DEAD
DANIELLE FRANCES DUCREST
Disclaimer: Angel belongs to Joss Whedon, David Greenwalt, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Television, Greenwolf Corporations, Warner Brothers Studios, and Fox Television Productions. Any copyright infringements were not intended. This story was written for entertainment and not for profit.
Spoilers and Timing: takes place during "Tomorrow." There are many spoilers for that, the second half of season three, heavy spoilers for "Reprise" and "Epiphany," and a few more season two spoilers.
Summary: All Wesley wants is to feel again, but it seems as if he's incapable of it.
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What did Angel feel when he slept with the enemy?
Did he feel…satisfied? Did he feel any different after it happened? He told me once that sleeping with Darla, his sire, the vampiress he once swore to kill, gave him the epiphany he needed to re-join the side of the good. What a joke that is. It's nowhere near how I feel as I kiss the woman that is supposed to be my enemy, or used to be. She was my enemy when I had a family at Angel Investigations. Now that family is gone. She isn't really my friend now, either. I'm not sure what she is, but we both know that sharing my bed tonight isn't going to change much. Lilah Morgan, attorney at the law firm known as Wolfram and Hart, is probably hoping that it will eventually lead to something more, but I'm not so sure of that.
What did Angel feel when he fired Cordelia, Gunn, and I and went after Wolfram and Hart against our counsel?
I'm pretty sure that he didn't feel betrayed. No, during those few months last year, Cordelia, Gunn, and I grew closer because we were the ones who felt betrayed by Angel. And now, a year later, it was my turn to betray them. But unlike last year's situation, this time both ends felt betrayed. Cordy, Gunn, Fred, Angel, and Lorne all felt betrayed by me because I did what I thought I had to do to protect Connor, and I felt betrayed by them because they wouldn’t even give me a second chance. Last year, we gave Angel a second chance, but I doubt they'll ever let me back in.
The truth of that statement, that I will never be forgiven, has haunted me for weeks. Every man needs hopes, and while I was lying in that hospital bed, I'd hoped constantly that my friends…that word has little meaning now, it seems…would wait for my story. But they didn’t. Fred brought me my things, Angel tried to smother me with a pillow, and now I can never go back to the people that I once considered family.
It's left me dead inside. Back in the hospital, I felt guilt, sadness, betrayal, and other similar emotions. But now I feel nothing. I've buried them so deep inside along with happiness, joy, and the like, that I can't feel any of it anymore. So maybe that's the real reason why I am sleeping with Lilah Morgan. Maybe I just want to feel something. So far, it isn't working.
Now she's leaving. We exchange a few biting remarks as she puts on her clothes. I think I sting her more than she hurts me because she can still feel something. I doubt that I ever will again.
