CHOOSING A HUSBAND OR A WIFE 

(I think that this is good information whether you're married or not.) Turn in your Bible to Psalm 65:4 (I'm reading from the New King James Bible). It says, Blessed is the man you choose and causes to approach you. That he may dwell in your courts and shall be satisfied with the goodness of your house... 

Pastor T.D. Jakes made a statement once that was morbid but SO true!  He said that when choosing a mate, you need to ask yourself whether or not that person is the one you would want to hold your hand as you are lowering your parents' bodies into the grave for the last time. Ladies, that is serious. Meditate on that for a few seconds. Your entire perspective in terms of what you are searching for in a mate should be based on that one question. 
 
Are you dating? Think about your boyfriend. Is he seriously the one you would want holding your hands during the darkest hours of your life?  Look even deeper. Is your present boyfriend the type who would offer you assistance during the time of grief? Believe it or not, there are numerous men out here who offer absolutely NO comfort to hurting women. And no, it does not matter whether they are married to those women or not!  I wish you could see some of the personal letters this site receives from married women. Yes, some of them are happy, praise God! However, the ones who are not happy are absolutely miserable. There is no in-between. 
Either you are happy in a marriage or you are not. There are married women writing saying that their husbands never show authentic affection towards them, never offer expressions of love for them. That is real ladies. 
Because it is so real, God desires that women are exceptionally careful when choosing a mate. Notice I did not say that women should FIND a mate!  I said "choose". There is a huge difference. Turn in your Bibles to Proverbs 18:22. It says that He who finds a wife finds a good thing...Interpretation: MEN find women. Women should not be out trying to find a man! HOWEVER, once found, the woman can then choose to be with the 
man or to wait to be found by a different man. 

 
WHAT TO LOOK FOR WHEN CHOOSING A MATE: 
 
Proverbs 20:6 states, Who can find a faithful man? The fact that the question is asked is indicative of the fact that there are not many faithful men out there. However, there is good news. The good news is that JESUS knows where the faithful men are!  Webster's New Collegiate Dictionary offers several excellent 
definitions of the word faithful:  
    FAITHFUL: 
    a. Steadfast in affection or allegiance 

    b. Loyal 
    c. Firm in adherence to promises or in observance of duty 
    d. Conscientious 
The scriptures say that a faithful man is difficult to find. God is saying that it is hard to find a man with the qualities in letters a, b, c, and d. However, wouldn't you love to have a man with the qualities listed above? They are rare, ladies. But GOD knows where such men are located. Turn in your Bible to Ephesians 5:23. Scriptures state, For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word. That He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 

STOP! Now go back and re-read that passage. God is offering us a blueprint on what to look for in a mate. Let's pick that scripture apart.  
    1. The husband is head of the wife - That means that you need to choose a man who is born-again. He also needs to be a man under whose authority you will feel comfortable submitting. It is dangerous to submit to the authority of a man who is not saved or who does not have a relationship with God. 
    2. The husband must love his wife as Christ loves the Church - That is a tough one ladies! Look at the degree to which God loves His Church! He died for the Church (the entire body of Christ). How does God love us? He 
is respectful to the Church. He is intimate with the Church. He is kind and patient and nurturing to the Church. Those are the qualities you need to search for when determining who to marry. 

    3. The husband must sanctify and cleanse and wash his wife with the Word of God - Again, only a born-again man can wash you with the Word of God (scriptures). Think about the dating ritual. Boy meets girl, they 
date, start to care deeply, and the subject of sex pops up.  

Question: HOW will the man handle it? 
God says that it is the responsibility of the man to see to it that he presents a woman clean and holy. If he is fornicating with her, how can he present her as clean and holy? Sex outside of the marriage bond is dirty. 
Therefore, if you find yourself with a man trying to fornicate with you, you have the wrong man. God says that He presents the Church (His bride!) without spot or wrinkle or blemish. Your future husband must present you at the altar without spot or wrinkle or blemish. Furthermore, even if you become weak and want to fornicate, he must be able to WASH you with God's Word. He is responsible for you! Ladies, this is important. Please listen so that you don't end up miserable.

 
BECOMING ONE: 

In Ephesians 5:31 the scriptures state that For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church... 

God hates divorce. However, He also hates abuse. God does not want you being psychologically abused or tormented. He does not want you physically abused. And He certainly does not want you disrespected by a man committing adultery against you. Too many women in this country, in their quest for a man, are settling with men who are not worthy of them. The reason so many women are in unhappy marriages is because they latched onto the wrong man to please society or family or friends. Now they are stuck with a mean or unaffectionate or abusive wrong mate. 
 
Sister it is not too late for you. If you pick the right man from the beginning, you won't end up hurt and miserable (or divorced).  Listen carefully. GOD says that when you marry, you become ONE with that person. God no longer sees you as separate but He sees you and your husband as ONE person. We cannot fully comprehend it because God says it's a great mystery! 

Think about your boyfriend. Do you see yourself becoming ONE with him? Can you imagine your soul being linked with his until death? If you have problems after marriage it's because something was broken before marriage (that was obviously ignored).  If you do not have a boyfriend yet, GREAT! Now you know what to look for!  When you marry, your soul becomes linked with your husband's. Too many women are getting married multiple times. God is not pleased with that. He sees it as adultery. It is His will that we marry once, create a family with that one person, and be happy...ecstatic in that marriage. 

The scriptures also state that the man shall leave his parents. Check out the family of the man that you are considering marrying! Are they always leaning on him, trying to borrow his money? Are you in agreement with them always calling him to the house to take care of their personal problems? Guess what? It won't end after marriage. If he is giving them money now, he will continue after marriage. If his family is leaching off of him  now, they will after marriage. The question is, can you handle it?  If not, now is the time to discuss the problem. Don't wait. There are too many men who refuse to leave their father and mother.  There are too many women who refuse to leave their parents. Extended families are famous for breaking up marriages. NOW is the time to get the problems straight. 

Finally, how attracted are you to your future husband? Please do not marry a man if there is even a shadow of a doubt that you are totally attracted to him physically. Also, men, do not marry a women if you are not totally physically attracted to her. Too many women lose their husbands because after marriage they stop having sex. The reason many women stop having sex is because their husbands are cold, rude, and abusive. If you are married to a man who has the qualifications of the "faithful man" listed above in this article, you will be attracted to him forever, emotionally and physically! Women who don't want sex with their husbands are women who married the wrong man. PLEASE ladies; don't marry the wrong man. Wait. 

In Solomon 3:4 it is said, I found him whom my soul loves. The reason she found the one whom her soul loves is because she was PATIENT!  Luke 21:19 says, In your patience possess ye your soul. The interpretation of that for a single woman is that if you are patient, you will meet the one whom your soul loves.