A New Gift For God

If I had the money, and could go to the store, and buy something to give God, that He would like, would I do it? Immediately! If I could push a magic button that would make God happy with me, would I do it? Immediately!

I discovered today, how I can give a new gift to God. Before today, I did not recognize it as a gift at all.

I have been nurturing a deep personal longing for something I don't have. I have longed for it fruitlessly. I have wasted years moping inside about this, deep inside. This morning, through something I read, God showed me that my attitude has been wrong. Oh, Father, how can I get rid of this wrong attitude? It must be Your will that I don't have this, since it appears to be unobtainable. If it is Your will that I don't have this, I want to obey. Even if I never can have it in my life. I WANT to cheerfully submit to Your will, without feeling sorry for myself! Please show me how!

If I don't give my child something he wants, he has a choice. He can submit cheerfully, or sulk. If he submits cheerfully, he is being obedient to me, and showing his love and respect for me. Isn't that the same with God, then?

Can I give something I wish for; something that God has not allowed me to have, to Him, as a gift - meaning I give it up cheerfully? Well, in order to give it, I first have to accept it.

*Every man according as he purposeth in his heart, [so let him give]; not grudgingly, or of necessity: for God loveth a cheerful giver. 2 Chron. 9:7

Wouldn't a surprise gift my child gives me out of love, be worth much more to me, than a gift I had demanded for him to give me? Yes, it would be.

If I am to give this gift to God, it will have to be given many times. Each time the longing comes up, I will need to give it to Him again. And I want to! Yes, I want to! Help me, Father, to give You this gift from my heart.

Sometimes it takes me a lot of thought, to figure things out! I searched my heart about this.

I truly believe that I don't deserve this thing I wish for so deeply. I have told God this, sincerely, many times. I THOUGHT I was showing Him that I was being obedient. But it was not cheerful obedience.

What if I had a fair-haired, tender-skinned daughter who for some reason, could not comprehend what a sunburn was. If I were to tell my that she was forbidden to stay out in the sun all afternoon, with no suntan lotion, and she were to say to me, "I haven't been a good enough daughter, and so I understand why you won't give this pleasure to me," How would I feel?

My instant response would be that it hasn't anything to do with whether she has been a good enough daughter. I was not allowing her to do this, for her own good. No matter if she didn't understand my reasons. How would I be FEELING, though?

But what if she came around every few days, and said again to me: "I wish so very much that I could spend the day in the sun, but I don't deserve it. It's okay that you won't let me." If she were to repeat it and repeat it, I would begin to conclude that she was being querulous. My sympathy would go out the window. I would think her mind was trying to convince me to allow it, even though her mouth agreed to abide by my rule. I would be sick of hearing it. I would tell her not to mention it again.

Now I think I know how I would FEEL.

I would be irritated, and disappointed in her attitude. I would feel sad to think she might actually doubt that I loved her enough to give her what she wanted, even though she hadn't been good all her life.

Grieved.

Oh, Father, I hope I have not grieved You, by my attitude!

I WANT to give up my constant desire for this thing, out of love for You, and because of my trust in Your wisdom for me.

I don't NEED to understand it. I don't need to explain it, or justify it to myself. I need to simply accept it from You, my Heavenly Father. No, not simply accept it. Accept it cheerfully! Because I am not giving You a thing of importance, if my gift is given without willingness. And if I am truly willing, I will be cheerful.

This is a hard lesson, Father. I need Your help. And I know You will help me. I trust You to help me, because You know that above all things, I desire to please You.