God Wants To Spend Time With Us

A long period of waiting has come to fruition this year, as God has answered my most recent plea. This four year plea was for Him to give me something to do for Him, now that my children are grown. I felt so worthless, and could not bear feeling that I was of no use to my Heavenly Father any more. Now He has brought a mission to me, up on this mountain, and how I praise Him for this! But for a while, I sorrowfully mourned the four lost years.

Now it is necessary to back up a little. Some time ago, God gave me a powerful, intense understanding, which deepened and enriched my spirit. This was the realization that the four years of waiting were NOT lost years.

In a spiritual way, those years were like the physical waiting of a baby before birth. Those months of being alone, and growing next to the mother's heart, are necessary for the baby to mature sufficiently to survive outside the womb.

Those years were necessary for my own spiritual maturation. God wanted to spend time with me, while I matured, much as a mother sits in joy and anticipation, with her hand upon her abdomen where her beloved baby grows.

He loves to spend time with me, much as a parent loves the upward, trusting gaze, interest and learning of their young child beside them. It is FUN to teach our young child. It must be FUN for God to teach us. All of our earthly lives, we are only as children to Him. He understands our comparative youth, and our weaknesses.

I understand now that God's will for me was to spend those silent, solitary years alone with Him. He wanted me to draw near, and seek Him as never before. In this way only, could I learn the things He wanted me to learn. It was not His time to give me a new mission for Him. I was not ready. God had spiritual understanding to teach me. It was time to sit at my Father's knee, and listen. Just listen.

While I was waiting, I did not realize that my endless seeking for His will was just what He wanted me to be doing. My searching was only what came naturally. I was still convinced that those years were lost. But I was wrong.

They were not lost at all! It was a special time - the first silent, very empty time of my adulthood. I was deeply unhappy, and lonely. This made it the easiest time so far, to turn away from the world, and toward Him. I simply spent hours every day seeking my Father's will, as well as deperately needing the comfort of His closeness.

I am deeply loved by my Heavenly Father. Through all my mistakes, and sins, frailties and failures, He loves me still. This heart-knowledge is woven into my very spirit. I don't know why He loves me so, but I completely believe it. Even though He has allowed me to have hideous troubles and heartbreaks through my life. That has nothing to do with love. He loves me. I am His beloved child. Oh, that all parents would teach their children this truth, as mine did me! It's so easy for a child to purely accept that they are loved. Childhood is the very best time of life to teach a child that God loves them. In adulthood, they will still believe it. Even if they feel that no one else loves them, they will still know that God does.

With that knowledge of His boundless love, it is not so difficult to accept what He gives us.

I was complaining to Him the other day, when having trouble with finances: "Father, I don't have enough brains for this kind of math!" Then it hit me - HE gave me the brains I have. I quickly looked toward the sky, laughing, and told Him: "Oh, Father, I'm sorry. You gave me the brains I have, and I am grateful for them. Since these are what You gave me, these ARE enough! YOU will help me figure this out."

What He gives us, is always the right thing, whether we perceive it as what we wanted, or didn't want. Just so, the time He chooses to give us something, is the right time. Any other time would be the wrong time. We don't see that then. Ah, time, what an intense subject it is!

And therefore will the Lord wait, that he may be gracious unto you, and therefore will he be exalted, that he may have mercy upon you: for the Lord is a God of judgment: blessed are all they that wait for him. Isaiah 30:18

Is it that I thought the Lord was not being gracious to me, making me wait for years at a time for something I yearned for with everything in me? Perhaps I did feel that way in my youth, but through spiritual maturing, I don't any longer. I did not understand how God's time is not necessarily my time. I can never see my life's whole picture, but God not only sees it, but has known it before time began. Imagine! Before He created the world, He created and knew all of us in His mind.

At one time, He was thinking about me, as He created His meticulous blueprint for my life. Perhaps He was thinking: "this child of mine, who will be named Rosemary, will be a child who is loving, compassionate, obedient, and generous. She will also be very emotional, sometimes impetuous, and impatient. She will have passionate desires and hopes; and great and good goals, but she will need many lessons in waiting, and accepting disappointments with grace. Yet this child will please me, by diligently lifting her face to Mine, through her life. She will give me joy by turning back toward Me when she gets lost, drawing near to Me, and seeking to learn more."

So often in my life, I have bitterly disappointed myself. I have always wanted more out of myself than I can give. I have expected perfection out of myself, and of course, that never happened. What amazes me is why God has put so much time, love and energy into teaching me - His often wayward and stubborn daughter. No matter how many times I stumble and fall, He reaches for my outstretched hand, and helps me up. Then He keeps right on teaching me, as He guides me on the path to Heaven.

God's timing is perfect and He waits for His own perfect time to arrive, to be gracious unto us. He has mercy upon us, and will bless those who wait for Him. Can this mean that we who wait with faith, and patience are blessed? Perhaps.

Then again, there is a verse which indicates that it is our waiting that may CAUSE God to have mercy upon us. I would assume that means waiting without chafing at the bit, and stomping with irritation. After all, when our toddler wants something, don't we feel tender toward him when he waits patiently? Don't we feel more like giving him what he wants, when he waits without screeching? Certainly we do. Even more so, must God feel tender toward us when we try to wait in a spirit of patience, to please Him.

Wait upon the Lord our God, until that he have mercy upon us. Psa 123:2b

Oh, how I praise God for loving me enough to want to spend time with me! For loving me enough to forgive all my sins. For loving me enough to teach me, and then, to sing over me with joy! Thank you, Father! Oh, I thank You! Oh, Father, how I love You!

The Lord thy God in the midst of thee is mighty; he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing. Zep 3:17

2006 Rosemary Gwaltney