This goes on and on my friends......so long that part 2- from 3/16- 3/31 will be on BLUEMOON2 page, link back on my main page in Luminous soaring (links) section.
Hui Ho!
 

Okay, guys......leading up to today's  full moon...........that allows the next one to be blue, just by it being full so early in the calendars of some calendrical systems........

Yes. It's all truly myth, symbology, association....... since we've come to believe that "once in a blue moon" something very special and significant in our lives shall occur.....

Well, it's been said many times that as you believe, you are. What you believe, becomes.

Check out http://www.obliquity.com/astro/bluemoon.html for more scientific-wise info on the well loved phenomenon, including, (I'm serious here!) a "Blue Moon Calculator". Typing in "Blue Moon" in any search engine will also get you some interesting results (now, you MAY just ask, why so many Elvis Presley pages?) enforcing the SPECIALNESS of this time..... (Church Lady from Saturday Night Live: "Isn't that SPECIAL?????)

So, this is actually going to be a homework project for Astronomy class............and.....my evening diary.

Usually I wake up around 3:30 AM every day and write for a few hours (need.....coffee.........) but this is the first time I've written anything like a diary on the keyboard, morning pages (EVERY writer oughttuh read Julie Cameron's incredible book "The Artist's Way", and do morning pages. It's changed my entire life) I do longhand, usually with outrageously colored jelly roll pens. But, I want to warn you, I'm really writing my feelings and not editing them at all (though sometimes I've read them back and wanted to, it would castrate the raw honesty and vulnerability of my gift- so- no way no way) BUT--- thus said, some pretty raw stuff there, so, if you don't want to get upset you may not want to read the "Reflections". There is a dark side to the moon, after all, or as Carl Yung espoused, a "shadow self". So, if you read my diary, expect to feel like a camera-equipped satellite cruising the other side and snapping away.

Moon songs too, and others.....want to get Jewel's poem that she put to music and is currently playing all over the place, "hands"......ever feel like a song is a direct narrative of what is going on in your life/soul at the current time? Any songs that say anything about the moon that you want me to find and include here.....go back to my home page and e-mail me with your request and I will put it/them on promptly :)

TO THE BLUE
MOON THAT IS!
 
 

The average interval between Full Moons is about 29.5 days, whilst the length of an average month is roughly
30.5 days.
This makes it very unlikely that any given month will contain two Full Moons, though it does sometimes happen.

On average, there will be 41 months that have two Full Moons in every century, so you could say that once in a
Blue
Moon actually means once every two-and-a-half years.
 
 
 

#----------------------------------PLEASE NOTE---------------------------------#
#This file is the author's own work and represents their interpretation of the #
#song. You may only use this file for private study, scholarship, or research. #
#------------------------------------------------------------------------------##
#

gledhill@sojourn.com wrote:

Here you go...
The chords are very easy.  In part-A, I use my thumb on the low-E string
to do some cool stuff with the bass (strictly optional).  I tried to show
the syncopation in the tab below.  Hope you enjoy it.
 

       MOONDANCE
        by Van Morrison
 

Part A: (repeat 8x)
    Am7    Bm7      Am7    Bm7
|---5------7--------5------7------|
|:--5------7--------5------7-----:|
|---5------7--------5------7------|
|---5------7--------5------7------|
|:--x------x--------x------x-----:|
|---5---0---7---0---5---6---7---0-|
 
 

Part B:
    Dm7      Am7   Dm7      Am7
|---5--5-----5-----5--5-----5----|
|---6--6-----5-----6--6-----5----|
|---5--5-----5-----5--5-----5----|
|---7--7-----5-----7--7-----5----|
|---5--5-----x-----5--5-----x----|
|------------5--------------5----|

    Dm7      Am7    Dm7      E7
|---5--5-----5------~-5-5-5----~--------|
|---6--6-----5------~-6-6-6----~-9-9-9--|
|---5--5-----5------~-5-5-5----~-7-7-7--|
|---7--7-----5------~-7-7-7----~-6-6-6--|
|---5--5-----x------~-5-5-5----~-7-7-7--|
|------------5------~----------~-0-0-0--|
 
 

INTRO:
Am7  Bm7  Am7  Bm7  (repeat)

VERSE 1:
            Am7       Bm7         Am7       Bm7
well it's a marvelous night for a moondance with the

Am7        Bm7          Am7      Bm7
stars up a-bove in your eyes

      Am7      Bm7           Am7     Bm7
a fan-tabulous night to make romance 'neath the

Am7      Bm7     Am7      Bm7
color of october skies
 

        Am7           Bm7       Am7     Bm7
all the leaves on the trees are falling to the

Am7           Bm7          Am7      Bm7
sounds of the breezes that blow
 

        Am7       Bm7          Am7     Bm7
and i'm trying to place to the calling of the

Am7               Bm7           Am7
heartstrings that play soft and low
 

               Dm7 Dm7    Am7
and every time          I touch you

         Dm7 Dm7             Am7
you just          tremble in-side

           Dm7 Dm7      Am7
and I know          how much you want me

     Dm7 Dm7 Dm7              E7 E7 E7
that             I cant hide
 
 
 

    Am7    Bm7      Am7       Bm7
can I just have one more moon-dance with

Am7    Bm7       Am7     Bm7
you           my love
 

    Am7    Bm7       Am7     Bm7
can I just make some more ro-mance with

Am7    Bm7       Am7   E7
you           my love
 
 

VERSE 2:

well I want to make love to you tonight
I can't wait til the morning has come

and I know that the time will be just right
and straight into my arms you will come

when you come my heart will be waiting
to be sure that you're never alone

there and then all my dreams will come true dear
there and then I will make you my own

you know the night's magic seems to
whisper and hush  and all the

soft moonlight seems to shine
on your blush
 

can I just have one more moondance with you
my love

can I just make some more romance with you
my love
 
 

#----------------------------------PLEASE NOTE---------------------------------#
#This file is the author's own work and represents their interpretation of the #
#song. You may only use this file for private study, scholarship, or research. #
#------------------------------------------------------------------------------##
From uunet!darwin.sura.net!mips!zaphod.mps.ohio-
state.edu!rpi!batcomputer!reed!henson!news.u.washington.edu!news Fri Jun 26 11:04:50 PDT 1992
Article: 355 of alt.guitar.tab
Newsgroups: alt.guitar.tab
Path: nevada.edu!uunet!darwin.sura.net!mips!zaphod.mps.ohio-
state.edu!rpi!batcomputer!reed!henson!news.u.washington.edu!news
From: ihateuw@u.washington.edu (David Wong)
Subject: Another Cat Stevens' post
Message-ID: <1992Jun26.025801.15009@u.washington.edu>
Keywords: Moonshadow
Sender: news@u.washington.edu (USENET News System)
Organization: University of Washington
Date: Fri, 26 Jun 1992 02:58:01 GMT
Lines: 55

                                MOONSHADOW

Refrain:
    D                       A7  D       G            A7
Oh, I'm bein' followed by a moonshadow, moon shadow, moonshadow---
D                       A7  D       G           A7  D
Leapin and hoppin' on a moonshadow, moonshadow, moonshadow---

Verse 1:
G         D        G    D    G       D            Em  A7
And if I ever lose my hands, lose my plough, lose my land,
   G    D         G      D      Em A7 D F#m Bm   Em            A       D
Oh if I ever lose my hands, Oh if------------- I won't have to work no more.

Verse 2 (use same chords as Verse 1 for all verses):
And if I ever lose my eyes, if my colours all run dry,
Yes if I ever lose my eyes, Oh if------------- I won't have to cry no more.

Refain

Verse 3:
And if I ever lose my legs, I won't moan, and I won't beg,
Yes if I ever lose my legs, Oh if------------- I won't have to walk no more.

Verse 4:
And if I ever lose my mouth, all my teeth, north and south,
Yes if I ever lose my mouth, Oh if------------- I won't have to talk...

Verse 5:
E7                    A       E                    A
Did it take long to find me?  I asked the faithful light.
E                     A       E7                   A
Did it take long to find me?  And are you gonna stay the night?
 
Refrain
G           A7  D       G           A7  D
moonshadow, moonshadow, moonshadow, moonshadow.

        Oh, by the way, the chords aren't played in basic position.  For
example use a D by barring the fifth fret and using the remaining fingers in an
"A" formation.  Try fooling around with alternate chord shapes at different
parts of the neck and throwing in some hammers-on to more closely resemble the
recording.
  

Moooooore laytuh..........luner- tics. Off to stroke the books! -------------3SE's :)

1st March

It's 7:59 Hawaiian time and I can see the moon out the window of my lonely bedroom. Through the banana tree leaves it rises, mocking me. About 20 degrees above the horizon, it and strong coffee will keep me up all night trying to catch up on my 3D and Adobe homework ("seamless" tiles are not as easy to do as he made it look) but.......it's hard not to wonder........what's it all worth? Where am I going? I lost all my plans for the future barely half a year ago...... and now I'm alone, weighed down by the task of raising these three kids.......floating in liberal arts cause I couldn't finish my TV/Radio degree at this college..........have no idea where I'm going. The only thing that keeps me going is the music........and all I'm writing lately is the blues. The Beatles sang that in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make......but I give and give and WHERE IS MINE?
I keep thinking, if this is true, I'm gonna have a hellva life some day (or, heaven-va?!?)

Oh, well, not much more to write now. The full moon causes some people to go crazy. I just cry, looking at its fullness, and realizing my emptiness.     Anon.
 

MARCH 2ND
 
 

Oh my goodness! Dancing to a Cindi Lauper tune.........watching la luna through the window..........

This moon is already rocking my world. Won a literary award today. I was so blue and then WOOOOSH! up to the stars!
WAY too good.
Rounded the corner of the road
Ho'o'kipa surf UP! OH yeah!
Tomorrow, bake sale mama......cakes and pastries baking while I finish up my 3D children's herbal tutorial story. Trolls and gnomes and herb wise fairies......Yurts.........
Okay, first I'm gonna turn off the lights, turn on some Enya......and dance with just HER (The Moon) light on me............
Ships and moons, feminized icons of our expansive consciousness............
 

TILL TOMMARRA'!

MARCH DEE 3rd
 
 

pAINT THE SKY WITH STARS.................
It's funny.....well maybe not--more like strange......how out of touch with the moon I've become! Where is the woman who watched for the moon every day for a year during her training as a Shaman...........? Tonight I kept checking my astronomy programs (HomePlanet, CyberSpace, and Skymap! Woah! Gettin back into it like when you were a child, huh sweet lady?) to see why the moon hadn't risin yet. HELLO! It rises later in this cycle! Helllooooo------!

Just like my woman self is neglected, so has the moon's place in my life. It left as my loverself left.........now that I'm watching it again, will it go in reverse? Will I be loved again, touched, reawakened to the fact that I am still a beautiful loveable woman? Will she, mystically magically and quite unscientifically, reswing the doorway of my heart out of my closed world of children, books, school, work, busy busy busy has she
Pushed that door open (after putting on some WD40?)

I'm saving pictures of the moon every day....soon as I figure out FTP and/or HTML markup I'll put em' here.

Till the next day,
Standing in the doorway, your, 3SE's :)
 
 

MARCH 4TH
          
REFLECTIONS:

Saw her rising over the west Maui "mountains" from the Haleakala Highway stop light through watery eyes.......wet, liquid. Having had a severe trauma on Friday, hit me at midnight, bolted up from a dream kiss with my Geography teacher! It was a nice kiss, and he is amazing.....doesn't take a shrink to realize I feel a strong kinship with him......where are the days when we would all kiss as much as possible.....think I've lived too long........it's a cold paranoid world we live in.........took a decade off to Mother fulltime and I reenter and I'm a dinosaur.......... all my technical skills from the days of 3/4 inch videotapes and no CD players in the radio stations I worked in...........and people are SO afraid......I'm strong and EXTREMELY balanced due to my Warrioress training, and at one point this afternoon I picked up a chair to move to my desk which had none and my teacher scolded me in front of the whole class........was afraid I'd trip! FUCK THAT! Damn insurance companies have fucked with our lives so much that we feel comfortable openly questioning peoples power and grace........would've cried if I hadn't for so many hours straight.....tears flowing down in Geography, astronomy.....glad I sit in the back........maybe folks would think I was overmoved by the scars of Callisto, or the dwindling world oil supply..............delayed reaction to severe trauma.....cried from bolting awake at midnight..... till bout an hour before computer class......I couldof called in sick and not broken my vow to never speak an untruth.....instead I ate some ginger to raise my chi and the teacher treated me like shit....and I like him so much.......life sucks.  Oh well, I did the brave thing and kept my integrity, that's all we can do. Good things grades aren't as important as they were last time I was in College....so young and tense..looks like I won't be repeating last semester's 4.0 this time around (sigh). Still haven't slept.....ougttuh soon......think the teacher was mad cause my assignment wasn't there......maybe that's even part of the reason he scolded me when he's been so sweet up to now. If he only knew.....oh well, fuck it.......fuck everything.......at the stoplight that morning.......trying to drive after a brief stop at Baldwin beach( sat in the sand, rocking myself, crying).....then Sat under a tree at school to study for history test after trying unsuccessfully to download my work from Hotmail....they sent a real nice note telling me to inform my correspondants not to send any files larger than.......a lawnmower dude start mowing right by me, blowing dust all over me (to add to the sand on my knees). I move and not 5 minutes later he's mowing TWO FEET away from me on a lawn that's already mowed......ever feel you're invisible or even hated.........Someone deleted all but three of my files, discovered when I went to at least bring up my home page when teach requested it......didn't say anything, had a backup disk..........quickly put files back on but forgot it was an earlier version of my page on disk and overwrote it.....no problem, coming down to spend time with Monty :) tomorrow, so figured I'd just accept the strangeness, submit it then, and accept the lower grade.......then it turns out we get a zero if it wasn't there today! Still, I refuse to be a victim and speak of the attacks on me. You know, I've been putting poems up on bulletin boards around campus and someone's been promptly and systematically taking every last one down! How can anyone hate me? I do no harm. I love so deeply and consistantly..........if I hadn't taken the Vows Of Service that I have I'd try to exit this strange planet. What is happening? Has everyone stopped feeling?

Well.........SHE looks beautiful out my window. That's something.........

"How can you just leave me standing
Alone in a world that's so cold?"
                -- The Artist Formally known as Prince (imagine if he moved to the country formally known as the Soviet Union)
(Uh oh I'm getting my sense of humor back)

Maybe I'll watch some Monty Python with Monty tommarrow............we need to......as the Inuits say......"laugh together" sometimes............

Sweet Dreams, fellow travelers. I hope THE BEST GOOD for you, now and for all the days of your life!         3SE's :)
 

MARCH 5TH

REFLECTIONS

Wow what a beautiful day. Stopped at Maui Electric to pay my bill and had a beautiful conversation, with much laughing, with the cashier. Then, I went out to my beautiful MauiCruiserCar (meaning that it may not look shiny and brand new, but it always gets me where I need to go and hasn't broken in a long time and when it does it's old enough so I can yank out parts and go to "Hermans" and get an old part from a similar, now retired, cruiser, and put it in meeself) (well, I got new pads and shoes though, and need a friend to help bleed em, so they're still in the box). So anyways.......(boy I digress in parenthesis a lot, ey? Well, it's MY diary....so....live with it) went to "Silver Star" when I heard someone calling to me from the car parked in the next stall. I went over and there was a beautiful old man in there,beaming a smile at me. He tells me that I am INCREDIBLY beautiful and JUST RADIATING love so strong he can feel it like a physical thing! Wow! I reflected it back to him......you see in others what you have in you........and we were silent, smiling soft glow, for a precious moment in time.....THIS IS WHAT I'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT! We have such a small time to hold eachother, to smile, to connect. LETS NOT BLOW IT OFF!
Then, went to Monty's, and we laughed together, and we spoke about writing.....he says I In spire' him (breathing the breathe of spirit) HA in Hawaiian......more references to laughing, you know, I'm starting to suspect that laughter is a sign of higher conciousness....my friend Bull winkle is into Gurjieff, and eschews laughter.....me an' mah momma spoke about this last night........she wants to go and kick his ass from here to Sunday (and back?). She says Gurjieff had a very (Kalohe, mischievous) sense of humor and he should know that. Then she told me a great- problee zen- story, about a man who was studying with a teacher. His teacher told him that for the next year he had to hire someone for the expressed purpose of insulting him. Of course, he did so, and his personnel skills must of been quite good, cause he found someone well versed in the art of insulting, who put him through the ringer for the entire year of his employ.
At the end of the year-from-hell, the teacher told his pupil that he had done well, and was now ready to go to the City, where he would gain enlightenment.
In this particular city was a begger, who hung out at the gates and was quite crazy, insulting everyone who entered the city in the most grotesque and uncensored ways he could....oh, he was a Master at it.
The man entered the gates and, of course, the begger promptly began hurling the most outrageous and graphic insults he could pull up, ranting, waving his arms, maybe drooling (I'm embellishing here, but the point remains unmanipulated....trust me).
When the begger stopped, perhaps tired, he looked at the man in a way that said: "Well?"
The man smiled wide and sincere. "Thank You!" he shouted. The beggar wore a questioning look upon his old, bedraggled face. The man shouted in glee: "I've been paying someone good money for an entire year to insult me, and here, you have done this same service for me for FREE!"
The old man arose, looking suddenly tall, stately, and luminous. "My son, you are enlightened".
Woah.
Not gonna say any more about that, I'll let you taste that supper for yourself, and digest it as you will. Considering some of the shit I was handed yesterday, it was a tasty tale to me.
So, Monty and I laughed, yes, and he showed me his "Star Wars Chess" program. OH MAN it is SO COOL! Yoda (my spiritual master) is the rook, Leia and Luke King and Queen (white of course) Emperor, Vader, sand people among characters on (black) "the dark side", and there's music, sounds, animation when a piece is taken.....just.......way too cool already. We played a wacky game, trying the best we could to put all our pieces in jepordy so they could be taken, and we could watch them get killed. I think we confused the game a few times with this strategy......it paused too long before making it's next move a few times, and even made some very uncomputer like mistakes.He loaned me the disk, cause my boy's first performance with his band is tomorrow, complete with a fundraising dinner (jeez, I think it's chicken, and I just became a vegetarian again,guess I can wrap it up and save it for the girl-children). The girls will be with Gramma and Auntie over night and most of Sunday, so I hope the boy and I could play some chess with YODA! Y O D A yoda, yayayaya yoda! (weird Al's Yoda song)
The cakes for the bakesale looked good. I found a new decorater-frosting in a can and made some incredible edible artwork on them.....one for Ayla's class, and the "fifth grade cakewalk", and a sheet cake for Michaela's "kindergarten bake sale". Waves, blues and greens, white and butter cream layered and textured, working with Adobe has deepened my life. The Artistic awareness of shapes, colors, textures. Even found myself staring at treebranch shadows on the grounds of college....sigh......college......don't think I'm going to continue at MCC, Probably study on line, maybe from my old Alma Mater in Ithaca, N.Y., don't feel good at school anymore.....Though, I am so happy I met my Beloved Professor Tan. He is so amazing. But, as I wrote about yesterday......people are so uptight anymore.......I feel like a "Stranger In A Strange Land". I have to move this summer, and I'm gonna find a place deeper in the country, where I can FINALLY HAVE A GARDEN AGAIN, actually, edible landscape it......and garden in the nude. Then, instead of trying to get a radio station started at the college, I'll just make my own bootleg one, problee on the net. I want to record my music, there's some good programs out there now, and record able CD drives, getting better and cheaper all the time. I used to love doing sound, we only had little 18 track Yamaha's back then in the stone age, at WVBR, and only 8 channels at the TV stations, some rudimentary effects, echo and such, but- like video editing, you can really fine tune a good piece, and even, sometimes, fix something crappy. It's like magic. I Princess and Pea it though, so sensitive to even the SLIGHTEST "offness" of a sound, or pacing of a visual edit, takes me a loooong time to complete the projects......ooooh.......but WHEN THEY'RE DONE! Yeah.

Well, anyways, so much more to say -n- tell, but it's almost eleven, and I'm goin to meet Mom and sis at Charlie Young beach in the mornin, so I oughta snooze at least a little. It's been a fairly intense week. Will treat myself to a movie, alone, tomorrow, was ordered to go see it by Craig to whom I can ne'er refuse a request. Shakespeare in love, Matinee. Tell you tomorrow what I thunk- guess it's been nominated for a bunch of awards. I'll love it no matter what, cause Craig made me love Shakespeare, quite against my will I might add.

Till then.....I am...... 3singingeagles  :)
 

MARCH 6th

Ha ha didn't get to see Shakespeare in Love or even write my diary yesterday....mostly everything we have scheduled so well seems to take just a little more time for each task then we thought. Then, added up.....hey, at least I collected the data (in the scoop net in my fish-brain-factory) (woah......what the heck does THAT mean?)
But anyways, no point writing it now (sunday) cause the feelings are not fresh anymore! But...it just so happens that at the time I'm usually home typing up the reflections, I was at my boy's debut performance with band (he's in precussion-and-ohmigod he is REALLY GOOD- I was so proud!) Yeah, almost cried. Think I still haven't refilled my tear ducts since they were drained dry a coupla days ago. But anyways.......before and between performances (there's more than one band section) I wrote.
I always carry a notebook with me. Think writing when I'm in a crowd helps me dissolve, crowds are something I still haven't learned to feel comfortable IN- though at complete unnatural ease in front of, such as on stage, or camera with studio audience, or teaching a large class or assembly at a gathering. So, in lew of a narrative diary, here is the stream of consciousness like stuff that came out last night............

FEATHER CHASER

Pulling on the mountain-
I wait.
I wait.

Always happy to be exuberant
They watch.
I flutter.
I left by sundown and
They claimed i Tarried
Their varied words
Used their calories.

And I was used to
Well- so many waves
I went without water so I'd feel like the desert I
Went with the wheel hoping to beat with precious love again
A heart- a life- two songs- there were
If only cumin was my smell
And coliseums my only permanate thing.
But still.
But yet.
No solace.
No tears.
No mention.
A moment.
And that's it.
Just a moment.
What we.
ALL we.
Have together.
One moment.
You and me.
Me you.
Giving soul milk.
Making cheese from the leftovers.
Only us.
One of those moments where everyone else fades away and it's as if we're standing alone.
Us.
Tomorrow's dreamers.
Us.
Spiraled pancakes.
Us.
Ti-leaf stains.
Frozen teacups.
Holding all our memories us.
Are you frozen across the sea?
Are you frozen where you live?
Frozen are you, captured
Encapsulated in Morphined dreams.

I tossed my coin on the water and no fewer than three thousand fairies caught it-
I threw my feather too,
Yet the wind took that.

Are you a dreamer
That just happened upon me
Tonight?

Have you left comfort for full living
Much as I have
Feathered dreams also taken by the wind
But ending up in the hands of the muse?
Your own personal muse always hangs with you I'd
Be jealous if I had the time
But I'm too busy
Dancing my own dream.
And chasing the winded feather.

Make My Bed. Please?

I asked someone to take me home, please!
I wanted to remember what it felt like to be helpless
Everybody wants to be vulnerable sometimes, don't they?
Everybody wants to have SOMETHING that makes them human.

Do us warrioresses
Us Kupunas
Us beautiful people of power whom
Do not get ill
How do we get attention do we
Jump off a roof
Just to break our bones
So someone will take care of US for a change- so
Someone will tarry in OUR special garden, and weed the beds for us
Or make them
Same thing.

Open Ocean was just as we had planned it.

Did anyone make me write the numbers down?

Well, yes,
Just yesterday.

STAINED

They lived in glass-stained homes up on the mountain
Not too high, but high enough to be away from everybody else
They played snooty musical instruments in their carpeted living rooms
Paid someone to polish the furniture that would
Only get dusty the next day or
Maybe even destroyed in the Apocalypse
But it was money well spent to them, so they
Didn't think about impending
Apocalypses or fingerprints
In their well ironed shirts and dry cleaned dresses and little matching bows and socks that matched & didn't have stained souls.

So many windows to wash
So many plans to lay
So many places to drive

MARCH 7th

REFLECTIONS:

"Oh, the river flows,
Over rock and stone"
            -Donovan

"You take a stick of bamboo
You take a stick of bamboo
You take a stick of bamboo
You take a stick of bamboo
You throw it on the water.........."
            -old folk song, perhaps African

"And the days go by
Water flowing underground.........."
                -Probly David Byrne, from a talking head's song
 

Music. I'm singing more than ever and that's saying a lot. My voice does not tire or strain. It's like it's coming through me from somewhere else, and only lightly passing through rather than emenating from my throat. Trippy.

I'm playing e-mail tennis with a fan of my homepage! He was born in Oahu, but he's working in Japan now, in, what it seems like, a Dilbert situation. God, I'm so whiney sometimes. Sure I'm doing many hours straight of computer work.....hands are even starting to hurt....guess it's a computer-nurd badge of honor like callouses to guitar players- but STILL-I'm laying here in bed typing, with a mug of warm freshly ground and brewed organic Maui-grown coffee, moody blues and the London Philharmonic on the CD player.......he's, right now, in Tokyo, in a TINY FUCKING WINDOWLESS CUBICLE!
Scuse me a sec- gonna bring up my hotmail window and perhaps Karma by seeing if he's e'd me back and reply and bring some joy to his life......though.........telling him how Maui's changed has been hard...........

So, anyway, music.......

Searched for the lyrics to "Hands" and (link on my main page) OLGA seems to be IT right now as a resource for free lyrics/music.....and it would probly be good to save and print up a bunch of songs now cause she'll probubly be squeezed off again soon.....the vice is trying to tighten........but...............SLIPPERY as a wet willow

Oh may I be
Wet and flexible
Always slipping, nonviolently, and artistically gracefully, for all the days of my life
Out of danger! AND! Perplex it even!

Yaaaaaaa-hoo!

Boy I'm in a wacky mood.

And too scattered and tired to write much, even the coffee hasn't helped......gonna go sign out on my new penpal........save the sky charts for tonight (attempting to make my astronomy project beautifully illustrated) then "stroke the sack" (why hit it- it's not dusty) (at lest I don't think it is)

But anyways, I'm gonna leave you with some text from a renegade band site I found while "Surfing For Jewel" (god- another song title----I've been writing songs like a madwoman lately!) I'll put the link on my homepage later----but it's so funny, I saw a clip about these sites on CNN just last night! And I rarely even watch the news (or any TV, so busy. Shoots. And I love TV, specially Discovery and Travel channels) Sigh. Someday I'll have time...........

Till laytuh------much love---------- 3singingeagles
 

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MARCH 8TH
 

REFLECTIONS

Life is so hilarious sometimes. Didn't WIN the literary contest! My professors told me I won first place, but I'm actually first runner up. Now, those who feel a urge to say I'm a winner anyway, I urge you to speak of any of the first runner ups at the miss America pageant. And, really, at least they've got a shot at first. It's not like the other play that REALLY won is gonna get sick or break a limb and my play will have to stand in for it! Oh well, another dream that turned out to not be real. Natalie Merchant is coming to Maui soon. I remember her song "Torn" had just hit the charts and was playing over and over on the top 40 station my just-entering-adolescence-son listens too, and was sticking in my head. Our play writing class had gone on a field trip to the Maui Arts And Cultural Center, and during the time we had wandering around the stage checking out its features on our own, I found myself singing it. Now she's coming. And there was some line or lines in there that remind me of how this time feels. Maybe I'll surf for them later. Oh, by the way, many of the lyric files want to save as .crd's if you choose "save file", so I suggest cut and pasting into your word processor unless you want to screw with converting them later.

Also- although my new pen pal mentioned last night lived in Oahu, he was born in Maui. He sent me an e-mail yesterday saying it made him laugh hilariously reading the Dilbert-Cubicle comments.

I've made one person, who was sad and stressed out, laugh uproariously!

I could die today and I would go to Heaven/Vallhalla/Shambala/The Elyusian Fields..........
JUST for that!

At least, that's what I believe.

The moon is getting smaller and smaller looking in the sky, but she is still the same WHOLE, COMPLETE piece of the earth (the moon was born from the earth, during some big hit by a comet or something it seems) that it always is. It just looks a little less bright these days..........

Till tomorrow, dear loves,
                                    3SE's  :)

REFLECTIONS:

A butterfly was my mascot the other day..........

It flew alongside my car (the infamous Silver Star) for a ways. Parallel. I remember that the first time I paddled with the "just for fun" morning crew at Malama Ula (as opposed to the highly competitive woman's team I was on) and a Honu (Hawaiian sea turtle) joined us after we turned near Suda's. and swam parallel to our canoe almost all the way back to our spot near The Cove. This butterfly was much like this, except the Honu dove at some point and swam quietly away underwater, whereas the butterfly decided at one point, right before I reached the friend's house I'd been driving to, to take a sharp turn and land right on my windshield, facing me. Lucky I was going real slow , preparing to enter my friend's parking lot. We were eyeball to-----antenna? Well, guess Butterflies have eyes. Do they? Jeez, I should know that! I'm gonna look that up tonight.
Scored a landscaping program for 10 bucks in the computer store in the big mall. I try to avoid that mall- it gives me the creeps- I think it's something in the land itself, cause the old one creeped me out too. But the only one they had at office max was 44 bucks! I don't need anymore fancy three-d things! So, now I can landscape scenes for my Animated Children's story about Herbs ("Mama's Wish") for computer class.
Joe DiMaggio (linguists- does this mean "The Magic") clip on the news last night,since he died. They asked him what his most memorable moment was in his entire career. At the time of the interview, he was an old man. He said, he had to answer honestly, but apologized because it would sound very corny. The interviewer encouraged him, and he confessed.............it was the moment he first put on the pinstriped uniform and stepped out on the field at Spring training. Here he was, a paper boy, who would stand on chilly corners thumbing through the sports pages and reading about the Yankees and, well, here he was.

Here we are.

And.....also.........the first time, always the most special, most magic, those memories/scenes that flash before you when you die.......all first times........first times strung like popcorn laid out for the feast of the tasty birds.

Oh, and the butterfly, after (maybe) eyeballing me, flew off.
 

Breaking through this chrysalis is intense work,
                                                Your, 3SE's  :)

MARCH 10th
 

REFLECTIONS:

Man, WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO MY BRAIN? I'm here pouring over this map of the countries-kinda-sorta-still-known-as-Russia, and wondering if it's at all possible for me to know them? To REMEMBER them for the map quiz tomorrow. Shit, this semester has been so challenging for me.
The most challenging part by far has been the startling realization of how out- of- touch, on a basic and very specific level, that I've gotten with this planet. Do I live in a fantasy world? I write, and now do art, for so many hours a day......I rarely come across news unless I'm listening to NPR while writing or doing artwork..........even in my "traveling" in the astral alchemical earth-healing disciplines I'm involved in- we are drawn to a place, do our work, leave.....but we don't know it's NAME. Who lives there, or nearby if we're visiting specific people, and their NAMES, yet some of Rumi's ideas about naming things......and Beloved Professor Tan speaking about the power of naming something.......... maybe there's a distance in personalization..... certainly there's a closeness, obviously, but even as you become close a new distance is factored in. Matter cannot be created or destroyed, just transformed.............
Reminds me of Einstein talking about the bittersweetness of ansewering any question in Physics, because simply by the ansewering of it-suddenly hundreds of new questions arise (arrived in the package with the ansewer)
(there ARE electrons AND protons)
(and of course, the atomic Swedish-Cherokeee-Quaker particles, the nuetrons.......)
The names of some of these places are certainly beautiful. I love languages. Each is like a song, though I've found some to be more inherently/naturally musical- Hawaiian is actually, I believe, maybe tied with Sanskrit, the most beautiful language I've heard so far. Someone told me that all spoken things were actually sang in the VERY EARLY days of inhabitants of the Islands.....there's all different stories.......all I DO know for sure is that the POETRY of the Hawaiian language takes my breathe away. There are countless ways to describe the act of making love, none of them directly mentioning sex at all. There's not ONE word or phrase for rain. All the different kinds of rain there are! (Living on the edge of the rainforrest here, I've gotten, BLESSING ALERT! to experience many of them recently) (She's way above those rain clouds, at what, like 2 AM tommarrow)(moon) (risen' risen')...............
Well, may I find my memory, the moon at clear dawn, and all the North and South flowing rivers crossing the great Steppes, and Tundra's, and Plains, of a country, I'm knowing intimately, through names, and facts, and  in doing so, losing, my innocence...........

Aloha!   :)

MARCH 11TH

-OR-
WHAT'S WITH THE RED BREAKING THE BLUES
THAT HAVE ENSUED
UP TOO'ED
NOW?

REFLECTIONS:
 
 Woah, tired. What a day.

Yes, it's crazy red in her head wazzup?

Nothing much. Just sittin here watchin the wheel go round and round
(I really LOVE to watch it ROLL)!

Saw the moon this morning round' 5:30, 6 AM.........man I love the color of the sky in the predawn-twilighted-hour-of-the-wolfed hues! Wind and clouds, only had to wait a minute or two and though the glimpse was brief, there's always the satisfaction of saying "comeon clouds, lemme see the moon allready!" and then having it, almost immediately and "magically" appear........well............we could all use a belief in our own magical power(s), our connectedness to the other particles around us, however big small near or far removed. Every so often.
Too tired to write much tonight. What a day!
Expect some upcoming reviews/ reports on
1) scientific pantheism?!?
2)Computer brain stimulation program (twilight zone .wav would be perfect here)
 

Till tommarrow,
             3SE's  :)

MARCH 12th 

REFLECTIONS:

She blinded me with science.............

I went to the OLGA site to find some, (ANY) of the songs I've been arranging to do as covers on my CD. Ahhhh....here's a little insight on the web page name, FACES OF THE MOON, that's the title of the CD.Been working on it for 3-4 years now. Instead of finding ANY of the covers, happened upon a Monty Python Folder and had to open it and now I'm possessed, as if by a force outside of myself, maybe cosmic (sic: Kosmic) in nature, to paste these lyrics onto this page and let you learn all the intimate and/or intricate workings of the Universe---along with me!

#----------------------------------PLEASE NOTE---------------------------------#
#This file is the author's own work and represents their interpretation of the #
#song. You may only use this file for private study, scholarship, or research. #
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From: Zvi Gilbert <zgilbert@titan.ucs.umass.edu>
Subject: For the archive: Monty Python!
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"The Universe Song"  from _The Meaning of Life_ by Monty Python
 

I'd call this one "The Universe Song"; I don't know if that's
the real title.  From Monty Python's _The Meaning of Life_:

*Intro*
(Spoken... music creeps in towards the end...)
Whenever life gets you down, Mrs. Brown
And things seem sad or tough
And people are useless, or obnoxious, or daft,
And you feel that you've had quite enough... (G)

(played in a simple bass-note/chord form in 4)

*Verse I*
G    G7
Just re-
C
member that you're standing on a planet that's evolving
C                                  G
revolving at nine-hundred miles an hour
G7
and orbiting at nineteen miles a second, so it's reckoned,
                                    C
a sun that is the source of all our power.
C
Now the sun and you and me, and all the stars that we can see
A7                           F
Are moving a million miles a day
F7                               C
In an outer spiral arm at forty thousand miles an hour
G7                              C
of the galaxy we call the Milky Way.

(chords same for all verses)

*Verse II*
Our galaxy itself contains a hundred million stars,
it's a hundred thousand light-years side to side,
it bulges in the middle, sixty thousand light-years thick,
but out by us it's just three thousand light-years wide.
We're thiry thousand light-years from galactic central point
We go 'round every two hundred million years,
and our galaxy itself is one of millions of billions in this
Amazing and Expanding Universe!

Break -- odd animations...

*Verse III*
The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding
in all of the directions it can whiz,
as fast as it can go, the speed of light, y'know,
twelve million miles a minute, and that's the fastest speed there is,
So remember when you're feeling very small and insecure
How amazingly unlikely is your birth,
And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space,
'Cause there's bugger-all down here on Earth.

Enjoy!

--Zvi
zgilbert@titan.ucs.umass.edu

Wow.
Nuff said.
 

Had a nice little O'Henry story with a happy twist happen to me today! (Or, with me) (?!?)

Sooos................anyways........
I like to live in rather a zen way. When I was first "on my own", the first apartment I got was a beautiful 4 room basement apartment in any ivy-covered maroon-bricked building with a fireplace that worked(!) and was fashioned from the same beautiful brick. All I had in the whole place was one mattress and a table. I sat on the floor to eat though I rarely ate at home, since I had one job cooking at a vegetarian pre-school during the weekdays, and one managing an italian restraint during the evenings from Tuesday- Saturday, and Sunday around 4-5 AM after closing up Elba's I'd drive down to the city (NY) to see my lover, coming back by Monday morning for school. I was well fed. All you'd find in my fridge was 1/2 -n- 1/2, and in my freezer, coffee and ice-cream.Honey in the cupboard. Think that adds up to 7 or 8 things. Shampoo and conditioner, a a shower curtain, a bar of soap, a few changes of clothes, and of course writing tools.........I maybe owned 50 things. This is how I like to live.

1 and 1/2 years ago, a cyclic event occurred that once again fucked around with the clean simplicity of my existence. They say nature abhors a vaacumn.......it seems I no sooner fine-tune my feng-shei compatible surroundings then I get dumped on (that sounds really symbolic doesn't it?). Someone I know, though usually more than one at a time, as if they were saving up to bang me all at once......leaves the island and (generously) leaves me with everything they don't sell at the yard sale or take on the plane.

Why do I do it? Accept this unidentified space debris into my easily maintainable carefully sorted existence? Why?

Well, usually there's promise of treasures, and, to be fair, there usually are.....though they are paid for.   And usually given away, anyhow.

So then, cyclically, as is now, comes the time when I scream: "I'M MAD AS HELL AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE"!
OOOoooopppppssss, wrong script..........

"I must get rid of all of this stuff"!

And, so, here I am attracting hitchhikers that have been praying for keyboards for weeks and I have two extras
Students who do art with marbles
And, even, someone whose TV has gotten the characteristic green hazy line of The Magnatized.......AND one of the things I had found myself with two of and had put one in the "Donatin' box" was a de-magnetizer! One more thing out the door.......AND to someone who could really use it!

So, I went to his home and delivered the demagnatizer. As you may recall, I downloaded a tonal based brain stimulator program last night.... and needed some headphones, since they use a left/right ear (brain) stimulation system.... Doug reminded me when we spoke tonight....like the Tibetan (Gyoto especially) monks have been doing (no duh) the same thing for centuries (and all Shamanic traditions in some way. Science and Shamanism are not only NOT opposites, they are inside of each other experiencing a constant simultaneous orgasm).......AND

He had a spare pair of headphones HE wasn't using that HE was going to give to Big/Brothers/Big Sisters (I usually give to Ka Lima, but, same difference).

Don't you love when that kinda shit happens?????

Was laughing on the phone earlier today with my friend Tommy, a professional Elvis Impersonator AND substitute kindergarten teacher (only in Maui?!?) (Is YOUR world as weird and wonderful as mine is tonight? IS it?), about what we call these magical things. These perfect-moving connections. "Pa'a" moments. Not coincidences, at least syncrohnicities, but, that's getting to be inadequate to explain the degree of their resplendence........ the exact TASTE of it.......... he said some are saying "Celestined" as per the popular book..... but.... I suspect it is less cerebral......we'll see. Hey- any suggestions? Gee- e-mail them to me PLEASE.... I'll post them and give you credit (with your gracious permission). This could be fun.

So much more to say tonight! I'm starting to look forward to this evening visit with you'all, it's really trippy, good fun. Thanks for all the letters too, keep em' comin', I'll reply :)

Anyways, more to say but me fingers are tired, and I have two stories busting out......so better rest em and do some psychic/electromagnetic repair work on those muscles............rest Agape (my computer has a name, an ancient Greek Mystical name.....OKAY?)......then turn it on and let the stories rip while I.......drink coffee and await my FAVORITE moon----I think it should be tomorrow RIGHT before dawn.....on the eastern horizon rising......against the dark blue with chalk pastel streaks of powdered-salmon here and there......... and, though a thin sliver be lit, you can see the full roundness of her beautiful strikingly back-colored self...........oh god.......life is so incredibly sensual......I feel everything
on the tips of the short Panther hairs lightly along limbs,
cheeks, brows, sails.

Tomarruh................
                3SE's  :)

MARCH 13th

REFLECTIONS:

Love it! Wow!This time in life is WAY TOO GOOD!

Went on a cleaning binge today. Emptied my room of everything,cleaned, spread essential oils misted mixed with iso alcohol, ummmmm......AND put a REAL bed in my room. Used to have a mattress on the floor. And a REAL workstation, using my hunter green picnic table top (bye legs, oh well) on top of the coffee table I received as a thank you for giving a respite to my girlfriend by (hanging out with a Great Teacher) watching her autistic son while she did artist dates (again, in Julie Cameron's stellar book------"The Artist's Way").
Also moved the TV from the living room into my room, and hooked the old cable cord in, and, it worked! Now, I can lay in bed and maybe watch a little TV every so often. I feel so out of touch with the world.
Isn't it interesting? After the strange sexual imaged revelation I had yesterday about the close connection of Shamanism and science.......I finally visited the  site on Scientific Pantheism! VERY trippy and intellectual shit! I put the address here, I'll also add it as a link on my main page. It is WORTH a visit.
One thing I was reminded of in reading some of the exerpts I pasted below, was that I swore that when I got my computer back (thank you, my dear loving friend, Tom Giventar for fixing my Agape) after the two years it spent traveling, looking for someone who could figure out how to fix it, that I would re-join the Environmental Defense League Activism Network. They used to have a service where they'd put you on a list and send you alerts about impending legislation and such, often with e-mail's already addressed to your legislators, and ready for you to personalize and send. I think I'll do that after I upload this. I am aware there are actually many of you that wait for the next "installment". This is way too cool. Maybe I'll continue on with this "diary" thing after the Blue Moon (though I'll probably have to make a new page, this one is getting loooong, huh?) Next one I'll put the new entries on top, so you don't have to scroll down, but I'm not about to cut-and-paste this whole page differently at this point. Too busy sending eco-alerts to the puppets (elected representatives) I know, sounds harsh, but even they know how limited their powers are (or you, if you're one). Still, every voice counts. When I was in the Radio/Television degree program, we learned in Mass Media that for every letter received "they" figure there's, I don't recall the exact number at this moment, but I think- like- 10,000 other people that had the same opinion/feeling but didn't send a letter (or even think of it?!?) Well, it's something.

Didn't wake up in time to see the moon clearly, it was already too bright, then the storms moved in soon enough. Living on the edge of the rain (sigh)

"Living On The Edge Of The Rain"? Sounds like a song title!

Okay, upload, then EDL, THEN write the song.
Man, I love the way I get when the moon approaches new.

See ya tomorrow, beautiful fellow-luna'tics!     -3SE's  :)

http://members.aol.com/Heraklit1/index.htm

When you look at the night sky or at the images of the Hubble Space Telescope, are you filled with
    feelings of awe and wonder at the overwhelming beauty and power of the universe?
     When you are in the midst of nature, in a forest, by the sea, on a mountain peak - do you ever feel a sense
    of the sacred, like the feeling of being in a vast cathedral?
    Do you believe that humans should be a part of Nature, rather than set above it?

     If you can answer yes to all of these questions, then you have pantheistic leanings.

     Are you sceptical about a God separate from, and outside, the universe?
     Yet do you feel an emotional need for religion, for a recognition of something greater than your own self
    or than the human race?

     If you answer yes to these additional questions then Pantheism is very probably your natural religious
    home. If you want to see why others chose it, then check Why I am a pantheist - testimonies

    Modern pantheism is often misunderstood. It has nothing to do with "pantheon" or "polytheism"- belief in
    many Gods. It is neither theism nor atheism, but transcends both. Its central tenet is that the universe is
    divine and nature is a sacred part of the divine.

    Pantheism is an ancient religion - older than Buddhism or Christianity - and may already count hundreds
    of millions among its members. Most Taoists are pantheists, along with many Chinese, Japanese and
    Western Buddhists, deep ecologists, pagans, animists, followers of many native religions, and many
    Unitarian Universalists. The central philosophical scriptures of Hinduism are pantheistic. Many atheists
    and humanists may be pantheists without realizing it.

    Scientific pantheism is a modern form of pantheism that deeply reveres the universe and nature and
    joyfully accepts and embraces life, the body and earth, but does not believe in any supernatural deities,
    entities or powers.

At the heart of pantheism is reverence of the universe as divine
    and for the natural earth as sacred.

     When scientific pantheists say THE UNIVERSE IS DIVINE we are not talking about a supernatural
    being. We are talking about the way our senses and our emotions force us to respond to the overwhelming
    mystery and power that surrounds us.
    We are part of the universe. Our earth was created from the universe and will one day be reabsorbed into
    the universe.
    We are made of the same matter and energy as the universe. We are not in exile here: we are at home. It
    is only here that we will ever get the chance to see the divine face to face. If we believe our real home is
    not here but in a land that lies beyond death - if we believe that the divine is found only in old books, or old
    buildings, or inside our head - then we will see this real, vibrant, luminous world as if through a glass
    darkly.
    The universe creates us, preserves us, destroys us. It is deep and old beyond our ability to reach with our
    senses. It is beautiful beyond our ability to describe in words. It is complex beyond our ability to fully
    grasp in science. We must relate to the universe with humility, awe, reverence, celebration and the search
    for deeper understanding - in other words, in many of the ways that believers relate to their God.

     This divinity is everywhere inside you and outside you and you can never be separated from it.

        Whatever else is taken from you, this can never be taken from you.
        Wherever you are, it's there with you.
        Wherever you go, it goes with you.
        Whatever happens to you, it remains with you.

    When scientific pantheists say THE EARTH IS SACRED, we mean it with just as much commitment and
    reverence as believers speaking about their church or mosque, or the relics of their saints. But again we
    are not talking about supernatural beings. We are saying this:

    We are part of nature. Nature made us and at our death we will be reabsorbed into nature. We are at
    home in nature and in our bodies. This is where we belong. This is the only place where we can find and
    make our paradise, not in some imaginary world on the other side of the grave. If nature is the only
    paradise, then separation from nature is the only hell. When we destroy nature, we create hell on earth
    for other species and for ourselves.

     Nature is our mother, our home, our security, our peace, our past and our future. We should treat natural
    things and habitats as believers treat their temples and shrines, as sacred - to be revered and preserved in
    all their intricate and fragile beauty.

Scientific Pantheism offers the most positive and embracing approach to life, the body and nature of any
    religion. Our bodies are not base and evil: they are good. Nature is not a reflection of something higher: it
    is the highest. Life is not a path to somewhere else: it is the destination. We must make the best of while
    we have it.

    Scientific Pantheism is rooted in the present world. It reconciles concern for humans, and concern for the
    planet. It places life, not death, in the focus of our concern.

     Scientific Pantheism has as its central motto:

                           Healthy mind - healthy body - healthy earth.

        Healthy mind:
        Pantheism fosters a mind that accepts the world: a mind alert to vibrant reality, in touch with the
        senses, receptive to the energy of the body and the universe. A mind fully awake to nature, open to
        new knowledge, responsive to the beauty of the natural world.

         Pantheism fosters a mind that accepts life, the body, and the self: a mind that is free from guilt about
        original sin or inability to be a martyr; free of anxiety about death or the possibility of eternal
        punishment beyond death.

         Pantheism fosters a sane and whole mind that respects reason and evidence, that will not accept key
        beliefs without rational basis, on the claims of ancient scripture or the assertion of gurus. Pantheism
        demands no faith in impossible events and secret revelations.

         Pantheism satisfies our need to revere something greater than ourselves - yet never turns its back
        on the earth, and never departs from the evidence before us. Pantheism fuses religion and science,
        matter and spirit.

        Healthy body:
        Transcendental religions - especially primitive Christianity and Theravada Buddhism - have a
        negative attitude to the body. The body is seen as a temporary container for the soul, or as a
        disgusting bag of foul substances.

         Pantheism has a totally positive attitude. The body is natural and is sacred like every other part of
        nature. If pursued without harm to one's health, to other humans or to nature, its pleasures are good
        and not evil. Looking after the body, preserving its health and fitness through a healthy diet and
        exercise, are things we can and should do without slinking feelings of guilt.

        Healthy earth:
        For transcendental religions the whole earth, like the body, is merely a temporary stage which will be
        destroyed before the Last Judgement, or will vanish when we realize that it is mere illusion.

         But this earth is not a staging post and it is not an illusion. Pantheism affirms the earth and upholds
        nature as the most sacred temples. Concern for the health of the earth is not just a matter of human
        survival, not just a matter of preserving diversity and wilderness for our enjoyment. It is a primary
        religious duty.

On the eve of the Third Millennium we have become citizens of the cosmos. Through the eyes of the
    Hubble telescope we have seen the universe as never before. We have seen the emptiness of space
    strewn with galaxies as thick as snow. We have seen the birth of stars. We have found planetary discs
    around stars. We have found amino acids in space.

     In this situation it is becoming impossible to believe in gods separate from the universe, or gods who
    created this ungraspable immensity just as a frame for our tiny presence.

     During this same generation we have lost our citizenship of this earth, and risk losing our delicate
    foothold in the cosmos. We have acquired the power to modify life, to alter ecosystems, to change the
    planet itself and threaten the future of every species, including our own.

     Today we need religions that provide powerful backing for environmental action. Yet the three largest
    Western religions provide only feeble support.

     In this generation religion must come of age. Religion must be reborn into the age of space, the age of
    science, the age of environment.

REFLECTIONS:

From a fan from Japan.......
Exerpt of a letter

still pondering your "heavy" annihilation passion play.

Suggestion for your web site (and it's only a suggestion): Cut your diary
into pieces. It's taking me years to load the page. Best case scenario
would be daily links to separate pages but even cut to weekly chunks would
help. There are still 15 days left in the month....

Will take his graciously offered advice. On the new moon (day after tommarrow approximatly) I'll make a "Blue Moon 2" page, with new entries at the top..... Merlin-time it, scroll down and you'll go backwards in time to the new moon..... the Blue Moon on the 31st will end up on the top......if me and/or the planet are still around then OF COURSE!?!

NEWS ALERT:           BUTTERFLIES HAVE EYES!

From "natureboy"....e-mailed him from his butterfly-related website (just where IS that sheet I printed out two days ago....that.....I think was in pile....3?  Left top from pillows---> SW angle of obsevrv/../: goobbleyplex:

"howdy. thank you for the kind words.  I checked out your webpage. pretty
interesting.  i have to go back and check out some of those links.
as far as your question goes, yes, of course butterflies have eyes.
actually their eyes are pretty cool.  they are compound eyes, which means
that each eye has many lenses, in this case, hundreds.  they are actually
able to process many images all at once, which is pretty amazing.
because of this their brains are able to process many more images per
second than ours can.  that is why it's so hard to catch them.  when we
move, it's like slow motion to them.  flies are the same way.
thanks for stopping by.
peace love and mahi-mahi".

--natureboy...

And now..... for something COMPLETLY differ-ent (!)

Can you believe that I am seriously considering running this through the brain-wave-generator type program, through the new O'Henry storied legendary headphones, and into me tonight?

When I think of all the crazy, dangerous, highly stimulating things I've have dove into in this life.........

Man, and the best is yet to come, right? (Cause I have to admit, it's getting better, a little better, all the time)

                                            GDHEB!
                 Diurnal semicycle. Sweep through an arc of a circle of fifths, binaural frequencies of tones A, E, B,
                 F two minutes per sweep ending in a 7 minute sweep from F to C, stays at C.

                 There are formulas in a book on the Art of Blessed Raymond Lull, "Revelatio Secretorum Artis" by
                 Ivo Salzinger, first published in Latin in Mainz, Germany, 1725. Reprinted in 1975 by Minerva in
                 Germany. Correspondances are established between music and natural rhythms like astronomical
                 movements, with psychosomatic effects. These two presets [this and bfcgd.bwg] are derived from
                 the said formulas. gdheb is a movement that parallels the Sun's movement from g (9pm), note A
                 through d (midnight,note E), h (3am, note B) e (9am, note F) to b (noon, note C). The sweep moves
                 quickly through the part leading up to noon, where it finally comes to rest. This is a more diurnal,
                 stimulating effect as it parallels the movement of the sun in the rising part of its apparent movement
                 around the earth.

                 These presets are effective in helping meditation and getting new ideas. They also have a
                 "cleaning" effect on the circulation of Chi in the meridians, for those who practice the Taoist
                 microcosmic orbit exercises.

                 The system used here is based on principles of the Art of Blessed Raymond Lull and is similar to
                 the ragas and astronomically related modes of Indian, Chinese and Arabic music. It holds potential
                 for many presets that can be made with four voices and four segments, with different chords, scales,
                 modes, progressions etc.

Alllllllllllllrighty then.........

Very artistically creative day, and remembered to take a drink occasionally, therefore having the chance to rinse the sprouts and see if the kids were still alive......

Man I made a great smoothie tonight! With young Alfalfa and Wheatgrass sprouts no less! Only became a vegetarian again a few weeks ago.......started when I was 11, and stopped right after the birth of my first child, two decades ago. My husband was a professional songwriter in NYC, and we lived in Flatbush....one of my favorite neighborhoods in Brooklyn, though if you knew Brooklyn, you'd think I was JUST A LITTLE warped saying so.........but..............

You may be right!
I MAY be CRAZY!
OOOOOH! But it just may be a
Luuuuunnnnn-a-tic you're looking for!

Scuse. Billy Joel butts in sometimes. It's quite a shame when people write off an artist because they're commercially successful. Sure, some of his stuff is fluffy, but you gotta remember that in the music biz when you're hot they want you to churn out LP's and you gotta fill em up (oooh- I'm not editing that! LP's! Get WITH it jurrasic-he-woman! CD's now-CD's Gramma!) but ANYWAYS..... a lot of his work is magnificent, and his playing and singing have soul, however occasionally masked by the flippant facade us Islands of New York dwellers seem to carry..............

Back to Flatbush!
In Flatbush, at that time, was the unlikely population mix of Hasidic Jews and Hard-Core Rastafarians. And a spattering of Flatbush-loving weirdos.

There were two services that were provided, one by each culture, that became parts of the story of my pregnancy. The Rastas with their little sliding 5$ bags of herb, see ya again have a nice day door ornaments............and if you seemed cool and/or interesting, you got to see the black light posters with naked woman laying with leopards......and hear early Marley booming from certainly the most powerful speakers on the market then. Maybe my love for Reggae started there, it was only three years later I was alone with my baby, doing radio, one of the shows----The Rastamerica Show- first Reggae show on the mainland I believe.......man, I miss radio! SHIT! Soon enough.......... Want to hook up a video camera and broadcast live, let you see me drinkin coffee, making faces to add layers of richness to the smart-ass comments.................sigh...........................

And the strict-kosher Hasid's had............
INCREDIBLE food.

Next to the Krishna temples, I'm not sure you can get cleaner, purer, more prayed upon over around and through food than in this section of Flatbush, or anywhere where these special people live.

And, about 4-5 days after giving birth, I took my first stroll with the new baby and the husband..... waving at the storekeepers and back, showing off baby....but....there was something HAPPENING with mommy......silently........inside her........as each successive shop was passed and smells of Chicken wafted out from various places in many forms......I......need.....ed......CHICKEN! (Pulling on Katz's sleeve- maybe arm-drooling? Mebbe) and, anyway, stopped being a vegetarian in short order and never looked back.

Until a few weeks ago.

My dear friend, and almost surrogate Grampa, Fred, died. On the day he died, actually, later that afternoon, I was hanging out with my friend, Reverend Bradford, and the two girls, on my bed doing artwork and talking story (gee- my room is the kitchen of my house! What IS that? Guess it's the warmest room :)  )  and a beam of light that was visible slightly to all 3 of them and stronger to me, "came down and flooded me". I heard a voice that said "Fred has spoken for You in Heaven". I felt slightly dizzy, and then started become aware of my surroundings, and heard my own voice in my own head say "I shall eat nothing that bleeds".

It's just another day.....da-da-da-da-da-da!

So, I'm a vegetarian.
And I've been VERY surprised how many toxins have departed since then.....and I thought I was clean. It's like the joke people say about coming to Maui, and the first year especially. It's like, you arrive, and you think you have this really clean soul-house, and Maui's energy somehow moves the furniture- INCLUDING THE FRIDGE AND STOVE and you see all the yucccck that was hid well but...... still existed might as well clean that up now that I've moved the furniture............you're often blessed' enough to muse.

It was many pieces of furniture for me. It took more than a year to scrape some of the crude off. I still have to do periodic cleaning, but it feels at last like I've settled.......that I'm home........no, not just here on this island. Here. Here. In me.

Home is where the heart is beating!

For some reason, I have the feeling that something VERY beautiful and magical is about to happen in my life.........hummmmmm................not sure what.................
 

Guess we'll see-------laytuh!      3SE's  :)
 

MARCH 15th

REFLECTIONS.....................

"Reflections of...........
The way life used to be!"

Sometimes, a day comes in your life that ends up being a pivot that you later look on, exclaiming :
"yep. That was The Day. Oh........boyyes. I remember it well."

Many of these days occur during the first 5 hours the moon "starts getting light again". Meaning, the "new" moon. Soon.

"Ram on! Give your LOVE to somebody, soon.........right away! Right away! (weeee-oooooo-weeee-oooooo-weeeee-oooooo  la la     la la la la!)
                                                                -from "Ram" by Paul McCartney & Wings
                                                                  (also one of the songs I want to cover on
                                                                    "Faces Of The Moon".....................)

So,the moon is real close to dark now, more'en likely......though I haven't seen her in my stormy sky since last Thursday.........have I left home since then? Oh yeah- Friday for awhile.........guess I coulduh looked for her then.....it WAS sunny......but she MAY have been thick enough............
But, even when I'm unable to see her physically, I can see her cyberwise. Not quite the same, but........somethin.  Just looked back, and it seems the moon will rise at just about 6 AM, at 3%. Well, we'll see. Will we? you wonder. Gee, if I could JUST find my "clear weather spell" (hee hee cackle cackle cackle).

Wondering how I can make such a bold statement about such events and the moon? Where's my data? To you, I say: "Jeeeezz............ lighten up, already!" and also, that, "nearly every easy and most fairly-easy observable phenomenon has already, or will be, empirically proven and/or recorded, by someone with a research grant, so if it hasn't yet be patient and it will at some point, OKAY?"

Like crying is good for your health ("Scientists find that EMOTIONAL tears contain toxins, and IRRITANT tears from dust, onions, etc. don't"), and so is laughter, and so is "prayer" and..........
Well, keep them studies rolling! Scientists need to eat too, yeah?

There was a study once that charted where in the moon's cycle most babies are born. I've had many babies myself, and when I was a midwife's assistant was at the birth of many.........so you'd think there'd be a special place in my brain for this data, but, nah, the most intelligent response I can come up with right this second is: "when they're ready".

So, looks like this will be the last entry on this page, since I'll be making the "BLUE MOON 2" page to continue this on........so I feel an urge to say something profound in closing.

Maybe the three sacred words from Monty Python's Holy Grail movie would do the trick.......... if I could just remember them.......
Whew. That brain-wave program scrambled my brain cells a little I think...........yet, an omelet won't hold the yummy ingredients you want it to until you scramble the eggs, huh?

Aloha, off to  watch the non-empty sky............................                      3SE's  \

WARNING!

REFLECTIONS is my unedited stream of conciousness/diary. It is very raw at times. If you are easily embarrassed and/or offended, it is STRONGLY RECOMMENDED that you DO NOT read them.
 

Love, 3SE's  :)

REFLECTIONS:

The "blue" moon is rising above the awning outside my window facing east..... her light is still hitting the banana leaves. She is arcing out of sight----- (lessen' I get my butt outside to look at her from the backyard) but, still, though I may not be constantly looking at her- she will be in the sky  tonight at I do "My Work".

What is my work? Now that my life has been emptied of all previous plans, and destiny is in a hundred and one flavors shop, what will I have in my bowl? Will I have toppings? Definitely sprinkles.

And, will I give it to a little girl outside the shop that does not have money, and does have tears in her eyes?

And is that little girl me, and will I be healed by The Gift. Will I say thank you with an icy throated, sweet song?

It has been good to share this moon with you. These feelings. These phases. These faces.

Thank you.
 

                            LOVE, 3SE's  :)
 
 

MARCH 30th:    OH MIGOD WE ARE CLOSE!

One great thing about tracking the moon as it SETS during this "half" of it's phase, is, it's on the other side of the rain then. Right now, it's pouring. And in my warm home, heat on and fresh coffee, I can see la luna drifting down towards its union with the sea. Well, of course, its APPARENT union. But that's one of the great  things about being a poet AND a scientist. You can know the "proven, physical" stuff about anything, and also personalize, romanticize it..... depending on the hat. I myself have actually wore both hats simultaneously (ssssh- don' tell- people already think I'm weird) (know) (wyrd).

Like today with two of the trees at college that I've formed relationships with.

One of them is my "throne" as one of my professors dubbed it. It's a big tree towards the front of the campus. It's kindof raised up on a small knoll. Actually, it is an old tree, A wise elder, a tree deserving of respect and adoration of more than ordinary proportions---- and the way it's raised---- well, I suspect, given the age of the campus and the apparent age of the tree........

That the "knoll" is actually the down-gradated soil that was around this tree when they built the campus. That, instead of uprooting it, they scraped around it and integrated it into the grounds. Just a guess. Bet I could find out. One fortunate thing about our campus, at least for us tree-lovin individuals, is that there are many trees, some planted specifically for their endemic aspects, some with identifying signs nearby, and an actual tour of the trees on campus printed up in a little brochure with maps. Gee, I haven't done that yet! Wassup with THAT!

Ought to before I leave. Decided that I will definitely not be returning to campus next semester. More later.

So, back to "the throne"............

In the morning I have three classes, all with 10-15 minutes between them.

Between Geography and astronomy, I try to get right to my class, to get a seat, since the course, and, I suspect, The Teacher himself, are very popular- a large crowd of people were there the first day of classes, begging him to let them in. At first, there were even people sitting on the floor (I was there a few times) but, with the inevitable first-few-week reorganizing of schedules, and occasional drop-outs, the class evened out so that, on most days, there's only one less chair than bodies. So I try to get there early enough to get one of them. But I end up sitting on the table against the back wall, mostly, because I've "danced the gauntlet". Somehow, timing and my excessive love NRG combined perhaps, between the building Geography's in, and the one Astronomy's in, I am repeatedly accosted by hugging, talking story, occasional episodes of hysterical laughter, song jams at the coffee stand, promises swapped, problems shared and thereby lessened a little-------- I don't mind sitting on the table if this is what I have to pay for this "gauntlet of affection". OH yeah!

Yet, between Astronomy and BELOVED PROFESSOR TAN'S class, the same exact walk in reverse, there is not. And the throne (knew I'd eventually get back to THAT- ey?) is right near the lecture hall, in a place where "BPT" can easily be seen from my perch, approaching from his office, so that I know that class is beginning. DO NOT miss a single moment of his manao! Yeah!

So, I usually sit there, roll up a cigarette, and have a smoke and write some poetry, then- I watch a palm tree which is slightly to the left of the throne, across the path. Well, watch? Too active a word. Observe.

At first, I think, it started when I was to make a branching tree for 3D computer Art class, and had been thinking of doing a coconut tree--- though I believe this is a betel palm, (COULD look on the tree tour brochure, ey?) they're similar enough. There's that tendency again- to do something, it has to have a fucking PURPOSE! My astrologer friends, lovers, and relatives, have all blamed it on my "mars and moon conjunct within half a degree in the sixth house in Taurus"---- well, whatever.

Now it's become a part of my little pre- BPT ritual, and I have THOROUGHLY ENJOYED watching the progression of this loving tree (poets personalization prerogative.......... haha.) The egg-like petrusion that later busts into sprays, later to be berries, little- red- hard- rumored to be good to help alcoholics "kick it", the bands on the trunk and their soft subtle coloring and rhythmic wrapping (ringing) (I saw BANDS on the TREES, and I swear I SAW them ringing!) (tee hee)

And today, as it so happened, during the aforementioned "love gauntlet" I had noticed a TEENY TINY pink fluffy fallen flower in the grass, and picked it up, and carried it for a while, looking at it's beauty- probably missed by many because of it's size---- occasionally tickling/stroking my cheek with it's "fluffinator" tips :)---- and when I got to the throne, later, still holding it, by now- having a slight emotional attachment to the tiny blossom, I was moved to "offer it" to the palm, as a paganistic love gift I guess---- why label, a'ole labels...... live! Now!

And then, after poetry, as I observed the possible Betel, and was watching the leaves (all shooting out from the top) being whipped around by the wind--- I saw that one of the leaves was "caught", by it's tip, by a branch of........

The very tree I was leaning against.

Yet, I'm not so sure that it was caught. I'm started to really suspect that they reached out for each other. The wind was whipping, but they were not parted---- though joined just by the barest tiniest tips of brach (the throne) and VERY SOFT (yet strong enough for weaving!) leaf of palm, the wind kept battering them, yet, they moved together, with each other-AND with the wind- holding each other across the path- oh wow.....oh wow......

And..........

Along the branches of the throne tree, were- little pink tufts sticking out here and there. Yes, you guessed right.

Guess they were destined to be together.

Sometimes the simplest things can make my heart swell with joy, and can awaken me to revelations.

It's the Poet's prerogative, after all.

Till (laytuh) loves...... BLUE MOON! And the end of this Journal.

Yet, as in life (and, specifically, in the I-Ching) beginnings lead to ends, and ends to beginnings.

The circle of life.
 

                                    3SE's  :)

REFLECTIONS:

My boy had a bad time at recess today. His best bud that stands up for him when he's teased was not around. And what are the bullies teasing him about? My name.

All you open minded folks reading this, those of us who are happy for the rich diversity in humanity, think: "What?" Those who have exotic names themselves, think: "What the fuck?". Those who live in Hawaii, or any other places where there are a mix in cultures, languages, religions----and therefore names think: "yours is not the only "unusual" name on the Island- right?"and "boy, are we EVER gonna EVOLVE?" Well, yes......It IS Maui- so, no, there are actually MORE exotic names than mine. Evolution? Maybe De-vo was right. Hope not.

There is still SO much hatered/violence/intolerance around..........maybe even MORE as the seasons pass, the years, the decades........HAVE we abolished slavery? HAVE we equal justice for all? CAN we live, and let live? CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG? (Rodney King, before him---- quote from "The Russians Are Coming"----- before that, Cleopatra to her two main squeezes.........)

If this keeps up, I won't never have my Messelina scene. Everyone'll be fighting over who gets firsts.

Butt seriously.................

This is, of course, appropriately timed. The Council (see March 27th's entry) will Convene officially at the moment of the (Blue)  full moon and after that I guess I'm gonna have to be speaking up against these (petty) injustices. These (small) divisive acts. Right. Your name. The center of your soul? As the Hawaiians believe, the song/map of your destiny? As outlined in Woman Who Run With The Wolves, the door to enter if you wish to know the maiden? Hum.

Well, in most Native American cultures, most everything is tolerated. EXCEPT fucking around with someone's name. Shortening it is bad. Changing it around, especially in a derogatory fashion, is worse. I am unable to come up with a number right now- but it is high unfortunately- of people who have called me "Three Screaming Eagles". In fact, that is the MOST insulting version of my name, because it, in effect, invalidates the entire experience of my vision quest- and the core magic of my name. These people I may laugh with, since there is a famous flying battalion of some kind called the screaming eagles, but from that moment on, they are excluded from the circle of people I would hang with.  Your name is Your Power(s). To make fun of your name, to shorten it, is only done by someone who wants to make you feel powerless. A person that should be avoided, though looked on with compassion of course. Who told THEM they were not INCREDIBLE- who is, probably daily, taking away THEIR power.

But just cause you know the partner who beats you was beaten by their dad or mom, or the rapist was molested by someone when they were a child, doesn't mean you are going to keep coming back for more. Well, except if you're a masochist, I guess.

Even in cultures where there are "Coyote" medicine people, also often referred to as Hyoka or "backwards medicine" folks---- they can dress in the clothes of the opposite sex, ride backwards on a horse into battle with no weapons, even throw shit at the Shaman during a ceremony, and be laughed at or at least tolerated. But there is ONE taboo- even for these powerful spirits.

DON'T MESS WITH MY NAME!

So, as I approach this important crossroad in my life, I shall tell the tale of my name. Of my vision quest. Of it's sacred meanings. Perhaps to heal myself a little of the pain------ and to remind myself of the Beauty of it as I wait to cross the bridge from laid back observance and minimal interference to the responsibilities awaiting me. My first act may be a cross-cultural education assembly called, at the school, of which I am one of the speakers, and/or letters to principles, newspapers, about this very issue.

How will it be for me- this change of style? How will I get used to using my voice even when uninvited? To speak as if there was not ANOTHER SECOND left for (us) to dwell in this hatred and intolerance?  Hum. Once in a blue moon........

If I had finished my path, pursued to the tune of two full medical scholarships, to being a pediatrician, I would have been in practice in 8, maybe 10 years after High School. In the Shamanistic medical training (for "healer" specialists) the training is for at least twenty years, and even then, if you graduate (make it through the vision quest) you are never given a degree or considered a master. It's more like going from Apprentice to Journeyman, perhaps----- you can do what you've been trained to do, yet you are never a "master"---- for you're always learning. A quote from Rolling Thunder, Cherokee chief AND medicine man (a rare combo) "When you stop learning, you die." (you only aren't learning if you're dead cause every second, waking and in dreamtime, you are learning?!?)

Until your vision quest, you have no name. Well, a temporary one.... your child name so to speak. Usually when you're around 7, though it varies in cultures, you get your adult name, through a mini-vision quest, ceremony, whatever.

Except for those children that were marked as Shamans.

So you want to pass the vision quest, when it comes. You have one chance. It's like the ultimate "finals week" (and, funny enough, it usually takes about a week, including prepatory fasts and/or sweat lodges) - you "pass" the vision quest, or you are not allowed to be a healer. And you have no name.

Sounds harsh- but it is because it needs to be. As a medicine person, you're not just responsible for a few patients during appointed hours, you are dedicated to helping any and everyone needing your help at any and every time from that moment on. Jump in the dangerous water to save someone in trouble, even facing off with sharks. Wrap someone's wound, serenely, while bombs fall all around you.  Put your hands on a person covered in open sores, etc. It IS NOT a path to be entered by anyone who has not been put through the fire of extreme, real fear, and been able to do something as simple as stay in a simple circle drawn in the sand, no matter what, on a day that never will be repeated. When the incentive is so high. When you're so well prepared and psyched up. Really.
So, I, when my time came, took 9 days preparing. I sweated like I never did before! I fasted on only dreams! (well, and water). And I had one of the most dramatic vision quests ever physically witnessed. No middle way for this chick

"Honey, I DON'T KNOW why
I GO to ex-tremes!"
                           -Billy Joel

Oh, Billy! Rode my motorcycle in the rain!

I was on a low cliff, there was a group of "supporters" chanting and stuff around the fire down in the canyon.

One of the things you're told when being "prepared" is that something frightening enough to make you flee from the circle will surely come. The other thing you're told is, anything you think will come, that you fear, won't. Kinda the reverse of the Ghostbusters thing ("I couldn't help it........all I could think of was the Stay-puft marshmallow man").

So no rattlesnakes came. No tornados. No coyotes.

One of the most beautiful, graceful things on the planet came. Well, three.

Three "adolescent" eagles, right between youth and adult plumage, flew up the arroyo. They went close enough to the "supporters" to be seen, on their mischevious and blessed trip up to me.

The two "elders" who had informed me my training was over, were a husband-wife team. The husband was very grand fatherly..... and was for some reason worried about me..... so he had snuck up and was hiding in the pine scrub up on the ledge, so he had a great view of the whole crazy beautiful thing. And he was the first one to greet me by name when I was, finally, "done" (beginning) (Phoenix in the brushing-the-ashes-off-new-wings-stage)

These three siblings (another layer of my name- that's the maximum number of eggs an eagle will lay, and usually one survives, maybe two- but this was not too long after the ban on DDT and it's shell softening effects) came up to me, entering my circle nice as you please, and started circling me, screaming and screeching and hitting me with their already sizable wings.

I peed, I was so scared. I hid my eyes with my hands and arms. Then, I started to get up to flee.

And, instead, found myself- and, believe me, I still have no idea how, rolled into the fetal position in the middle of the little circle, eyes closed against the dry soil, and their

SONG was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard at that point in my life (the day I moved to Maui, I heard a song rise up from the islands at one point flying over- molokai mebbe(?)that was at least tied for this spot!) Somehow, their screeching, blended, and with the element of fear, somehow, removed from the scene, blended into one beautiful voice.

May you walk the good red road..........
                           All ways.                    3SE's
 

REFLECTIONS:

Just finished the first of the "poetry pages of 23, dedicated to the DNA strand)".... to find them.........reading over old little spiral bound books and their rantings and dreamings and lunatic journeys...... bittersweet. Poetree of the moon lady is the link (ah think) on the main page.

Boy, it's late, bout 10:10 PM Hawaii time. Guess I missed the news, and I had intended to watch it. Subconscious? Well, I guess, not if I'm talking about it.

That theme's been coming up in conversations lately.  Why, my mom and I came to the conclusion (with no controlled experimented data even, yet firmly stated) that once a "problem" in ourselves is recognized and spoken, at that moment, it suddenly becomes near to completely gone. Hum.

Refugees in the snow. No more shutting out information possible. The rules of the entire game of chess have changed, and Old Master Players are shaking their heads, saying, gee---I----I think I'm too old to learn a whole new system.

Who will they play with?

Till tomorrow-------                    3SE's  :)
 
 

REFLECTIONS:

Snugglin' in, watchin old episodes of Xena with the girls and eatin' "ass-kickin" snack mix. WOW HOT had to cut it with Fritos. Wonder what the people at "ass-kickin' snacks" would think of that.

A few months ago was asked to be a part of a World Council of woman. I was to "state my intention", send it, and........wait?

I held that invitation for over two months, wondering. going through a process- why me? Me?-nah. Am I worthy? Wait- not to doubt the keeper of the flame and all of the advisors/Grandmothers......... I'm worthy to be invited, but to sit on The Council---- I have been down in the gutter, decrepit, low, abused, tortured......OH GOD WHO BETTER how can I have such a position of honor.......... (?!?)

I sent it out 11 hours before the postmark deadline, drove it up to the post office, put it in the slot, sat for a few minutes outside on one of those little concrete "don't go past this point, moron" parking spot borders---watching the wind going through the dense leaves of some nice tree across the street by the pay phones. It didn't feel right to jump in the car and leave right away. What had I just done? (leaves through trees) (trees on cellophane) (cellular dreams under the lens of the electron-microscope) (10x20?) (25 or 6 to 4?)

And yesterday, in the mail.............

Acceptance of my intention, and the gift of my seat.

Oh, and P.S.-it says- start observing the moon every night from this day on, till further notice............well well well.............
 
 

Once in a blue moon.......
 
 

My Grandmother used to say that things happen in threes. The blue moon is only a few days away. What will the other two boons/miracles/significant events be?

Oh migod- I am literally TREMBLING WITH ANTICIPATION!

Yours----------
 
                  3SE's  z

My intention, stated, as it turned out, in only one sentence, on the back of a beautiful bookmark, was:

   "TO, FROM THIS DAY FORWARD, SERVE THE GREATEST GOOD"

REFLECTIONS:

Wow.

For all the fallen stars
I chase the distance, gasping
Many wet swells have wrecked my vessel
I burn what's left, and eat the ashes. formulating schemes
Carefully choreographed friend, dance with me-
Oh, if their be a pantheon of Gods, I pray to them for your touch-------
If there be one Sovereign, I apply at the throne for a boon.
If no deity exists, the wind carries my longings, as prayers really are,
Across the fields to where you sleep and cry
Dream of me. My cheeks touch heaven.
 

3SE's  :)

And also........ (REFLECTIONS part two)

"And I say-
Do what you've never done before!
For fear of losing------face--------------
You-------- have nothing, to de-fend now!
In YOUR state of Gra---------ce!"
                                        ----- Donovan Leitch

Malama Pono, dear ones................
 

And another thing........ (REFLECTIONS part three)

May I swim through this rich and sensual life COMPLETELY exposed, laughing.
 
 

REFLECTIONS :

This was a strange feeling day. Had some laughs. Played some mancala. gazed at nasturtiums. Wrote a disturbing story that I swore was too intense to put on the web page and then did (It's called "Gypsy Wreath" and is the last story on the "WRITINGS" page (click anywhere on link, main page). Soon I'll figure out this linking and embedding and stuff, and have the links where you are stead'uh goin' back----- sorry. Made some homemade spaghetti sauce, with fresh garlic, green peppers, and a coupla "vegetarian burgers" cut into chunks.

They dissolved. Maybe if I had put everything in the pot, and laid them on top, much like you would with dumplings, then put the top on and let them gently steam and simmer..... then scoop them out first, VERY carefully......

Or get real beef. Oh, no no no, vegetarian now- but I swear- what I miss the most, honestly, is oversized, medium rare, juice dripping down your cheeks and chin, hamburgers. Well, actually, cheeseburger with fresh onion rings, avocado, and sautéed mushrooms (any cheese'll do, I'm a cheese whore, set me loose in the great round markets of Amsterdam.........)

Guess I oughttuh eat some. Maybe turn on CNN and see what's up- heard there was a potentially 3rd world war starting.

The moon is so bright. Man! Music, moonlight, always perhaps, for the last night, see how it moves on the windy leaves, pulses in the ma'a surf

                                3SE's
 

MARCH 24th:

REFLECTIONS:

Oh what a beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful day!

Things as simple as getting a jump start from a stranger, or taking a hitchhiker way out of your way to the front door of their destination, or having to drive up the highway to give the alternator (feels like there's a quarter inch play in there still, eh?) the chance to do it's (magic and/or scientific) chargin' action, and seeing that BEAUTIFUL spiritually infamous 2nd highest from bottom of ocean mountain on the planet, HALEAKALA rising in front of you. (sigh) life is good. Or, as Roberto would say "Life Is Beautiful".

Scuse me, still having a difficult time recovering from his Jupiter comment at the oscar's the other night (sigh). WHAT a spirit!
 

Another spirit I adore is Peter Gabriel. Had top 40 radio on in the kitchen a while ago, and "Sledgehammer" came on. Yeah, I danced to it, with attitude, singing at the same time.

The first time I started to really loosen up and start singing while I danced and started picking and arranging tracks for my alpha CD was about 4 years ago. And it was all the fault of some wild Roosters and hens.

I lived in the desert (Kihei) at the bottom of the bowl on a half-moon shaped street. Behind my backyard, because of it's placement, was a nice-sized mesquite forest (fun doing yard work after a windstorm? Think about it.)

Well, one day, out of that forest, wandered a rooster.

I had been singing at the time, into the early morning rays of sunlight, cup of coffee in my hand, and he just wandered in as if he had seen a low-hung flyer advertising the concert and was the first one to arrive and

Walked almost right up to me, and sat down on the "lawn" (okay, it was a spattering of pitiful psudo-succulants at the time, but it got better) and, sat. Tucking his feathers under him like he was gonna stay awhile.

And he did. And others followed. I've been plagued by being surrounded with humans that don't listen to my singing. Many even interrupt me. Inside, honestly, The Bitch thinks: "You're gonna have to pay good money to hear me sing someday, Motherfucker". The flexible willow self has coped by learning to only do that art alone, until I find those who I long to find who will---- do it with me so to speak (oh, my love, don't you know we could make BEAUTIFUL music TOGETHER?)

Yet, here was an audience. An appreciative one. I mean, they really liked it. Even if I had thrown some wheat- or- better- young 2-3 day wheatgrass sprouts- or- I swear- even their FAVORITE crumbs of fresh homemade bread (they'd smell it in the woods and come streaming in to wait for their treat- what could I do?) (but please them?) they would stop eating and face me and listen whenever I would sing! Wow!

When I came home after being gone for a month to upstate New York for the birth of my first Grandbaby (Samantha Ivy Angelina Rose :)  ) "Little Brown", one of the Roosters, even came in the back door 15-20 minutes before I drove up, walked into the living room, faced the front door, and sat on the living room floor waiting for me. When I entered the house, he flew up and landed perfectly on my shoulder. Sometimes my life is like a scene from a Disney movie. Whew.

A couple of months after that, Little Brown died in my arms, in the backyard, under the clothesline and near the raised bed gardens, shot by local teenagers, hired by the neighborhood board. It seems some people didn't like the roosters singing. Some didn't even like their presence. Go figguh. He staggered from the woods home to me, for one last song. To some, he was an obnoxious bag of walking feathers (pow). To me, he was Little Brown, and he was my friend.
 

Do you hear me, Little Brown, wherever "you" are, do you hear me singin' bout bein' somebody's honeybee, thrusting my whole self into the lyrics, the rhythm, the pulse, in my little kitchen on the edge of the rainforrest, do ya, do ya Little Brown, my lost friend?

Till tommarruh........                    3SE's

REFLECTIONS:

The reason I was given the only "position" in my warriors clan (councilor), or at least part of the reason is, so I have been told, my soul has never (implied, in all its lifetimes/incarnations? )  "learned evil". What does that mean?

Well, I don't know. My life has been a strange string of people coming up to me out of nowhere, telling me weird things about "me", often with ceremonial aplomb, and departing. Then I'm left, often, with these extra titles, "powers", remembered knowledge, etc.----

To figure it out as I go along. Though they would say there's nothing to figure- except maybe where in My Memory (specifically genetic>>>> Akashic>>>>> story like actual incarnated experiences of times past and/or future) these files are stored, and which program to "bring them up in" so I can "read" them easily. But mostly, I'm perplexed.

One time, I was living out in the boondocks in the mountains of upstate New York, In an old farmhouse with a barn and acres of property in the back, meandering up the path of a stream that, on the other side of the road in FRONT of the house, pooled up into a muddy breeding and partying place for

GREAT horney toads---- I'm tellin you---- this is a sound you don't soon forget. Specially when it's consistently North in the medicine wheel of your front porch, hang out spot..... and nare'y twenty yards away, if. WHAT a song! Step aside, Def Leppard---- The Toads have come! One of my favorite songs in Hawaii is written- gee I think, I'll check it out and tell ya tomorrow if I'm wrong- by Pua Nogelmeyer. Keali'i Riechel performed it on his "Lei Halia" compilation. And it's about the toad. Well, superficially at least. The Hawaiian toad- also called bufo.

Now I say superficially, because the words, BEAUTIFULLY written, express the sentiment that, well, basically, even the toad gets some----but more esoterically, it doesn't matter if you're "beautiful", there is someone- at least one someone- that will find you beautiful.

This is a very moving and important message for many of us. The song often moves me to tears. And it's a funny song, replete with toad song in the mix. But, though the years have deepened the sparkle in my eyes, inexplicably, and the smile lines are like a chiseled road-map of joys immense...... well..... lets just say I'm not a round soft full woman, but a little old sprite, body honed by dancing, and paddling canoe, and warrior training to be almost masculine. It moves those of us who don't fit the modern definitions of beauty, this song.........

Okay, back to the country house with the meandering stream.....
So I was meandering up it towards the forest to get some wintergreen berries (I was a full time herbalogist at the time, with my own T.V. show and herb column, so I was forced to do this pleasant work) and at some point, I hear what sounds like horns and bells behind me, towards the house. I look back a few times, as the sound gets louder and louder, but at this time of year the mullein and valerian, and by the stream, white AND purple boneset, none thick alone, had somehow conspired a visual tangle by placement, so, I just shook my head and continued until the monk caught up with me.

He was dressed in full regalia of what seemed like a Tibetan nature. He fell down on his knees on the spongy bank of the tiny stream, and hailed me (as BabaSareeJuna, one of the lesser Tantric deities), and then, proceeded to give to me the "full lotus initiation".

That was an experience I will not write about in detail unless you beg me (e-mail address, bottom of first page) (NOW- that's a cheap ass way to solicit mail) (hey- throw me a bone here! You want salacious spiritual descriptions, you gotta ask sometimes) (okay, I haven't gotten mail for a few days and I'm lonely. SO! Sue me then. or e-me. easier.)

But, anyways, the point IS- wassup? And we're not talking about an isolated incident here. I wasn't kidding when I said I've known what it's like to be deified (a few days ago---- ya really gotta read back to keep up with all this shit I guess. Oh well. Or not. BE confused----see if I care!) (yeah, of course I care) (often and intensely). And no operating manual.

Oh well, if I need to know anything, it'll be revealed, usually in a timely fashion. In my training in the healing arts I majored in Herbalogy, and minored in midwifery. We used to have a joke-bordering-on-superstious nervous-awareness inducement- about "coming across" a book or medical journal. We would always read what was in there, because, darndest thing, a situation would occur at one of the very next births that required that knowledge.

I'm going to leave you tonight with a poem my mom found this morning, stuck in a book she had opened for an inspirational message. According to the stationary, and the way I worded it, I dated it back to when I was a teenager.

We all are born with our own unique perspective on the world. Unfold yours, please, no matter whoever told you it was insignificant- or- even worse- useless or ugly or..........

Just for me, just for tonight, shut them out of your room, and unfold the magnificence that is you. Please? For me? I won't tell..............

Even the Bufo toad....................
                                                                                                                                        3SE's  :)

"It's been so long since this being has written you a poem.  One of joys,
crying, undercurrents in large lakes and oceans, the trembling of a new
butterfly's wings drying in the sun.

But do children ever really leave the stream bank
Where, dreaming of a deer
They encounter a field mouse
Where, dreaming of eagles a sparrow decends?

No - They stay.
But their minds change
In the mouse, the grace of a deer
The majesty of the Eagle in sparrow's form."

REFLECTIONS:

Thar she blows! The Great Bright'nin moon above lone coconut tree tow'rd Nor'west, mos by west 'spose.... aye, but she IS a be' utiful site, is she not?

Good. Really get to catch an' eyeful uh her. Ummmmm......... after so many days of storms, looking to where she ought to be, thinking of lost barbecue get together plans, computer-nurding it up with a few friends..... I have so many toys in this computer! When will I get to play?

Laytuh, dudess of Love, the same time you'll get to

Read again, just for pleasure. I was thinking about it, and I think Moby Dick by Melville (somewhat parodied in opening paragraph) (oh, gimme a break, I'm comin' up with this stuff as I go along, first drafts, like any first thing, are usually bumpy and ALWAYS interesting. Occasionally exciting.) was the last book I read just for pleasure. My Dad gave me a book when he was here----- made a special trip to get it. It's called "Master And Commander" by a man named Patrick O'Brian. Dad told me this was a series of tales with the same main beloved characters and that it had gleaned such a large and fanatic following, so that the poor (sic) writer is trying to die, perhaps of old age, and the fans are raising money and etc. to keep him alive so he could write 2 or 3 missing stories, and the conclusion. Is this true, or was papa spinning a fanciful yarn for his bay'bers. Hum. Should I do a search later and investigate, or should I..........

leave it. It's a dad-daughter thing. A tale he told me as truth and wanted me to take as that and so how could I not...............that would take away all the tales of spirits roaming the adoreondaks when we would camp out under the stars and explore the High places, gazing outward.

Being on a cliff, or top of a mountain, still makes me gasp sometimes. When I was younger it was a definite conscious bravery thing. I was VERY frightened up there. Maybe part of it is reflected even now, in my struggle with geography. ITS SO IMMENSE!

Yet, get immense, make your head spin immense, for instance, the Universe studying itself...........

Mustuh been all those hallucinogens and their neuro-pathway-busting and tunneling and connecting (as per the research of Drs. Alpert and Leary) ways............more comfortable at the dizzying expanses, ey? Physics, you say? Alllllrighty then!

Yes, and, it would take away the vivid tales of Odin and the Norse Gods, preceding each years Christmas, the eves ancient ceremony. The next day my sister and I would dress in our little Christmas outfits and go to Gramma's for the Catholic version. What a life.

To doubt my father, even a little bit, would be to take away so much.........histories, insights on life, ghost trains that run on time, that you can make fire with two sticks...........

I won't be doing that search. From the little I've read of Patrick's writing, I take him to be a man would would get a chuckle at a yarn being spun about him.

Still with ya, Papa  Z
 

Till we meet again-------            3SE's  Z
 
 

It's about 9:30, writin' durin' Oscar commercials----- gee, most people get food WRITING IS HER FOOD boy, you'd think writing was my food or somethin'.

And you'd be right. Or, write. Tee-hee.  (Too cute you gettin' babe)

"Life Is Beautiful" looks like a film I'd dig. The writer/producer/director/lead  (?) of that movie--- seems like an over-joyful being, like me! And everyone seemed to really love him! Maybe my joy is okay!

Good thing too, cause I've tried to cure myself of it or turn it down with only hilariously obscene failures as the result so......
Good thing there's hope for us incurably obviously irrationally bubbly-joyful beings for being loved.

At one point, he said, accepting the award for best actor, that he wanted to take everyone to Jupiter, and lay them down, and make love to them.

I'm not sure if I can write anything else tonight, cause how can you top that?

MARCH 20th:

REFLECTIONS:

Got to see the moon for a few measurable seconds! Yeah! Setting, at about quarter to 8 PM.....through a small break in the tempest...... through my bedroom window..........

Want to muse about how the moon is consistent in it's ability to make me sigh---- but I guess it's inappropriate to use the word consistent anywhere near the word moon. Once again, my innocence was lost, when I visited "The Inconstant Moon" page..........perigee and apogeee......gee, are none of my preconceived notions untouchable???????? Is NOTHING constant?

Thankfully......no.

It was like my friend and I spoke about today. Everything you see is in the past. Even the Little figurine of an angel playing a flute that's on top of my right side computer speaker.....I look at it- the image is always a itzy bitzy fraction of a second old---- the time it takes for my eye apparatuses to pick up the image and send it to my brain to translate it. Then there's the moon, what, probably 2-3 minutes old? Outer planets, longer with distance. Stars? So old. The star we're looking at may not even be there anymore! It may have exploded 20,000 years ago and our great-great-grandchildren may watch the pictures on their wristwatch TV's from their retirement home beds............. so, if someone asks us who we are so much more must it be futile- since by the time we're done (attempting) to explain it, we've already changed!

Yeah, well, touch is now.

Whew.

Spent this Equinox increasing my understanding......................

Looks like the bungee cord that was holding my battery away from the chassis got a little loose, the battery touched the metal, and discharged. So I was not going anywhere. Good thing too- since sleeping outside somewhere was my probable goal, even though I had many invitations of a "dinner, dancing, movie, etc." nature, all were with carless people...... so, I was grounded. YEAH! I REALLY wanted to just wrap myself in blankets and turn on the oven, open it's door (shut the windows first)-warm up the house- put a few drops of sandalwood oil on......wafting through the house......ummmmmmm........vanilla candle in my bedroom.......a few tokes of good herb in a clean pipe....sweet......turn off the phone.......listen to the wind and rain SLAMMING the house- oh god I LOVE it- sickchick- she likes earthquakes, flying in small planes, swimming with sharks, CRAZY I tell you!

Oh, well, what it is. There has to be some of us insane people to make it interesting for the others.

Reheated some pizza and sat down for some TV at one point. Turn on the "listings" channel, see that there's a show called "Understanding Magnetism" on TLC (The Learning Channel) so (she's not gonna say she put this show on to watch as enjoyment on her day off while eating pizza) I put the show on and settled down for an interesting pizza- enhanced journey through the mysteries of magnetism (well, I couldn't go to a Kareoke bar to study it, so, next best thing...............)

And wandered into "The Festival Of Understanding"! Magnetism was not on when they said it would be- which is a shame cause I've been floating with this recurring vision of a terrestrial- space debris clean up module using frequencies, and although magnetic would be a possible last choice due to the effects it can have on equipment when (unintentionally) released and/or misdirected, thought it would give me some ideas maybe.

No- it was "Understanding Genetics" show.

Now, this was kinda funny in a weird way, cause I had decided to "finish" my first poerty page (Poetree Of The Moon-Woman, link main page) by adding as many poems as it took to make 23, and doing that with each subsequent poetry page, in honor of..... "The DNA Strand"! Okay, twilight zone music, waft around my well produced and mixed life.........

I joked with someone a few months ago about thinking that with all the things he does, he must have clones. Now that I think of that, he's never responded. And I'm watching this show on genetic researching, and when "cloning" and various offshoots come up as the subject in the shows flow, I'm not thinking of math and/or theories..... but of HIM.

I first saw him (in this lifetime anyway) near the "Peace Pole" at our campus, where I was sitting laughing and crying with a close friend. It was an intensely incredible day  already.
He came over to say hi to my compadre, as they knew each other. They were exchanging pleasantries, and I looked up at him. He wasn't looking at me. The sound turned down in their conversation, and, although he wasn't speaking to or looking at me, I heard his voice say, clearly audio wave direction wise, exactly to me, as if he had turned his head and was sending those waves on a straight path.......

"Do not be discouraged, sad or fearful. The musicians that you WILL play with are nearer than you think".

This was very significant to me because I have been wishing and longing for SO long, SO strongly, #1 to the number 2 of sailing on my soul's wish list----- and that means------WOAH (!) to have others to play music with.

And I had recently, within a week and a half of that day, finally "resigned" myself to having to do it myself......alone.....as usual........
It wasn't a mellow spiritually enlightened acceptance. It was a weepy whiny one. It was a "Well, fuck it then, I'll do it ALONE then if I HAVE to just like EVERYTHING ELSE in my FUCKING LIFE kinda "surrender". I was numb-hurting inside.

Then this. And at a first time meeting. Who was this person and who was he to be to me?

Well, it seems this "stranger" and I HAVE had our lives woven around each other in various ways since then. And now, thinking of this clone thing, and the joke, and then, him......I'm feeling..........

That IF there were clones of human beings, his would not be a bad one at ALL to duplicate!

He is brilliant, and using that brilliance to help the planet, and is an artist and has a soft and tender soul and is BEAUTIFUL to look at. Yeah. Would not be bad at all to have even a plethora of hims around. Wow. Didn't realize these feelings had been in here till today. Wow.

Hum. I'm gonna sit with this for awhile.

Last thought: from an astronomer on the "Understanding The Universe" show:

"It's not an exaggeration to say that humans are made from stardust. So, since we are made from the dust of the Universe, a Human studying the Universe is The Universe studying itself."
 

Love,       3SE's  \

REFLECTIONS:

Saturn and Venus on top of each other along the elliptic tonight. "conjunct?!?"
I find myself leaning towards the mythical symbology, in a storyteller way, of these astronomical events, rather than thinking astrology (personalized) thoughts....... after so many decades hanging around with professional astrologers: Ram, Mom, Gail, Tim, Katz, Ranja, Bullwinkle, Charlotte, Pebbles...............

I really feel detached from all that. Maybe I'm just not that concerned with myself anymore. It's not that I feel any urge to denounce defile and/or loudly reject astrology and it's related metaphysical disciplines........ it's more like they- and their related obsessive focus on "self" and all that.......well.........boring really. But, who was Saturn? Who was Venus? What does it mean if they are seen on top of eachother? Now- THAT intrigues me.

Well, like I would know anyway at this point. There was an incredibly erotic storm when they were in the western sky with the crescent moon near sunset/twilight..... ahhhhh, fine with me. Next clear night I'll try the telescope my father left with me. Think I'll see some rings. That would be SO COOL. I'm one of those people that can stare at one leaf for hours and not get bored. Will I get addicted to the telescope? Well, hear a news report about some woman dressed in flowing clothes and scarves who's been sitting, frozen almost, in a field for many months not eating or drinking with a telescope mounted in her now unflexing hand..... could be me! See, now you don't have to feel guilty about reading those tabloids while you wait in line in the supermarket!

My daughter was a Princess today..........

Turned out the boy (Elijah) got invited to stay overnight at one of his friend's houses......so I didn't even see him tonight! Boy, he's growing up! Youth center after school.....Aloha Friday movies and snacks there..... his peer-buddies. Friends (sigh). Sleep-over. "The baby" was kidnapped by Auntie for an excursion (and subsequent sleepover) this morning---- so it was me -an- Ayla, Princess for a night.

Gave her a footrub. Served her gourmet coffee with fuzzy milk and sweetened JUST RIGHT in the old-fashioned Saint Nicholas cup........we cuddled and watched cute sitcoms and laughed.

Saint Nicholas. Did such a person ever exist? Does it matter? Well, maybe sometimes it doesn't matter. Saint Patrick is another deal, though. He did exist and from all reports was a slaughterer- most probably in the most cowardly way (having others do the actual killing/ torturing) of many ("snakes") earth centered pantheistic type indigenous peoples. If there was a Christ, and he really rose from the grave and never did die, guess he couldn't roll in his grave over what people have done "in his name"......... but, if indeed he existed and still exists somewhere, he must be REALLY PISSED!

Well, tomarrow.........more.........maybe? I have no children Saturday night.........maybe I'll go out somewhere. Sleep on the beach? Would love to go up to the top of the mountain..... but gas money is tight and it's stormy. Hum, funny. She gets a night off and what she REALLY wants to do most is go somewhere in Nature and lay on the earth and listen to the local sounds with no human voices or flashing computer screens or top forty radio, "just": the wind (oh yeah) owls ocean waves coconut palms slapping against each other, sound of a milky coconut slammed against a lava rock a few times.....ooooooo.....here it comes! Inner husk is cracked- bend your head back and hold it in two firm hands over your mouth and drink that clear yummy coconut milk AS QUICK as you can soas to not dribble even a drop down your chin, down your neck, onto your gown, rustled in the wind, sing a song, ancient and new, hope the coconut meat is soft inside, I love when it's like pudding, my song is now orbiting the planet a few times before escaping the atmosphere and going pi-yonder, will it catch up with Lucy Reruns near Jupiter-----will it's mana speed it to a distant nebula where it will be absorbed?  Hear The Wind again.

Aloha oe, and a hui ho!                            3SE's  :)

REFLECTIONS:

Saw the slivered moon, standing in front of the freshly plowed field that thinks it's waiting for approaching pineapple seedlings, but may just be planted with the New Crops of the revolution........

From the path, shown by Annabell's Papa and little ( I'm NOT little, I'm a BIG girl now) sister..... to our house. Michaela's ("my" 5 year old daughter) (Kahil Gibran said it well.....we are the bows and they are the arrows) new best friend lives "just across the (pineapple?) (blank buddistic slate like) field". Cool. Though we'll only be here for a couple more months.....well, it's nice to have a friend to walk to.

Think that's part of what I love about Rumi's poetry, he (sings) writes a lot about "the friend". In many cases, it was in specific reference to his best friend....... one who I think was eventually killed or something..... reminds me a lot of the Love of Gilgemesh for his best friend........

Ever are we seeking..... The Friend. Perhaps, even, in everyone we meet.
 

Hey- I was deified by my beloved Professor Tan in front of the entire history class today. Gee- how to keep all this straight, one day scolded (see Blue Moon 1, link on main page)..... the next day diefied.....I don't know..........

We're studying about India. I had e-mailed him the other day to tell him I wouldn't be in class cause I knew he would miss me.... haven't missed one time yet.... and our feelings, you know, fratnos and all...... and signed it. in my normal way.... 3SE's  :)

Well, he went up to the board and wrote down.....

3SE, Trimurti, and Trinity.

He then proceeded to introduce the three triple-diety systems

The first one being...................

Three Singing Eagles (big smile, he laughed -SO beautiful when he does that!) and it caught.

When he finally erased my Holy Moniker, I thanked him. "I don't think I want to be a deity".

Actually, now that I think of it, maybe that wasn't completely true. I KNOW I don't want to be deified. First of all, I have been actually in that position a few times in this very lifetime-----and believe me, it's not all it's cracked up to be. Don't believe ME- okay, skeptic wannabe, think of all the humans that have been deified and what's happened to them and get back to me on that.

But anyways......THAT DOES IT! I MUST make another page with my favorite quotes, and, put at the top,
THE SHRINE TO BELOVED PROFESSOR TAN!

It will start with his conclusion after being in World War Two, and through two violent revolutions (the man has had an AMAZING life) that he is, now, a "110% pacifist".

More tomorrow, sweetie-pies                                    3SE's  :)

REFLECTIONS:

Ey guys, howzit?

Sometimes the most subtle things change everything. Make a whole new energy to everything. I think that's why I'm curious about this feng-shui stuff. I LOVE zen- Japanese type gardens. Placement. I moved my computer about 2 feet to the right on my (de-legged picnic table) workspace- and now the keyboard and mouse reach far with no tension on the wire as I lay propped up on the pillows, typing my heart in.

Sure, I like to switch some clichés around sometimes. Giving birth to two birds from one egg. Like a cat on a warm thatched roof. Frankly, Scarlet, I'd really rather be fucking you right now. You know. Update em'.

There's a great show here on Public access TV- called "Bible Phonies". I'm gonna start taping them- they're so good. The host, I think his name is Bradford is very intelligent and lucid and SHARP (he's more lucid then me- shouldn't I remember something as simple and basic as his name? I'd try the memory- improvement brain wave generator program, but after what happened when I tried it for the first time the other day.............) (Yeah, I'll tell ya laytuh!) went into a little discussion with a caller (it's live) from Kihei, about the connection between the repression of our natural sexuality and crimes of a sexual nature. Just what I was goin off on last night! Hum......art/life, life/art?

I played the brain wave generator the other day, as I had promised you (Blue Moon part 1 ) but it's taken me this long to give you feedback because the experience was strange, unexpected, and even for this chick that my Elvis-impersonater friend claimed the other day, must have "brass balls under that muu-muu", embarrassing to write about. So I figured I ought to totally be outrageous tonight, so I can get that brass scrotum good and firm and ting'eled with it's power. And get my legendary courage erect.

K?

Weak-kneed to exit now,pleesey?

So, I fell asleep about five minutes after the "cycle" finished. It was the "stimulate creativity" tonal combo. Great, I thought (feel like I'm opening the basement door in a B movie, and I'm a teenager  who, in the scene before this, had been letting my boyfriend go a little bit further than any RESPECTABLE girl oughhtuh- dirty little girl- you deserve what you're gonna get down there- DON'T CHA? HUM? DON'T CHA?) it was around 9AM, I'd had plenty of coffee, kids were in school, I was ready to tackle---- uh---- do smoothly and successfully with great joyous creativity-------- making my own 3D universe with at least two planets and at least one moon and one sun...... had downloaded some great shots from Hubbell (oh god- I'll put a link on my main page soon- you have GOT to check out the bubble nebula!) for the backround......great, lets get tonal and STIMULATE that CREATIVITY!

It was somewhere towards the middle of the cycle I started zonking out, but somehow stayed awake long enough to shut off the computer. Though I don't remember doing so. It wasn't on when I woke up later that afternoon with a painful female erection. Every single cell in my "bunch of stardust which is reflecting light and looking suspiciously like a body in this reality level" was ON FULL ALERT. So, I guess you might see why I was reluctant to share this with you, and remain reluctant to try it again. Well, maybe if I had a buddy around to keep me awake..............

But, you see, now I can "share" this "with" you- like- beCAUSE I have found the DEEPer like MEANING, philascophoney- wise, to this whole THINNNGG you know?

My creativity and sexuality have always been so strongly connected, and I, actually, have just now, through this experience, recognized it! A major characteristic of my soul and I just recognized it! How AWARE am I? Man! Oh well, not gonna cry about spilled milk (I'm NOT changin THAT one in the horny mood I'm in---please!) but, instead, I'll drink what's left in the glass (sssshhhh- I SAID don't GO there---- you might tempt me to turn on the program again tonight) (oh-jeez, are my hands shakin'?) ----I DID get it, finally.

When I have sex, especially with a bunch of orgasms, I want to get up and

Write usually, but sometimes paint.....or go watch the stars if it's at night, and sing to them.... working on arrangements of some of my material of course. I'M SORRY-I KNOW YOU WANT ME TO CUDDLE LONGER-----ARE'NT YOU ASLEEP YET?

Best case senerio would be to find someone who was also a creative maniac, who likes to make love under the stars (so we don't have to get up?), and, well- it's MY dream, huh----would sing WITH me.........up......up.............up.

I've always wanted a love to sing with. Since I was an amoeba, so I'm told.................

Frankly, Rhett.........

Me too.
 

More Tomorrow, Moon lovin' friends!       3SE's  :)
 

Hey guys!

Been really doing a dance with becoming an "elder"- physically (as well as spiritually). It used to be when woman (and men) entered the time of The Bridge " into elder hood- there'd be ceremonies.....and they'd (we'd) be taken care of......massaged and nurtured and fed and made the transition not only comfortable.........but special and sacred and joyous......so men buy sports cars and date young chicks and woman bleed and weep and instead of adolescents that become proud full members of "the tribe" we send them (us) into the streets to search for their clans in gangs and........ people that don't periodically hunt with crazy woooops make wars, that don't periodically make hallucinogenic brews and dance all night around bonfires and go off with who they will to be connected in ecstasy, maybe rape, or sit alone with flashing screen or sticky pages, WHAT HAVE WE DONE TO OURSELVES taking away all the basic joys in life and fostering, of course, in doing that, such perverse manifestations of the basic primal urges we must pursue to be HUMAN!!!!!

And another thing....

But really.

But old dogs CAN be taught new tricks. We started a tradition in the family, with my oldest daughter, Mira. When a woman in our family menstruates ("gets her period" for the first time), She gets showered with roses, and taken out to eat at whichever place she chooses, to order whatever she wants, with NO money worrying comments uttered........by as many of the woman of the "clan" as possible. Welcome. Welcome.

And now, real soon, any day, another daughter will be entering that time and I can rarely walk cause I've lost so much blood these 11 days......... I'm only 108.45 lbs at this moment! And I was 111 during the last blood drive! I didn't even sign when Dick passed the sheet around the other day. If they wouldn't take it then.......
Shame especially because besides the fact that I'm disappearing, I'm completely healthy, and O positive.......the Universal donor. (Sigh) maybe next time. Get back my happy thoughts. Maybe have some magic (nurturing) enter my life......even high maka maka's need some occasionally......anyone who tells you otherwise is bullshitting you. Humans need LOVE more than air. Well, okay, maybe equal to air......but.....comparisons are ever the decapitators of philosophy..... so.................

Think I may try to sleep. Or make a fresh pot of coffee and bring up Adobe. Truespace is cool and all.....but the colors and textures and filters in Adobe! Ha----find myself using watercolor and pastel filters a lot.......with oils those were my get-your-hands-dirty mediums before I got into computer art....hum. I love soft things......soft clothes to wear......soft rembrant pastels to smear across the page........soft hair of a baby to nuzzle and smell and get lost in..........soft light of the moon......

Well, not tonight. She hides herself, in a personified version.

And on the radio, Pink Floyd seems the prophet of the day.

Anon............ 3SE's  :)

WARNING!   REFLECTIONS is my daily diary, unedited. I mince no words, or pies to think of it, now that I'm not eating meat. But, anyways, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK for often the words are raw, and the memories are over- poignant.

Love,             3SE's    :)

APRIL 1st
The Day Of Fools

Well on her way...........
Head IN THE CLOUDS------
The woman with a thousand voices is speaking
PERFECTLY LOUD!
                    --- from Fool On The Hill, sung by the Beatles
                         prob'lee written by John Lennon , (but mixed around a lil' by me)

"Every day is a winding road!
I get a little bit closer."   (sung by Cheryl Crowe)

"Under the greenwood tree,
Who loves to lie with me
And tune his merry note unto the sweet birds throat?"
                             ---Shakespeare, as sung by Donovan

APRIL 2nd

Two Cowboys smiled at me
From their white pickup truck
A friend passed out, during a suicide attempt,
And dreamt of me, naked, riding a very intense white horse, wild wind in my hair, coming closer and closer to trample
Him, scaring him so much he bolted awake to
Call and
We were laughing in a few minutes and
A gecko drowned itself in the old bath, vanilla and children- scented death,
When I first scooped it out, thinking it a child's toy, before draining the bath, I gasped, and it left my hand, spiraled through the air a few times before hitting the now draining water again and sinking..... get a hold of your self
"Medicine woman". "Shaman". "Warrioress Supremeous". Jeeeeeezzz, it's a dead gecko!
Out again, hopeful scooping
Pre dawn hands on
Would have to pull a lazarus
After dawn, yeah, still on sill of tub, same pose
It's eyes look so alive
But they'll be no resurrection for THIS lizard
Recording deals
Musicians met at plate lunch places
Man who has horses on the big island but hasn't brought them over yet cause he had quadruple bypass and doesn't feel he can take care of them alone,
Hello, glad to meet you, I have been looking for horses to care for and clean up around in trade for getting to ride them
And he lives on the other side of the highway from me, on the point.

He has a garden. I can play there.

"Elvis" wants to take me around
To sit in on some sets, try to jam a little with his Lahina Musician friends
The HorseMan just played on The Leisure Scientists CD
Whatever is weaving,
Is weaving.

                                                                                                                                    3SE's {

April 3rd REFLECTIONS:

So what about the past?

Earlier (Blue Moon 2) we spoke about having..... unusual names, and how it can be considered a disadvantage if you live in a place that's rather high in intolerance, yet, of course, as in all things there's always a balance, advantageous for the same reason, as you can easily and quickly (upon introduction) identify intolerant people, which can come in handy.

Another way having a special name can be a "disadvantage" is that your past comes up a lot.

Say you've recently met someone named Susan who you've been hanging out with, becoming close friends. You tell one of your buddies, and, unless you live in a REALLY small town, where there's only two or three Susans, or, even, ONE (?) (is this one of those Steven King towns where everyone has a different name, no two repeated, because........) (their alien commander named them, they shared group mind in the womb and hypnotized their parents into the en utero chosen monikers, ???????) the friend will probably say: "She sounds cool, man. Groovy." (oh, wait, let me re-set this time machine....... when was I in the sixties-uh----comeon, switch!) "She sounds fly" (hope that's right.........hard to keep up with the lingo. Like, does bad mean good currently, or is it in a phase where it bears it's original meaning again?).

If the lady's name is "Yellow Morning Owl" and your friend has ever met her, or heard something about her, he will immediately connect it up, and let it run out of his mouth into the ear of his friend.

This happened today. A friend of mine told me he met someone who warned him, upon hearing my name, to have "nothing to do with me". I'm "trouble". If you want problems, hook up with her, cause she's problems incarnate.

Wow. Well, I've been called worse, many times, in my decades of life. I'm "trouble". Hummmmmm. Part of me likes that. Sounds dangerous. Sounds James Deanish.

And probably true at many points in my life.

The positive side of this name-problem, is that it forces you to live life completely open.

This new friend of mine had called me a few weeks ago, with an obvious hangover, crying and begging me to PLEASE call him as soon as possible.

I did. He was VERY depressed cause he had gotten VERY drunk the night before, and been aggressive and obnoxious and felt like he was worthless. He answered the phone, a meek "hello"? I laughed, and said..... tied one on last night, huh?

"How did you know?" he asks, incredulous. More laughing "takes one to know one babe. Look at me now it may be hard to believe, but I've woken up in my own puke and urine, and I've been a crazy nasty drunk, and did shit in that darkness that I was, somehow I'm not sure why, blessed (sometimes I wonder) to survive through.

So when the friend went on to elaborate, he said "she's a nasty drunk".

Well, present tense is not applicable, I'm what you call a permeate designated driver, a teetotaler........ a warrior. Aware. Awake. It could be any moment you will be needed.

A few days ago, in fact, this same friend and I had been talking, and he said he'd love to sit with me on the lava rocks behind his house, watch the sunset, some night, while sharing a bottle of good red wine. And I said: You can have the wine, dear, but I'll have water or juice. I don't drink." "Not even a drop?" "No. I am sober. I SHOULD NOT drink."

So when his friend said this, he chuckled.

It was especially "funny" for this to come up today, cause at one point on the ride downtown (cars induce daydreaming for me. Spielburg does this too, so I'm told. Maybe cause it's rhythmic) I had an imaginary interview of me after my CD's released. It was on TV, and (I am a bluesy singer, and most of the songs I write are bluesy) she asked how I had gotten such a deep sadness in my soul, which is imparted so heart-renchedly in my music? And I told her that when you've had a life where you've screwed up and been low and decrepit, then, maybe the blues is a way to get something from it..... to help others.... to have them hear you sing of the deepest darkest things that noone ever wants to talk about, to realize- shit- I'm not the ONLY one whose felt this..... done that..... thought that..... it connects us as human beings. It helps to dissolve separations and judgments. And, the pain was now, not for nothing.
There are some things, though, still, experiences, that I still wanted to erase for a long time, especially the times I was addicted to alcohol, and the places I went while under it's influence. Yet, how eventually even THAT changed, and I realized the compassion that became a part of me, the HUMILITY, through all that..... I wouldn't change it. It's severity CARVED compassion into my consciousness.

And then, I went on, to say that I don't recommend that path to anyone, or wish it on them. Hopefully, compassion IS growing, and will continue to grow, in all humans, without them having to be "forged in the hottest flame".

I hope so. I think we're dangerously low on the compassion scale right now, taken as a whole and averaged. Yet, I can only keep my own house clean. The hundredth monkey theory be right, perhaps when a certain number of humans become basically compassionate (totally seems too lofty a goal, but, who knows? Buddha, Jesus and such thought it was possible) there will be a spontaneous change in entire humanity at that exact second. Wow that would make a great story, wouldn't it? Would it happen at a special time? Dramatic (5 minutes before the superpowers press the red buttons) spiritually (at an apparition of Mother Mary) commonplace ( on a non-descript April afternoon?)

An hour from now?

Hummmmmmm.............maybe..........
Boy, I'd like that. Cause I wouldn't be one of the hundred monkeys. I'm pretty compassionate and hang loose and loving now but I still have
A ways to go.
 

Scratching my underarms (and head), making funny primal/laughing simian sounds, I am, yours.
 

                            3SE's      v

April 4th
   REFLECTIONS, OH FOOL PISH JUAN, SETTIN ON A PINEAPPLE STAKE!

Priorities..............

If the precept "There Are No Mistakes In The Universe" is a truth, sometimes it seems that way, much more than others.

On April Fool's day, the morning after the waited for blue moon, I was barely awake. I had been up till 11, 11:30 studying for the big Geography test, yet wasn't too worried cause I LOVE "Russian" history a little more than most, since one of the novels I'm writing is "Merlin And Anastasia, A Love Story" (The others are: The Day The Rainbows Came, Return Of The Father, and The Journey Home, a trilogy set in Hawaii, and a Science Fiction version of the history of the world where I basically am rewriting the bible and other holy books and myths as if the tribes and factions are all competing alien races) (Jehovah, high commander?) (General Zeus?) and I also had studied during Spring break.

But two of my three kids had nightmares all night long. I got 18-20 minutes of sleep.

My car had been broken for a while---- and troubleshooting electrical systems is chancy guesswork without an oscilloscope.... so the battery, the wiring, the battery connections (condensation?) and starter, one after another, were fiddled with.... and finally it started up.

That was the night before. I thought I'd go to the beach on the way to school and watch the ocean and center/ pray/ mellow lee start the day............

And, boy that's good cause if I hadn't left early I would have been screwed. It didn't start, and Geography is the first class of the day!

So I hitched, meeting a string of interesting folks of course, from the country to the city.

When I took the test, well, at least I showed up..........
a few times I found myself in the SERIOUSLY DRIFTED zone
And I'd snap back and do the best I could. Mom says Buddha said to do the best you can. Well, Buddha, I did. Even though I think I said that the situation with the Armenian refugees right now is a good example of.....
Armenian?
Jeez.

I almost started crying when, is astronomy, the lights were dimmed and a wall sized image of the nighttime sky full of stars was displayed. NO! Night-night time is stalking me! Oh please don't show the nighttime sky!

So in the next class, yes, BELOVED PROFESSOR TAN'S CLASS- my favorite- I fell asleep twice!

One of my girlfriends asked if I was okay, after class.

I accepted her ride home, even though I wanted to do improv with Craig and the gang, and knew I'd be in deep shit trouble if I didn't show up at computer class, where a big assignment was due.

And if I hadn't gone home, one friend would have died, another would have not been able to get my listening ear and support right before she left the island suddenly because of a family emergency, my son would have been stuck, freaking out, at the youth center, and my children may have been put in foster care. And more.

Her husband was at the wheel when I got in the car. He was flying to Oahu to be support for a friend going into surgery. We spoke about accupressure, and he had mentioned his experience with it, and how he probably hadn't benefited much from it cause he was a drug addict then.
And that, it was his one year sobriety birthday.

Having just officially become a council member, I had two leis on. I was able to give him one, a long beautiful ti-leaf lei I had braided. One year sobriety birthdays are big-ass deals. Everyone should be honored who makes it. From personal experience, I will tell you, the first year is very tough to make it through. Yes, brother, congratulations, from a sister who's been there. Malama Pono!

On Tuesday my computer teacher had graciously let me out early so, even hitching, I could make it home on time. I got a ride right away, by some culinary students that had to make "a quick stop at Safeway" . Right.

Good. I needed milk.

I didn't get home till 5:20. The girls get back at around 5:05. They were scared and crying.

On thursday, there was a big rain and windstorm at 5, when they walk home. If I hadn't been home, and A-plus had called and gotten no answer, when making sure the girls got home okay, they would have sent the Children's Protective service up and taken the children.

So I talked my friend out of suicide, comforted my sister and told her not to worry, as soon as she needed to get back, we would have her on the next plane, even if we had to sell stuff to raise the money. I comforted my son, and told him that it's normal to be worried all day when you've had nightmares all night. I warmed up the house and had dinner ready when they came home.

So, this is the deal. I LOVE college. But it is selfish to go now. Because my children need me. So I am home schooling myself, and as it turns out, the two girls, next year. The boy still wants to go to public school, so I'll respect that, even though dealing with the mean spirited attitudes of school echelons is very difficult work for me. It's HIS life, so I'll deal.

The first promise I made was to these children. I entered this contract thinking I'd have my husband with me the whole time. But it didn't work out that way, and they need me. There's not the "village" type support that could allow me to attend on campus now (not even one person in computer class offered a ride or temporary car-pool) (or to drive me to Herman's to get another battery, since hitching with a battery full of acid is not prudent) (even though I have KOKUA'ed them often)..........

Man, I'm SO GLAD when I go with the flow and listen to my inner voice and thereby avoid disasters, and subsequent kicking myself in the ass and..............

not making life-changing decisions that are clear and righteous.

Till tomorrow, sweet loves,
 
                                      3SE's  :)

APRIL 5th REFLECTIONS (though actually written at 11:11 AM today, now----tee hee----the 6th)

Life is funny haha she said not REALLY meaning funny...........

Actually, what is really quite funny, in an ironic way, is how society has been programmed to say such things routinely. Must not be a "downer". Keep a "brave face". When someone asks how you're feeling, they usually expect you to say: "fine". Usually prefer if you do, actually. How many times have you heard, or said "It's okay", and not really meant it.

Last night, one of my "friends" who had said this too many times to too many people during that day, "dumped" on me. Flipped out in the middle of a lovely conversation, out of nowhere. Gurjieff used to call it "vomiting". It's also been commonly referred to as "diarrhea of the mouth". Garbage, vomit, disgusting smelly wet feces, the comparisons fit it.

Well, I won't be doing that to anyone today. Because I did not let it continue very long. I said it was not okay. And he continued. So I hung up. And sat in bed for awhile, pondering (are you pondering what I'm pondering?)

You know, there have been times I've bemoaned having such a high IQ, that won't allow anything to be by itself, everything is immediately connected to other things, expanded into theories and philosophies, brought into comparative mental studies, but, today, I've finally come to the last chink in the wheel of full joyful acceptance of this part of "me". I'm glad I think like this.

IT IS NOT OKAY! How many times have I failed to let this out of my throat in this life..... and let people rape me, torture me, abandon me and/or their children, stay at my house way longer than I said they could........

And then, screamed at my kids, gotten drunk, hid in my house with the phone turned off and the curtains drawn and the doors locked rocking back and forth on my bed alternately screaming and crying, to no one in particular...... or all of the above during extreme circumstances. This constipation of truth, and sincere feelings..... the fear that if you stand up for yourself you'll be labeled as a bitch, or if you tell of your sadness and/or current struggles you're a "downer", it has left us as a society of people who go through periodic freak outs to shake loose all those feelings/ resentments/ woundings they've accumulated like sticks on the back of a camel till.....

The back breaks. The colon gets too full to hold another ounce. And the shit comes out. Sometimes, people even "go postal". "But he was such a quiet guy......."

Just for today, I wish to say when things are not okay for me, and, if people stop loving me for that, and least the one person who's always with me will love me more for it. The one who was there at the moment of my birth, each minute of my life, and who will be there at the moment I die.

And she is proud of herself, even if a little sad at the loss of a friend, since, I hope you know, each friend we are allowed to connect with in life is a Precious Gift, worth more per ounce than gold or Maui Wowee.........

Off to snuggle with my youngest child, one of my precious friends, who's home sick (why I didn't get this done till now, she's been coughing since they sent her home yesterday, through the night, till just about an hour ago) and maybe catch a LITTLE sleep.

Till laytuh tonight, loves,
                       Your bitch-camel, non-laden,
 
                                                   3SE's  C

APRIL 6th          REFLECTIONS............

On being too well loved..................

And, of course, loving well (everything is a reflection, mi love).

Maybe this home schooling thing is a way I make sure that love and/or life adventures are given first priority. Other (work) is scheduled between those rare and beautiful times, rather than THE OTHER WAY AROUND. Do you have big black blocks in your appointment book where you make it not possible to schedule anything during that time? Can it just be loose then?

Yesterday, a new friend came by, and we hung together all day. Sang, he played guitar and shared some songs. Told me stories and tales in a way that I knew he'd been thirsty for someone who he could let the stories tell themselves to freely. I didn't "know" him, or the people he spoke about, and was obviously (RECEPTIVE) interested/ listening----- the spirits of stories like that quite a lot------- before we knew it the children were home and the color of the sky was starting to deepen. So..............

We took off on an adventure.

He likes to just jump into whatever vehicle he has around at the time, and just start to drive. Now that he's older, and more independent, he does this quite often. And he got the urge and wanted to take us along.

It was 6 PM. On a school night. The kids are usually in bed by 7, 730P. I had a bunch of work to do for school- that I actually "should" have been doing all (man, we did a great duo/jam of the Beatles song "because you're sweet and lovely..... I love you!) day---- and so I said

Yes. Let's do it. By getting dressed and stuffing my keys visibly into my pocket and seating myself in obvious waiting position. I'm talking less lately. It's not from some ego attitude of "seeming cool, wise, and/or mysterious/enigmatic", it's more like my body and expressions are speaking for me, and an interesting effect of this shift is that the percentages of times my throat is vibrating with song OR speaking are really changing. Guess I'll have to make a graph for that one. Or not.

The children kept wanting to know where we were going, and also to choreograph /script at least part of it. We HAVE been without wheels for awhile. "Will you stop at a store so I can (spend some of this money that's burning a hole in my pocket) (get some sweets that mom doesn't really want in the house while we're in a position where she's less likely to argue) "can we go to an ice-cream pallor", I want to go to my girlfriend's house" so I said: "NAH". Let someone else write the script for a change, let yourself be the players for a change.........put the directors chair in the storage (junk) room for A COUPLE OF HOURS OF YOUR LIFE.

Hey- this was not easy! For I had been out of tobacco for two days, and had actually planned to take a break from some extra research and writing I was to do for BELOVED PROFESSOR TAN on the connection between Raising Windhorse and the concept of Charisma, and walk up to the store and get a pouch, yet I was busy singing and laughing and listening to some GREAT stories all day, soooooo..........

And John would have gladly stopped for a minute at any little mom -n- pop soz I could run in and get some yet.........

Sometimes, I must surrender. MUST. It's a good exercise for the soul. And surrender is, by it's very nature, either complete, or not.

Boy, the setting sun looks SO beautiful slanting through the branches of Upland Kula Eucalyptus. Breathe it in deep. Everything else is in-between. THIS is now.

Laytuh, sweet life-enjoyers, yes, ride with me, this is it, this is ours!

                       |||  3SE's  |||

APRIL 7th REFLECTIONS

It has been said many times, that we are both alone and at one with all.

Sometimes this concept doesn't sit well with me. Sometimes I lay on my bed, and hug myself, touch my own cheek. Cry. Human touch. And support. You are, we all are, ultimately, alone.

But I DON'T WANT TO BE!

I have nothing else to say right now. But, I DO want to share this quote from "Chicken Soup For The Soul" (I think, the woman's version, gee- this has become a growing force, like the blob..... or maybe a franchise!) that I put in my Moon Project for Astronomy, Above the tide chart and graph. Man, it turned out beautiful! I'll be posting it as it's own page this weekend, and I'll cut the raw data out of the Blue Moon pages and merge them, it'll all be on one page. Haven't gotten it to school yet, and since (YOU ARE ALONE!) all 3 of the plans I set up to get a battery suffered on-their-ends punk outs today, it looks like I'm hitching to school tomorrow. I have a bubble jet printer, and they're predicting rain. I won't be able to bring it in if it rains. The ink will leave pretty designs on the road, my hands, clothes, and, ultimately, the desk of teach---- doesn't sound practical. Well, I did it, it's beautiful, if I lose points on my grade because I'm in service to everyone yet not getting much if any back at this time..... well..... what it is! I'm just gonna keep throwing the starfish into the sea. There's no other way for me anymore.

In Love,                3SE's  :)

A friend of ours was walking down a deserted Mexican beach at sunset.  As he walked along, he began to see another man in the distance.  As he grew nearer, he noticed that the local native kept leaning down, picking something up, and throwing it out into the water.  Time and again he kept hurling things out into the ocean.

As our friend approached even closer, he noticed that the man was picking up starfish that had been washed up on the beach, and one at a time, he was throwing them back into the water.

Our friend was puzzled.  He approached the man and said, "Good evening, friend.  I was wondering what you are doing."

"I'm throwing these starfish back into the ocean.  You see, it's low tide right now and all of these starfish have been washed up onto the shore.  If I don't throw them back into the sea, they'll die up here from lack of oxygen."

"I understand," our friend replied, "but there must be thousands of starfish on this beach.  You can't possibly get to all of them.  There are simply too many.  And don't you realize it is probably happening on hundreds of beaches all up and down the coast.  Can't you see that you can't possibly make a difference?"

The local native smiled, bent down, and picked up yet another starfish, and as he threw it back into the sea, he replied, "Made a difference to that one!"

April 8th, Reflections ...................................

If ever a river flowed knee deep
It does for me now.
I lived for a moment, linked with your eyes, mine, across a chasm,
Two planetesimals, waiting for accretion.....
 

April 9th REFLECTIONS

Sometimes, don't you ever wish, you knew some selfish magic, so you could spell your dream to you?

Then, you wonder---- teh. Well, which one?

Or not. Maybe sometimes it's easy, but so ridiculous when the answer comes, you'd laugh if you weren't crying.

How long have I longed for this which my heart has just realized? In front of me for a while, it's been, yet, so exceedingly beautiful....... so powerfully..... how could I hope.... how could I wish....... if there WAS a spell and it had to be spoken, it would be useless anyway, cause, when face to face with that Beauty, you lose your voice, you can hardly even look that way, the feelings are so intense. You avoid sleep because you know fulfillment will keep enacting itself over and over there, in various forms, now that you know

Not much. Unreachable...... or........ does the lodestone also yearn for the magnet?

Anon, moonbeam riding partners! Malama Pono, and a hui ho!

REFLECTIONS!          April 11th:

"Skipped a day". Hi again. No excuses. Too busy living.

Used to be a time when "skipped a day" was a cause for panic in many a woman's heart. Used to be a time, for me, for many, it was a cause for hope and joyful expectation.

I had a dream when I was younger, first starting off as a mother. I wanted to live in a big community, where we grew organic food, ran around naked without shame, sang by campfires, had celebrations all the time for any and every excuse.......

Made art and love and babies and good vibes and joy and freedom and..........

Now my next Grandchild is to be born, 6,000 miles away from me. And I think..... god, if I could just get a piece of land! Bring everyone here ( "I want to take you all to Jupiter, lay you down, and make love to you!"--Roberto) from the four corners, have the clan all together in one place!

And put it in someone else's name. I don't feel comfortable "owning" land. Maybe put it in the kids name. I'll caretake for a while, would love to have a place to land and replenish ocassionally, between

Voyages because now my dream is to travel, actually, by water, to waunder and learn and live so

Maybe the kids can keep a little yurt or something somewhere away from the main road for Gramma to come to every so often and rest (play)
While the
Dusty rays
Slant into
Life. Not fading. Not folding. Not olding.
Golding.
 
 

Till tommarrow (probubly)               3SE's  Z

Hey--- made it to tomorrow again!
                        -or-
REFLECTIONS:        April 12 th:

Wow. "Hungry like the Wolf" by Duran-Duran just played. Now THAT would be a great one to cover (On the CD I'm puttin together, a subsequent one....... or....... better........ on stage). This would be a situation where lots of voices would be good, cause there'd have to be some overlapping of the wolf-cries of course. Yeah, I could edit it like that and "call to myself across the lonely heightened woods" as it were.... but..... man would this be lonely OR WHAT? I'd have to call it "lone wolf" and arrange it into a montage. Maybe add The Wolf Clan Song of the Senaca's we used to sing at Sun Bear's Medicine Wheel gatherings.

Yey yey yey yey yey yey yey yey
yey woah woah woah woah woah woah woah
woah yey yey yey yey yey yey yey yey (etc, repeat)

Man, I miss The Bear.

My favorite memory of Sun Bear and I, and we've had some powerful scenes together that one would think would hold this place of honor, but it has to be us walking down a path together at camp Universe in Ocala Florida, at the first Gathering I was a teacher at, eating pizza and laughing, telling dirty jokes and ribbing each other, while I balanced one of my babies on my hip and my big girl was tagging next to him, looking up with adoration and amusement mixed in her eyes.

Sometimes, it's the simple, and not necessarily overwhelmingly dramatic, events, that come back, when someone you love, is gone.

Love. Now. There may not be all the time in the world like you think there is.
 

Till the next time.........yours.        3SE's  :)

On silvery eyes, sexual arousal, and milk kisses............

APRIL 13 TH         REFLECTIONS:
 

Milk kisses? Gee, I had not planned to type that when I originally began that sentence!. Ummmmm...... milk kisses. Ummmmmmm.

Well, unless you're lactose or kiss intolerant. Guess there's exceptions to every rule. Yet most of the world's individuals fight against that. Guess the perception is that a world, school, family, sexual relationship, homeless shelter, church(!) add infinitum, without clearly defined unbreakable rules would fall apart.

Systems like this, by their very nature, are necessarily completely devoid of compassion. No exceptions means there would, if ALL it's components were broken up into subsets, be not one of those subsets with REAL compassion in it. Pure grade. Then again, it could be argued successfully that I'm full of bullshit in this regard, because of what's happened with some words. By some people's definition of compassion, it could show up there. But MY definition, at this current moment in time, would not. Semantics blurs communication sometimes. Maybe that's part of the reason I like sex so much. Touch is a very pure way to communicate.

Yeah, thought I'd get back to that....... but didn't suspect I'd leap right from an intellectual running- at- the- mouth (fingers?) (typing?) about "laws", compassion, and language right into my interesting "handicap" and the feisty fun it's gotten me into, but......

When I get sexually aroused, my eyes, which are kinda light blue- gray normally, turn SILVER.

This is what I've been told. I have not yet found a lover who I've felt wouldn't think I was mistrusting his word instead of just scientifically curious like I am, you know, if I..... like.... asked him to hold a little mirror up for me when he sees them start to change..... so that I could observe what must be the most trippy part of the process, when the little pixels of silver start sparkling intermittently then start bouncing around and multiplying and.... I don't know (I haven't seen it!) but, I guess, spreading. Whew. When they change back would probably be more smooth, less dramatic. Like a landing as opposed to a take-off in a plane. Oh god, I just LOVE take-offs. Most people try to get really drunk to avoid feeling so much anxiety about it, man, I wish I could give everyone of those folks even a tiny SPECK of the pleasure I feel during that:

run, especially if bumpy, tentative lift, up, up, up, thrust comeon, it's like shifting from 2nd to drive.... get up there, get up there, up up up,

YES!

Well, not sure if I would be able to do the mirror experiment, actually, now that I think of it, if I had a lover who I could easily ask this of. Because, I'd prob'lee be in a constant state of sexual arousal.

Till next time, mi' loves,
                       Silvery Moving Pulsing Shimmering Moonlight!  :)

AP: Astronomers using the Hubble Space Telescope have peered 13 billion years back into time, almost to the dawn of creation, to find the oldest, most distant object ever detected: a galaxy fizzing with new stars.

The galaxy lies near the edge of the universe, 13 billion light-years from Earth, where its presence was detected by its faint ultraviolet light, which is invisible to conventional telescopes.

Paradoxically, the oldest known galaxy, dubbed "Sharon" after the sister of one of its discoverers, appears young to us.

That's because the deeper astronomers look into space, the further back in time they are looking. It takes so long for light traveling through space to reach Earth that astronomers scanning the edges of the universe are seeing objects as they were billions of years ago.

By some estimates, we are seeing the galaxy as it existed 1 billion years after the Big Bang, the colossal explosion believed to have created the universe.

The discovery by researchers at the State University of New York at Stony Brook was reported in Thursday's issue of the journal Nature.

It marks the third time in the past year that astronomers have found what were thought to be the most distant objects yet.

Other astronomers said the finding can help them determine when galaxies formed and developed, and learn more about the origins of the chemical elements that make life possible.

"Finding the most distant galaxies is akin to finding the oldest fossils on Earth," said Patrick McCarthy of the Carnegie Institution Observatories in Pasadena, Calif. "They give you a handle on the timing and processes by which the first recognizable galaxies coalesced from the primordial sea of light elements."

Galaxies appear to come in two basic designs: disc shaped spiral galaxies like the Milky Way, and more massive, elliptical galaxies. But the SUNY researchers said their target is much too far away even for the Hubble to see clearly, so they can't say what type it might be.

"It's really not interesting to look at," said Kenneth Lanzetta, co-author of the Nature study. "There is no detail to be seen."

In fact, the new galaxy is so faint that some astronomers said they might have to wait until better instruments are developed to learn something from it. Richard Green of the Kitt Peak National Observatory in Tucson, Ariz., said the discovery is "at the limit of our grasp."

Until recently, records for the most distant objects in space stood for years. But sensitive detectors on the Hubble and large ground-based telescopes are capturing the faintest light from the most distant neighborhoods of the cosmos, and the record books are being rewritten every few months.

By Joseph B. Verrengia
Copyright 1999

hUMMMM.....
Living backwards in time?
The Mythic Merlin, ever once again, comes to mind. With Astronomers. In person and over the AP. Go figguh. Hummmm. Curiouser and curiouser...... if you only knew how much...... yet guess some things have fun remaining enigmas.....
hey- speaking of "Enigma"- there is a group of musicians (actually- I think there's 3- can that be called a group?) (well, it could here and now cause it's MY HOME PAGE as I can DO AS I PLEASE) ( yeah, like I need an excuse for that..... I do it all the time) but ANYWAY- their music is some of my favorite I've ever heard. It gives me a inside electromagnetic hot-spirit feeling- well- much like the ragas, especially when Yahudhi and Ravi would play together. Sigh.

Life is very much like a constant acid-trip lately. There is such an intensity in my feelings of love, too, that it's ALMOST too much.

Gonna go now- test on Egypt and India tomorrow- gonna print up a fresh copy of my moon project- in HIGH color- might as well, since I got the extra time and wheels to office max and lil' ink bottles to squirt three colors into the computer-chiped cartridge that knows just the right way to blend just those three basics to make all the colors.........

Man, I'd like to be that way............

Oh, and before those things, after uploading this page.... I think I'll go to a Hubble site and check out the edge of the Universe.
 
 
 

                                                3SE's  [

( PPS that sign-off graphic is dedicated to BELOVED PROFESSOR TAN :)  )

APRIL 15th OH WHAT A DAY!

It's too big a feeling to end a page with, it must begin something! And it's the new moon! AN tax day in America! A new page is in order- with a tax kinda theme. I'll make one now------- Reflections, part four- TaxingDermyDooDahDaze.html?

Shit, she's crazy!

Okay, then...... link on main page lunatics!

Reflections, ides of April, USA deadline for taxation with dubious representation, till the full moon..... when....well, cross that moonbeam when we come to it.......

just for today.......
 

REFLECTIONS APRIL 15TH:

Today I was given two major tasks. I knew full and new moons would be more intensely and obviously pivotal, you know, being on the council and all, but this is even blowing old jaded me

away.

My Geography teacher charged me, in front of the whole class, very seriously, in one of those moments in time that are imbued with a considerable amount of what feels suspiciously like magic, to design a computer- sensored energy collecting cable type alternative to damming for hydroelectric power. What I didn't know about the effects of damming on ecosystems and whole peoples was immense. Hum.

Magic. The second request was from someone I love so deeply, I can hardly even explain in words how much. He told me that if I could come to him next Autumn, when he returns from his Journeys, and move and/or levitate something in his room for him, he would follow me. He would worship me. AND He would know that all the magical things he has wanted to believe in since he was a child were---- are ---- true.

I said yes to both of their requests.  I spoke though , morally but my feelings are nagging me with ("perhaps too hastily, dear one"------- ) that I did not want deifying ....... but to have him follow me? Sit at my feet........ very tempting. Some things you have to say just to get them totally out in the open, for every millisecond you'd hold them in, they's go into fast enriched fusion mode. It was okay to say. He knows anyway.

What I DIDN'T say, was that I could do what he wants now. Not specifically, to move something (I work with Chi, so I'll use that, just deepen the throwing work I do already to use the energy lines like a lubricated chute)- because I cannot speak anything untrue, I could honestly say that- but I could show him some other kind, even more impressive,"magic" in a second that would

Change everything. So, I'll wait for Autumn. Then, I'll move something for him. I'll show him how he can do it too. And a little boy will be happy. Oh, boy.

And this summer, too, while playing with designs for a debris removal module for John, and my sailing hi tech pod design, I'll work on the "dam thing" for Dick. That sounds like a little Richard lyric, huh? This whole thing sounds like a movie, doesn't it? Man, what a life.

Is it a Tibetan saying? "May you live in interesting times"

?

There is a new Chess Master on the planet. This man has worked towards being a chess master since he was a small boy. This New Master is..... my father, Robert Hans Jessen. Right on, my beloved Father! RIGHT ON! This is the biggest thing that's ever happened to him. This is his life's dream, since he was a boy------ oh---------

May the sweet dreams of little boys be nourished to come true someday, becoming one of the Chess Masters, solving the planet's problems, refinding (magic) their birthrights............

And may they find love........ yes.......... L-O-V-E !

That's my prayer tonight.

I've been playing with this netscape composer program for 2 moons now. It's amazing to think I knew absolutely zero about home page design, and, unable to sleep one New Moon Night (I get what other people get on the full moon, on the new moon. OOOO. And, FEISTY? OH yes!) and typed in "free home pages" in a search engine, found Angelfire, (thank you, Angelfire, for providing this free forum) and started this home page. Geez, da crazy ideauhs ya git at 2 AM's! Sure I played with it a little when I'd send e-mail to people with high end computers, playing a little with fonts and colors, sometimes pasting a picture right in the body of the message instead of sending it as an attachment, but now that I've been doing this home page, and with some of my computer graphics course work, and then.... the moon project for Astronomy :)..... There's still so much to learn, but I'm starting to get my sea legs. And starting to find my favorite fonts. Funny enough, this one, futura casual, is quickly becoming my favorite.

Here's another futura casual, bold this time ( bold like me....... occasionally......)

Anyways, I'm sittin here, half the morning is- woah- no- almost the entire morning- is gone. Almost noon.

Doin this in increments today (17th) cause there is SO MUCH to share with you, especially about the theatre-date I took myself out to last night, the drama of cat- cockroach- and David, the tiny spider of victory....... and alchemy..... and......

I'm goin to a movie with a friend at some point today, and prob'lee gettin a massage from a polarity person at some point this evening, but besides those two possibilities, I'll be home all day, with noone but me in the house, in filmy clothes with the heat on and a warm blanket over me, making beautiful artwork on the computer, and keeping this up in composer, writing periodically when the spirit moves me, then immediately loading the updated version, till midnight tonight. This could be a whole BUNCH of good fun!

Oh, man, I FEEL GOOD!
 

Part Two:

Hi again. Oh, lets make this a different color why don't we?

Scuse a sec- more coffee- sweat some more before my Danish Messuse arrives - soon- I don't think I've treated myself to a massage for ALMOST TWELVE YEARS! Whew.

Heat on, windows closed, Two really hot LONG showers, hot full pot of steamy coffee perked, doin a makeshift pre massage sauna :)

In the years I've lived in various places, I've designed, in my head, what kind of house I'd live in. Everything that bugged me about a house would inspire me (If I ever build a house.... the door WILL NOT swing INTO the bathroom)

And, in all of the designs, have been saunas. When I used to train at a heath club (I was on an ocean canoe racing team then) I think I spent the minimal time on the machines, then, would take a REALLY long hot shower (have you caught on yet that I love really long hot showers?) and go into the sauna...... oh, god! HEAVEN EXISTS ON EARTH! In the club, part of an international chain in a resort section of the island, with many timeshares and condominiums...... so there were many people who came to "live" here for a month each year, from around the world. So, over the two years I worked out, I got to see repeat friends, and form some good bonds.

You know, I feel really strongly moved to butt into this story and say publicly that I love "the tourists" who come to this island. I realize that this is a very unpopular position among my fellow Mauians, and especially The King, and that I may be killed by a bomb planted in my car or a feather shot from the hand of a half-god for this (so if there's no entry tomorrow you'll know why) but- I have promised to you to say my heart uncensored and to show you everything- so-------

I laugh when they make ("stupid fuckin tourists!") funny and ridiculous traffic motions, and, not only that, I stop and wave them ahead as often as possible when traffic is bad, and give them a shaka and a big smile (yes, it's easy to spot rental cars). I pick up all hitchhikers in my station wagon, "Silver Star", also affectionately known among many as "The Love Bus" (a name bigger than it is- like me, hum........), they are often the camping and/or staying in hostels tourists. There's always food and drink, and as their physical thirst and hunger are satisfied by nutritious pu-pu's in the back seat, they nourish ME with their language, stories, tales of the rest of the world. Sigh.

When the tourists are biking down from the summit of our beautiful mountain, Haleakala, ("SHEET, man! I haff teh get tuh WORK already, wish they'd get those damn stupid looking tourists off the road on their silly stupid little bicycles") I give them all Shakas and smiles. I have been alone with almost no possessions for two days on a vision quest on the top of that mountain, and, yes, here on Maui, beautiful sunny Maui, is sleet, hard cold sideways rain, even snow sometimes. And these guys start at dawn, and bike ALL THE WAY DOWN.... well..... they DESERVE an enormous shaka. And I don't mind slowing down. I always leave early for everything, in case talking story or side adventures should present themselves..... and it also helps git me where I'm going on time when traffic things slow down The Love Bus. Yeah.

So, in the Sauna I got to know a whole bunch of really cool woman from around the world...... and they also, often, would bring essential oils and/or herb waters from their culture, and, after asking permission of course, we had an unspoken Code Of Excellent Connection in that Sauna room, us naked woman sweating and sitting in the dark, getting into deeper and deeper consciousness individually at the same time........., they would douse the rocks, and we would be softly enveloped in the sweet steam :)

Man, I miss that. Yep, would put a sauna in one of my caves, or make a sweat lodge type in another cave on the property. Cause, did I mention this? I don't want to build a house, actually, anymore.

I really dig caves.
 
 
 

MORE LATER!
 

Hi it's later
part 3
Miss me?

This is the italic version of futura casual. Still- beautiful. Hum. Nice subtle curves love.

I touched the soil, aware that,
it was the very skin of Her
The great good goddess was soft under my fingers
Envy was not a rainbow. It was a band on the spectrum.

Till laytuh..........

UPDATE!

Going to be picked up and driven to Matrix and generally be treated like a Queen for a few hours!

See ya laytuh...... tell ya how it was? More? Watching conciousness slap the northern cliffs, intense waves?

Life..................
 

It's 1:41 AM on Sunday, so I'll tell you about "One Flew Over The Cookoos Nest" at the Iao theater, Matrix at Kaahumanu Mall, "Adult" cookies, and how tiny fragile spiders can sometimes down an enormous cockroach. They possess and share freely numbing fluid. Like compassionate Morphine for Terminals.....

More (tomorrow?) (to!) night--------- the Queen is to bed

Sigh. Another beautiful day of living. S-I-G-H !

REFLECTIONS     APRIL 18th:

Waking up alone is especially hard when the house is free of children.

Long breakfasts in bed. Ummmmmm.

Memories.

Some of my best memories are of hours of eating and sex, in bed at home, watching TV. The other ones involve trees, but maybe I oughtta hold those memories a while. Sigh.

During a period of my first marriage, we had a Saturday night ritual. We'd get lots of Chinese food, crawl into bed, eat, have lots of good sex, eat some more watching whatever till Saturday Night Live came on (this was back when Balluchi was alive and was on, and Bill, and Danny, and Gilda...... so many gone) and we'd fool around during the commercials.

There's one special Love that always comes to mind when I see "Bible Movies". Our Love Affair started right before the good Friday- Easter holidays, and we spent many days drinking champagne and committing carnal acts with Moses, Jesus, King David, and various Mary's on screen as background noise. Shit. No channel surfing during "holy seasons" for THIS wahine if she wants to keep a straight face!

Seasons of our lives.

Man, the moon is VERY sexy tonight, with two planets nearby acting like pretty dimples on the cheek of the sky, and she is, in soft thumb-nailed beauty, the soft and subtle smile.

Got to see her last night, drivin around with the Singing Paniolo in his really big pickup. We went to the 7:10 show of Matrix, and it was totally sold out, like

So the Queen was taken to a ridge with a beautiful view, past his friend Keali'i Reichel's house, where Keali'i, just home from Merrie Monarch, was on the computer (will he dream of Your Sovereign Queenship tonight? my escort wonders as we drive on)

Then we went to the Coffee Store in Kihei, had a great coffee chat while munching lots of the "adult cookies" his brother had baked only an hour before, got a salad at Star Market, drove to the beach, star gazed and ate salad while listening to Jeff Beck's new stuff, John used to play with him, god, some of the pieces! Woah, Jeff, you're going some GREAT places! and made it back only 5 minutes into the 10:10 showing., Not bad.

Well, the movie wasn't either, but it was poorly organized. There was one character that only showed up once (the oracle) (boy, did she remind me of me or what, right down to the children's pictures on the fridge  with magnets) that really should have had  some closure. The love story was weak till the very end. Yet the timing of the theme was interesting.

MOLECULES ARE OBEDIENT TO CONSCIOUSNESS

That's the best summery I can come to. Many people are looking to technology, in Matrix, implants, in Genetics, same, one for infinite intelligence, any program can be directly downloaded into your brain, and one for infinite life, the Methuselah complexes abound. Yet, everything, all that knowledge, is already IN you. I prefer to re-member, to train to secrete, brain chemicals, endorphins, immune system building substances.......... humans seem to always have the urge to take it in from the outside.... smart drugs and other pills, implants of chips, injections of preferable genes and/or various cocktails of hopeful liquids.

Yet, if you regularly stimulate your own body and brain to do these very things, then, you always have all your tools with you, and do not have to be a slave, cut off and in Crises at the whims of companies, governments, or natural catastrophes.

"One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest", as performed by The Maui Community Theater, is INCREDIBLE! It's playing for another weekend, if you have the means and/or freedom to just jet off when you feel like it, come and see it. Carmen is an incredible director. Wow. I saw her touches all through it, and she wrote a great summery/intro to the play itself in the Playbill. I don't want to blow it for you if you haven't seen it yet, will elaborate when the run is over.

Oh god, I want to be kissed so much lately! Ouch. (Indiana Jones, when pointing to his owwy, points to his lips with a cute expression on his face)

What else did I promise I'd tell you about---- oh yeah----- David and Goliath (oh no, Bible stories, now I'm getting aroused by forbidden memories) drama that occurred in my living room and bathroom.

Friday night, Sara Quinn The Medicine Cat, immortalized as Diana in the story "Spanish Gravy" (in WRITINGS, links section, main page), found one of those big racing-cokaroaches, and played and pounced and stalked for hours, till kitty social time commenced outside, and she commenced to join the felined Bacchanalian festivities.

Yesterday morning, when I went to take my on- the-way-to-the-coffee-pot-piss, I kicked something with my foot as I sat down, and it slid in a smooth diagonal line into the corner.

It was the cockroach, still alive, yet movin pretty slow. It started to lumber out of the corner

And a tiny, barely visible, thin legged gray spider, with a web about 6 inches up from the floor, of about 1 inch square

Spit a tiny wispy thread at the tank (aka cockroach) hitting it squarely on one of it's legs

Flipped it over, slid down the thread, injected something from it's little body into the now soft exposed underside of the roach and

Did what Sarah Quinn couldn't do in hours of exertion last night, with many times the mass of her prey, in seconds. There would be no more racing for this cockroach. It was not even going to lumber again.

I'm gonna leave the prize there. That little spider deserves it. I wonder if it'll call all it's Ohana from various corners and crevices of my house to join in the feast? Hawaiian style, come- family! Lu'au time!

Member me talking about my Silver-eyes thing? (FoolAndWadingPool) Well, I finally (with a little help from my friend, thank you again, Tom Dear!) got the digital camera working..... so.....

Yep. You guessed. I'm gonna take a little break from my adobe work tonight (changing backgrounds to animate a day to night sequence) to sexually arouse myself while taking photos of my eyes.

Gee, maybe I should get REALLY crazy (yeah, I hear you thinking out loud) (I know I am The Fool, and happy of it) and plug in the headphones and run that BRAIN WAVE GENERATOR PROGRAM (inside joke for those who've been following this diary)

Or watch a bible flick

Or just close my eyes (briefly of course, the point is to get THE SHOT) and visualize the wet kiss I long for

Will he feel it?

REFLECTIONS      APRIL 19, 1999

Burning for you, selfless love is over-
I want all of you, sweating.
I want you to SCREAM my name and grab me
Like you'd die if you didn't
Touch my flesh
Like you'd lay bleeding
Without my balm.

3singingeagles  [

April 20th     REFLECTIONS:
 

On realizing how FABULOUS you really are.........

Well, lunar tics, I got a 100% on the famed moon project that basically spawned (man, that word is potent) this stream -of -consciousness ever so loosely dubbed a diary! WAY TOO GOOD!

He looked at me with sparkles in his eyes
My head swam- it must be too early in the morning
To have the sun so bright in my eyes like that!

AND, didn't tell ya, but you know that test in Geography "I" (handwriting looked like mine, but) did on 20 mins of sleep a coupla weeks ago---- got one point below an A, AND he gave me four points extra credit for the essays outline (well!) so I got an A- how I have ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE,  and , the essay I don't remember writing, I read over, and it was really good. Of the four or five questions, it was the only one I was pretty well totally unprepared for---- the worse question of whose lot I could've been handed---- but I guess it was all in there because it was wonderful- and wonderfully written.... coherently organized even.

Sometimes you say........ "how".

Tried to upload the moon project for you'all a coupla days ago, but the images are saving in a separate folder in my web shell, so I'll have to go back and link all the pics.....

So, maybe after finals are over.

Okay, maybe some crazy 2 AM when I'm pacing around, too sore for dancing, eyes too tired for intricate Adobe work or reading....... we'll see. I know you're BURNING to see the tidal differences table! Ummmmmm. The eroticism of graphs and tables!

Actually, tables.........

MMMMMMM........ more memories........

You know, think I'll upload this now in case I don't get to continue later.... there's a girlfriend of mine possibly showing up any minute now with her baby, fleeing crazy landlords scene....... and my home ain't baby proofed to say the least---- oughttuh cruise around and do a lil pick up

Man, baby in the house. It's been a while.

Later?
 

LOVE YA!     3SE's  :)
 

REFLECTIONS                    APRIL 21st 1999

Remembering Christian.......

The first "healing" I was called on to "do" on Maui, so many years ago, it's hard to remember exactly, was for a beautiful,,,, in spirit and physical form, and.....

man named Christian. We became very close for awhile. He took me to others after he "experienced my power" so I could help them. I took that "my power" crap back in those days. Now I'm clearer as to my electric-cordism. Got your radio on?

There has to be a signal emitting from a radio tower, AND a radio, turned on plugged in and tuned to the right channel

To hear the music.
 

And now, it looks like, I may have finally found the land I dreamed of- actually- on paper in this very diary, well, FoolAndWadingPond.... April 11? Somewhere around there.

And, it's the same exact place that this "medicine woman", future queen-regent of the original people of the Hawaiian Islands, the children of the night rainbow, Manahunes and Menehunes.......

Was escorted to to "do" her first healing. Christian's land.

In the times I spent with him there, and with Tom Mountain (aka Ipo) and others..... I had a special affectionate feeling towards a particular little house near a lil' gully all the way at the back of the property.

There's a "secret path" along the gully that enters at the distant road and ends at the cottage.

Rasta Billy, my friend who just came into a big inheritance and wishes to buy the land, had called a few days ago, telling me of his idea, and saying that, if he did it, I would have first choice of the houses. I told him I wanted the cottage. He said 400 per month, can stay the rest of my life, build whatever I want (I think I'm really a little slightly absent-minded but genius old man who spends all his days in his garage and yard building "crazy contraptions" that will probably change the world drastically for the better before the end of the movie) and carte blanche on the land---- plants,  pohaku..... water (wai ola!) Generating enough energy to run the whole place AND have so much extra the electric company has to buy the excess........

Life is an incredible trip, isn't it?

I will now lay back, between uploading this and filling in the map of Africa like I should of this weekend for the test in- what- 13 hours........

And fantasize of :

The brave one who will chance the path to her little hut
Well tucked
In the rainforest of
5-7-5 syllables

VERY WET.

Renagade Olga site is back..... after being bumped off the net for a coupla weeks......... BIGGUH AN MO BETTUH! Found out when I went to get the lyrics to a song I heard tonight that reminded me of someone..... something.....

WRAPPED AROUND YOUR FINGER
The Police
 
Am             G/A  Em7     Am          Em7
You consider me the young apprentice
Am                    G/A Esus    Am       Em7
Caught between the scylla and charibdes
              G/A   Em7      Am            Em7
Hynotized by you if I should linger
Am                G/A  Esus     Am         Em7
Staring at the ring around your finger
 
I have only come here seeking knowledge
Things they would not teach me of in college
I can see the destiny you sold
Turn into a shining band of gold
 
CHORUS
G                           Fmaj7
I'll be wrapped around your finger
G                           Fmaj7     Em    Dm7    Am     Em7     Am
I'll be wrapped around your finger
 
Mephistopheles is not your name
I know what you're up to just the same
I will listen hard to your tuition
You will see it come to its fruition
 
CHORUS
 
Am               Em7               Fmaj7
Devil and the deep blue sea behind me
Dm9               Em7               Fmaj7
Vanish in the air you'll never find me
Am                  Em7        Fmaj7
I will turn your face to alabaster
Dm9                      Em7             Fmaj7
Then you'll find your servant is your master
 
CHORUS
You'll be wrapped around my finger
 
G/A x00003
Esus xx2200
Dm9 xx3210
 

Woah.

REFLECTIONS                APRIL 22nd 1999:

Masks.........

I am very interested in unwrapping the masking tape completely off of my life. What and/or whom does it serve to keep all or even part wrapped up. To hide it. Is it some kind of pseudo -sexual ego rush? I donno.

I donno? OOOOOOO-k! SURE! Allllllll-righty then!

The day the moon entered me was at Camp Universe in Ocala Florida.

But the story really starts in a sweat lodge at Wylett and Mary's place in upstate New York.

My husband had given me a red pipestone pipe that Sun Bear had "blessed" (consecrated) because it had been prophesied that I was to become one of the "carriers of the sacred pipe". This was, 13 or 14 years ago, approx.

When he handed me the pipe, I heard it speak in a very clear audible discernible type voice. The pipe, yes. It said to me "Don't even THINK of touching me until you've purified yourself!"

HELLO! Yeah, I quickly wrapped it back up in it's white rabbit skin sheath and put it on one of the "alters" and

Proceeded to call the "Shamans". Us "workers of light" (a way to call it, not an official title by any means) in various forms, had kindof a circle. We'd support each other, refer people to each other when they needed someone with, maybe, a different specialty than ours. I called a sweat lodge, Wylett and Mary accepted the pouch of tobacco and request, though they already expected the request ("no letter was sent") and had already started gathering the wood.

Within a few days, we were all up at their place, in the warm (okay, almost unbearably hot) womb of the sweat lodge.

In one of the rounds, the flap (door) of the lodge opened, quite unheard of, who would enter a lodge in the middle?

Sun Bear would go!

Yep, he walked in, even though I believe he was somewhere in Europe at the time, doin' a tour/ceremony (?) at Stonehenge. Walked (crouched) around the circle, till he got to me near the "tail of the turtle", and made himself "comfortable" (not usually a word associated with real sweat lodges. They're not glorified saunas. They are VERY SERIOUS business).

The pipe was in the lodge, it had entered two rounds previous. He wanted some, so it was passed. He smoked. Most of us were nonplused by his presence, as astral projection is a pretty basic discipline among all Shamans, and humans though most don't acknowledge when it happens due to fears and/or conditioning/ anti evolutionary hypnotizing. Shamans are only special till everyone remembers. There's a joke among us that our goal is to work ourselves out of business. Real Shamanism is not about dependency and/or repeat visits. It's about enpowerment. You can swallow that or not, of course, but I am TELLING YOU THAT IT IS TRUE.

So, he asks me, what I want to do.

Oh, jeez, ask ME that??????

So, of course, I rattled off my dreams and projects in a long stream. Finishing the book "Spiritual Herbalogy" that Crossing Press had asked me to write over a year ago, getting my long running Public Access show onto PBS, two of the biggest goals, but when I was done and he said: "Give me ONE".... I said

I want to teach people how to get the benefit of herbs any time any place without even ingesting them.

So he said: "Call Singing Pipe Woman, here's her number, and tell her you are to teach this very thing at the next medicine wheel gathering where there's a space for a teacher."

He hung till nearly the end, and participated (rule of the lodge: show your feelings. Tell them ALL!. Be REAL) (Hummmmm.... that was the beginning theme of this, wasn't it. Well, that's pretty cool. Thank you Bear!).

The sacred pipe is supposed to represent the entire Universe. I called Singing Pipe Woman that weekend, and she said the next Medicine wheel where there was a spot for me was to be in Florida (gulp- I lived in Upstate New York!) at

CAMP UNIVERSE!

(insert Twilight zone .wav, in your sweet and expanding mind)

So I went. This whole story has so many levels, twists, turns, and/or guffaws..... we'll have to do it in increments (tell ya about the stir I caused showing up with my two husbands and their children in my little camper? When Sun Bear called me, a woman, into the pipe ceremony? When he and I mind merged and exchanged all our data with each other? The shock and anger of the other teachers when they found me chopping and hauling wood with the "common people"........)

But, tonight, the mask.......

Each teacher participates in the drama of the medicine wheel ceremony, by dressing up as an animal (There are twelve for the months, 4 for the main directions). Sun bear comes in first, as the sun, then the oldest female teacher comes in as Grandmother Moon, then the directional (spirit keeper) animals enter, then the 12 totem animals enter.

I was by no means the oldest female teacher, by earth-years anyway, at the gathering, and in fact, I think I was the youngest to tell you the truth but

Man, what a weekend!

He gave me the Grandmother Moon position. OH SHIT- if I hadn't already been alienated from the other teachers!

The night before the Big Ceremony, we were to write our "speech", and practice it (yes, Craig, acting and magic are VERY intertwined!) and

It was time for the ceremony, I was sitting at the gate opposite Sun Bear, waiting to enter and make the center of the wheel with him, and the Moon Mask was brought to me, SO beautiful! covered in abalone-mica, and other moon-ocean type substances.......

And I had no idea what I was going to say or do. There were nearly two thousand people from all around the world gathered around. Powerful teachers and Mystics from places I had only heard of, many in very serious lineage's, most really pissed at me and perhaps wanting me to look bad, to fuck up and somehow prove that Sun Bear must have been hypnotized into some kind of temporary confusion/insanity by my witch-magic or something.....

Well, put on the mask, woman. He put me here. There must be a reason, I think. Sun Bear doesn't make mistakes. I lifted the mask up to my face, and an apprentice tied it on, and

The next thing I remember, I was walking towards the main gate of the wheel, with Sun Bear's hand in mine, from the center of the wheel. The same apprentice met me at the gate and took me gently to a clear spot, sat me down, and carefully removed the mask. I was a little wobbly, but Sun Bear said in his incredible voice "Come to me, Three Singing Eagles!", and I rose immediately into his arms. He told me that I was to go into the circle with the Elder Men, and smoke The Sacred Pipe for the people. There were exclamations of surprise and murmurings from those in the nearby crowd. He linked his arm in mine and....... well, that's another tale, isn't it.

It is told among all witnesses, that the moon entered the wheel that day. She was tall and beautiful to some, small and fairy like to others.... to some, resembling their mothers.........

She did an erotic dance, and spoke about how she moves water, moves the tides with great power, and, humans being made of almost 100% water, "I move you, too, don't you know? I MOVE YOU!"

Till tomorrow----- Unmasked again, yours........... Three Singing Eagles Z
 

Sometimes you turn a corner and meet your idol......

REFLECTIONS      APRIL 23rd:

Per chance did you decide to take the break from your (work you wanna say but laying on your bed with your face buried in the upper part of the pillow that you're hugging wishing it was someone..... anyone..... so alone oh god is honest)
To go into the sun and walk down to the school building
They'll smile, the children, to see you, won't they (?)
And maybe, instead, they're post-school Aloha Friday feisty (borderline of Abusia Matriarchia) and
You just want to get back home so you can
(bury your head in the corner of your pillow and squeeze your legs round the opposing corner)
And you turn the corner and
Are introduced to
Your favorite artist of the craft you do and
What if they were beautiful and
What if they smiled and
What if they were brilliant and sad in a simultaneous way that openly defies most of the laws of physics
What if?

Till tomma,
            _____________

REFLECTIONS                  APRIL 24th 1999

Cause she was feeling empty?

Cause she's Bodhisattvically superior?

That's a contradiction isn't it?

The boob from the yellow submarine said it right..... "so little time, so much to know...........
 

So little time.....
To waste it not loving each other. What do we think we're here for.

Went to our local Borders today, cause my 5 year old daughter, Michaela, was to sing and do a dance with her class, accompanied by IMUA- a trio of musicians that made me laugh even though I had been, actually, crying minutes before the performance.

My momma had met us there, to see her Grandbaby do her dance, and to give me two reams of paper that had been Ranja's (I miss you, my dearly departed sister) and

A letter from my daughter on the mainland. She's in the beginning stages of labor right this sec., so my grandson, Vanyel, will soon be born...........

And in the letter were pictures of her, and Samantha, The first born daughter of the first born daughter of....... we have a long and strong Matriarchal torch of Power(s) that has not ever been extinguished and will not ever be

And I felt such incredible sorrow at not being able to hold her soft and sweet head near my nose as I love her and dance and rock soft

Scuse me a second, got something in my eye.
 

Okay.

So heavy lately.

So, it seems, those two reasons for momma coming to meet me today were two of three. The third was to complete a confirmation of my progress on a new discipline I've undertaken.

He asked me to show him a certain kind of magic. I can hardly say no to him. He says dance I say how fast. To look in his eyes is to feel irrational joy leaping in my heart. He and I have much history together, and we recognized each other when we first met and have never spoken of it because it would open everything and it's a flight with no knowledge of the destination that scares the shit out of the brave hearted with it's dizziness but it was only a matter of time before the fortresses walls began to crumble and

This morning I spoke to my mom, 1-2 hours before Michaela's dance, that I could hardly wait for her to meet him, as she will at the show I'm taking her to in a couple of weeks,

I didn't have to wait. The Queen is getting all her spoken wishes and dreams lately. May she be wise and true in this new level!

We were outside the store after the performance. We had been looking at a very clever book, it was a book of Disney Villains and stories, that was cut horizontally into three sections that you could flip independently, and the characters would change, and the story. Jafar in drag is almost attractive (warped chick!)

I suddenly turned towards the parking lot, and put my hand over my heart. It felt exactly the same as the other day at school---- and I saw him then, when I had turned......I did the same thing too, put my hand over my heart. There was a certain---- I don't know---- feeling (?) in the air. Smell, sound. like another dimension or time, and it tasted the same as the other day and

Mom asked if I was okay. I shook my head and hands to "snap out of it" and, unsteadily, said yes. We got the kids and headed towards Eagle and

There he came.
 

Mom's only comment after I introduced them and got to look in his beautiful eyes for a few seconds was.......

2 1/2 hours? A little long, huh sweetie?

Oh, mom!

Want to tell you about Corvus the cat, the hitchhiker that asked for the story of my name, and the successful answering for professor Tan of "does anyone know what serendipity means?" (I waited first to see if anyone else would answer, really I did) (God, his whole body vibrates with joy when I please him like that. Woah.) (YES!) but my babies really want my arms right now, and, even though my grandbaby's aren't here, they ARE so.....

Till tommarra'                    3SE's  :)

Would I LIE to you (do do do do do do do do )

REFLECTIONS                APRIL 25

Would I tell-you-somethin-that-just-was-not-true?
I'm askin you baby would I lieeeee------ (insert rock -n- roll scream)

I didn't mean to, but it seems I did when I told you my life was like a Disney movie. It's actually more like a cross between Excaliber, The Butcher's Wife, Clan Of The Cave Bear, Dr. Dolittle, and Spaceballs
Uh, I meant, Resurrection
Instead of The Butcher's Wife, of course.

Tee hee.

So, I picked up a hitchhiker the other day after I drove to Baldwin, "my" beach, just to go to the beach.

I didn't get gas. Go shopping at Mana. Look at the pareos on the clearance rack in front of the funky old thrift store. I decided to go to the beach and went. Just that.

This may not seem like a big deal to you, but to me it was. There's always something to do----- some errand---- what with 3 kids, a cat, a big 3 bedroom house with lots of property to care for, there's always

Toilet paper laundry soap gas for car gas for lawnmower milk juice stamps check PO box string for weedwacker batteries for portable radio cause you have a Maui Cruiser and the car radio done bus' up long time go and.....

Yeah. I went to Baldwin, alone, with aforementioned portable radio, a big blanket with pictures of at least 101 black and white pups on it, and my Tahitian oil and

Oiled myself up and laid in the sun listening to the music from mauka (radio on piece of coral by trees) and makai (waves) assault me from both sides as the sun soothed my tired body and the oil smelled like coconuts drying on a lone stretch of sand

"You are the MAGnet-----
And I AM STEEL!

Abracadabra. I wanna reach out and grab ya!

It's turning a-round in MY head! Me holdin you DOWN in my BED!

Etc.

And afterwards, drove past my house to bring the hitchhiker to twin falls, Where I treated us to Sugar-cane lime juice on the rocks (fresh squeezed), gave him all my walnuts, and let him twist up a few to help dee enjoyment of the rest of his fine day ( and to share with the two new friends he was going to meet, ones that would remain so for all the remaining years and)

Well, you know, it's the least I could've done, considering he asked me to tell the story of my name (that ALONE would be enough to warrant extreme graciousness) AND also confirmed that the new member of our family (a kitten to keep the warrioress cat company) is indeed Corvus by telling me of the experience he had had with crows the night before, around the same exact time I was in my bedroom telling the children of seeing the constellation CORVUS (the crow) in the old astronomy book (currently in safe and tender hands, on loan, so visual aid was out but) and how me and my dad (who gave me the book when he was here) had agreed that would be an excellent name for the cat we were planning to get someday to help ease Sarah Quinn's heart after the loss of her brother  (even with the speed bumps, those cars couldn't keep it slow, huh.....)

Hey wait- I couldduh printed up a constellation map, with names, from Skymap or Homeplanet,to show them. Of course, if the name is still the same. The book WAS from the 1800's, have they changed names of stars like everything else? George Carlin had a great bit on this. "Shell shock" became "war trauma" became "post traumatic stress disorder" for instance. Is Corvus now called "The Crow" ("The Sacred Holy Crystal Vortex Crow" in Sedona) ("The star formally known as Corvus" in Hollywood?)

Maybe I oughta quit writing for tonight. Gettin weird.

Gettin'? How can you go somewhere you already are (what if I go get a cup of coffee and then come back)
(Oh, right, the wyrdness is in my body, travelin with me. It'll go get coffee with me)

Okay, we'll be right back, then!
 

Called my father today. "Wait a minute, baybers" he says. Gets back. "amazing you called at this exact moment. The coffee bean I brought back from Maui and planted just sprouted"
"Must be that "Mistress Of The Plants" thing I got goin, huh dad?"
"Must be, my golden girl....." (insert strong papa>daughter love feeling here)

We did a Viking prayer for one of us to sell a book really soon so we could have enough cash to all visit each other freely whenever we wanted, and so I could have a car that'll make it up to the summit without too much protestation. OOOOOOO- Viking prayers. Powerful kick-ass shit, that.

Speaking of Viking Prayers, my grandson with the Viking name and blood from both sides, Vanyel, was breech last week, and had already engaged. No one seemed able to turn him. They told my daughter they'd have to cut him out. She didn't like this idea very much (freaked out) and called her Mother.

So I went to her womb that night, astrally, and turned him..... with his permission of course.

It was Katz's birthday today (her dad) so I called to see if he was there for dinner or something, soz I could sing "the B'day song" in Rosanna like bad falsetto and

No, he wasn't there, and Mira and Samantha were at the playground, but Justin informed me that

By the way, no one knows quite how, but Vanyel has turned.

Well, the first born woman, Mira, mah momma, and I, know.

Just reminded him of Odin hanging upside down from the tree of Yggdrasil, and how pretty the  twigs were from that view, forming the original Viking alphabet and all like that.
 

Till the next time-------------------
 

                                        3SE's  :)

since I do not acknowledge your "stink eye", it does not exist.

REFLECTIONS            APRIL 26TH            Like it's 1999

It is an old druid belief, or is it zen buddhistic, or originating from the Dogon tribe in Africa or.......

Yeah. It pops up a lot in Joseph-Campbell like comparative studies

If something is not looked at, touched, experienced, and/or otherwise made contact with, it does not exist.

This kinda shit gets my head twirling (well, maybe my brain syntax's, head twirling is Linda Blair's territory) it goes quickly to advanced-physics and/or LSD experiences places, stardust reflected, all that exists is loose humming atoms.....

Hey, didja know the Universe has a sound? I heard it on T.V.

Kindof a hiss (wow- was it really the Universe that spoke to Eve in the garden?)

But, anyways, living on earth, this principle INSTEAD brings me to

Practical uses in day to day life
(whew- rescued! Almost passed out from that sub-atomic relatedness space I was falling spiraled into. Close call. Disabled my screen saver. Burn these words into my screen? Maybe the pic I saved of solar winds and their effect on the electromagnetic energies of the earth, but THESE words? Oh well- moot point- I'm not passed out)
like not receiving (irrational, always) hatred from strangers by blinding them with your unfaltering radiance and excellence, and, therefore, not touching or "seeing" their ugly looks, and causing those weapon-like feelings, therefore, to not exist.

Oh, the power!

Wanna type some things in that are very interesting about Black Panther Totemic Symbolism, but.... my fingers are hurting!

So, think I'll channel surf some mindless sitcoms for awhile, then, strong coffee, an' maybe more later.

Here's a cool picture of me (I hope) this linking and embedding images translating when the page is uploaded had not been real successful, but, guess it's worth a try----- cause it is truly a wacky photo.

Till later,
Sleek Hot Sexy Five Hundred Voluntary Muscled Panther, Roaming The Island Of Maui For Awhile  :)
 
 
 

You buy a candy bar, and, unwrapping it and sticking it in your mouth and biting a chunk off and chewing it while walking over a sunny patch of grass, you start to dance and twirl and laugh in a wacky way not caring what ANYONE thinks in the least bit

If you are "out of your mind"

-or-

REFLECTIONS APRIL 27th,
written morn of 28th..................

Hi. Yeah, OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND, WOMAN, YOU ARE!

Oh, man, I'll miss college. If there was some way I could continue on campus I would. They need someone there who can make the deans list and still dance spontaneously with chocolate swishing, making passionate love with nuts and caramel and tongue, in a mouth that is both sacred and sensual. Religions and philosophies that separate these are ones I want nothing to do with.

Here's a few of the totemic Panther things I promised you----- not gonna type up whole thing, though..... if you're more curious, pick up the INCREDIBLY WORTHY book "Animal Speak" by Ted Andrews. As you'll see from some of the exerpts of just this portion that I'll share with you, it's not just some, as Craig would say "New Age-ie" thing.... though I have no problem with "New Age-ie " things, cept maybe the misnomer thing since most of the stuff is "old- age-ie" (pre-technological-religio-political- sheep- propagating- brainwashism- knowledge, once commonplace among all, and now, "special?" Hello.)

The Black Panther and Wolf together were the two animals added to my personal pantheon when I graduated in the warrior clan last year. The other day, (last Friday, actually) I noticed it was almost time for school to be PAU and I wished to surprise the girls and meet them there, but I was SO TIRED..... so I laid down on my soft warm bed, and "went to my level" (counted my brain waves down from Beta to Alpha) and proceeded to tell my body that in a few minutes, it would rise up and walk down to the Elementary school, having had many hours of refreshing sleep (this works, by the way)

And, a few minutes into the countdown, I felt something "land" on the base of my spine (people who like to obsess about Kundalini are getting very excited now, ey (?), can I FEEL it or WHAT?)

It did a few push ups there, rested a minute, then skittered up the old Roman Road of my spine (oooo- tickley on the neck, ey?) and stopped at my crown (no, not a golden bejeweled one, I don't flaunt my status, hello!) and hung out awhile.

I continued to do my brain-body convincing exercise, and when I was done, went back up to Beta and just laid there for awhile till my new friend leaped off my head onto the little bookshelf near my bed (MAN, I love books!) and proceeded to crawl up the battery operated sailor moon light-up septer that's stuck in the pen-holder and proceeded to hang out in my room for a few days. It slept on the top of my mirror that night. I got some good photos of it, which I'll put on a page at some point cause I've finally decided to break down and e-mail angelfire tech support to ask them what's up (stubbornness, or self-reliance, fine line?) with this linking and embedding images shit.........

So, I went to look up "lizard" in the animal-speak book to see what obvious "magic" it was sharing/blessing me with, and the book opened to panther, and of course I read it, and received chicken skin over the synchronicities as per recent pursuits and happ'nins.

Here goes.

" In the case of the black panther, there is definitely a lunar significance

As a whole, Panthers are loners (solitary) although they do associate with others, they are more comfortable by themselves or within their own marked territories. They are drawn to those individuals who are likewise often solitary.

The Panther is an enchanting combination of beauty and utility. They have a wonderful gracefulness, with an ability to move at ease or freeze entirely.

IN TIMES OF TROUBLE- IN ANY ENVIRONMENT- THOSE WITH PANTHER TOTEMS ARE OFTEN THE FIRST AND THE FASTEST TO RESPOND, and especially in the work environment- they respond effectively to deadlines and pressures.

All cats have binocular vision. Each eye can work singly, providing greater depth of vision, magnifying images, and facilitating judgment of distances. Thus anyone who aligns with the Panther will begin to develop greater depth of vision- of their life, of events, or of other people. This is more than just psychic sight. It is inner knowing.
 

More tomorrow- (later tonight), Yours,
                                           3SE's  :)

REFLECTIONS                APRIL 28TH

More on Panthers---- I KNOW you WANT IT!

"To those with whom the Panther links comes the ability to develop clairaudiance, to hear the communications of other dimensions and other life forms. The Panther has very strong hearing. It can move its ears to locate the direction of sounds.

The Panther also has extremely sensitive hairs on the body, especially the face. Those with a Panther totem will find their own sensitivity to touch increasing from the time the Panther enters your life.

This skin sensitivity- the touch faculty- will heighten responses in the overall body. Touches that are sensual and erogenous will intensify as well when the Panther enters one's life.

Because of their sensitivity, individuals with (this) totem will instinctively know how best to (deal with) attack if placed in such a position........

Of all the Panthers, probably the black Panther has the greatest mysticism associated with it. It is the symbol of the feminine, the dark mother, the dark of the moon. It is the symbol for the life and power of the night. It is often a symbol of darkness, death, and rebirth out of it........"

More Panther stuff tomorrow? Significance in China? Links to Dionysious? Jesus? South American Aboriginal Shape shifters? "Passage through the skin" of Panther-tail-belted Egyptians? May-BE!

You know, I think I'll upload this now, get the kids in bed, have some curry and watch something deep or silly on TV (NOT "the news" don't even get me started) (okay, maybe later) and then I'll do some more "on the B side", so much has been happening
Even while
Nothing outward
Moves from the fragile strong room
Of any existence..............
 

(later)

Actually, to tell you the truth, I'm feeling kinda blue....... so I'm gonna go with this awhile and see what's happening before I (write about) analize it........ and/or storytell. SO...... will give this to you, words to that cool song (formally column in a paper, see, even writers can rock. We're not just musty volumes and end-of-nose-spectacles!

But seriously, in case you haven't read or heard it, here it is, thanks to KONI FM who has this on their website.

EVERYBODY'S FREE
  Written by Chicago Tribune Columnist, Mary
                   Schmich;
           Sung by Baz Luhrmann;
    Album title: "Something For Everybody."
 

... Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of '99, wear Sunscreen. If I could offer you only one
tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been
provided by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my
own meandering experience ... I will dispense this advice now. Enjoy the power and
beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your
youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself
and recall in a way can grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous
you really looked
... You're not as fat as you imagine. Don't worry about the future; or worry, but know that
worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The
real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed our worried mind; the kind
that blindside you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday. Do one thing everyday that scares you.
SING. Don't be reckless with other people's hearts, don't put up with people who are
reckless with yours. FLOSS. Don't waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you're ahead,
sometimes you're behind
... the race is long, and in the end it's only with yourself. Remember the compliments you
receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how. Keep your old love
letters, throw away your old bank statements. STRETCH. Don't feel guilty if you don't
know what you want to do with your life
... the most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their
lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't. GET PLENTY OF
CALCIUM. Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone. Maybe you'll marry,
maybe you won't maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't, maybe you'll divorce at 40,
maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary ... what ever you
do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either - your choices are half
chance, so are everybody else's. Enjoy your body, use it every way you can ... don't be
afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.
DANCE
... even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room. Read the directions, even
if you don't follow them. Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents, you never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your
siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in
the future. Understand that friends, come and go, but for the precious few you should hold
on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography in lifestyle because the older you get, the
more you need the people you knew when you were young. Live in New York City once,
but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it
makes you soft. TRAVEL. Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will
philander, you too will get old, and when you do you'll fantasize that when you were young
prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders. Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust
fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run
out. Don't mess too much with your hair, or by time it's 40, it will look 85. Be careful whose
advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia,
dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the
ugly parts and recycling it for more that it's worth.
BUT TRUST ME ON THE SUNSCREEN.