Top Signs That Watching the Simpsons Has Had a Big Impact on Your Life

2. You live in a small town somewhere in the USA that has access to anything you can imagine, despite it being small.

3. Your mother and your little sister wear strapless evening gowns with pearls.

4. No matter what your boss never regonizes you.

5. Your school has a singular tree on its property.

6. Your sister still has a pacifier at the age of thirty.

7. Your next door neighbors have names that rhyme or at least sound alike.

8. Your local convenience store clerk charges $12 for a carton of milk.

9. You would pass up anything to write your name in wet cement.

10. Your bus driver practically lives in Mexico.

11. You are the first non-Brazilian person to travel back in time.

12. The kids in your neighborhood believe in reverse vampires.

13. When you do something stupid you are guaranteed to hear, "Ha Ha!"

14. You have a friend named Joey Jo-Jo Junior Shabadu.

15. Every show you watch stars Troy McClure.

16. It's been 9 years and you are still 10 years old and stuck in Ms. Krabapple's class.

17. The only X-Files episode you have ever seen is the one where Homer saw the green alien and no one believed him.

18. You think the movie "Speed" is called the "Bus that couldn't slow down."

19. You add a senseless "ma" to the name of musical instruments.

20. You know the whole plot to the "Planet of the Apes" without ever watching it.

21. Your school just opened a model UN club.

22. Your principal and your teacher were in the janitor's closet "making babies."

23. Your local bartender claims that his ancestors were bartenders to the Czar.

24. Your spring road trip is to the Knoxville Wig Outlet.

25. Local clowns go from door to door collecting money for the the Society of Jewish Clowns.

26. Your town's mayor and his family are a reincarnation of the Kennedys.

27. They are showing "Hail to the Chimp" at your local drive through.

28. Your best friend did "How Gravity Works" for a Science Project, in which he ran a slinky down a ramp.

29. Your hero is a clown.

30. Your cat was run over by the mayor's brother Clovis.

31. The person who wants to kill you sings you the entire score of the HMS Pinafore.

32. Your local steel mill turns into a gay disco.

33. Your boss's assistant collects Malibu Stacy accessories.

34. The new movie that contains a talking pie is really your movie.

35. You really invented the electric hammer.

36. You think the waffle stuck on the ceiling is God.

37. Both of your arms got stuck in vending machines.

38. You think your arms will grow back if they get chopped off.

39. Your home was stolen by Carnies and you had to live in the tree house.

40. You call your garage the car-hole.

41. You've seen all the Space Mutant movies and can actually tell the difference between them.

42. You think the electrical college elects the President.

43. If your grandfather doesn't take his medication he turns into a woman.

44. Your janitor is deprived of a crystal slop bucket.

45. You have dreams about demolishing the school to the sound of Alice Cooper.

46. You want to be reincarnated as a butterfly and burn down the school because no one ever suspects the butterfly.

47. You know several people named Bort.

48. At the age of ten, your parents let you go to a Spinal Tap Concert.

49. Your town is plagued by Bolivian tree lizards that eat pigeons.

50. You bred those tree lizards.

51. For wiping out the town's pigeons, you were rewarded with a scented candle.

52. Your teacher shows you filmstrips about Sand.

53. When your grandfather and his parents first immigrated to the US, they lived inside the Statue of Liberty.

54. The kids in your school start a riot over a T-shirt slogan.

55. You have a putter named Charlene.

56. Your local convict writes his shopping list in his own blood.

57. You use Mr. Sparkle dish soap.

58. Local tarot cards contain the Happy Squirrel.

59. Sex education videos star Fluffy and Fuzzy Bunny.

60. The white trash is called yellow trash.

61. All your food is purple mush and/or potatoes.

62. Your father builds furniture in the shape of clowns.

63. The only beer avalible is Duff and Fudd.

64. You are the lizard queen.

65. The bartender calls your wife, "Midge."

66. You dream of being Yogi Bear and Mogilla the Gorilla.

67. You vaguely remember someone named Roy living in your house .

68. You name your beds Spotty and Smelly at the sleazy hotel.

69. The people in the neighboring town are all distracted by someone's attractive cousin.

70. Your local police cheif writes on an invisible typewriter.

71. The local antique store is really a gang headquarters.

72. You never miss Nightboat.

73. You take pictures of your TV in front of a mirror so it looks like you have two.

74. You belong to the Super Friends.

75. You broke the legs off your auto-dialer.

76. You were kicked out of the No Homers Club.

77. The Egg Counsel Creeps got to you too.

78. You get head lice from a monkey passed out inside a wicker basket from Pier 1.

79. Your best friend's father wrote "Can I Borrow a Feeling."

80. Your local prison auction sells iron gates for one kilo.

81. The only country singers you know are, "that jerk in the cowboy hat" and "that dead lady."

82. You will never find out if ants can sort tiny screws in space.

83. Bullies beat you up for "wasting teacher's valuable time."

84. You think Africa is 12 mi. from your house.

85. You put your cat and dog through the matter transporter so you can have "twice the pet and none of the mess."

86. You also got a pet with two butts.

87. You shot Mr. Burns.

88. You can't walk in platform shoes.

89. Your school goes on a field trip to the box factory.

90. Your mother actually thinks that "dorcas malorcas" is Latin.

91. You have been selected to represent the school at the national grammar rodeo at the Sheraton Hotel in Canada.

92. You would rather drink Crab Juice then Mountain Dew.

93. Your boss thinks Hans Moleman is the leprechaun in the Lucky Charms Commercial.

94. Your lawyer is also a shoe repairman.

95. Your favorite cartoon is Christmas Ape.

96. You have an iguana named Jub-Jub.

97. Your name again is Mr. Plow.

98. You have to run "Dental Plan" and "Lisa needs braces" through your head five times before getting the point.

99. When you leave your job your replacement is a chicken.

100. Lenny becomes president of the United States.

101. You have silhouette night every friday.

102. Your library has a special occult section.

103. Your school was named the most dilapidatated in all of Missouri.

104. Your father can't say, "titmouse," without giggling like a school girl.

105. Your father knows the old lady from Titanic's phone number.

106. Your sister eats fruit loops for breakfast.

107. Your father thinks a plant is your mother.

108. Your father thinks anything with a toothpick in it is free.

109. Your school janitor is from North Kilt-town.

110. Your school janitor has been deported.

111. Your school janitor turned into a spidery bag-pipe thingy.

112. You take unfair advantage of your school's weather balloon.

113. You can make snow appear by just wishing for it.

114. You claim the solution to the rubix cube is to turn the middle side topwise.

115. Sleep is where you are a Viking.

116. You consider worms and paste a tasty snack.

117. You think Uptown Girl is a Hippee song.

118. Pinchy has always been there for you.

119. Your mother is aided by the mafia to sell prezels.

120. The mafia and the poison fists of the pacific have a mob war in your backyard.

121. Your principal sends roses to a stripper named Roxanne.

122. Your town Berlesque house is called the "Back House."

123. Your principal pretends it is the National Air and Space Museum.

124. Your favorite dish is Gezpacho.

125. Everyone in your town randomly breaks into song.

126. You changed the name of the US to "Bonerland" and that it was discovered by "some guy."

127. George Bush lives across the street from you.

128. You get in gun fights over prostitutes.

129. Your local bartender killed the original Alfalfa.

130. You don't need a Kwik-E-Mart.

131. You only know Roman Numerals because you saw all the Rocky movies.

132. Mark Hamil was described as "electric" in Guys and Dolls.

133. You regonize the mafia guy from Clomp or Stomp or some piece of crap like that.

134. Your neighbors own a Geo.

135. The catch phrase you should know for your adult years is "Hey buddy, gotta quarter?"

136. You think it's funny when the flag on your mail box is up.

137. You don't think there is anything fluffier then a cloud.

138. You use safety pencils and circles of paper.

139. When you play musical chairs everyone is a winner.

140. You forged a doctor's note in saying you had leprosy.

141. Your local Animators smoke rotissary chicken while coming up with a new cartoon character.

142. Your childhood toy is Mr. Honey-Bunny.

143. You rob a bank with a frozen loaf of bread.

144. Your neighbor in Little Pwagmattasquarmsettport celebrates Bastille Day.

145. Your Boss hasn't forgiven his mother for having an affair with President Taft

146. If you don't see it it's not illegal.

147. You have found Area51A.

148. You spent your last $10 on a talking Al Gore doll.

149. You put speed holes in your car.

150. You talk to your brain and your brain talks to you.

151. You consider windshield glass a prize.

152. You think the Bible says, "Thou shalt not take moochers into thy hut."

153. You've been bothering you parents to take you to Mt. Splashmore

154. The happiest day of your life was when the doctor told you that you didn't have worms anymore

155. You spend hours trying to make the water in your toilet turn the other way.

156. Your x-ray vision glasses don't work because the store owner is wearing a lead shirt

157. Your town has a Russian District.

158. You can get free wuss rock CDs at your car wash.

159. You interpret the word "rebuttal" just how it sounds.

160. You use slang words from the 30's that no one uses anymore.

161. You swiped a spare tire for a wheelbarrow from the Try N' Save

162. When you don't know the lyrics to a song you just sing the title over and over again (ie A Theme from A Summer Place, Guys and Dolls.)

163. You are looking forward to the Rolling Stones' Steel Wheel Chair Tour in 2010

164. You think that ballet involves a bear in a little car.

165. You were charged $.50 for antique cans.

166. You smash all weather stations possible.

167. You regret serving North Korean fortune cookies at your dinner party

168. While driving at night you watch for ghost cars.

169. The main story on the news these days is about the assasination of the Lincoln squirrel.

170. You plan to have your wedding on a trampoline.

171. You find celery soup exciting.

172. Your inner child says food goes in here.

173. You enjoy the smell of Loganberry

174. You get punched in the face everytime you sing "Sunshine on My shoulder"

175. Your principal called the teachers "Purple Monkey Dishwasher"

176. You think epidermis means your hair.

177. Your boss thought your son Renaldo was your son Rolando

178. You want to use your school's money to resurrect the three stooges.

179. You keep a gun around in case a bear comes through the door.

180. The latest movie stars the Bumblebee Man.

181. Your doctor performs surgery with a knife and fork from a seafood resturant.

182. You heard good reviews about Talk to the Hand

183. Your town's baseball team threatens to move away to Moose Jaw.

184. You call the local reverend because you think you are coveting your own wife.

185. You bought your saxophone at Sears.

186. You wrote the novel "Billy and the Clonosaurus"

187. Your posterior consists nothing more then flesh, bone, and that steel plate you got in 'Nam.

188. There is an escaped octopus on the roof of your school

189. You would have called bullfrogs Chazzwazzers.

190. You think kwigybo is a real word.

191. Your best friend wears Teletubbie underwear.

192. Your town has a people under 70 curfew.

193. You never know where the crazy ball will go when playing with the cup and ball.

194. Your best friends mother is cheating on her boyfriend Pyro with his friend Gyro.

195. Your best friend is named Milpool.

196. You ate the fancy soaps in the bathroom.

197. You call your local mail carrier the Female Man.

198. You consider road kill a wildlife photo

199. Your brother has got the hang of walking in high heels

200. All the trophies at your school were wiped out in the big trophy fire.

201. When you are sure someone is reading your mind you sing the "Meow Mix" song.

202. Your grampa doesn't regonize Missorah as a state.

203. You wear panties because it's strictly a comfort thing.

204. You blame WWII on a Teddy Bear.

205. You sing the "Teddy Bear's Picnic" to a bunch of barflies.

206. There is no record of a hurricane in your town since the hall of records was mysteriously blown away.

207. You were smarter then your dad since you could pin your own diapers.

208. You know what a FOUR finger discount is.

209. Your father was beaten out of an employee of the month award by a carbon rod.

210. Your best friend's mother has a jacuzzi suit.

211. You have gotten a clown's autograph on your stomach to impress girls.

212. You think you have found a moon rock up your nose.

213. You had a pet elephant named Stampy.

214. Your boss's mom is 126 years old and all she can do is dial and yell.

215. Your grandpa is president of the gay and lesbian alliance.

216. When you took back the trampoline the local kids began to jump up and down on your car.

217. You have over-thrown Camp Krusty.

218. Your friends have insulted you by saying "Way to breathe, no breath."

219. You have "great can control"

220. You have tried to fly away using spray cans as rocket boosters.

221. You thought Rand McNally was a country.

222. Your dad has tried to jump a gorge on your skateboard

223. You have a black cat named Snowball II.

224. Your cat can play the piano and your dog can speak.

225. By the age of ten you have two mortal enemies: Dr. Demento and Sideshow Bob

226. Your grampa thinks a remote control and an iron is a phone.

227. You best friend thinks camouflage will make him completely invisible to others.

228. You always drink plenty of Malk.

229. You hate blood pudding but LOVE brain and kidney pie.

230. The last thing you do before you collapse is to suck all your coal fillings out of your teeth because perametics have sticky fingers.

231. The year was 1968. You were on Recon in the steamy Mekong delta. An overheated private removed his flack jacket revealing a T-shirt sporting the iron-on MAD slogan, "Up With Mini-Skirts". You all had a good laugh even though you didn't quite understand it. But your momentary lapse of concentration allowed Charlie to get the jump on you. You spent the next 3 years in a POW camp, forced to subsist on a thin stew made of vegetables, prawns, coconut milk, and 4 kinds of rice. You came close to madness trying to find it here in the states but they just don't get the spices right.

232. You escaped from the Mafia by telling them you had to go to the bathroom.

234. You charge $90 for a candy dish, and it can only hold candy in it.

235. You spend all day trying to get a lobster harmonica.

236. Your bus driver got his Harvard diploma in a claw machine at a local bowling alley.

237. You yell out in your dreams, "I want to help you George Washington!"

238. You have conversed with George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Thomas Jefferson

239. You think potatoes are neat.

240. You think the only way to get ice is from the North Pole

241. Your principal worships a puma statue.

242. Your principal has the aurora borealis in his kitchen

243. Your best friend's father is a big wheel down at the cracker factory.

244. The post office is YOUR post office.

245. You get beaten at three games of chess at once.

246. You think there is something about flying a kite at night that is incredibly unwholesome.

247. Your mother buried your bongo drums, your strobelight, and your Ray Stevens "Streak" album

248. Your town's "Do What You Feel" festival was a great improvement from its old Nazi "Do As We Say" festival

249. The prison guard warns you to stop saying Hawaii

250. Professor Frink likes the kiddie toy that has the little poppy ball things and won't give it to the kiddies because, "They can't enjoy it on the same level" as him

251. On Christmas your father was deprived of Cajun sausage.

252. Your local anchorman can't pronounce "Kuala Lumpur" so he crosses it out and writes "France".

253. You believe that in Rand McNally, people wear hats on their feet and hamburgers eat people.

254. Your local anchorman has been replaced by the bumblebee man.

255. You say "Smell ya later".

256. Local bullies discuss the preparation of huckleberries.

257. You figured how to escape from the dungeon without using the wizard's key in the Itchy and Scratchy CD-ROM.

258. You could've met Mr. T at the mall.

259. You can play "McArthur Park" on the tabla.

260. You hate it when people lie through song.

261. Your dentist owns a copy of the "Big Book of British Smiles."

262. Your dentist's tools include the scraper, the poker, and the "happy little felllow" the gauger.

263. You wrote the harmonica accompanied song, "Mama took those batteries."

264. Your comic store owner owns a rare copy of Mary Worth in which she advises a friend to commit suicide

265. In the Variety ads, your town can't afford a picture or correct spelling

266. At your Halloween party some dork comes dressed as Calliope, the muse of rock poetry.

267. Your boss doesn't know what side-burns are.

268. Your teacher is so lonely that she offers to talk to anyone about zinc after class.

269. You think all female nannies are men in disguise.

270. You pass those lonely hours at military school listening to a tape of your mother singing "You are my Sunshine".

271. You scream at the sight of a lotus flower.

272. Your favorite movie book and food is fried green tomatoes.

273. You have a bumper sticker that says " Disco Sucks".

274. Your favorite song is "It's Raining Men".

275. The school nurse says your son has the plague.

276. On the news, you hear about how a fluffy kitten played with a ball of string all through the night.

277. you attend a soccer game to find out which is the best country, Mexico or Portugal.

278. Your mother repeats herself to help you remember and it works!

279. You got more gongs on the Gong Show than the breakdancing robot that caught on fire.

280. You made breakfast out of cloves, Tom Collins mix and a frozen pie crust.

281. Your mother has been taken over by Gamblor, the gambling monster.

282. Your boss designed the "Spruce Moose" which will carry 200 passengers from New York's Idyllwild airport to the Belgian Congo Airport in 17 minutes.

283. You're male and your ovaries hurt.

284. You ride singers to your casino on the handle bars of your bike.

285. Your manager wants you to shut up

286. You wish you were detective Sibowicz.

287. You got your name from a hair dryer.

288. Your lawyer is also a trashman and a real estate salesman.

289. You know how to be a lawyer by watching Matlock with the sound off.

290. On your monorail, the closet has a family of possums inside.

291. You call the big possum Bitey

292. Your family would be much happier as ghosts.

293. When someone wants you to do something you ask for a chipwich.

294. Whenever you are cold you picture yourself in the brimestones of hell.

295. Your analysis on the 3 Stooges is that Moe is their leader.

296. You wave to the ceiling in your sleep.

297. You remember Matthew 21:17 and think it means more then what appears

298. Your neighbors chase heathens

299. In the fire you lost the Picasso and the collection of classic cars.

300. News reports include, "Which works better? Springy closepins or the other kind?"

301. You drink a candle.

302. You are easily distracted by dogs with puffy tails.

303. You are distracted from college by a dog with someone's steak

304. Quebec has the bomb.

305. Your little sister's enemy is the baby with the one eyebrow.

306. You can't catch mono from a monorail

307. Your relatives hit each other with pots on their heads.

308. Your mother has a wedding for the cat and dog.

309. You spell "Yale" with a 6.

310. Your spirit guide is a space coyote

311. Instead of a spray, the police use a swab to apply mace to your eyes.

312. You have the same name as a police cop on the show "Police Cops"

313. People can change their voices and no one would notice the diddly-iference.

314. You caught a case of Jebeditis after you were getting over your Chester A. Arthritis.

315. You wish you had a glass bottomed car.

316. A baby beat you up in the sandbox over a teddy bear

317. You think the scientist who wants to help you is Batman.

318. You can drive your house to school.

319. Your school nurse can only offer chewable prozac for kids: Manic- Depressive Mouse and the Bluebird of Unhappiness.

320. The school snake eats kids.

321. The school is not accountable if Milhouse Van Houten is eaten by the school snake.

322. You discovered a rabbit in the belly of the school snake.

323. The school can't be held reliable if you die.

324. You think the Merchant of Venice sells gumdrops and other chocolate delights.

325. You think vampires are make-believe just like elves, gremlins and eskimos.

326. You imagine Hekyl and Jekyl at your funeral.

327. Your favorite show is the Happy Little Elves.

328. Your sister compares you to Chilly, the elf who cannot love.

329. You call a bunny an esquilax.

330. You call NASA and President Clinton looking for tang.

331. You think a leprechaun tells you to burn things.

332. Your boss is a vampire.

333. Your boss' castle contains a Super-Fun Happy Slide.

334. You know all the words to the Oscar Mayer Wiener song.

335. you call hamburgers "steamed hams".

336. You want Thai food morning, noon and night.

337. You invented a go-cart powered by your own sense of self-satisfaction.

338. You think good things never end with -eum but with -mania or -teria.

339. You hallucinated from a package of powdered gravy you found in the parking lot.

340. Your neighbor sees one of the four elephants of the apocalypse.

341. Your grandfather is a communist.

342. When you "walk into the light" you get an electrical shock.

343. You deliver human eyes to Hong Kong.

344. Your family doesn't know any songs that aren't commercials.

345. your neighbor has an emergency baptism kit.

346. Your solution to everything is to move under the sea.

347. When you fall into a tarpit, your first reaction is to pull your legs out with your arms, and then pull your arms out with your face.

348. When you leave graffitti on public property, you claim it was an accident.

349. Your father would rather have you raise the dead than wreck his car.

350. When you have a monkey's paw, you wish for a turkey sandwich.