Guarding Our Attitudes

     I have one daughter who can do dishes faster than I can. However, they will be found in the cupboard with pools of water, and sometimes with food on them, (if she remembers to put them away at all.) Life with this daughter has taught me to check all mugs for soap in the bottom, before drinking from them. Aaagggggblech!

     I also have one daughter who takes literally two to three hours, to wash dishes. She'll be in my way, while I begin to cook the next meal. But these dishes will be clean, not soapy, wiped dry and put away.

     One daughter can tidy up the kitchen in fifteen minutes, which is sometimes a real treat. The other is standing around for hours, picking at each spot of dirt, and drying every hint of moisture, which is an aggravation, but the end result is much better.

     I won't even go into the children who do a fairly good job, but run ALL the hot water out; or the child who made a name for himself by HIDING the dirty dishes in a back bedroom, when it was his turn to wash!

     It would be so easy to say to the one daughter, "why can't you hurry up like your sister". Also so easy to say to the other, "why can't you do the job right, like your sister?" But what would be the end result of that? Neither daughter would change. But both would learn to resent the other.

     I must admit, that all my ideas on getting even results on dishes from all children, have failed. Yet I still would not use that one! And at least they love each other.

     I have seen great bitterness and jealousy in the adult members of a family whose mother had a favorite child and boasted about it to the other children. She shamed and ridiculed her other children, and held her favorite in their faces. In their 50s now, none of them even speak to each other, although the mother is dead. How much they have lost!

     Nowadays, people use the word "challenged" indiscriminately, for every kind of weakness. Challenge is a somewhat aggressive word, with negative undertones of definace and confrontation. I particularly do not like the term "mentally challenged", because I've never been fond of contests. To be challenged, leaves you room to fail. A person who is disabled should never think of themselves as failures. I prefer the term "differently abled".

     If I were to challenge each of my daughters to beat the other, or do better than the other, they might try, at first. But one would have to lose. How would that one feel then? Would she feel like trying harder? I think not. How about the winner? Would she develop a "ha ha, I'm better than you" attitude? Very likely. And attitudes like that, don't confine themselves to one activity. It is too human to quickly conclude that you are better than the next person; not simply that you are better at doing dishes.

     I would then, be leading my children into the temptation to develop wrong attitudes toward each other. Our roles as parents are supposed to be fashioned after Jesus' example. I always wondered what the words meant, "lead us not into temptation", for surely no parent would do this! The realization about comparing children against each other was enough of an answer for me.

     Two times in the Bible, we are reminded of this.

* Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Matthew 6:13

* Lead us not into temptation; but deliver us from evil. Luke 11:4

     An attitude is one part of a person's disposition that can be purposely changed. But it takes great determination, time, and struggle to change an attitude that one has held for many years.

* Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus. Philippians 2:5

* Be made new in the attitude of your minds. Ephesians 4:23

     It takes prayer, and searching of one's own inner mind, to even discover the attitudes that one does not really want. How can we be a good Christian witness to our own children, or anyone else, if our lives portray attitudes that are totally different from those of Jesus? Some are very small and, we think, insignificant. But if you get a still small voice inside, talking to you about a small attitude that is not becoming, or helpful, perhaps that is God speaking.

* Listen and hear my voice; pay attention and hear what I say. Isaiah 28:23

* Listen to my instruction and be wise; do not ignore it. Proverbs 8:33

* ... listen carefully to the voice of the Lord your God and do what is right in his eyes... Exodus 15:26b

* The word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Hebrews 4:12

* Go near and listen to all that the Lord our God says. Deuteronomy 5:27a

* My daughter, listen to me. Ruth 2:8b

* Hear my prayer, O Lord ; listen to my cry for mercy. Psalm 86:6

* God has surely listened and heard my voice in prayer. Psalm 66:19

     A mother with a sharp and critical attitude, is like a lovely young woman with too much make-up on. For real beauty to shine through, both must be refined. It is a good thing to look in the mirror in our minds, and see what reflection we are showing others.

* You, O Lord, are loving. Surely you will reward each person according to what he has done. Psalm 62:12

© 2004 Rosemary Gwaltney