Chapter 8
Matt watched from outside the car. He could see himself driving, he could see Shane sitting in the passenger seat.
“What was going on?” Matt asked himself as he watched the car.
The next thing Matt knew he heard the sound of metal against metal. He could hear himself scream from the car, he could see Shane jerk forward…
“No!” Matt screamed as he watched the scene in horror, “No, God no! Not again!”
He watched the car. No one moving. He could see himself slumped over the wheel, see Shane lying motionless next to him.
“Somebody help!” Matt screamed.
“They can’t hear you,” he heard a women’s voice say.
“Emily?” he asked recognizing the voice. He looked all around but couldn’t see her, “Em?”
“It’s your fault Matt,” she said.
“What?” Matt asked frantically looking around himself.
“It’s all your fault Matt,” Emily repeated, “All your fault.”
“No Emily…” Matt demanded staring at the scene as police cars and ambulances arrived, “It’s not my fault… it was an accident.”
“Shane’s dead Matt,” Emily said, “and it’s your fault.”
“No, no…” Matt mumbled watching his motionless body being put into the ambulance, “Emily… where are you?”
“All your fault,” she repeated, all she said, “Your fault, your fault…”
Matt awoke frantically in a cold sweat, his heart pounding. He looked around his living room. The TV was turned on low in the corner, he sat up on the couch, he had fallen asleep, it was all a dream…
He listened to the rain pound at the house outside, then he heard some thunder in the distance. He took a deep breath. The words repeated in his head, “All your fault Matt, Shane’s dead and it’s all your fault…”
Matt took another deep breath. That hadn’t been the first time he had the dream, but it was the first time Emily had been in it, the first time Emily blamed him for her boyfriend’s death.
Matt jumped at the sound of knocking on the door, he looked at his watch. 12:05am, still relatively early.
He quickly made his way down the hallway as the knocking grew louder and more frantic. He opened the door and stared at Emily standing there.
Her hair hung wetly around her head, her clothes hung on her like a second skin, her body was shaking from the cold, her usual bright eyes were dull.
“Emily? What are you doing here?” Matt asked ushering her into the house. He looked at the driveway, “where’s your car?”
“I walked,” Emily mumbled looking at the floor, her lips blue and her body shivering.
“It’s storming out,” Matt said, “You’re freezing, come on get into the living room.”
Emily followed Matt into the living room where she sat numbly on the couch. Matt ran to the bathroom and grabbed a handful of towels and some of his dry clothes.
“What were you thinking?” Matt asked as he wrapped Emily’s freezing body in the towels.
Emily shook her head, “I dunno. I just needed to talk to you.”
Matt looked at her, her body still shaking slightly and her lips starting to return to their normal light pink color.
“Go put these on,” Matt said handing her the oversized sweatshirt and sweatpants. Emily obediently walked into the bathroom and returned a few minutes later wearing the clothes Matt had given her. He studied her quickly; she had changed so much since he had seen her at the funeral. The usual sparkle in her eye was gone, her eyes seemed to sink into her face, and she looked so frail and weak.
She sat back down on the couch without saying a word. Matt grabbed a blanket and wrapped her in it. He positioned himself next to her as he started to towel dry her hair.
“How have you been?” Matt asked, “I left a ton of messages and you never got back to me. I was worried.”
“I know, I’m sorry,” Emily replied wrapping the blanket tighter around her, “I’ve been so busy… with work and Shane and everything…”
“How are you holding up?” Matt asked as he continued to use the towel lightly on Emily’s hair.
She shrugged, “I’m dealing. You?”
“Same,” Matt answered, “I’m going to be out of the WWF for a couple months.”
“Oh,” Emily mumbled.
Matt nodded as the 2 sat in silence. The rain continued to hit the house, stronger and quicker. Matt saw lightning light up the sky out of the window. He heard the roaring thunder a few seconds later.
“I wanted to talk to you about what happened with Shane,” Matt said breaking the silence.
Emily turned to look at Matt. Her already dull eyes filling with sadness, she bit her lower lip as it started to quiver.
“Ok…” she said avoiding Matt’s eyes, “What do you want to say?”
“It’s just that…” Matt said, not sure he even knew what to say, “I wanted to talk to you about that and about what happened earlier the day.”
Emily looked at him, “Matt… I don’t think… I…”
“Emily,” Matt said forcing her eyes to look into his own, “please we need to talk about it.”
Emily took a deep breath as she wrapped the blanker tighter around herself, “Matt… please I can’t…”
“Do you blame me?” Matt interrupted, he stared at her eyes.
“What?” Emily asked shocked.
“Do you blame me for Shane’s death?” Matt asked again, his tone not changing at all and his face expressionless.
“Of course not Matt,” Emily said staring at his face, trying to find some sort of emotion on it, but there was nothing.
“If it weren’t for me, Shane would still be alive,” Matt mumbled, more to himself then to Emily.
“Matt, don’t blame yourself…” Emily said softly, “It’s not your fault. You would give your life for Shane and I know that…”
“But I couldn’t!” Matt snapped, surprising himself and Emily with his tone and the anger in his voice.
“Oh Em, I’m sorry,” Matt apologized, his tone changing.
Emily nodded, “It’s ok Matt. I understand you’re angry. I am too.”
“It’s just… it’s not fair!” Matt said his voice finally filling with emotion.
Emily moved closer to Matt and stroked his hair. For the first time she realized what Matt was going through. She never even thought that Matt could blame himself for Shane’s death. She ran another finger through his hair as the 2 sat in silence. What if she had lost Matt too? She shivered at the thought, not being able to picture her life without her best friend.
“Are you still cold?” Matt asked as he saw Emily shiver, “Do you want a cup of tea or something?”
Emily nodded and smiled weakly, “Sure tea would be great.”
Matt stood up and smiled quickly, “We really need to talk about what happened earlier. Before that night.”
Emily nodded as she pulled the blanket around her tighter, “Ok.”
Matt disappeared into the kitchen and returned a few minutes later with a mug.
“What happened in my room confused me Em,” he said as he walked back into the room, “I knew I had feelings for you, but didn’t realize they were so strong.”
He looked over at Emily, waiting for her to respond and saw her lying on the couch, breathing gently, sleeping.
He smiled as he walked over to her and picked her up gently, as not to wake her.
“You’re too much Em,” he whispered with a small laugh as he carried her up the stairs. He walked into the guestroom and placed Emily gently in the bed tucking the sheets around her.
She looked so peaceful lying there, so serene. For the first time in days he felt calm and at peace. He quickly smoothed some hair away from her face as he laid his lips gently on her forehead.
“Goodnight Em,” he said softly as he looked at her one more time and left the room, closing the door quietly behind him.
Chapter 9
Chapter 7