Chapter 37
What was I to do? Was I to tell Jeff what had happened? I didn't know where to start. Suddenly I came out of my trance as I heard the two coming. I quickly stood to my feet and ducked in the nearest bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror. The stage make up was running down my face from the tears that I had cried. My hair was a disheveled mess and my mind was a wreck. It was happening to me again. I had let my guard down and now Matt had kissed Amy; willingly.
I avoided the crew for the rest of the night driving back to the motel by myself, my vision being blurred somewhat by my tears. When I opened the door, I collapsed on the ground with my arms around Gabriel and sobbed uncontrollably into his furry neck. I had been so exhausted that I fell asleep there lying on the floor in my clothes. The next morning I was awakened by the sound of knocking at my door. I slowly picked my stiff head up off the floor and rubbed my bloodshot eyes. The door then squeaked opened and Matt's shoes appeared before me.
"Oh my, Maria, are you okay?" Matt said, stooping to my level, helping my limp body off the floor and into a sitting position on the edge of the bed.
"Yeah, I'm fine." I whispered a lie.
"No, Maria, you are staying here today to get some rest, you are in no condition to practice today. That match must have taken a lot out of you." He continued, draping his arm over my shoulder for support.
"Oh, what's going on here, what happened?" Amy asked, as she and Jeff appeared in the open doorway.
"Nothing I am fine, leave me be." I protested.
"I found her here on the floor when I walked in." Matt told the others.
"Oh, no." Amy said rushing over to us. Jeff followed with a concerned look on his face.
"Everybody I am fine, just leave me alone, I just want to rest and be alone today." I repeated in a loud tone.
"You guys go, I'll be there in a little while, I want to make sure Maria gets comfortable here." Matt shushed them off.
"Matt I don't want you here either." I said dryly.
The others had already gone. He spun around his eyes wide.
"Alright Maria, what's going on here?" He asked, taking a seat next to me on the bed.
"No, Matt you tell me what is going on with you?!" I shouted, my voice cracked with dryness and irritation.
"What?"
"What happened between you and Amy last night? Why did you kiss her?" I asked in a harsh tone.
"...I...I... I don't know, it just sort of happened through frustration." He tried to find the words he needed to justify what he had done. He then became silent, not knowing what else to say.
"I heard everything Matt, and I know you didn't do it on purpose, but its still the fact that you did it at all..." I said, lowering my tone.
"Willingly." I ended my sentence in an empty whisper.
"No, not willingly, I think I was testing myself to make sure of things..." he abruptly ended his sentence.
"Excuse me? What do you mean by that? That you had to kiss her to make sure you had no feelings for her, or what? And another thing, does Jeffrey know about this?" I asked, almost in mocking tone.
"No, Jeff does not know of this." Matt replied weakly.
"I..." I gathered myself before I spoke again, "Matt, I just don't understand. I opened my heart to you, which I don't normally do. I loved you..." Tears began to trickle down my cheeks and my voice quivered a bit. "and I thought that something would truly come of this. I am not one of those people who falls easily. I had always pictured myself living alone with my dog and being a successful author. But when I met you, my outlook on things changed, and now I have my doubts again. And you wonder why I am the way I am, always shutting people out, this is a prime example, right here." I controlled my emotions and turned away from him.
He looked completely heartbroken. The sparkle in his deep brown eyes was gone and replaced with a dull gray look. His coloring drained from his body and became a pasty white. He sat there motionless on the edge of my bed. I rose to my feet and headed towards the window. I looked out, tears dripping from nose. I wiped them away and focused on what was going on outdoors. A family of five had just arrived in their white Ford Explorer. All the doors had been opened and three boys bounded from them excitedly. The mother then emerged from the passenger seat, revealing a large tummy, showing signs of another pregnancy. The father then came around to help her out of the car. He took her hand and kissed her glowing cheek. She smiled a smile of love towards him. While the two were stealing a moment of romance, the youngest boy, about the age of three came up and tugged on the shirt of his mother. The two broke apart and the father scooped up the child, tickling him. The boy had his mother's bright eyes and his father's dark curly hair and pouty smile. The mother watched the two with a sentimental smile. She then stood to her feet and waddled to the back of the car to start unloading things.
"Sully, Cole, come help your daddy and I unload your things!" she called to the older two boys who had been chasing each other around the parking lot.
"Yes Mama!" They ended their game of tag and retreated to help their mother. The scene was perfect. I smiled to myself, suddenly forgetting my current situation with Matt.
Suddenly I felt heavy hands rest on my shoulders. I jumped lightly, forgetting that Matt had still been in the room. I came back to reality, the smile leaving my face. I didn't turn in his arms, I just stood staring at the ugly plaid pattern on the curtains that hung above the window.
"Maria..." his whisper sounding eerie.
I turned around in his arms, finally. I broke down again and melted into his inviting arms. He led me over to the bed again, and sat down with me still clinging tightly to his black t-shirt. He spoke no words but held me and ran his fingers through my hair.
Sometime later I awoke in darkness.
Chapter 38
Chapter 36