WWF's Dating Game
~WWF’s Dating Game~ by Beth and Emily
Announcer: Welcome to WWF’s version of “The Dating Game” with your host… Chris Jericho!
Chris Jericho: Welcome to the show, I am your host… Y2J.
Crowd: (goes wild) Y2J! Y2J!
Y2J : Let’s meet our 3 contestants. Contestant #1 enjoys skittles, painting his nails, and jumping off ladders. Please welcome Jeff Hardy.
Jeff: (waves) Hi Daddy! I’m on TV. Hi everyone!
Y2J : Ooook, contestant #2 enjoys offbeat shenanigans, working out, and blinding people with his beautiful smile. Everyone welcome the WWF’s Edge, Adam Copeland.
Adam: (Smiles, camera breaks) Ooops, that always happens.
Y2J : (groans) how did I get talked into this? Our 3rd and final contestant enjoys Mops and making out with them (re-reads card) That’s what it says… Please welcome Perry Saturn.
Perry: (Comes running in flying around with Moppy. Sits down) You’re Welcome.
Y2J : Now let’s meet the lady who will be winning a date with one of these men… God help her… The WWF’s Lovely Lita, Amy Dumas.
Amy: (walks onto stage) Hi, thanks for having me.
Y2J : Hey, if it doesn’t work out with one of these guys, hang out after the show and I’ll give you my number.
Amy: OK!
Y2J : Ok guys, introduce yourselves.
Jeff: (looks up from painting his nails) Heeeeeey Amy. Choose me and I’ll let you borrow my new purple nail polish.
Amy: Mmmm, tempting.
Adam: If you pick me I’ll teach you how to make your hair really soft, just like mine.
Amy: That sounds nice.
Perry: Bunnies eat carrots so they can have babies.
Amy: Thanks for sharing!
Y2J: This is going to be a long show… ok Amy question #1.
Amy: Contestant 2, if you and I were stranded on a desert island, what are 3 things you would bring.
Adam: Easy. My toothbrush, my toothpaste, and a mirror. Duh!
Amy: Ok, contestant 3, same question.
Perry: Moppy.
Amy: What else?
Perry: All I need is Moppy! We are in love! You’re welcome.
Y2J: Thank you.
Perry: You’re welcome.
Y2J: Thank… Ok, Amy question 2?
Amy: Contestant #1, What is your idea of a perfect date.
Jeff: Ooh, that’s easy! We’d go to the movies and see Titanic, ‘cause it’s the greatest movie ever, buy a BIG bag of Skittles ‘cause all the pretty colors look like my hair, and Swanton people off the balcony.
Amy: Uhhh, sounds like fun…
Perry: You’re Welcome.
Y2J : She didn’t say anything to you!
Perry : Monkeys learn sign language so they can tell dolphins they love them!
Amy : Aww… that’s sweet!
Adam : Yeah… well… toothbrushes are bendy so they can reach all parts of your mouth!
(Crickets chirping)
Chris : Alrighty then! Amy, next question….
Amy : Contestant #1, your going to give me a strip tease… what song do you do it to?
Jeff : Britney Spears “I’m a slave 4 U” (Jeff jumps up on his chair, and rips off his shirt. All of the girls in the audience go wild. Music miraculously starts to play as Jeff tries to dance like Britney)
Jeff : *VERY off key* BABY.. don’t you wanna… dance upon me?? Baby.. don’t you…
Y2J : WOULD YOU PLEASE SHUT THE HELL UP?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Jeff : (Sits down) Well soooooooory (continues to paint his nails a pretty new shade of pink)
Amy : Ok, contestant #3… same question
Perry : Shakira bellydances because canaries are from the east coast
Amy : Does that mean you would dance to Shakira?
Perry : You’re welcome!
Amy : Ok… well, would you like to give a sample of that strip tease to the audience?
Audience : NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*Music starts to play as Perry Saturn gets up and starts dancing. He rips off his clothes to reveal a matching set of bra and panties… that looked remarkably like the bra and panties Trish had wore the night before*
(Audience starts screaming… shouts of “oh god, I’m blind!!” and “someone poke my eyes out with a spork!!” erupt from the audience as security comes out and escorts Perry offstage)
Perry : You’re welcome!!
Y2J : It’s very unfortunate, but one of our contestants is now gone… I guess it’s down to contestants one and two…
Amy : Ok, contestant two… whats the most outrageous thing you’ve ever done?
Adam : Well… this one time… at wrestling camp…. I tried to stick my toothbrush…
Y2J : Ok, that’s enough!!! I’m so sorry, but I’m afraid we’re out of time… Amy, its time to make your decision…
Adam : But what about the rest of my story?
Y2J : Anyway… Amy, who will it be? Contestant one or two?
Amy : Well… I was leaning towards contestant 3… do you think he could come back out?
(Perry comes running out and grabs Moppy) NO!! I love Moppy and no one else!! (leaves the stage)
Amy : Do I have to pick one of these two?
*Camera zooms in on Adam admiring himself in a mirror, and Jeff with his finger up his nose, thinking no one is looking, then noticing the camera, and immediately putting his finger behind his back and smiling innocently*
Y2J : Well… you do have one other option…
Amy : PLEASE… anything!!
Y2J : you could pick a very sexy, talented, smart host….. *smiles*
Amy : OMIGOSH… you could set me up with Bob Barker?? He’s been my dream man ever since I was five!!
Y2J : THAT’S DISGUSTING!! I was talking about a certain Canadian one….
Amy : (squeals) Alex Trebek?? (claps her hands happily)
Y2J : GODDAMNIT!! I meant me!!
Amy : (disappointed) oh…. well… in that case… I choose contestant #….. 2
Adam : (stands up and starts dancing) I won, I won… hahaha! In your face man!! (points at Jeff)
Jeff : (starts crying)
*Amy stands up and goes to meet the man she’s going to date. Adam walks out of the curtain*
Amy : EWW!!!!!!!! What the f*ck?? I don’t wanna date you!!
Adam : Yo girl… why you frontin when you know you really want it??
*Amy runs off stage. Adam chases her*
Adam : Wait.. don’t you want to hear more stories about wrestling camp?? (Amy runs faster)
Y2J : Well that concludes a very interesting edition of the dating game… see you next…
*Trish and Stacy run on stage and shove Y2J. They run over to a weeping Jeff Hardy, trying to comfort him*
Y2J : (stands up) Like I was saying…
*Jeff runs by screaming and shoves Y2J, trying to get away from Stacy and Trish, who trample Chris trying to catch up with Jeff*
Y2J : (stands up)Aww.. f*ck it!! (walks offstage)
The End
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