So Unsexy
Oh these little rejections how they add up quickly
One small sideways look and I feel so ungood
Somewhere along the way I think I gave you the power to make
Me feel the way I thought only my father could
Nora Greenwald sighed as she looked at the small card in her hand and rolled onto her stomach, only tearing her gaze from the card as the hotel door swung open.
“Hey,” her best friend and roommate Amy Dumas said walking into their shared hotel room, “what are you reading?”
“Nick sent me a birthday card,” Nora sighed, naming her boyfriend and holding up the small white card.
“That was sweet of him,” Amy replied with a smile, but her smile quickly faded, “wasn’t your birthday 3 weeks ago?”
Nora nodded, rolling onto her back and looking at the ceiling. Having the one person she loved forget her birthday made her feel so small… so childlike…
Oh these little rejections how they seem so real to me
One forgotten birthday I'm all but cooked
How these little abandonments seem to sting so easily
I'm 13 again am I 13 for good?
“You look fantastic Nora,” Amy said, stepping behind Nora in the mirror, “that color looks great on you.”
“Are you sure?” Nora asked skeptically, “Nick never liked this on me.”
“You put too much stock into what Nick thinks,” Amy replied, “you look beautiful.”
Nora nodded, but inside she didn’t agree. All the times Nick had insulted her, ignored her, forgotten her just made her feel unimportant, stupid, and ugly.
Nora watched as Amy walked away through the reflection in the mirror. As Nora stood alone, she stared at her reflection.
Her usually happy smile was gone and brightness from her eyes disappeared. Constantly getting put down by someone you love didn’t do much for your self-esteem.
“You’re beautiful Nora,” she whispered to her reflection, trying to convince herself, but she shook her head and looked down, it was no use lying to herself.
I can feel so unsexy for someone so beautiful
So unloved for someone so fine
I can feel so boring for someone so interesting
So ignorant for someone of sound mind
“Nick, hi,” Nora said cheerfully into her cell phone, “I was wondering when you’d call.”
“I’ve been busy,” Nick replied distantly, “besides, we just talked the other night.”
“That was 4 days ago,” Nora answered, “I missed you.”
“I’ve gotta go baby,” he said suddenly.
“But you just called,” Nora sighed, “I wanted to talk to you for more then 5 minutes.”
“Stop being so selfish Nora!” Nick said annoyed, “you’re the big WWF superstar, you’re the one traveling!”
“I’m sorry,” Nora apologized, “I love you.”
“Yeah, love you,” Nick said and the phone went dead.
Nora threw the phone onto her bed, then climbed onto it and curled into a ball as a tear spilled down her cheek.
Let down and defeated, Nora wrapped her arms tighter around herself and cried until she fell asleep.
Oh these little protections how they fail to serve me
One forgotten phone call and I'm deflated
Oh these little defenses how they fail to comfort me
Your hand pulling away and I'm devastated
Nora walked down the beach slowly with her hands in the pockets of her denim shorts.
“Excuse me?” a voice called behind her, “Molly?”
Nora turned around confused to see a group of 5 teenagers; 3 boys and 2 girls.
“It is you!” one girl who looked to be about 13 shrieked, “you’re Molly Holly from the WWF!”
“Hi,” Nora smiled, not sure how to reply, “how are you guys?”
“You’re my favorite!” the other girl said quickly, “this is so cool to meet you! I want to be a WWF diva just like you!”
“You are totally my role model,” the first girl added.
“Wow, thanks,” Nora said both flattered and surprised, “that means a lot, thank you.”
“You’re amazing,” one boy finally said, “and you’re so beautiful.”
Nora smiled at the boy, not sure what to say as she felt overwhelmed by their praises. She wasn’t used to such flattery, especially with Nick telling her how awful she was.
“Can I get your autograph?” another boy asked, as the other 4 kids shook their heads enthusiastically and anxiously.
“Sure,” Nora replied as she watched the one girl dig threw her purse for paper, finally emerging with some folded up sheets and a pen.
“Here,” the girl said, handing Nora the pen and sheets of paper. Nora smiled as she realized they were the backs to some math sheets.
“Are you sure these aren’t too important?” Nora asked, not wanting to deface the girl’s homework.
“You’re a lot more important then a few algebra problems,” the girl replied with a smile.
Nora smiled back at her and nodded, then asked the kids their names and signed 5 sheets of paper.
“Thanks so much!” one boy said, looking at his paper.
“Anytime,” Nora replied, as the 5 teenagers thanked her again and said goodbye as they walked away.
“Molly?” one girl said turning around about 10 feet away, “thanks again, this means so much to me.”
Nora smiled as she watched the girl jog to catch up with her friends.
“It means even more to me,” she whispered before sticking her hands into her pockets and walking down the beach.
When will you stop leaving baby?
When will I stop deserting?
Nora smoothed her shirt as she heard the knock on the door. She knew it was Nick on the other side and her heart pounded in her chest. She opened the door and smiled as she saw the blonde standing there.
“Hi,” she said shyly, looking him over in his khakis and blue button down shirt, “you look great.”
“Thanks,” he said kissing her cheek and walking into the room. He looked her quickly up and down, but didn’t say anything.
What did she expect? A compliment. She sighed softly as she looked at him. No flowers, she hadn’t seen him for over 2 weeks. Oh well, it wasn’t like she expected them.
“How are you?” he asked sitting on her bed and looking up at her.
“Good,” she replied, sitting next to him and taking his hand, “do you want to go for a walk on the beach sweetie?”
“Sure,” he replied standing up and taking her hand, leading her out of the room quickly.
When will I start staying with myself?
“I’m really glad you came to visit,” Nora said hugging Nick and resting her head on his chest, “I’ve missed you so much.”
“Yeah,” he replied, touching her back softly.
The 2 stood on a group of rocks overlooking the ocean. Nora sighed as she watched the waves hit the surf.
“You didn’t say anything about my hair,” Nora said, twirling her newly dyed brown hair around her fingers, “what do you think.”
“You look better as a blonde,” he replied simply.
“Oh,” Nora said, looking down at the rocks.
Oh these little rejections how they keep springing from me
I jump my ship as I take it personally
“Nick,” Nora said softly as the two sat on the rocks. Nora wrapped her arms around her legs as she pulled them close to her chest.
“Yeah baby,” Nick replied, standing up and helping Nora up.
“You know how much I love you,” she said softly.
“Yeah, I know baby,” Nick answered pulling her into a hug, “you don’t have to tell me so much.”
“But it wouldn’t hurt for you to say it more,” Nora replied, looking up into his eyes.
“What?” Nick asked pulling back, “Nora, you know how I feel about you. I show you all the time.”
“Yeah, you show me with insults, forgotten phone calls, late birthday cards. I can’t do this anymore Nick. I can’t let you keep pushing me down.”
“You’re talking crazy baby,” Nick laughed.
Nora stepped closer to him, took his hand, and placed a soft kiss on his lips. She opened her eyes and let go of his hand as she stepped back.
“Goodbye Nick,” Nora said softly with a smile as she turned around and jumped off the group of rocks into the sand.
“Nora,” he called after her, “Nora, come back here!”
Nora ignored his voice as she shook her hair over her shoulders and held her head highly as she walked confidently down the beach, not turning back once.
She was beautiful, she was sexy, she was talented, and she was intelligent. No matter what Nick or anyone else said, she knew she was and that’s all she needed. She smiled as she came to that realization. All she needed was herself.
Oh these little rejections how they disappear quickly
The moment I decide not to abandon me
~Alanis Morissette
Back to Home
Email: wwfdiva4life@hotmail.com