Is it over yet?

I could hear her close and zip her last suitcase. I knew the rest of her stuff was waiting in various boxes and bags out in the hall. She knows I don’t want her to go. She knows I still love her. She swears she still loves me, she just says she cant live like this anymore. I know things have been rough for a while, but I’m really trying. My last injury sent our world spinning off its orbit. I don’t remember much about it, just waking up two days later with her sitting by my hospital bed, holding my hand and crying her eyes out. I hated to see her go through that but she was forewarned going into this relationship. She knew what I did for a living. She knew what the risks were, and she chose to love me anyway. What happened to that love though? Where did it go? When did it die? I know I still love her and those are questions I just don’t seem to be able to find the answers to. So like an immobile mannequin I sit here curled up on the couch waiting for the woman I love to walk out of my life forever.

Tell me when I can open my eyes

I don’t want to watch you walk out that door

There’s no easy way to get through goodbye

I’d probably try and talk you into staying once more

Or I’d lie and say it’s all for the best

Wish you luck and say I have no regrets

But I’m not up to being strong

So I’ll wait until you're gone

Is it over yet, is it over yet?

I hear her footsteps coming down the hall and my heart begins to pound. I’ve faced some of the biggest scariest guys the WWE has to offer, but the thought of her leaving forever scares me more than they ever could. I’d rather look across the ring at a pissed off Big Show or a charging Rhyno than watch her as she walks out the door.

The footsteps stop and I can feel her presence. She doesn’t have to say a word. I know she’s standing behind me in the doorway, waiting…she’s waiting to say our final goodbye. I can’t help but wonder if this is eating her up inside. Is this hurting her as much as its hurting me? Does she feel like her heart’s been shredded through a meant grinder and left on the floor to rot? No physical injury I’ve suffered so far, and believe you me I’ve suffered a lot, could possibly hurt as bad as this. That’s it…I’ve had it! This cant be happening. Gathering my courage, I take a deep breath and stand, turning to face her.

She looks as terrible as I feel and I know this is wrong. I can’t let this happen. “My cab is here,” she says, looking expectantly at me. But what is she expecting? Does she want me to just say goodbye and let her leave forever? Does she want me to grovel at her feet? I love her but if I have to leave this relationship I’m going to leave with my pride in tact? Or am I? I feel like doing everything in my power to get her to stay. I know when she leaves; she’ll have taken a part of me with her. For I know there is a little shred of my heart wrapped in each thing she has packed. There are a million memories and stories packed in each suitcase, and those are things I’m not willing to loose just yet. But still I stand here, facing her, silent and immobile.

A taxi’s waiting in the driveway for you

You call my name, I guess your ready to leave

I’d like to help you with a suitcase or two

But I’m afraid I’m gonna wind up down on my knees

“ Matt I’ve really got to get going” she mumbles, looking down at her watch “I told my sister I’d be there around three and I know that you guys have to get back on the road around four. So I guess this is it.” She walked toward me then, arms outstretched for a hug. Did she really think I was going to let her hug me? Did she really think that after tearing my heart to shreds and leaving my life in shambles I was just going to let her leave with a friendly hug? She pulled me into her arms and what was left of my heart left me. I pulled her close and let her perfumed scent envelope me. Her small rounded body molded to fit so perfectly with mine. Sometimes the only time I felt truly complete was when I was in her arms. She was meant for me and I knew, now more than ever, that I was meant for her. I knew what I had to do.

I should tell you that I want you to go

I really need to spend some time on my own

Smile and say goodbye

So you don’t see me dying inside

Is it over yet, is it over yet?

She pulled away suddenly wiping a tear from her eye as she turned to leave. This was it. If I didn’t speak up now I knew the chance would be gone forever. She was about to step up from the living room into the hall and the words came flying out of my mouth. “Don’t” I said and then held my breath as she turned around and looked at me. “Don’t what Matt” she asked. “Don’t go! I can’t take this. I need you in my life. I love you and I don’t want you to walk out that door and out of my life forever.” She smiled sadly for a moment and then started biting on her lower lip, like she always did when she was about to cry. “We’ve been through this” she said biting even harder on her lip “its not going to work out. I can’t take your lifestyle anymore and it’s not fair of me to ask you to give it up. It’s your dream and I’m happy for you. I just don’t think I fit into that dream anymore.”

I quickly crossed the living room and pulled her into my arms. She started to resist and that’s when I said “you’re my dream now. I’m tired of almost killing myself and killing us in the process. I want to be around for a long time to come and I want to grow old with you. Baby I should tell you to go on and never look back. I should be strong enough to set you free of a guy like me, but even though I may be physically strong, you can leave me weaker than you will ever know. I need you. I want you. I’m not strong enough to go. I love you.” There! It was all out. I had said it. I stood there waiting with bated breath as she pulled back and looked at me shocked.

“But…but but….what about wrestling” she fumbled, but slowly got the words out. I smiled and kissed her then and said what was in my heart “If I have to choose between you and wrestling baby…I choose you” following my impulse I dropped down to one knee and took her hand. Looking up into her eyes I said what I knew I should have said a long time ago “Don’t leave me. I’m not strong enough to take it if you leave me. I need you. Stay with me forever….marry me?” She gasped and without biting her lip at all, she just let the tears begin to fall. She fell to her knees in front of me and then pulled me into one of the warmest hugs I’ve ever felt. Pulling back for a moment and wiping her tears away as I felt my own begin to fall I asked, “Is that a yes?” Nodding, she pulled me close again and kissed me. She didn’t have to say a word. I knew then what her answer was, and at that moment I felt like the strongest man in the world.

I should lie and say it’s all for the best

Wish you luck and say I have no regrets

But I’m not up to being strong

So I’ll wait until your gone

Is it over yet, is it over yet?

song by Wynonna Judd

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