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A woman decided to get her house re-painted. She hired a man to be in charge of the painting. The man went over to the woman's house one day, and they began to decide what color she wants the rooms painted. They walked into the entryway and the woman said, "I want this room painted light pink." So the man wrote something down on his notepad, went over to the window, opened it, and yelled, "GREEN SIDE UP!!" out the window. The woman thought that this was weird, but she didn't say anything. They went on to the next room, the dining room. The woman said, "I want this room painted lilac." So again, the man wrote something down on his notepad, went over to the window, opened it, and yelled, "GREEN SIDE UP!!" out the window. The women almost said something, but decided not to. They went into the next room, which was the woman's bedroom. The woman said, "I want this room painted blue." So the man wrote something down on his notepad, went over to the window, opened it, and yelled, "GREEN SIDE UP! The woman said, "I said I wanted this room to be blue." The man said, "Yeah, that's why I wrote down blue on my note book." "But then why did you yell 'green side up' out the window?" The man then replied, "Oh, I've just got a couple of blondes out there laying sod, and I just had to remind them how the sod goes."

There was a blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes she'd hear at the office. So one evening she went home and memorized all of the state capitals. Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a Dumb Blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do. I memorized all the state capitals." One of the guys said, "I don't believe you." She said, "It's true. Just test me!" "Okay. What is the capital of Alaska?" he asked. "A," she answered, smugly.

A blonde was driving down the road, when she saw two other blondes in a rowboat in the middle of a cornfield. The blonde in the car got out and said, "Hey! Get out of there! People are going think that ALL blondes are stupid!" One of the blondes in the rowboat stood up and said, "Why don't you come out here and do something about it, then!" The blonde in the car said, "I would, but I can't swim!"

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks the blonde if she would like to play a fun game. <P> The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa." Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay," says the lawyer, "your turn." She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00. The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

Why does a blond write, "T.G.I.F." on her shoes? To remind her that Toes Go In First.

A new employee is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory. The personnel manager explains her duties, and tells her to report to work promptly at 8:00 AM. The next day at 8:45 AM, there's a knock at the personnel manager's door. The assembly line foreman comes in and starts ranting about this new employee. He says she's incredibly slow, and the whole line is backing up. The foreman takes the personnel manager down to the factory floor to show him the problem. Sure enough, Elmos are backed up all over the place. At the end of t<P>he Line is the new employee. She has a roll of the material used for the Elmos and a big bag of marbles. They both watch as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles, and starts sewing the little package between Elmo's legs. The personnel manager starts laughing hysterically. After several minutes, he pulls himself together, walks over to the woman, and says,"I'm sorry, I guess you misunderstood me yesterday. Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.

A blonde holding a baby walks into a drug store and asks the clerk if she can use the store's baby scale. "Sorry, ma'am," says the clerk. "Our baby scale is broken. But we can figure the baby's weight if we weigh mother and baby together on the adult scale, and then weigh the mother alone, and subtract the second number from the first." "Oh, that won't work," says the blonde. "Why not?" asks the clerk. "Because," she answers, "I'm not the mother - I'm the aunt."