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IN A BIND DANIELLE FRANCES DUCREST Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer belongs to Joss Whedon, Marti Noxon, Twentieth Century Fox Productions, Mutant Enemy, UPN, Sandollar Television, and Kuzui Enterprises. Any copyright infringements were not intended. This story was written for entertainment and not for profit. Timing: Sometime before Season 6. Spoilers: Nilch, nadda Summary: Allexander LaVele Harris, you've been bound…(incorrect spelling intentional) Author's Note: I wrote this after reading the twelve stories in Casix Thistlebane's "Sound Check" series, so it only makes sense that I give Casix credit, or blame as the case may be. Thank ya much! Other thanks goes to Grossclout, the Editor From Hell, for agreeing to edit yet another story. ***** "You've been bound to me." "…huh?" "You've been bound to me." "…what?" "You've been-oh, for Satan's sake. You're my slave!" "I am not!" "Are, too!" "Am not!" "Are, too-geez, if you're this annoying, maybe I ought to change my mind." "Well, yeah! Maybe you should! I happen to be very annoying, and-and very hard to stand! Just ask the G-Man!" "Xander, how many times have I told you not to…oh, hello. And who might you be?" "Name's Trap. I'm a Binder Demon." "Ah, yes, of course, the Symbol of the Binders glowing in neon green on your chest should have been my first clue. Have you come to collect someone, then?" "Yes. Allexander LaVele Harris has been bound to me." "I have not! Giles, man, you've got to help me." "On what grounds have you laid claim to Xander?" "'Laid claim'? Giles, you make me sound like dry cleaning!" "Please do shut up, Xander, or I may be tempted to let him take you." "Oh, very funny, Giles. Thanks a lot." "Are you two done? 'Cause I'd really like to be on my way." "So I get to stay?" "Nope. You're still coming with me, Harris." "Make me." "Fine. Walk over to the door and stand there." "Notice how I'm not moving. Giles, are you noticing how I'm not moving?" "Yes, Xander, I have, and I must say I am surprised and rather curious. If you truly are bound to Mr. Trap, then you would have been unable to resist a command such as that one." "Ha! Take that, Mr. Glowy-green-chest guy!" "Huh. That's never happened to me before. Hold on a minute, I've got the name written down here somewhere…ah, here it is. 'Allexander LaVele Harris'." "May I see that? Ah, I see what the problem is." "What is it, G-Man?" Xander asked. "I mean, Giles. Woah, did you learn that glare from Buffy or something?" "Xander, how do you spell your name?" "Huh? Let me see that! 'Allexander LaVele Harris'? That's not me. I spell Alexander with the one l and LaVelle with the two l's, not the other way around." "Ah, Christ." "Shouldn't that be: Ah, Satan?" "Xander, please don't antagonize the Binder Demon." "Right, G-M-I mean, Giles." "I went to the wrong Harris! Wait until the other Binder Demons hear about this one. They'll never let it lie." "So I'm off the hook? No demon slave labor for me, now?" "That's right, Harris. You got lucky this time. I'm going to be late picking this guy up…" "Hey, he just disappeared." "So it would appear." "Is he going to show up again? 'Cause I'd rather not have him discover that he's a bad speller and come back to finish the job he started." "I doubt very much that we will see him again, Xander. You can rest assured on that." "Great. Well, I'm going home. See ya tomorrow, G-Man-gah, don't look at me like that!" "If you don't stop calling me 'G-Man', I promise to call back Mr. Trap and tell him of your little theory about his spelling ability!" "Consider the G-Man calling stopped, Giles. Completely and totally. Never to return, G-Ma-um, I mean, I really need to get home. Bye!" ***** Elsewhere… "You've been bound to me." "…huh?" "You've been bound to me." "…what?" "Ah, hell, not again! Look, is this how you spell your name?" "'Allexander LaVele Harris'…um, maybe. Why?" "Because I don't want to make the same mistake twice." "What mistake?" "I went to your double in another reality first. Turned out his name was spelled just a tad bit differently than what's written on this sheet of paper. It's really sloppy work on my part and I'd rather if it didn't happen again. Now, is this how you spell your name or not?" "So, let me see if I've got this straight. You went to the alternate me and thought that he was the guy you were supposed to go after, only to discover that it was me you really wanted." "Yes, yes, that's it. You don't have to rub it in." "Are you sure you didn't make a spelling mistake?" "What? I never misspell anything!" "You sure? Do you not go to the wrong person often, either?" "Oh, for the love of Satan! I give up! If every version of you is as annoying as you and your double, then I quit! I release you, or whoever it is, from their bondage!" "Huh, the guy's got a disappearing thing going on…" "Hey, Xander! Watcha doing?" "Oh, hey, Lizzy. Just working on my spelling, battling the forces of evil, that sort of thing." "Huh?" "Never mind. It's just been another day in the life of Allexander LaVele Harris, fighting alongside that charming Slayer we all love, Lizzy Summers." "Uh-huh. Come on, we need to get to the library. Giles has got some new info on the latest baddie…" THE END |
