When A Child Suffers

My little son Travis suffered a long, debilitating illness leading to his death. He slid slowly and irretrievably downhill for more than five years. That was long ago now, but his vigorous, vibrant laughter still rings in my spirit.

My little boy's life spanned only eight years. Travis Andrew began life weak, and having trouble sucking; and ended life exhausted, feeble and weary beyond expression. In between, he knew wonderful years, much rich laughter, sparkling eyes, and a wealth of love. His affliction held him captive for much too long. It was hard to bear my little one suffering so much, so long. When he died, with my hands caressing him, my first spontaneous feeling was that of gratitude, that my precious son would not suffer any more. But over the next eleven years, I've had to deal with my own pain. I wanted him to be well, and to live to be a man.

I adopted him, believing that he was, and would continue to be a robust, healthy baby. Though he certainly appeared so, this was not to be. His lungs were already in trouble by two years old. By three, he was going downhill, as repeated aspirate pneumonias insidiously damaged his lung tissue. I began to wonder then, if he would live to grow up. Only God knew. He was in God's hands from conception.

* Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee. Jeremiah 1:5

* My times are in thy hand. Psalm 31:15

At four, he had what was probably a stroke. However, with a monitor keeping track of his bradychardia and apnea, he slowly recovered, and rallied to challenge the coming years. But his laughter never returned the same, and his sparkle was much diminished. Although he could laugh again at five years old, it was rare, since he would choke, and inhale droplets of saliva, his laugh was always cut off at the start. To cry, or to laugh, was to choke, and have to be suctioned. Dismal it was for me, to finally have to stop making him laugh, knowing the outcome of even one giggle. This illness took much of the joy from my child's life. But he remained patient, and had such a sweet, gentle spirit. He never complained unless he was in pain, or unable to breathe. God will bless him through all eternity.

* Blessed are the meek. Matthew 5:5a

This beautiful little boy, this son, my own, held the key to my heart. I gave it freely, and if I had it to do again, I would adopt him again in an instant. I saw my own eyes reflected in his, countless times. I spent more time at his bedside than anyone else's. I spent long years suctioning him day and night, in the last half of his life, which was the hardest for him.

If he were still alive, my son would have been twenty years old this coming summer. His life was complete in a much shorter time than I would have chosen. I was his future and his hope here on earth. I loved him with all my heart. Because I only have a human vantage point, I wish I could have given him good health. But every moment of my son's life, God's eyes were resting upon him, with infinite tenderness. His plan for Travis was perfect. Though I cannot comprehend it here on earth. I know it is true.

* My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Psalm 139:15-17

Why did God let him suffer? I do not know, but I am absolutely certain that He will reward him fully in Heaven, for his sufferings here on earth. The Bible tells us there will be such intense and rich joy in Heaven, it will make our afflictions on earth seems small and brief in comparison.

* For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory. 2 Corinthians 4:17

* For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 2 Corinthians 4:17

It will be a thrill beyond description, to behold my child in Heaven, whole and well, and running to leap into my arms and talk to me! He won't be burdened by any frailty there, and he'll never know pain or tears again. God's promise is there in the Bible.

* And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain. . . Revelation 21:4