How does it happen that everything I look at seems out of control or overwhelming?

No matter where I cast my eyes today it was a mess, and seemed to be an insurmountable one. There are piles of stamps and supplies and magazines and paper all over the living room and the dining room.

There are dishes in the kitchen sink that need to be cleaned. I know it would be easy enough to do them, it just seems overwhelming.

The floor in the bathroom needs to be washed.

The carpets need to be vacuumed.

The whole place needs to be thoroughly dusted.

And I can’t get myself to do any of it.

I did get up at seven thirty this morning to go to the blasted laundromat. It was a three-hour stop. That was because I had to wash all the afghans, blankets and comforters that the cat has been sick on recently. Those take forever to dry.

There was one incredibly witchy woman at the laundromat who was pissed off that I had gotten there before her (by a good twenty minutes) and had commandeered the triple and quadruple load machines. I don’t think she could have sighed any louder.

As soon as the machine went off she would be DEMANDING that I remove my laundry immediately so she could use the machine. She couldn’t even wait the two minutes it would have taken me to finish putting another part of the load in the dryers.

I was feeling vindictive (which is dangerous as I can be really nasty), so I then took over all the dryers. (The ones that weren’t already in use by the people who had gotten there at the same time I had.) I put a few things in each dryer, which is something I prefer to do anyway as they dry much faster that way.

I could see her face getting red, but I knew that it would be a half hour before her wash was done and that by then there would be other machines free, including some that I had been using. It just made me feel good to irritate her.

Obviously I’m overtired.

It has taken forever to get all the laundry put away and the bed made. It felt like an overwhelming task.

I went to the craft store and to Barnes and Noble this afternoon for a while. I felt like I needed a "fix". I got a couple new CDs, James Galway and a compilation of Broadway love songs, and a book by Jayne Ann Krentz that I may well have read years ago. I just know that I’m getting nowhere with the book I’ve been trying to read for the last two weeks. It just isn’t keeping me interested.

At the craft store I got a couple of photo boxes, I use them to store stamps. The stamps are spilling all over the dining room table and I need to contain them but at least keep them accessible.

I did get two new stamps and a stamping magazine as well.

All that stuff is still sitting in a bag just inside the front door.

I did telefile my taxes, so I’ll be getting a few bucks in. neither the state nor federal returns amount to much, although the federal is four times the size of the one I’m getting from the state. But that comes as no surprise, after all I live in Taxachusetts.

I think I’ll just pretend I didn’t get anything back and that was I won’t be tempted to spend it.

I hate doing my taxes, even if they are uncomplicated. I don’t own anything to claim as a deduction, so it’s pretty straightforward. I just have this fear of doing something wrong and having the government land on my doorstep. That’s one of the reasons I like using the telefile system, they do all the math.

The week ahead looms large and disorganized. I never opened up the bag of stuff that I brought home to work on. I didn’t have a report or an ed plan to write so I didn’t feel pressured. I should have at least glanced at the stuff I brought with me. I have no idea what is even in that bag.

And I know I won’t be getting to it tonight.

I think what I will do is see if I can get the mess in the kitchen under control and then go to bed.

There is something about the lure of clean sheets that is hard to resist!