When God Says "No"

Elisabeth Elliot's husband was murdered, when they were young missionaries. She speaks about her widowhood in her excellent, insightful, and deeply spiritual book, "The Path Of Loneliness." By now, she has been widowed twice. Through the passage of time, she came to comprehend her widowhood as a "gift from God." When I read this, my eyes could have fallen out of my head in shock. GIFT? Well, I read on; and I am still reading her book over and over.

I have given this very deep thought. My life has had what I thought was far too much loneliness. But I am certainly not the only one. Many women or men come home to an empty apartment, crawl alone into a cold bed, wake up alone, and go back to work. Many women and men have spouses who ignore them day after day, and night after night, for one reason or another. Infinitely more painful than that, many people have spouses who turn away from them, and find new pleasures in other lovers. This broken, hurting, imperfect world is saturated with loneliness. People try to find relief from their loneliness all the time, in other people. But that is not where true peace, spiritual fulfillment, and joy comes from. It comes only from God. If He gives love and comfort through a spouse, it is still a gift from Him.

I remember in my childhood, receiving gifts of clothing. I always deeply wanted dolls instead. But my parents knew that when money was scarce, I needed clothes more, to replace those which had grown too small. Inside, I did not appreciate the clothes, though I was taught to politely say "thank you." I longed for the doll I had not received, instead.

There have been many times in adulthood that I have pleaded with God, for something I felt that I needed desperately. When I did not receive it, I knew that though God had heard, cared, and answered, His reply had been "no." But I never once thought of His refusal as being a "gift." Yet, I can see now that it is a gift in more than one way.

If we, as parents, always gave our child exactly what he or she wanted, would he or she ever know the blessing of being a good, obedient, and happy child? Of course not. Well, having God say "no" gives me a chance to respond to my Heavenly Father as an obedient daughter. It also forces me to take a different path than I wanted to walk, and sends me on a new journey. One that He wants me to take. God knows what I need, spiritually, far better than I do.

Since reading Elisabeth Elliot's book, I have been trying to visualize a recent longing of mine, not as a thing God has not given me - but as a thing that He has given me. It is an answer. The answer is, in infinite tenderness and sympathy, "not now, my child." It is not necessarily "no, never." But "not now, my child." The way we must refuse a beloved child at times. And yes, it is MORE than an answer. It is a gift.

My parents often chose to spend their meager, hard-earned cash on clothes, instead of dolls, so I would be warm and healthy. God wants my spirit to be clothed in a sensitive, spiritual searching for the way He wants me to go. He makes a way, sometimes, for me to pay attention better; to hear better; to comprehend better. Sometimes this way is a quiet and lonely road. But on a busy, noisy highway, how could I hear His wise and quiet voice?

My spirit is open to God in a new way now. I am actively searching for His will in this matter. Actively seeking the way through this new journey. Deeply desiring to please Him, and to learn what He wants me to learn in my loneliness. If He had given me what I asked, I would not, in all probability, be seeking His will as I am. I would be busy doing what I wanted to do. Perhaps He has said "not now," to give me time to open my spirit to Him, and grow spiritually in a new way.

Open my eyes, that I may see
Glimpses of truth Thou hast for me;
Place in my hands the wonderful key
That shall unclasp and set me free.

Silently now I wait for Thee,
Ready my God, Thy will to see,
Open my eyes, illumine me,
Spirit divine!

Clara H. Scott