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GUILT
Disclaimer: People who aren't me own A Separate Peace. Any copyright infringements were not intended. This story was written for entertainment and not for profit. ***** Finny and I stripped down to our underwear and climbed the tree. Finny was ahead of me. The tree was huge, and one of its limbs stretched out above the Devon River. Finny climbed onto the limb, trying not to lose his balance. When he was far enough out on the branch for me, I climbed up. We stood there for a few seconds. Then, before I realized what I was doing, I grabbed onto the trunk of the big tree and shook the branch with my foot. Finny turned to me as he lost his balance. Hope that I would catch him before he fell was etched all over his face. When I did not hold out my arm, his expression changed to shock, then fear as he fell off the branch. He landed with a sickening thud on the rocks next to the river. I walked out onto the branch, jumped into the river, and swam to shore. Leper and the members of the Super Suicide Society of the Summer Session were crowded around Finny's still form. They cleared a path for me as I approached. Only Leper stayed next to Finny. He reached down and felt for a pulse. Then he turned to me and said, "He's dead." I sat up in my bed. Everything around me was pitch black. Then I remembered where I was, a training camp. Around me were boys also being trained. I could hear snoring coming from one of the bunks. I hadn't woken anyone. I sighed with relief. I don't know what I would have done if anyone had known about my nightmares. They'd probably think it was just fear of being shot by a Jap or a German. We all had that fear. We never voiced it aloud, though. But that wasn't why I had nightmares. I kept dreaming about Finny every night. It was my fault he died. If it hadn't been for me, he wouldn't have fallen from the tree. The accusations kept swirling around in my head. The only relief I had was the war training every day. The daily routines, the shooting practices, everything kept me from thinking about Finny. But at night, nothing kept him out of my thoughts. I can remember Finny's parents at the funeral. His mother had called me cruel because I didn't even shed a tear for her son. But the truth was I couldn't cry. I laid back on my bed. Finny had forgiven me, but it wasn't his forgiveness I wanted. It was my own, and I would never grant it. Finny's mother had been right. I am cruel. I killed her son. Who could be crueler than that? The dream came to me again. I could see Finny falling, and then…nothing. He was still. Probably as still as he had ever been in his life. Outside, a heavy rain fell. If anyone was awake, the noise of the raindrops hitting the roof covered the sound of my tears. I cried myself to sleep. The next morning, I got up and went to breakfast, then went through the normal morning workouts at the camp. There were no more nightmares after that because I managed to bury all of my thoughts of Finny from that day on. When the war ended, I stayed in the army, rising to the rank of a four-star general by Vietnam. Order was so unlike him, so I never thought of him while I was on duty. It was the only way I could keep memories of Finny from surfacing. Every once in awhile, however, something would remind me of Finny, and I would be in a deep depression for several days. Years passed, and once again I stood next to that same giant tree on the banks of the Devon River, thinking about Finny. Rain poured down on me, but I hardly noticed. I wasn't sure why I had come here. But now I was glad I did. I knew it was finally over. It was time to come in from the rain. THE END |
