> Subject: All About Chain Mail (fwd) > > > By Dennis Leary... > > Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. I am suffering from > rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, > extreme virginity, fear of being kidnapped and > executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not > forwarding out 50 billion fucking chain letters sent > to me by people who actually believe that if you send > them on, then that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas > with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise > enough money to have it removed before her redneck > parents sell her off to the traveling freak show. > > Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to > give $1000 to you and everyone you send "his" email > to? How stupid are you? Ooooh, lookyhere! If I > scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid > by every Playboy model in the magazine! What a bunch > of bullshit. So basically, this message is a big FUCK > YOU to all the people out there who have nothing > better to do than to send me stupid chain mail > forwards. > > Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into > my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not > continuing the chain which was started by Jesus in 5 AD > and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on > the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, > it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for > longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity. Fuck > them. If you're going to forward something, at least > send me something mildly amusing. I've seen all the > "send this to 50 of your closest friends, and this > poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow > receive a nickel from some omniscient being" forwards > about 90 times. I don't fucking care. Show a little > intelligence and think about what you're actually > contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are > it's your own unpopularity. > > THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS: > Chain Letter Type 1: > (scroll down) > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Make a wish!!! > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > No, really, go on and make one!!! > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!! > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Wish something else!!! > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Not that, you pervert!! > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Is your finger getting tired yet? > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > STOP!!!! > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Wasn't that fun? :) Hope you made a great wish :) > Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. > First of all, if you don't send this to 5096 people in > the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a mad goat > and thrown off a high building into a pile of manure. > It's true! Because, THIS letter isn't like all of > those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!! Really !!! > Here's how it goes: > > Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off > at you for sending them a stupid chain letter. Send > this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at > you for sending them a stupid chain letter. Send this > to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed ff at you > for sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a > plot on your life. Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 > people will be pissed off at you for sending them a > stupid chain letter and will napalm your house. > > Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!! > > > ------------------------------------------------------- > Chain Letter Type 2: > > Hello and thank you for reading this. There is a > starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has > no arms, no legs, no parents and no goats. This little > boy's life could be saved, because for every time you > pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little > Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from > Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Oh, and remember, we > have absolutely no way of counting the emails sent and > this is all a complete load of bullshit. So go on, > reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47 > seconds. Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally send > this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly. > > Thanks again!! > > > > ------------------------------------------------------ > Chain Letter Type 3: > > Hi there!!! This chain letter has been in existence > since 1897. This is absolutely incredible because > there was no email then and probably not many sad > ricks with nothing better to do. So this is how it > works: > > Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or > something horrible will happen to you like: > > Bizarre Horror Story #1 > Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on > Saturday. She had recently received this letter and > ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the > sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a > drainpipe in a flood of poop, and went flying out over > a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died. > This Could Happen To You!! > > Bizarre Horror Story #2 > Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in > his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by > a car and so was his boyfriend (hey, some people swing > that way). They both died and went to hell and were > cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity. > This Could Happen To You Too!!! > > > Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley and Bip. > Just send this letter to all of your loser friends, > and everything will be okay. > > ------------------------------------------------------ > Chain Letter Type 4: > > As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Sent it > to every one of your friends. > > Friends: > A friend is someone who is always at your side, > A friend is someone who likes you even though you > stink of shit, > And your breath smells like you've been eating > catfood, > A friend is someone who likes you even though you're > as ugly as a hat full of assholes, > A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've > soiled yourself, > A friend is someone who stays with you all night while > you cry about your sad, sad life, > A friend is someone who pretends they like you when > they really think you should be raped by mad goats, > then thrown to vicious dogs, > A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet, vacuums > and then gets the cheque and leaves and doesn't speak > much English...no, sorry that's the cleaning lady, > A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters > because he wants his wish of being rich to come true. > > Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll never have sex > ever again. > > ------------------------------------------------------ > The point being? If you get some chain letter that's > threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the > rest of your life delete it. If it's funny, send it > on. Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty > about a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who's been > tied to a dead elephant for 27 years, whose only > saviour is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you > forward this mail, otherwise you'll end up like > Miranda. > > Right? > > Now forward this to everyone you know otherwise you'll > find all your knickers missing tomorrow morning.