God's Comfort

   There is an extra set of nerves in my mouth, and I was born with weak teeth. I suffered horribly through extensive dental work through a quarter of a century, beginning at age three, feeling great pain. No dentist would believe that it hurt, and two were truly sadistic to me when I was a child. When I was in my late-twenties, I got a new dentist. When I came in for the first time, I told him, as I always did, that I strongly dreaded dental work, because it always hurt. He was an especially astute man who knew immediately what was wrong. He told me I had a double set of nerves, and needed a double set of shots. The shots he gave me, numbed me like they were supposed to, and I had the first dental work of my life which was painless. He told me to always tell future dentists of this, which I did. It solved the problem.

   Well, my extra nerves don't end with my jaws. I am plagued with extra emotions as well.

   All my life, I have been too sensitive. At least that's what the relatives said. I was easily hurt as a child, and wept about things that wouldn't bother anyone else. Unfortunately, this did not go away when I grew up.

   I have long regarded my extra sensitivity as a kind of curse. Each time a person whom I love, is harsh with me, I feel that I am unlovable, and/or unloved. Each time a person whom I love, is warm toward me, I feel lovable and loved.

   It can be painful to be that way. Though my spiritual identity is strong, my human identity is so fragile, it sways this way and that, affected by the smallest thing. A smile. A frown.

   However, in the past few years, I have begun to realize, that if God created me this way, surely there is a reason, and it is good for me.

   At the same time as I become swamped with feelings for myself, I am also filled with feelings for others. The pain of others draws me to help them. The sorrow of others causes me grief, and I pray for them. The needs of others become immediately my need to fulfill them if I can.

   If I didn't have so many feelings, would I care so deeply about others? Is that the reason God made me like this?

   I've been asking Him during these past few years, about things I never asked about before. Prayed about, yes; but not asking for an answer. When I was young, I didn't specifically wait for an answer, when I asked Him for something. I did not have time. I asked for more patience, as I carried on with my busy young motherhood, and trusted God to give it.

   But now I am older, and my children grown. I ask for grace in trials, and am still. I wait. We live in the mountains, so I stand in the meadows alone, and watch the sky, cloudy or clear, day or night, summer or winter, because I feel closer to God outdoors. Then I talk to God, and listen as though He were going to reply out loud. Because although that is not His way, He does answer. Many times I have received comprehension through the Holy Spirit about something which has distressed me, by waiting quietly, and listening with an open heart. God does soothe my wounds with His understanding, comfort and love, often, as I stand, waiting.

   Perhaps I should be thanking Him for my extra sensitivity. Perhaps He has things for me to do, even as I grow older, to help others, because I care so much. I am certain that He means for me to stop thinking about my own feelings so much, and look to Him for my identity. I am a child of God. God loves me. What better identity could there be, than that? Perhaps it is an insult to Him, when I look at a human frown, and feel that I am no good.

   Through these bits of understanding, God has changed me, as surely as a potter's hands, shaping, and forming me to be what He wants me to be. It is a life-long process. It is good to have time now just to listen, and wait. There is no longer something always pressing, calling me to rush off and keep working.

   It must be the season of life now, when God is working on me. And I am paying attention. I want to learn. I want to know. I deeply desire to shed the feelings of loneliness, and rejection, and turn to my Heavenly Father. He is always with me, and He does not reject me. I am receptive to my new knowledge that He expects me to pay attention to myself in a new way. To open myself like a book, and invite Him to write on my heart a new way of thinking. To usher in a new willingness to hear His wisdom, as He teaches me to understand things I never could before. To remain responsive to His teachings every day, through every trial, and every dark moment, so that instead of being aware of my feelings, I am aware of what He is teaching me through this painful place.

    * Ye shall not see the sword ... but I will give you assured peace in this place. Jer 14:13

    * Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. John 14:27

   The Holy Spirit is enlightening me, teaching me to turn to the Lord for relief and comfort, instead of to humans, who really cannot help. The dentist knew I needed extra shots. The Holy Spirit is giving me immunity to much of the pain I have felt all my life, from other people. I am learning to look immediately to my Heavenly Father, and trust in that new immunity. The pain goes away each time. How I praise God, for helping me in this way! What a relief it is!

2005 Rosemary Gwaltney

What a Friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.

Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged; take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness; take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden, cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge, take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do your friends despise, forsake you? Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In His arms He'll take and shield you; you will find a solace there.

Blessed Savior, Thou hast promised Thou wilt all our burdens bear,
May we ever, Lord, be bringing all to Thee in earnest prayer.
Soon in glory bright unclouded there will be no need for prayer;
Rapture, praise and endless worship will be our sweet portion there.

Joseph M. Scriven 1855