Jerry Lawler Jokes, Part 3
This is the 3rd installment of Jerry Lawler jokes!! I hope you again enjoy them!
We pay tribute to the true King of Wrestling and wish him the best of luck. And
not without further adu, Jerry "The King" Lawler...
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Jerry Lawler: I don't know what the seven wonders of the world are, but I know
Sunny has got two of them.
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Jerry Lawler: What is Sunny going to do Ross, be the guest ring announcer?
Jim Ross: Time keeper, King.
Jerry Lawler: Oh she can keep time with me anytime. Don't waist your
time with that idiot Rocky Maivia.
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Jerry Lawler: I see Sunny in my dreams every night. She'll probably see
you, Jim Ross in her dreams, if she eats too much.
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Jerry Lawler: The Manhattan Center is where I first confronted Stu and
Helen Hart. The couple that produced more tragedies than Shakespeare.
Jim Ross: That is also where you had a confrontation with Tiny Tim.
Jerry uses Undertaker's voice.
Jerry Lawler: Yeah, May he Rest In Peace. Ha! Ha! Ha!
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Jerry Lawler: Who can't get distracted seeing a big yellow freak out at
ringside.
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Jerry on ECW.
Jerry Lawler: Why don't you bring your thugs & has-beens to the Manhattan
Center, which is an arena and not a bingo hall where you guys wrestle
in.
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Jerry Lawler: No wonder why Jim Cornette kept Yokozuna silent all this time, his
English is terrible.
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Jerry Lawler: The Honky Tonk Man called Paul Bearer about cremation for Col.
Tom Parker. Paul Bearer said, "Do you want extra crispy, or original?"
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Jerry Lawler on Shawn Michaels.
Jerry Lawler: Come on McMahon. If someone kept telling you how charasmatic, how
resilient, and how flamleboyante you are, your head would get so big, your
toupee wouldn't be able to fit on it.
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Vince McMahon: Look at Phineus & Mankind. Put those two brains together and
what do you get?
Jerry Lawler: Close your eyes.
Vince McMahon: Sounds like Stu Hart.
Jerry Lawler: What you see is what you get.
Vince McMahon: Oh no, that sounds scary.
Jerry Lawler: Well I hear that the Godwinns are a little upset I understand
because....
Vince McMahon: The Godwinns! Why?
Jerry Lawler: Well...
Vince McMahon: I can understand them being upset having to face Vader and Mankind.
Jerry Lawler: I understand that before the match that Vader might have washed
his tights in their slop bucket.
Vince McMahon: What?
Jerry Lawler: And I hear that Mankind may have used the slop to groom his
hair.
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Vince McMahon: Mankind is refusing to tag in Vader.
Jerry Lawler: Mankind likes just a little pain.
Vince McMahon: He likes a lot of pain.
Jerry Lawler: I understand when he was a little kid, the other kids in the
neighborhood use to trade and collect his teeth. That all started when
he got that bad attitude and he still has it.
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Jerry Lawler on Stu Hart.
Jerry Lawler: Why don't you put your teeth in backwards and eat yourself.
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Jerry Lawler: I think Stu and Helen Hart should get an appointment with Isaac
Yankem.
Vince McMahon: What for?
Jerry Lawler: So he can put braces on their false teeth!
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Vince McMahon: Phinneus is not exactly the brain of the Godwinn outfit.
Jerry Lawler: Is there a brain in the Godwinn outfit?
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Jerry Lawler on the Godwinns.
Jerry Lawler: If these guys brains were bacon, they would be
sizzle-lean.
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Jerry Lawler: It is so cold here in New York that Phineus's tooth was
rattling.
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Jerry Lawler: Get these hillbillies out of here, they are
starting to smell up the Manhattan Center.
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Phinneus with a sleeper hold.
Jerry Lawler: When Phinneus gets those armpits around your nose, you will go
out instantly.
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Godwinns lost to the Blackjacks.
Jerry Lawler: You know what they say in Bitters, Manure happens!
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When the bWo came out on Raw is War.
Jerry Lawler: Look at this McMahon, this is a freak show.
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Jerry Lawler on the bWo
Jerry Lawler: It should just be the BO.
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Da Blue Guy: Hey Burger King man, "Say Hello to Da Blue Guy".
Jerry Lawler: It's more like, "Say hello to the fat guy".
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Paul Heyman: If this WWF thing doesn't work out for you , we
can give you a job in ECW.
Vince McMahon: Thank you, I appreciate that.
Jerry Lawler: Yeah, I've seen some of your shows. You need an announcer.
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Jerry Lawler on Big Stevie Cool.
Jerry Lawler: Don't you point your finger at me bean poll.
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Jerry Lawler on Da Blue Guy
Jerry Lawler: How fat is that guy anyway?
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Marlena said she didn't feel too good but she would wrestle anyway.
Jerry Lawler: Let me feel you so I can see.
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Sunny refusing to start the arm wrestling match.
Honkey Tonk Man: Come on Sunny, you're already warmed-up.
Jerry Lawler: She's starting to warm me up.
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Jerry Lawler on Tiny Tim
Jerry Lawler: I like the way you always look like an unmade bed.
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Jerry Lawler on Tiny Tim.
Jerry Lawler: So, where did you get that suit from? Did the man at
the carnival guess your weight wrong?
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Jerry Lawler on Taz.
Jerry Lawler: This guy is so short, he buys an ant farm for a
second house.
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Jerry Lawler on Taz.
Jerry Lawler: I have socks taller than him.
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ta told Lawler to tell those wise cracks to his face.
Jerry Lawler: Tell him to come down and I will tell him how short he is to his
face. If I can bend down that far.
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Jerry Lawler on Taz.
Jerry Lawler: He looks a lot bigger on the Lucky Charms box.
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Vince McMahon: I believe we have Jerry "The King" Lawler on the line. Mr.
Lawler, are you there?
Jerry Lawler: Yeah, I'm here McMahon and I can't believe you accepted this
collect call. You're so cheap, you wouldn't even tip a canoe.
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Jerry Lawler: The WWF needs ECW like Michael Jordan needs Head & Shoulders.
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The Mexican Wrestlers are in the ring.
Jerry Lawler: Look at Paul E. He needs to wear a mask. He looks like a
bloated-up toe frog.
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Jerry Lawler on ECW.
Jerry Lawler: These guys are on good behavior. Why don't you guys do
want you normally do, like light a fan on fire. Or maybe stack about
ten tables and throw someone off the balcony.
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Jerry Lawler: Is that Paul Bearer's face, or did his butt grow a nose?
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Jerry Lawler: Paul Bearer's got more chins than a Chinese phone book.
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Jerry Lawler: Wow, what a pair!
Kevin Kelly: What are you talking about?
Jerry Lawler: I'm talking about Faaroqq & Sunny
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Jerry Lawler: McMahon, did you say that Jake "The Snake" called from Atlanta?
Vince McMahon: Yes, why?
Jerry Lawler: Atlanta, why? do they have a drinking contest in the Olympics?
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Jerry Lawler on the Hart Family.
Jerry Lawler: I would love to be at the Hart's on Christmas morning.
Vince McMahon: What for?
Jerry Lawler: So I can be the special guest referee.
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Jerry Lawler: You hit the nail right on the thumb.
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Sunny with the Tag Team Belts.
Jerry Lawler: Hey McMahon, look at those belts.
Vince McMahon: Yeah King, they look nice. Now can you please pay
attention to the match.
Jerry Lawler: Come on McMahon. Just because I'm on a diet, doesn't mean I can't
look at the menu.
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Jerry Lawler on Alundra Blaze.
Jerry Lawler: She has a million dollar body, but a ten cent
face.
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Jerry Lawler said he was friends with Ken Shamrock. Shamrock said he doesn't know him.
Jerry Lawler: Come on, what's the matter? Have you been bounced around that
octagon too much?
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Jerry Lawler: I hope that Hunter finishes off Flash Funk so I don't have to
listen to that music when he comes down, and so I don't have to see you
dance McMahon.
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Chyna just kicked a wrestler.
Jerry Lawler: The Dallas Cowboys just lost their kicker. From the looks of
things, they can sign Chyna.
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Jim Ross states that on the WWF superstar line there is a report of a wrestler
who got strip searched.
Jerry Lawler: Hey, was it Sunny?
Vince McMahon: All right, knock it off!
Jim Ross: Well, you're close.
Jerry Lawler: Whoa! I want to get a job at an airport.
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Vince McMahon: How can you not respect Bret Hart?
Jerry Lawler: I don't!
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A crowd of girls were cheering Shawn Michaels.
Jerry Lawler: They got some ugly fans.
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Shawn Michaels: I want to thank the fans...
Jerry Lawler: For What?!
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Shawn Michaels thanks his fans for writing him cards.
Jerry Lawler: I'm surprised your fans can write.
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Shawn Michaels said that he will be at WrestleMania13
Vince McMahon: I look forward to it.
Jerry Lawler: I don't.
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Vince McMahon: Bret Hart has been...
Jerry Lawler: ...Whinning, crying, belly-aching. Now people are
starting to see the real Bret Hart.
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Jerry Lawler: Paul Bearer's face is so big, needs a bookmark
to find his chin.
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Goldust is squatting.
Jerry Lawler: He looks like he's sitting on his thrown.
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Jerry Lawler: Just because Hunter Hearst Helmsley makes Pinnocio look like
a cat, don't make fun of him.
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Jerry Lawler: The only time Vader saw 90210 is when he got on the scale.
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Jerry Lawler: Get some chalk because once this Chicago Street Fight match
is over, draw lines will have to be made.
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Jerry Lawler: Hey waiter, come over here. I think Stu Hart just ordered some
Jerital on the rocks.
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Jerry Lawler: Helen is wearing some antique jewelry.
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Jerry Lawler: The reason why Helen Hart is not here is because I heard she
went shopping at an antique shop, and they decided to keep her.
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Chyna pulled down the rope causing Bart Gunn to fall.
Jim Ross: King, you must have selective vision or something?
Jerry Lawler: I'm so mesmerized by her beautiful face.
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A Mexican Wrestler with a lot of hair coming from his mask.
Jerry Lawler: Is that Venom's real hair, or does he go to the same toupee shop
you go to McMahon?
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Jerry Lawler: McMahon thinks Snoop Doggy Dog belongs to Charlie Brown.
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Jerry Lawler: When someone told the Brooklyn Brawler not to change, he
thought they meant his clothes.
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Vince McMahon: Maybe the Hitman will apologize for his action?
Jerry Lawler: Fat Chance!
Bret Hart: First off, I would like to apologize.
Jerry Lawler: What?
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Jerry Lawler Jokes, Part 4
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Goldust started to unbutton Paul Bearer's shirt
Jerry Lawler: You better be careful Goldust, a few more chins might pop out.
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Vince McMahon thinks the Hart reunion is despicable.
Jerry Lawler: Shut Up McMahon! This is beautiful.
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Jerry gets a little emotional.
Jerry Lawler: I think I need to be held .
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Jesse James broke the Honky Tonk Man's guitar and Honky got a little upset...
Jerry Lawler: Get him a handkerchief.
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Mankind threw fire into the Undertaker's eyes.
Jim Ross: For as long as you have hated Bret Hart, all of a sudden you're
starting to agree with him?
Jerry Lawler: Well, now Bret Hart finally saw the light. Just like The
Undertaker, yeah he saw the light all right Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
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WWF's live call in show.
Jerry Lawler: So John, what are you doing up there in Wisconsin, making
cheese?
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Mini-Goldust enters.
Jerry Lawler: Now I'm just waiting for a Mini-Marlena to pop up.
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Jerry Lawler: If stupidity was water, Ahmed Johnson would be Niagara Falls.
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Jerry Lawler: Hey Iron Sheik! Tell the Sultan to hit Ahmed Johnson where his
kidney, well, where his kidney use to be. Ha! Ha! Ha!
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Vince McMahon: No one appreciates Sable more than Dok Hendrix.
Jerry Lawler: I do.
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Vince McMahon: Jesse James can wrestle every bit as good as he can sing.
Jerry Lawler: Then he won't win many matches.
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Omaha Nebraska is mentioned.
Jerry Lawler: Is that the heartland of America?
Jim Ross: Yes it is King.
Jerry Lawler: Do you want to know why it's the heartland of America? Because
there is no brain.
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Bret Hart.
Vince McMahon: You are such a hypocrite.
Jerry Lawler: What?
Vince McMahon: You are a hypocrite. After all those things you have said about
him, after all those things you said about his parents.
Jerry Lawler: I never said anything that was not true, so I said his parents
are a little old. But it is true. Just because Stu was the first maid on
the Noah's Ark and Helen knew Big Bird when he was Tweedy. Bret knows
they're old.
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The Undertaker's scar.
Jerry Lawler: It is like a bullseye painted on his head.
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henry godwinn sufferend a broken neck.
Jerry Lawler: He's too stupid to know he's hurt.
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Sunny modeling a shirt.
Jerry Lawler: I don't know about the shipping, but I would like to pay for the
handling.
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Jerry Lawler: These people in Omaha hate anyone with real teeth.
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Lawler is commenting on Ken Shammrock challenging Mike Tyson
Jerry Lawler: Hey Shammrock, why don't you go out and challenge George
Foreman. He will take on a nobody like you.
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Rockabilly with a sleeper hold on Ahmed Johnson.
Jim Ross: That is a good strategy by Rockabilly to cut off that flow of that
blood to the brain and all of a sudden Ahmed is unconsicous.
Jerry Lawler: What brain?
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The camera was focused on the French announce team.
Jerry Lawler: Hey, do you speak French? Palivou fried eggs?
Jim Ross: No, I can barely speak English.
Jerry Lawler: You got that right.
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Talk about Chyna.
Jerry Lawler: Yeah! Nice chin too. Jay Leno, eat you heart out.
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Chyna lifted Flash Funk and dropped him on the top rope.
Jerry Lawler:</B> I want to see if Chyna can lift you up like that Ross.
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Ken Shamrock's Zone.
Jerry Lawler: Yeah! You're going to be in the Twilight Zone. That is where Vader
is going to knock you in.
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Jerry Lawler: Ahmed Johnson has the IQ of 2 and it takes 3 just to grunt.
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Jerry Lawler: Just ask Clarence Mason. He says, "A small question for a small
fee."
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Jerry Lawler: The people in Richland have two color necks. Light
red and dark red.
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A fan had a sign that said "Austin for president"
Jerry Lawler: If he was president, the countries bird would be the middle
finger.
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Jerry Lawler: I would beat you up Ross, but I have a thing against cruelty to
animals.
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Ahmed Johnson at the KOTR.
Jerry Lawler: Can you imagine that Ross, King Ahmed Johnson? How would the
crown fit on his head, it would probably slip right off. His head looks
like a Milk Dud.
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Jerry Lawler: Ahmed Johnson came from a neighborhood where the most common
words heard was, "You have the right to remain silent."
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Jerry Lawler: Hey Finkle, last time I saw something like you, I flushed it.
Hey, why don't you go back and borrow one of McMahon's toupees.
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Jerry Lawler: Speaking of Kathy Lee, Did you hear about Frank Gifford? He got
caught having an affair with a flight attendant. Hey Ross, isn't your
wife a flight attendant?
Jim Ross:Oh yeah King, you think that is really funny don't you?
Jerry Lawler:Yeah!
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Jerry questionioning people from Alabama.
Jerry Lawler: I got a tough one for you. If your mom and dad got a
divorce, would they still be brother and sister? Ha, Ha! That's a tough
one, isn't it?
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Jerry is commenting on Bob Holly's racing abilities .
Jerry Lawler: He kept going to the pit stop to ask for directions.
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Jerry Lawler: Did you know that if you buy a car in Mobile, Alabama, it has a
warning label on the mirror that says "Objects in the mirror are dumber
than they seem".
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Jerry on Shawn Michaels.
Jerry Lawler: He is the kind of man who would throw both ends
of a rope to a drowning man.
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Jerry Lawler: Mankind is two fries short of a happy meal.
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Goldust said that Marlena and Dakota are his life.
Jerry Lawler: Then you need to get a life.
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Jerry Lawler: Jake Roberts had a problem and he drank it.
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Jerry Lawler: You know when most people get drunk, they see snakes. Well when
snakes get drunk, they see Jake Roberts.
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Lawler was in a swimming pool at the SummerSlam Bikini Beach Blast-Off
Jerry Lawler: If this pool were filled with beer, you know Jake "The Snake"
Roberts would be in it.
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McMAHON: King, do you wear that crown all the time?
LAWLER: Do you wear that toupee all the time?
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Jerry Lawler: You can take one look at Mark Henry and see that if he won a
gold medal, he'd just take it and have it bronzed.
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Jerry Lawler: Mankind's house is so small, he needs to go outside to eat a
large pizza.
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Mankind
Jerry Lawler: When you were born and your mom saw your face and your
rear end, she said, Oh! siamesse Twins! Ha! Ha! Ha!
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Jerry Lawler: Paul E. Dangerously reminds me of Marv Albert, they both bite.
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Jerry on the ECW arena.
Jerry Lawler: This bingo hall ought to be build out of toilet paper,
because there's nothing in it but $^!#.
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I cannot copyright jokes that Jerry Lawler has said himself.
I just hope you all enjoy them.
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