there ever be a group of bachelorettes that are more diverse or maybe even of racially mixed heritage? I know that ABC has to pick people who are visually appealing for mainstream America but it would be more interesting if the show had a little more color...if they would pick a bachelor who was equally interested in a woman of another ethnicity rather than barbie-doll look-a-likes. (Unsigned)
A. The idea sounds interesting, but I am certain it is difficult enough finding qualified people for this show. Trying to target specific type of people, as you mentioned, would probably represent a challenge.
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Q. I love your articles, keep them coming! Why don’t people see through women like Tina and Kirsten and still believe they are the best ones for Andrew?
A. You have to realize the beauty of these shows lie in the fact the producers place women or men (in the case of Bachelorette) of all types and personalities in order to attract a wider range of viewers. People are generally going to identify with whoever fits their own personality type, or whomever they have awarded their own personal seal of approval. It is human nature.
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Q. Matchmaking in other countries such as India, modern day Japan, Africa, and China, ect is an accepted practice in finding a spouse- they might only meet the bride/groom only few times before the wedding. In the scenario we're watching the producers choose the perspective brides and grooms. Why do you think it can't work here in the USA, is it because of our promiscuous culture? That vows mean so little to us? Just curious to know your reasoning. Also in my humble opinion, I think it would be fascinating to see this done on t.v view the negotiating, the huge wedding feasts which last for days on end and come back and see how it all worked out in the end. (A writer. Mrs. Adam)
A. I am not an expert on the subject, but am familiar with some general facts I will share with you. A proper answer would take considerable space, therefore, I will try to be brief. Today's American culture puts a premium on equality between man and woman, with more of an emphasis on the concept of love, or at least companionship. For us, falling in love and being impressed by our partner is of primary importance, and if things don’t work out, we quickly move along to the next person, hoping he or she will be “THE ONE”. One can see why cultures which practice or practiced arranged marriages have absolutely nothing in common with our own. Some of the important factors shaping an arranged marriage include financial and social status, education, family history, the individual’s religion and ethnicity. The idea behind it is extremely complex, and made to benefit the families involved besides the future couple. The success or failure of the marriage is considered not just the couples' responsibility, but also that of their families and communities. That is why it is of prime importance BOTH parties ensure the union works, or at least, appears to work in the eyes of their society and respective families. The idea the couple can separate and go their own way, after a few problems arise in the marriage, is out of the question. BOTH must work towards making their relationship successful, and the romance bliss we Westerners dream about is usually replaced by simple common sense, extreme dedication towards their children, and if the couple is lucky, life-long acceptance and a serene love towards each other. I am certain the more you read, the easier it is to understand why Westerners do not generally associate with the basic principles of arranged marriages, and see this practice as old fashioned and too self sacrificing for the mere benefit of others. There is much typecasting when it comes to this subject, therefore, I must say I have not seen any evidence showing these husbands turn out to be any more violent or disrespectful towards their wives than Western ones. On the contrary, it is also to their advantage the marriage works out. On a curious note, you might not know that, in some societies, the individuals being matched up can turn down an offer from another family. In Islam and Hinduism, for example, the marriage is considered worthless unless both individuals consent freely.
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Q. At this stage of the show, do you think it is normal for Andrew to be so confused as to who he is going to choose?
A. All previous Bachelors and Bachelorette appeared to be struggling with their feelings at this stage of the game. We must realize this is, primarily, a TV show. I am almost certain if we had access to all the hundreds of hours of videotape the producers have at their disposal, we would easily be able to tell whom is going all the way, but, that would diminish the intentions of the show. The producers must edit the segments in a way as to cast doubts and create smokescreens, so the viewers feel confused throughout the six weeks, and are surprised at his or her final choice. I believe Andrew, at this stage of the process, was almost certain whom he was going to end up with.
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Q. The big flurry on all the message boards is that Aaron is calling Brooke. Do you think Aaron would really want to rekindle their romance, which is the rumor now? Would it be in Brooke's best interests to go back to Aaron? Do you think he is using Brooke as a source for information on Helene?
A. It is hard to tell what is really going on, since everything might simply be media hype. Both are consenting adults, and there is nothing bad in dating. I just hope sweet Brooke understands the odds for Aaron being faithful to her are very slim. People sometimes don't learn anything from their past experiences. I do wish her the best. I always liked Brooke.
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Q. Hi I'm new here and I think you doing a great job. My question is do you think its possible that Kirsten was being nice to Andrew friends just to score some points with Andrew.
A. Thanks for your kind words. I believe almost everyone was trying, one way or another, to get to know Andrew’s friends better. Remember, their input influenced Andrew’s choices for the one on one dates.
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Q. It seems that Gwen and Bob are getting together a lot. They met in Washington DC with one of his friends, he met Gwen and the girls in Dallas this past weekend and this coming weekend he will be in Tahoe with Gwen and Helene. Gwen also just put up a new picture of her and Bob on her web-site. Do you think they would be a good match?
A. Yes, I do. I believe both are very personable and mature individuals, who know what they want out of life. Who knows, maybe something positive comes out of this. I wish them the best, either way.
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Q. I was wondering if you are aware how upset people get when they read your opinion that Trista and Ryan will not live happily ever after. Do you read other posts on the net?
A. To be honest, I don’t have as much spare time to surf the net as I would like. Some of the people involved in this project fill me in on interesting items regarding anyone who is involved in the show, but that is all. In answer to your first question: When I became involved with this project, I laid down several basic rules as a pre-requisite to my involvement. The most important one was I would just express my personal opinion on the events and characters involved. This should never be confused, by anyone, with my professional opinion, which logically could not be of any value unless I personally interacted with these people. I also made it clear I would not be involved in name calling, using vulgarity nor personally insulting anyone involved just to obtain a larger following, since I am aware some readers enjoy these type of articles. The third condition was I would not say anything about anyone in particular just for the sake of pleasing the readers and keeping everyone happy, or these interviews would just be a work of fiction. In a world that is currently saturated with war, street violence, drugs, unemployment, and anger, having two people come out of these shows appearing like they are truly in love is a breath of fresh air, a modern love story. No wonder people take it as a personal offence if anyone expresses a different point of view! I believe more than one viewer would feel crushed if Trista and Ryan would separate, much as if it had happened to a member of their family. I am only expressing my point of view, nothing I say is written in stone, and I may be totally wrong. I am certain viewers will inform and have a field day with me if this couple would marry and live happily ever after. I even promise to eat my words if I am wrong, but, at the present time, my opinion remains the same. Honestly, I secretly hope they are the first couple coming out of these shows that make it. This series needs a success story, or I feel viewer interest will eventually die down.
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Q. I enjoyed reading your opinions during the Bachelorette, and agree with almost everything you said. Seeing them still happily together, do you still believe Trista and Ryan will not get married and make it? (Janet L)
A. I never said they wouldn’t get married, just that both had very different personalities and needs, making it extremely difficult to have a successful long-term relationship. By long term, I mean a happy 20-30 year marriage, not one of those short-term marriages that end up with the famous “irreconcilable differences” logo at the first sign of trouble. Presently, due to their popularity, they are having job offers and the type of social life Trista enjoys. Once everything dies down, maintaining this type of lifestyle is too expensive for an average couple, unless one of them is independently wealthy and we don’t know about it. In addition, I do not believe Ryan enjoys this type of lifestyle as much as she does. Eventually, he will want to settle down and live a normal and peaceful middle class life, something I believe Trista will not enjoy much. Give them 3-5 years, and we will then see how their relationship is holding up. I might be totally wrong.
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Q.What is your opinion on Andrew getting the girls to talk about each other? (Unsigned)
A. Personally, I believe it is simple curiosity, trying to find out what is being said about him in his absence. He could approach the subject in a more casual manner, in my opinion, but Andrew knows he could have a better vision on their intentions if he could tap into the women’s conversations. I might be wrong, but it seems most of his questions are geared towards learning more about Kirsten. Andrews seems to have a “gut feeling” something about her is not completely clear.
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Q. I love your articles! They are informative, interesting to read, and gets away from the norm. I’d like to know what makes Aaron tick, in other words, why does he have such a history of unfinished relationships, and constantly moves from one woman to the next? (Alexie)
A. Thanks for your kind words. I can’t give you an accurate answer without spending time with him, on a personal level. Sometimes, people are “in love” with what I will call the “love cycle”; the thrill of meeting someone new, enjoying the process of falling in love, and finally, the fulfillment of knowing the person reciprocates and has fallen in love with them. Once this is accomplished, the person’s interest in the new conquest begins to fade, and eventually, will feel the need to begin the process with someone new. There are many reasons for this behavior, and I will not get into them due to space limitations. I am not saying this applies to Aaron, but it could be one theory for his behavior pattern.
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Q. In a recent article Aaron was quoted as saying the following: ...And what of Helene? Buerge says they no longer communicate, though he has tried in recent months. "She's just not interested and I really don't understand why. She even refused to do an interview with me on the Oprah Winfrey Show a while back. But hey, life is too short to hold a grudge. I wish her the best." Why do you suppose Aaron continues to make insensitive remarks regarding Helene who in my opinion has handled the breakup with maturity and grace? She has never publicly criticized him but obviously doesn't wish to maintain any contact with Aaron who never cared for nor respected her. Is Aaron trying to win back the public's favor by blaming Helene, or is he just clueless as to how to treat a woman? Do you think he needs to see a psychologist? (Unsigned)
A. I might be wrong, but I still see an angry Aaron whenever he discusses Helene. Perhaps the answer lies in the fact Helene was not interested in cooperating with him, when the news of their breakup came out. I believe Aaron was in favor of having both interviewed together, making it appear as if the breakup was by mutual consent. I believe it was Helene’s honesty about the reasons for the breakup that changed public opinion of Aaron, and he still resents her for it. As for your last question, I do not know his present state of mind. For the time being, the answer is no.
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Q. I'm curious to know what signs or what people say to signal that they are in love. Kirsten seemed jealous about Tina's watch which would indicate to me that she has feelings invested towards Andrew.
A. I’m afraid it isn’t as easy as that, and I would need a long article or a short book to explain it thoroughly. I will try to be brief, so I don’t leave you more confused. Even though the brain’s process is similar, in what we generally associate with the feeling of being in love, the external (visual) reaction of the individual will correspond to his or her personality. I personally do not believe Kirsten is in love with Andrew, even though she might enjoy his company. In my opinion, Kirsten and Christina’s behavior are more indicative of being immature than of being jealous due to their love for Andrew. Tina just seems to be having a good time teasing both, since she is aware they dislike her. If you give it a serious thought, the fact Tina is wearing Andrew’s watch only indicates he was willing to lend it to her, which is the intention he had when he let her walk away with it. I would have a different opinion if Andrew had given her the watch, stating this action was symbolic of his feelings for her, which I am almost certain is not the case. All both had to do was to ask Andrew if there was a meaning behind her wearing the watch. Anyway, I have the feeling Tina is not going all the way, and will be dropped soon.
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Q. I am a real fan of yours. I have been reading your articles since Bachelor 2 and am amazed at your insights and predictions, which seem to be correct almost every time. I’m seriously beginning to think you’ve got a crystal ball. What does your crystal ball tell you about Andrew’s final pick? The suspense is killing me! (Annie)
A. Thank you for your kind words, but must confess not being able to help you at the present time. My crystal ball recently fell to the floor and cracked. It keeps repeating Joe Millionaire is going to propose to Christie from B-2. Seriously now, I will have a better idea next week, after the family visits.
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Q. Is it your opinion that Aaron may be using his relationship with the playboy bunny to establish contacts with the entertainment industry i.e., to break into show business? After all, why not date a regular woman instead of someone at the playboy mansion? (Unsigned)
A. Anything is possible, but Aaron had all the opportunities he could handle at the end of B-2, and none seemed to have panned out. I even remember seeing him, in a cameo role, in one of the popular sitcoms, in which he did not stand out much as an actor. The only one comming out of these shows that seems to have hit it off is Charlie, and I am happy for him.
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Q. I thoroughly enjoy reading your articles and wanted your opinion about a couple things I have observed on Bachelor 3. I agree for the most part with your comments about Kirsten and Jen. Jen seems very down-to-earth and real, but there are a couple of things I have noticed about Jen that bother me. Have you noticed that when she's talking to Andrew, that she is always looking away from him? She never looks directly into his eyes. I wondered whether you noticed this and if you thought it had more to do with the cameras, or what? Also, I don't like the way she is always talking negatively about Kirsten. Perhaps Kirsten doesn't relate to the other women because they are being cats. Maybe her 6th sense quickly picked up on their jealousy and she has somewhat removed herself from them. You can cut the atmosphere with a knife when she is the one chosen for dates. It is not a pleasant thing to be around jealous, catty women. As for Kirsten, I see she and Andrew as being very comfortable around each other. They both natural, look directly into one another's eyes, and appear to be falling in love. I wondered your opinion on the body language thing. Also, who do you see as the final 2? (unsigned)
A. I have said I like Jen, but that does not mean she is perfect. We don’t know everything that goes on in the bachelorette pad and is edited out of the final cut. If, for whatever reason, Jen doesn’t like Kirsten, I don’t see anything wrong in her saying so. Her lack of consistent eye contact with Andrew might be just a personal habit, shyness, camera angles, or perhaps she was looking at something off camera while being filmed. We must realize there are probably several people standing behind the cameras while they are filming, and this can become very distracting. As for Kirsten, I am still not convinced she has any deep feelings for Andrew, and, even though I agree both do have fun together, that doesn’t necessarily prove they are falling in love. As for your last question; I honestly cannot tell you who will be the final two just yet. You sound like Wendy, the interviewer for these articles. That seems to be her favorite question throughout the six weeks. I keep ignoring her and never give her a definitive answer. Seriously now, I'll probably know more after the home visits.
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Q. I read your take on Tina P. from B3: " Somehow I have this crazy notion Tina memorized Helene’s behavior with Aaron in Bachelor 2, and is trying to maintain Andrew’s attention by copying her." Very interesting observation. However, out of so many women, why only Tina Fabulous decides to do so, if it is indeed the case? Why no other woman even tries to play Helene's game? If you consider the success of Helene, I would assume everyone would try to copy her. (Unsigned)
A. Generally, people that are faced with the same goal approach their objective with a behavior that is appropriate to their own personalities. For example; I believe Christina uses an aggressive and seductive approach, Tina from Tennessee tried to use her own personal type of humor, others, like Jen, are simply being themselves, and Tina Fab. uses a sarcastic and "uninterested" approach, while trying to down play Andrew’s importance in the scheme of things. Somehow, I can not picture "sweet" Jen using Tina Fab’s approach nor Tennessee Tina trying to act as "fabulous" does. This would be out of character for them, in my opinion. I hope I explained myself clearly. Sometimes I oversimplify my answers due to space limitations.
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Q. I would like to know why you think Tina is playing a game. I think she is too, and I will tell you why. "The comment, if you are looking for a trophy wife I'm not the one" seems like a canned response to me, when her actions, the way she dresses, everything screams trophy material to me. I laughed out loud when Kirsten was complaining about how boring it was in the bachelorette mansion. Since they do not have TV, books, magazines and they only have each other, and she has cast off all of her fellow bachelorettes, I'm not sure what the heck she was expecting. But I don't think it is natural for a woman not to bond with other women - yes she was friends with Andrew's friend, Shannon, but all in all I think she is off in some way. What is your opinion of my observation? (Signed, Kissmyface2)
A. I agree with your observations. On my part, I believe Tina’s choice of words and demeanor is not natural, but artificial. She appears to be trying to stand out and be different from the rest of the women. As for Kirsten, I also find it strange she has not made friends with anyone in the group, since each one has a different personality, and I am certain she would find common interests with at least one other person. She does not appear to be completely honest about many details of herself. We should also take into consideration most of the interactions between the women are edited out, therefore, we do not know what is going on behind the cameras. Kirsten might not trust anyone in the group, especially after the "boyfriend" incident.
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Q. In Touch magazine has an article about Helene saying "Helene's smiling again after her public heartache." The Bachelor's Helene is Dating Again. She's happy with life after Aaron. My question, do you really think Helene has moved on with her life, or may be just getting back at Aaron for his relationship with Audra (the cyber bunny)? Also, do you think this will ever bother Aaron that he might have messed up and lost his "soul-mate"? I've heard from friends in the area that his parents are very concerned about his "state of mind" right now. Do you think he could be going through a depression after all the hoopla is dying down? Thanks. (Unsigned)
A. I believe Helene still feels hurt, but she has put most of it behind her, and is looking towards the future instead of dwelling on the past. As for Aaron, I can’t help having the feeling he is self-destructing. Sudden fame is one of those things difficult to let go, once it is enjoyed, and it will be difficult for him to go back to his normal life. Personally, I believe it is time Aaron breaks away from everything that relates to his Bachelor experience, resume his normal life as soon as possible, and places all his attention and energy into a new project, since I personally don’t see him going back to his job at the bank. The alternative could be a constant obsession about needing public recognition, and sitting alone in his home repeatedly watching himself on B-2, trying to relive the experience, not a healthy thing to do. Aaron can have a wonderful life ahead of him if he sets his mind to it, and comes back to reality.
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Q I’m as hooked reading your articles as I am with the Bachelor and Bachelorette sagas. I am also a big fan of Chris, and would like to know your opinion of him. (Jennie)
A. Being the first time anyone has asked me this question, I am somehow obliged to answer. Chris has not had too much exposure in front of the cameras, being the host; therefore it is difficult to be precise. Please don’t take my observations too seriously, he might be totally different than how I portray him. In my opinion Chris is a true gentleman, in the full sense of the word. He is considerate of others, and always tries not to hurt people's feelings with his words or actions. Chris has always been very responsible, both professionally and as a family man. He is somewhat of a romantic, and has a compassionate nature. Somehow, I feel Chris has a high sense of morality, and, at times, has had to keep it hidden, in order for him to be accepted in the “entertainment world” in which he surrounds himself. Even if he hasn’t had the opportunity to show it in front of the cameras, I believe Chris is intelligent and very witty, being exceptionally entertaining and humorous in a group. He is very close to his family, and is one of those people you would cherish as a friend. I would need to interact with him personally, in order for me to be more precise.
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Q. You mentioned before that Aaron Buerge has many positive qualities. I'm curious as to what you think these positive personality traits are. To me he seems like one of the most immature, shallow, and ego-centered men ever shown on tv. Now he appears to be flaunting his relationship with the bunny in Helene's and the public's faces. Really, he likes it that men gawk at his girlfriend's body? (Unsigned)
A. Even though Aaron has shown a part of himself most viewers do not find attractive, I believe everyone’s personality has a combination of positive and negative qualities, and even these vary, depending on who is judging him. My opinion of Aaron hasn’t changed much, and you may read it in my November 2002 Bachelor 2 article. I can not repeat it here, because it is too extensive, and would take too much space. As an update, you may like to read the Q&A below, even if it isn't as detailed as the November 2002 article.
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Q. I’ve noticed your opinion of Aaron is difficult to decipher, since sometimes it is positive and other times negative. Could you define it better, so we may have the whole picture? Thank you. (Gretchen)
A. You’d be surprised to know how much mail we receive on this issue, therefore my answer will hopefully clear things up, once and for all. I haven’t changed my generally positive opinion of Aaron, from what I stated in my November 2002 article. I personally believe he was the main cause for B-2 to jump in ratings and popularity, and Aaron does have many positive qualities. Having said that, my personal opinion is Aaron isn't ready yet for any type of commitment, much less marriage. There is nothing wrong with that, but he is too impulsive when it comes to proposing to women, and doesn’t realize the level of commitment behind his actions. I feel being the Bachelor changed him, and he had difficulty winding down from the ego boosting experience, simply going back to his small town and his job at the bank after it was all over. I am certain Helene didn’t behave any different after the show as she did during those six weeks, therefore, Aaron should not try to act like he was shocked at her strong personality and strict morals. I have him on tape saying he felt battered and bruised every time he sat down and talked to her, and that was way before he even proposed to her on the last episode. I also believe he could have been more tactful in the way he ended his relationship with Helene, not only on a personal level, but in his uncaring manner and choice of words during the televised interview with Chris. His body language and face expressions were more indicative of being angry than sorry. Viewers would have understood and not blamed neither one if Aaron would have been honest with Helene, from the onset of his disappointment with her. She is an intelligent lady, and, in the end, would have been upset but understanding of his reasons for falling out of love. I feel his public image has suffered, because of the way he has handled the whole situation. Therefore, as far as I am concerned, the main issue is not that he broke off his engagement with Helene, but the way he did it. As far as his current companion is concerned, it is his choice, but I can’t prevent from being curious to know what his high moral grandmother and his strict mom think of Aaron’s current lifestyle. After all, “mom” did grill Heleen as to why wasn’t she already married with children at her age. I would also like to know Aaron’s sister in law’s opinion of the Cyber Bunny, since she appeared to look down at Brooke Smith like she was a weird unacceptable creature, during the home visits. “Bunny” is pretty, and might have what appears to be a pleasant personality, but is not morally fit to paint sweet Brooke’s toenails, as far as I’m concerned. Sorry, I had to say it! I promise to do penitence for this last comment! I just felt bad for Brooke during the home visit.
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Q. What was Aaron's near death surgery/experience that you say may explain some of his behavior? Also, thanks for your articles. The Bachelor series is a nice little escape after a long day at work and I always look forward to reading your piece on Thursday. (Unsigned)
A. Only once was this mentioned, and it occurred in the introductory episode of B-2. It was a short scene when they were interviewing his parents. Apparently, Aaron had emergency surgery to his spleen, not long before being involved in the show, and things were touch and go for a while. I found it odd no other mention was made of this, nor did anyone go into specific details during the next six weeks of B-2.
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Q. Don't you think it's odd that Kirsten doesn't want to interact with the rest of the ladies? As a future wife, she will have to be able to naturally get along with people she doesn't particuraly like and I would think Andrew would pay more attention to that. Plus, what's this business about her ex boyfriend dropping her off at the airport, think she's emotionally ready? (Unsigned)
A. As I mentioned in this week’s article, there are still many things I do not understand about Kirsten. She appeared friendly enough with Andrew’s friends, therefore I don’t believe she is introverted. Perhaps she doesn’t identify with anyone from the group, or doesn’t trust them. Personally, her answer and comment to the boyfriend question makes me believe it was not a fabrication, but this might not mean anything. Perhaps they broke off and have maintained an ongoing friendship. She needed a ride to the airport and he volunteered to take her. The possibilities, good or bad, are endless, and it might just be a smoke screen. Personally, I do not know if she feels any honest attraction for Andrew just yet.
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Q. What is wrong with us who go to message boards and web sites and who took it personally when Aaron dumped Helene. As more and more comes out, we find he treated her worse than we thought and then we get mad all over again. If you e-mail the cyber bunny, she considers herself his girlfriend and according to her he see her more than he ever did Helene, and he is not bothered at all that she is a centerfold and that the article about her posting nude for the four band members is not a problem for him, so WE are furious at Aaron again for giving her more attention that he did Helene. In fact bashing Aaron is the only thing that makes us feel better. So my question is, are we unhealthily obsessed? Plus, if I could add, we were delighted when Aaron wasn't invited to Vegas and yet, if he were to come back on bended knee to Helene, we would love to see them as a couple. So, analyze this? Are we nuts? (Unsigned)
A. There is a rational explanation for this “madness”. We see these people, week after week, and become attached to them, as if we knew them personally. We rejoice in their happiness and become protective if they experience what we perceive as an injustice. Aaron and “Bunny” are just having a good time, in my opinion. She is in no position to demand anything from him, and possibly lets Aaron flirt with everyone he wishes, which is just the way he likes it. Of course everyone loves a happy romantic ending, and most people would love to see Aaron and Helene snuggling again, but this part, I am afraid, is just fantasy. Helene is not willing to let our boy wonder around, and Aaron is not used to relationships where he is obliged to be completely faithful.
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Q. "Article One - Bachelor II - November 2002" was your best article. Could you provide a little more details on how you read a girl's personality and future, like the way you did on Angela in Bachelor II. From what I read of Helene's breakup with Aaron, you read of her was certainly dead-on. Assuming you wrote this article prior to the breakup, I am amazed by your insight. Thanks for your articles. (Skycloud_Cumulus)
A. That article was written right after the series ended, and was posted on this site sometime in December 2002. To be honest, it was easy for me to do, since I had already seen all six episodes, and had a better idea of what everyone involved was like. After that, it was decided to change the format into weekly Q&A sessions. Of course, it is more complex to try understanding people’s personalities and interpret situations as it is happening, every week, since I don’t have the benefit of hindsight. The answer to your first question is difficult to put into words. A large part of my professional life has evolved around determining people’s personalities, and it has become second nature. Since I am logically not able to perform any type of formal psychological testing on these people, or interact with them on a one on one basis, I reach my conclusions merely observing face expressions, body language, people’s reaction to certain situations, their interactions with others, small comments people make inadvertently, etc. All these tidbits of information, and many more, when placed together, assists me in obtaining a clear picture of what the person is like. Of course, trying to do this by just watching edited video segments is not precise, since anyone can be made to look like something they are not, by a skilled editor. That is why I always make a point saying my observations are just for entertainment purposes.
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Q.Regarding Amber, I have my own theory as to why Andrew kept her around. Wouldn't the public have a field day if he had let her go solely based on her inability to handle her liquor? After all, his family is in the business of selling people alcohol. What are your thoughts about my comment? (Kissmyface2)
A. Even though I see your logic, personally, I don’t believe she stayed for that reason. Even though Andrew is possibly interested in a select few, maybe two or three, he is only able to send away a certain number each week. I believe Amber stayed behind mostly out of cheer luck, but I can’t see her going too far into the process. If Andrew was interested in being politically correct, he would have given a rose to Courtney or Ginny the first week, following the example set by Aaron and Trista during their first rose ceremony.
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Q. Why do you think Aaron would go to the Playboy party this past weekend and pull the pants down and slap the bare butt of a bunny (not sure it was Audra) knowing that he was being filmed by Extra TV and most likely would appear on the program? He seemed so worried about his image on the bachelor show, and now is not concerned about his outrageous behavior. Is it because he is hanging around the "Hollywood types" and they seem to condone this type of behavior. He seems like a fish out of water in these setting too, very small town in a cosmopolitan setting. Thanks for your input. (Tori).
A. I have a theory Aaron has become so irresponsible and carefree for two major reasons. The first one being the realization of his mortality, after his near-death surgery, wishing to enjoy life to the fullest at whatever cost. The second reason is his weak character, and feeling impressed by his newly acquired but temporary “fame.” I believe the truth lies somewhere in-between.
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Q. I just read the latest entry on Bachelor #3 and would like to clarify something. I noticed there are two Tina's chosen - from Tennessee and from Wisconsin and two Christina's- Christina S. from Florida and Christina C. from New Jersey. Can you specify which you are referring to in the entries. Thank You . (Unsigned)
A. I appreciate our readers always keeping me on track! I apologize for not being more specific. Personally, I wasn’t very impressed with Christina S. From Florida, and find Tina from Tennessee a bit aggressive. I might be wrong, but believe Andrew does not like self grandiose or overly aggressive women.
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Q. It seems it has been confirmed on Chris Harrison's web site that Trista's mom is in fact the person who has been claiming to be her mother on the ABC message boards and who then made up her own message board on Yahoo Groups to discuss Trista and Ryan with fans of the couple. If in fact it is true I would be interested in your comments on this issue. I know I would not want my mother talking about my life with my fiancée like this. Also, I read with interest your comments about Trista's remark while trying on wedding dresses "this is a Charlie dress and I'm not marrying Charlie". This has been discussed on the Bachelorette boards and it seems that some feel the remarks were made because Charlie has a new job as a recurring correspondent for Extra TV, the same time of job Trista is hoping for. Thanks! (Dawn)
A. Personally, I haven’t read any comments made in those sites, therefore, I am not able to comment. I don’t believe there is any malice behind her actions, she is probably just having a good time with her daughter’s momentary fame. As for Trista’s comments, I wonder how many readers would think about someone they rejected, instead of the person they “love” and are going to marry, while trying on wedding dresses? I find her behavior contradictory.
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Q. If Andrew is such a great catch, only 27, young and successful---why be on TV to find a lifemate? 90% of the people on that show do it for the 15-minutes of fame. Do you suspect Andrew did it to promote his wine (Firestone)? (Dawn)
A. From what I have read, Andrew was approached by ABC to do the show, after his older brother declined due to being already married. I might be wrong, but don’t believe he is doing it for promotional purposes. It is my opinion he agreed to do it just for the thrill of being romanced by 25 beautiful women, and being The Bachelor. If, at the end, he would find true love, this would be an added bonus.
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Q. How old is the bachelor? (Unsigned)
A. I honestly don’t remember his exact age. I believe he is 27.
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Q. How can I write to a special gentleman that was on the show who I would love the opportunity to get to know better. I am also looking for that special kind of love. You know, that love you fall soo deeply into that you get lost in it.... So, if you can tell me how I can go about getting in touch with one of the contestants who was on the show, it would truly be much appreciated to me. Please help!!!!!!!!! (Dawn Marie Carlucci)
A. I am sorry to say we don’t have any inside information on any of these people. I would recommend going to our Links page and try writing to Bob or Jamie, whose web site is available there. They might be able to help you. Good Luck!! Let me know if you’re successful.
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Q. Aaron admitted on Extra today that he is dating Audra, the cyber playboy bunny, and she is found on various bachelor boards defending the flood of criticism about him dating her. This is her most recent quote, "I would like to know why all of you people are up in me and Aarons private life. So My question to you is, why would Aaron go from dating Helene - who is more impressive every day - to dating a girl who has explicit XXX pictures on the internet? Do you think his family would accept her as a daughter-in-law? And, Springfield posters on these boards all say that Aaron is dating other local girls when Audra is not staying with him. Will he have be able to be faithful to one girl? (Unsigned)
A. I believe Aaron is not ready to get married. He is young, and likes women, nothing wrong about that, as long as he stops proposing to people he don’t intent marrying. His parents must be taking all this with some degree of horror, especially Aaron’s grandmother. I could be totally wrong, but Aaron’s personality will have to do a full 180 in order for him to be faithful to any one woman. Usually, aging does not change this character trait.
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Q. I truly enjoy reading your articles, and have two question for you. Are your articles geared towards a certain demographic group? and What age group, do you believe, identifies better with your opinions? (Cathy)
A. My articles simply depict my personal opinion on the events and people taking part in these shows. I don’t try to say anything to attract more viewers of any particular age group, because that would defeat the purpose of this project. This site is for fun, not for profit. Of course, I am going to say my personal opinion on any topic, and some readers will not agree with me, or identify with my points of view, but that is predictable, and part of what makes this experience interesting. I do try to be within the boundaries of good taste, and do not believe in entertainment through vulgarity, shock, or character assassinations, therefore, I realize my comments might prove somewhat boring to some readers.
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Q. I find your articles very interesting. They have become part of my habit of watching these shows. I was wondering if anyone related to these shows has ever written to you, and, if so, what was their opinion on your site. (Pamela)
A. So far we have received three e-mails from different individuals. Two supposedly from Bachelor 2 and one from Bachelorette. The first two were signed and on a positive note, and the third was anonymous, and somewhat critical of that week’s article. The detailed information in this anonymous message led us to believe it was from someone who had inside information. We were unable to verify the true identity of the senders, therefore, we decided to keep the information private.
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Q. First let me say how much I enjoy reading your articles. I know you didn't see the Oprah show but I would like your opinion on something that happened on the show. Oprah was totaly surprised that Trista did not pick Charlie. She asked Charlie if he thought he was the one and he said yes. Ryan, who hadn't spoken much at all during the show except to read a poem pops up and says "I thought it was him". Oprah picked right up on this and asked Ryan "You thought it was him?" and Ryan said "Yes, I thought it was Charlie" Does this surprise you that even Ryan thought it was Charlie? (Donna)
A. Thank you for your words of praise. I still believe female intuition made Trista realize Charlie was not in love with her. On the other hand, I also believe Ryan knew she had more feelings for Charlie, thus his surprise when he was chosen. The dilemma was obvious, Trista couldn’t just stop the show without choosing one of the two. It’s not that she does not have any feelings for Ryan, but, due to the huge difference in their personalities, I can’t envision them spending a lifetime together.
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Q. Did you watch the Oprah show with Aaron and Helene's interviews? Aaron seemed like he was very nervous and about to cry. Do you think he has regrets because of the relationship or because public sentiment is more towards Helene than him now? He always says in every interview that he wants to talk to her and be friends, but that he made the right decision. Why would Helene want to talk with him if only to ease his conscience and to make himself look better? Do you think that is his motive? Do you understand why Helene did not want to go in person to the Oprah show because Aaron would be there? Helene looked absolutely fabulous and it seemed like Oprah's producers favored her in the interview - do you think she will be okay and be able to trust again? (Betsy)
A. I am sorry to say I was at the office and missed the interview. From what you and others have told me, I believe Aaron might have realized he did not end the relationship in a dignified way. I must stress I can accept the fact he realized Helene was not the right person for him, and wished to end the relationship. I just hold the opinion he could have ended the relationship more tactfully. As for Helene, I hold a high opinion of her, as you may have already seen by reading some of my articles. She will be OK, and will someday find someone who will make her truly happy.
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Q. I truly enjoy your many articles. I would like to see you go into Brooke, The bachelorette from Alabama. What your feelings are about her personality. Counseling in regards to her family, father, etc. What will help her cope with her main issue? (Unsigned)
A. You may read my complete opinion of her in my first article, on The Bachelor II area of this site. Personally, I don’t know the complete details in reference to her father, therefore, I am not able to give any opinion on this particular topic. I got to like Brooke, while watching Bachelor II, and personally wish her the best.
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Q. Do you think Aaron and Trista would be a good match? Why or Why not? (Unsigned)
A. Interesting question, I have to admit! I knew it was just a matter of time until it came up. The answer is slightly complicated; therefore I will try to be as brief as possible, due to space requirements. Aaron and Trista share many similar qualities. Both love to be the center of attention, and enjoy being admired by members of the opposite sex. They are also slightly materialistic, and dislike being contradicted. Aaron and Trista are articulate and have outgoing personalities. I feel they would get along well in a short-term relationship, but they wouldn’t last very long together. I somehow get the feeling Trista has had many rocky relationships in the past, and Aaron appears to have a problem directing his attention and feelings towards one woman alone. I believe Trista would expect all his attention to be directed towards her, something Aaron has proven not able to do with any of his relationships so far.
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Q. In the ABC interview Aaron said they stayed up all night long talking( the night of the Toronto incident)...I am a woman, and I know that men don’t like to rehash things over and over in an argument especially over something as silly as him looking at a woman..something that sounded so innocent, and blown out of proportion by Helene. I know woman like Helene, they 'latch on' to their men, and are very insecure and untrusting, they create arguments out of insecurities. I am definitely not an Aaron fan, but I think we should just realize this was not a match made in heaven, and possibly the only reason they were together for 5 weeks was pressure to stay together for the sake of the show!
A. Even though I understand your feelings regarding Helene, I honestly do not believe her to be this type of person. I have met individuals with the character traits you mention, and feel Helene does not show any of the typical characteristics indicative of these types of individuals. Of course, I would have to personally interact with her in order to validate my opinion. All I know of the people involved in these shows is what I see on TV. I also understand and accept that people interpret situations differently, according to their personalities, and their tolerance level varies when it comes to how much they are willing to overlook or accept, just to keep their personal relationships on a positive level. Personally, I agree with you there were possibly no deep feelings between Aaron and Helene. I feel Aaron had some basic feelings for her, during the show, and subconsciously wanted to beat the challenge Helene presented. She was cautious and constantly in control of her emotions, trying to get to know Aaron better before committing herself fully to the relationship. They are too different, in my opinion, both in maturity and what they expect from a relationship, to have made it work.
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Q. I totally agree with your opinion about Helene that she is not demanding, controlling or high maintenance as some viewers might think. I think that you are absolutely correct when you say that one day she will make an excellent wife to someone who truly loves her and commits to her on every level. I'd like to ask your opinion on the following: Do you think that some years from now when Aaron is truly ready (hopefully) to settle down, he will regret letting such a decent, loyal, caring and mature person as Helene get away? (Unsigned)
A. That will depend if, down the road, Aaron find true happiness with someone else. In this case, Helene will just be a long gone memory of a period in his life. On the other hand, I believe he will always have a tendency to believe he made a grave mistake, with Helene, if he felt dissatisfied and unhappy in future relationships. It’s human nature.
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Q. I noticed during the interview that Aaron kept mentioning it was a shame that he and Helene broke up because she is such a beautiful girl. He must have mentioned her beauty six or seven times. Is it possible her beauty was the only reason he wanted to be with her? How else do you explain him falling out of love two weeks after the proposal in Toronto? I don't believe he ever loved her to begin with. (Unsigned)
A. Please read my Bachelorette article dated 02/21/03, where I deal extensively with this subject.
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Q. I notice that you 'bash' Aaron for the breakup, yet Helene was always putting him on the defensive every time she was with him during the show. Don’t you think she had something to do with the breakup? She seems high maintenance and controlling. I think you need to look at both sides evenly and fairly, and not blame the break entirely on Aaron! (Unsigned)
A. You are right, there are always two sides to any issue. I agree with you Helene is someone who is difficult to understand, and does not follow the average trend within her age group. Helene does have a strong personality, is sure of herself, and knows what she wants out of life. I will also say she is the type of person that will demand honesty, affection and total commitment from a relationship, no less than what she is willing to give. Helene expected Aaron to spend more time with her, in order to continue the relationship. In today’s modern style courtship, she would be seen as controlling, hard to get along with, and demanding. However, Helene did not behave any different during the filming of the show, therefore; I can not understand Aaron feeling shocked about her behavior after they became engaged. My problem with Aaron is not that he found her controlling and demanding, thus changing his mind about his feelings for her. I can accept that scenario. I just find it difficult to believe his explanation of the Canadian incident. I also find misleading his alleged constant words of love up until the last minute, before he had to take his plane home, when he told her he did not have any feelings for her anymore. I believe all women deserve to be treated with respect and honesty. In my opinion, Aaron could have told Helene in Canada he was beginning to doubt his love for her, and not prolong the inevitable, since I honestly believe Aaron lost his feelings for her shortly after the end of the show, when they were sequestered. He could have chosen to be honest with Helene, informing her they needed to talk about their relationship on his next visit. I understand it’s difficult to be the bearer of bad news, but he could have bitten the bullet, confessing to Helene why he lost his love for her. I am certain Helene would have appreciated his honesty and understood, in the end, his reasons. This would have given termination to the relationship without lingering hurtful feelings on either side. I am certain no one would have blamed either one for the fallout.
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Q. After seeing several interviews with Ryan and Trista since the final episode, they seem to be genuinely in love. Do you think it is possible that Trista has found something in Ryan that allows her to experience a side of life that is more REAL-and that he truly brings out the best in her? (And vice versa) What are your feelings on whether "opposites attract" in this relationship?
A. I agree opposites do attract, in certain cases. I also believe Trista might be currently enjoying her “snuggly” relationship with Bryan. I simply don’t believe their union will be long lived, for many reasons. I do wish them the best, though.
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Q. I have noticed a reoccurring theme in these shows that echoes a pattern in my life and many of my friends' lives - namely - an essential tension between the part of us drawn to goodness, kindness, trustworthiness, decency (The Ryans, and all the qualities that we exalt, and that we would want to raise our children to be, for example) and the part of us drawn to an obsessiveness, a HEAT (Charlies) It is as though true feelings of HEAT cannot coexist with feelings of appreciation for true kindness, and we are encouraged, when we 'grow up already' to stop valuing the HEAT so dearly and focus on the other qualities. Clearly Joe thinks Zora is a 'good' person and is about as drawn to her as he would be to his maiden Aunt. Any thoughts? (Unsigned)
A. Interesting subject! I could go on for hours discussing it. I believe you and your friends simply experience what people call the Ying and Yang of life. I basically believe every decision and/or feeling we experience has two opposing sides. In my opinion, the side we choose generally determines who we really are. Other times, the side we choose is subconsciously the one we wish we were, and not whom we really are, making us unhappy and dissatisfied with our decision, in the long run. I hope my oversimplification of the answer is understandable.
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Q. What do you think about Married by America? Can something like this work? (Unsigned)
A. I am certain Wendy is going to hit me with similar questions regarding this show, in our next article, March 24. It’s difficult for anyone to find a life-long partner, much more if they use this method, which is like playing dice. If it was this easy to live happily ever after, divorce attorneys and marriage counselors would be sitting in their offices all day, watching the daytime soaps. There would be no clients for them to see.
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Q. What’s your opinion on Firestone as the next Bachelor? (Karen C.)
A. I only know of him what I’ve read on the net, which wasn’t much. I believe he is going to be limited as to whom he will choose in the end. Someone like him is going to filter out many ladies who would not be well suited to join his family and social status. Let’s face it, that is simply common sense. These type of people make a fine distinction between whom they play with and whom they become engaged with and marry. ABC has a tendency to choose “flashy” over “substance”. It would be nice to see what happens if they would choose a regular, charismatic, average guy, for The Bachelor, and filtered out all the flashy fame seekers, actresses and models from the women’s lineup, choosing instead nice, average, personable and interesting ladies as suitors. In my opinion, it would make much more interesting viewing. More to follow on my 03/24 article.
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Q. I love your articles and answers to viewers' questions; you are obviously a very insightful and intelligent man. But there is one point I disagree with you about: I think that Trista's inclination changed from Charlie to Ryan not at the very end, but after the hometown date. She seemed much more eager to impress Charlie's family than Ryan's, but after that date something has definitely changed - she was cooler toward Charlie on the overnight date and even he said something about her being more distant from him. Do you think that maybe she somehow sensed that Charlie's family was not impressed with her and that played a big role in her decision? I thought that his mother especially was a bit rough on her (not that I blame her - she had good reasons for asking Trista tough questions, but still... It's not what she said but how she said it; to me she sounded pretty aggressive).
A. First of all, thank you for your kind words, you may write to me anytime! Just kidding. Seriously now, I believe you might be on the right track, since everything points to something happening just about the last two episodes, which would place the home visits within the time frame. Charlie’s family was definitely not impressed with Trista, and I made a comment on that week’s article they had read her like a book. Trista dislikes being contradicted, or any situation where she is not in full control. She was definitely not in control while she was with Charlie’s family, and they made no bones of their disapproval. Their contempt was written all over their faces.
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Q. After reading your comments on Trista, Ryan, and Charlie, I noticed something on the videotape that I hadn't picked up on before. On the last night while Charlie was at Trista's and they were lying down together, Charlie whispers in her ear, "I really CARE about you." Clearly she knew he didn't actually LOVE her, although he had hopes of falling in love with her in time. What’s your opinion of Charlie? Do you think he handled this situation with integrity? And one more question...why do we care so much about all of this????? (Unsigned)
A. I honestly believe Charlie is a pretty nice guy. He might come across as overconfident, but I don’t really count that as a fault. He was honest and straightforward with Trista, handling himself well throughout the show. The reasons why, I feel, we all care so much about all these reality TV shows are detailed in my last article dated 02/27/03.
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Q. In a previous interview, a reporter jokingly asked Helene if she and Aaron would elope. She responded, “That would be my parent’s nightmare”, and, after her hometown date, she said she was glad her family really grilled Aaron to see whether they would be a good match. Do you think Helene is too attached to her family for someone her age? I enjoy your articles by the way. (Unsigned)
A. The explanation to your question is relatively short, but you will have to take my word on everything I say, since it would take too long to document all the data that supports it. Helene’s parents were middle aged when they had her. It is well documented that children who are raised by "stay home moms", and are lovingly nurtured, develop a special bonding and attachment with their parents that will carry over for the rest of their lives. Helene loves and respects her parents very deeply. She values their opinions, and wouldn’t do anything that would make them suffer in any way. I believe most young people that elope don’t care much about what their parents feel or think. It is traumatic, for a loving parent, to have one of your children get married in secret, without his or her involvement in the festivities. This gives them the feeling they had been carelessly tossed aside. It’s a special feeling for any loving parent to see their child get married, and Helene feels she would be insulting her parents, in a way, if she secretly had ran away to get married. It is well documented that, most people who elope, with minor exceptions, do so because their parents disapprove of the relationship, she is pregnant, or it’s just a spur of the moment decision, made without much thought or planning. I tend to be neutral on this subject. I’ve seen cases where eloping is the only opportunity for happiness a couple might have, due to selfish, overbearing and controlling parents, but have also seen many young people complicate their lives and throw away their future over a sudden and illogical impulse, just for the sake of doing whatever they wish, ignoring basic common sense advise from loved ones. Personally, I love going to weddings! It’s one of the few occasions where almost everyone is happy, plus the bride and groom have the opportunity to share their own happiness with the people they love.
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Q. Do you think Ryan asking Trista's dad for her hand in marriage sealed the deal? (It appeared to me she was swayed toward Charlie when he came to meet the parents by her comments in the car: "You have my whole heart...I wish there weren't anyone else in this picture...it just kills me..." Do you think all of this publicity will wear on Ryan? Do you see Ryan as the type of guy who would be bothered by her actions with Charlie? Are you still of the same opinion that Trista is "plastic"? If they eventually do break up, whom do you see breaking it off? (Unsigned)
A. You sure have some interesting questions; I’ll round them all up in one answer. I believe Trista’ s favorite was Charlie up until the end. Personally, I believe Trista felt something was not right in the period between the overnight date and their visit to her parent’s home, which made her go for Ryan instead. Of course, we don’t know everything that went on between Trista and Charlie that was edited out, I’m just going by what was shown on TV. I am not excluding my secondary theory ABC and/or Trista did some trick editing to lead us on, and all this happened earlier. Ryan might be introverted but he is no fool, and was just as shocked at being chosen as Trista’s parent’s and everyone else. Her father, who I am certain knows Trista well, looked incredulous she felt attracted to Ryan, you could see it in everyone’s faces. I still believe Trista is “plastic”, can become very unpleasant when things don’t go her way, is definitely high maintenance, and has a totally different personality and goals than Ryan, a bad combination for a life-long relationship to flourish. I can’t predict, though, who will be the one ending the relationship, since there are too many variables to consider, but I don’t think their relationship will surpass a few years at most.
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Q. A. Give us one of your predictions and tell me how long, do you feel, will Evan and Zora stay together. (Unsigned)
A. Even though I've always stated there's no romantic feelings between them, I would be surprised if they would make it past this summer.
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.Q. Just a thought. With all the discussions about maturity and emotional/psychological maturity (or lack thereof), do you think the reality TV junkies out there would find interest in a Bachelor/Bachelorette series involving mature, experienced adults in the 40 to 50 age range? Interesting, average people who are serious about finding a life-long companion. Not, pardon me, a bunch of hunks and bimbos out for 15 minutes of fame. (Unsigned)
A. There are two parts to my answer. First, I believe a middle age Bachelor or Bachelorette would possibly interest a different age group than the one who is presently creating the high ratings ABC is enjoying. Secondly, I would definitely welcome a normal, average professional man or woman to be The Bachelor or Bachelorette, instead of the “flashy” ones they have been selecting. I feel the show would be more realistic, would attract more viewers, and there would be a better chance for their relationship to succeed, once the show has ended. We must also understand the difficulties involved in finding people who are able to take seven weeks off, in order to do one of these shows, and also be able to meet all the other qualifications.
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Q. What do you think of Trista repeatedly saying, "If I had two of myself, I would gladly give myself to both."? (She even said this in Ryan's presence AFTER the final show was aired) That does not seem to me to be a statement of one who is as totally in love as she claims to be. What would be behind such a comment? Is she that full of herself? How do you think Ryan truly feels about such comments and about the way she conducted herself on the show? Do you think Ryan will eventually feel like he was "sucked in"? (Unsigned)
A. I might be totally wrong, but I still believe Trista had her eye on Charlie, and somehow sensed he wasn’t in love with her, choosing Ryan instead. I believe their wedding plans are premature, and they will eventually find out it was a mistake. As much as I try, I can't envision Trista living a middle class life on a long-term basis. It totally goes against her character traits. If they do get married, at least she will go down as the first Bachelor or Bachelorette coming out of these shows who actually tie the knot. Give them a couple of years, only time will tell.
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Q. Helene said on the interview that Aaron misled her at the end. Do you agree with what Helene said that Aaron misled her? (Unsigned)
A. If Aaron did, in fact, tell her he loved her every time they communicated by phone or e-mail, and, during his last visit, he didn’t mention anything about his plans of breaking up the engagement until one hour before he took the plane home, I believe that could be seen as being misleading.
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Q. We heard on the interview last February 20 from both sides of Helene and Aaron what was going on and happened in their relationship. My questions are: In a given circumstance, do you think 3 months is enough to decide to end up their relationship? or Is Helene right that Aaron did not give her a fair chance to work it out? (Unsigned)
A. Human relationships are very complex, and there are no guides or specific time periods written on the subject. Each relationship is unique, and both parties should act according to their feelings. It appears to me Aaron made up his mind to end it some time ago. He was either trying to find the right moment to tell Helene, waiting until his restaurant had successfully opened, or possibly a combination of both.
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Q. At the dinner with her family, Trista's step mom got out and showed around a photo of Trista that Trista didn't want anyone to see, what I call "the ugly wedding photo." What struck me was how much Trista looked like Ryan in that photo! Do we pick out someone who LOOKS like us when we chose a mate or do we go for someone entirely different? (Now I don't look at all like GregT but found him divine). (Unsigned)
A. I havent seen any credible evidence that supports this particular theory. People have a wide opinion as to what physical qualities they find attractive in the opposite sex. It is my opinion any physical similarity in couples is purely coincidental, and not intentional.
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Q. In one of your articles you said that Trista had a "female intuition" that Charlie wasn't in love with her. It was clear to other people as well - during the show we heard from Ryan's mother and Trista's stepmother who observed Ryan and Trista that Ryan has fallen in love with her, and we never heard a similar observation about Charlie. Do you think that if Charlie had fallen in love with her to the same extent Ryan did, Trista would have selected him? Am I right in thinking that? Also, what is your opinion of Ryan and do you think they will be happily married?
A. I believe she would have chosen Charlie. No amount of editing is going to suppress her body language and face expressions whenever she was alone with Charlie and Ryan. She clearly had developed feelings for Charlie. In contrast, she enjoyed being loved and cuddled by Ryan, two totally different type of relationships. I believe Trista didn’t like to hear Charlie’s comments he wasn’t in love with her, retaliating by making the spiteful comment she was really thinking of Ryan when she was with Charlie. I don’t see Trista and Ryan having a life-long romantic relationship. I expanded on this subject in my February 6 interview.
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Q. What’s your take on Aaron’s comments to Helene he had many offers from other ladies and didn’t want to cheat on her?
A. If he did say this to her, it sounds to me like something a teenager would say, and was immature, self grandiose, and disrespectful, in my opinion.
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Q. You are on target with your comments, they follow common sense, even though sometimes they may not be too popular with some die-hard fans of a particular person. We wish to know if you will continue to post your comments with the upcoming Bachelor III and then Bachelorette II. (Bachelor Express)
A. Thanks for the plug, you can write to me anytime! Seriously now, the answer is yes.
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Q. Hi! I would like to start off by saying that I have enjoyed the articles/interviews about the Bachelor II/Bachelorette tremendously, especially since "A.T." gives opinions that are very insightful and occasionally contrary to popular opinion. I have to admit that I generally agree with A.T.'s opinions about the Bachelor II "breakup" episode (essentially lionizing Helene), but there are two issues on the show that I would like to bring up and hopefully hear A.T.'s feedback on. First, if Helene was/is so determined to get some answers and closure from Aaron about the end of the relationship, why would she insist on separate interviews? Second, I can't help but feel that (at least symbolically) Helene was the one who ended the engagement in Toronto when she took the engagement ring off and gave it back to Aaron. If there have been justifiable reasons and events that have caused her to give back the ring once already, then how can she (a psychiatrist, no less) feel that their relationship is on anything but stormy waters, or feel shocked that Aaron was "dropping a bomb" on her by breaking up with her later on at the end of the New Jersey visit? (Marc)
A. Thanks for your letter, and words of support. You have some good questions here, let’s take them in order. I believe Helene insisted on separate interviews for several reasons, more prominently because she wanted to be able to speak freely without Aaron being present. Aaron is more articulate than she is, and she didn’t want him to take over the interview, much like he usually did whenever they were interviewed together. Helene knew Aaron would brush off the incident as female hysteria, and would give politically correct answers. I believe those were the main reasons why Aaron appeared so angry during his interview. I agree with you Helene was the one who (symbolically) broke off the engagement when she returned the ring, asking Aaron to evaluate if he was willing to follow up on his responsibilities as her fiancée. I believe there was a certain degree of mistrust, on Helene’s part, regarding Aaron’s “roving eye” syndrome, which she never got over. Subconsciously, she probably saw it coming, but, according to her statements, both apologized after the Toronto incident, and she had put the incident behind her. If you’ve read my original Dec./02 article you’d see I always said Helene would be the one breaking off the engagement, and she would see Aaron under a different light if he ever broke her trust. After the incident, Aaron continued to give conflicting signals. According to Helene, Aaron kept telling her he loved her, and both had a good time during the New Jersey visit, until it was time for Aaron to take his plane home, and he dropped the bomb. If Aaron would have told her, before his visit, he was flying over to have a serious discussion about their relationship, I am certain Helene would have been better prepared for the bad news. I will go deeper as to the reasons why Aaron broke up with Helene on our next article, since the reasons are too lengthy to explain in this forum. Don’t miss it!
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Q. Do you think Charlie has what it takes to be the next Bachelor? (Unsigned)
A. I believe Charlie would make an excellent Bachelor. He is not only handsome, but has a great sense of humor, is articulate, and would keep the attention of The Bachelorettes, and viewers, throughout the six weeks. The problem is I believe he would not propose at the end, since he has already said it is difficult for him to fall in love in such a short period of time. Let’s see what happens!
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Q. Do you think that the cause of Aaron and Helene break-up was lack of Helene's trust on him? He said that she pushed him away that is why he doesn't love her anymore and wanted to break the relationship. 3)Do you think he wanted only to run away from her because he is not emotionally and psychologically ready for a serious commitment? He knew that Helene was really serious on their relationship. Thank you very much and hope to get the response from you.(Unsigned)
A. Good question! In my opinion, there were hints Helene already had a problem trusting Aaron throughout the filming of Bachelor. You must place yourself in her position to better understand the situation. It is normal for Helene to have been slightly suspicious of his intentions, considering she constantly heard the other women’s stories on what happened on their dates. It is difficult to trust someone who one day is in the hot tub kissing one lady, and the next is your turn to do the same. It makes anyone wonder, when he speaks, if Aaron was telling the same story to all the women in the show. After the program ended, it appears Aaron spent more time in publicity appearances than visiting Helene, another sign that would make anyone doubtful as to the feelings of the other person. I’ll deal more in depth on this issue during this week’s interview, since we’ve received many letters asking similar questions.
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Q. What exactly do you think happened between Aaron with Helene? She might have been a little demanding, but, isn’t that a normal reaction to Aaron’s constant publicity appearances without Helene? When do you think he lost his feelings for her, and why? (unsigned)
A. The answer to this question is slightly complicated, and will be addressed in this week's article (Thursday, 02/27/03.
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Q. have you tried to contact Helene to help her through this sad period in her life? (Unsigned)
A. No, I don’t believe it would be appropriate of me to do this, for many reasons. Helene has a wonderful family, and a network of friends who, I am certain, is providing her with all the love and support she needs at this time.
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Q. I think Helene should meet face to face with Aaron and talk to him so they can both have closure or a reconciliation if that is possible. I don't believe that Aaron is completely out of love with her and she is still obviously in love with him. There is no doubt that Aaron is immature and self-centered but Helene must have hurt his feelings deeply by returning the engagement ring after the Toronto bar incident. Her reaction was a bit excessive given the nature of his "offense". She could have handled it more maturely and generated a totally different outcome. By refusing to talk to Aaron, Helene will never have the answers she needs to heal her broken heart. Can you or a "Dr. Phil" type person help them resolve their issues if they are willing to give the relationship another chance? (Unsigned0
Q. For any type of therapy to be effective, BOTH parties must be 100% committed to finding a mutual solution. I might be wrong, but, from what I saw and heard, on their interview, Aaron has been trying for some time to end the relationship. Nothing is impossible, but I believe he is not interested in reviving the relationship.
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Q. It seems to me that if the producers of the Bachelor don't get a serious relationship (and marriage) out of one of these shows, this Bachelor run is going to end soon. Most people will stop watching, assuming that the couple will soon break up. One of the reasons for this, in my opinion, is the bachelors they've been choosing. Aaron was immature and not really ready for a serious relationship. Alex--well that's obvious. You would think that the producers would want to get a marriage out of one of these shows soon. This would seem to "prove" that true love could be found on a reality TV show. They need to more carefully screen these prospective bachelors to find one that is both serious and mature. Is this possible? More attention from the bachelor to his chosen could make all the difference in the world. Am I way off base with this opinion? (Unsigned)
A. We agree on several issues, more prominently that ABC needs to have a couple finishing one of these series that will stay together and live happily ever after. I believe two of the main issues are the long sequestering period until the final episode is aired, and the fact both parties usually live in different states, making it difficult for them to see each other. I also believe the filming schedule should be done in a way that each show is seen one or two weeks after it has been filmed.
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Q. I'm a huge fan of "The Mole." It is the only "intelligent" reality show. What is your take? I'm also a psychologist and have found myself sucked into these shows for some of the same reasons you stated. Now I'm obsessed with the whole Michael Jackson circus and feel heartbroken for him and his many problems. Oh well...let me know about The Mole! Thanks! S.
A. It’s nice to hear from a colleague who is also hooked on these shows! It makes me feel much better. Now, in reference to your question, I must admit not to watch The Mole, even if I believe the concept sounds interesting. I had to draw the line somewhere, or this small project would balloon out of proportion, and I would possibly loose my sanity. As far as Michael is concerned, I wouldn’t touch that one with a ten-foot pole. It was nice hearing from you, though.
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Q. I would like to know the author's opinion on the Sandra Bullock & Aaron story. Aaron admitted to calling Sandra after one of her friends had convinced him to do so, he said that, she told him she had a crush on him and that was the extent of it. Is this not odd of a celebrity to behave in this manner? Especially because she knew that he was engaged..(although it has surfaced recently I did read this story prior to the announcement of the break-up) (Unsigned)
A. Nothing is odd as far as celebrities are concerned! Apparently she saw some episodes of Bachelor and must have made some comments about Aaron. A friend picked up on it and contacted him. Of course, Aaron now feels impressed, and drops the story every chance he gets.
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Q. I really enjoyed the Bachelor show. I fell in love with Aaron & Helene as a couple and they both seemed very much in love. However, I did notice that when they began doing the interviews it seemed, although Helene felt the same, Aaron had a change of heart. I really believe that 2 things happened here: 1) The fame went to his head and all of the female attention as well... 2) The many negative opinions about Helene (which I feel were completely inaccurate) swayed Aaron's opinion of her. I really think he should have gone with his heart, he may regret this one day. I would like the doctor's opinion on my findings.. Are they accurate? Does he agree? And last, what his opinion on Aaron's newfound love? A Playboy Bunny! (Doesn't that say it all!!) (Unsigned)
A. I believe we basically share the same opinion on this issue. You may like to read Bachelorette Article 7, dated 02/06/03, in which I expand on this subject. As for the Playboy Bunny, it’s something our boy would do.
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Q. I wanted to let you know that I have agreed with everyone one of your analysis when it comes to Helene and Trista. I agree that it is difficult for the viewers to identify with Helene. The incorrect judgements that are made about her are really unfair. I don't know what your age or marital status is...but, have you thought about pursuing Helene?? I would like to say, however, that I am extremely disappointed in Aaron's behavior. I thought he was a top-notch gentleman when he was on the show, but I think he has tarnished his reputation irreversibly. (Unsigned)
A. Are you a matchmaker of sorts who wishes to introduce us? Seriously, I am too old for her anyway, and believe she is not ready for a new relationship. I think very highly of Helene and wish her the best. I am certain she will meet her REAL Prince someday. As for Aaron, I also believe this will tarnish his reputation with the fans, especially after this Thursday’s Special airs.
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Q. Aaron made a statement on ABC Special Preview that he feels like he doesn't love Helene anymore. Helene held her face and cried after what he had said. Sounds like he was the who broke off the engagement and not Helene. In other words, he dumped her. My question is: Is it appropriate for Aaron to say on National TV that she doesn't love Helene anymore that why they broke-up? (Unsigned)
A. I haven’t actually seen the preview, but I remember reading somewhere both were interviewed separately for this special, according to Helene’s wishes. If that is the case, there was some crafty editing involved to make it look like they were together when Aaron made that statement. The only way to see what really happened is to wait until the show airs. Anyway, I believe they both realized, fairly soon after the filming of Bachelor ended, that they did not share the same set of priorities and goals for their relationship to flourish. If Aaron did in fact react this way, on national TV, I feel it is something a gentleman should never do, and shows immaturity, little tact, and no concern for the feelings of others. Being the PR boy he is, he should have phrased things differently, and could have presented a more positive image to the viewers. As for Helene apparently crying due to Aaron’s comments, I can only say it is a normal reaction for someone whose feelings have been hurt, and is being publicly humiliated by a person she once had feelings for. You must also realize ABC will air only what they wish the viewers to see, and I would be surprised if we see much substance, or any spicy details, during next Thursday’s special interview. I hope I am wrong.
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Q. I don't really have a question...I just wanted to comment that I have enjoyed the interviews with the "author" very much. He is insightful and interesting to read, even though I am well aware his commentary is for entertainment rather than a professional assessment. I still feel he is extremely intuitive, which is a good quality in life and for any profession, specially his chosen one. I definitely followed with interest Jamie's remarks about his Panic Disorder. I can relate because I too suffer from this disorder. Of course, everything the author stated in his latest article about this disorder is right on the money, including his statement that anyone who may be suffering from this disorder to see a mental health professional. Again, I have enjoyed the author's "words of wisdom" and he would be a fascinating person to meet. I understand his need and desire for anonymity, but who knows. ;- ) (Tiger Belle in Baton Rouge)
A. Thank you for your letter and kind words, you don’t know how much they meant to me! There are many myths surrounding psychological disorders, and one thing I wish to divulge is that there is no reason for people suffering these types of conditions not to be active members of our society. Jamie did more good than he is aware of by publicly speaking out about his problem. I wish both you and Jamie the best.
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Q. Thank you for your insightful comments! Do you think anyone can really find true love amidst the glamour and fame of shows like the bachelor or bachelorette? It seems no one so far has managed to make it work. I think Charlie's mother hit it right on the nose when she told him that Trista seemed to be too much into the glamour and glitz.(Unsigned)
A. Yes, I do believe it is possible. You may read a detailed answer to this question in Article 2 of “The Bachelor”, on this site. As far as our girl Trista is concerned, I believe the primary reason she agreed to do Bachelorette was to take advantage of the publicity for her upcoming TV career. More details on this Friday’s article.
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Q. I love to read your articles! They are different from the average hatchet job accounts of what happened on each episode, which is what most other sites offer. We’ve noticed you always defended and spoke well of Helene throughout your articles, and wanted to know if your opinion of her has changed. (The Bachelorette gang)
A. First of all, thanks for the “plug”! Everyone likes to hear praise, once in a while, and, I am no different. I always understood Helene very well, and have always held her in high regard. There is much more to this nice young lady than meets the eye, once you get beyond superficial observations. At the end, her caution paid off, for our boy seems to have neglected some of his obligations as her fiancée, and that is the main reason for the break-up. Sadly, her maturity and conservative values will not be understood by most of the viewers, who will continue to have difficulty identifying with her. I will expand on this issue in this week’s article.
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