9. You know Pumpkin, now that you're thirteen, you'll be ready for unchaperoned car dates...won't that be fun?

8. I noticed that all your friends have a certain "up yours" attitude. ...I like that.

7. Here's a credit card and the keys to my new car -- GO CRAZY.

6. What do you mean you wanna play football...is figure skating not good enough for you, son?

5. Your Mother and I are going away for the weekend...you might want to consider throwing a party.

4. Well, I don't know what's wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies that makes it run or something...just have it towed to a mechanic and I will pay whatever he asks.

3. No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring -- now quit your belly-aching, and let's go to the mall.

2. Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend.

And The Number One Thing You'll Never Hear A Dad Say