July 25
Still hurting




I’m just not getting over this Michael thing.

How stupid am I?

Of course, today he asked me to critique his new dot com site and told me how much he values my opinion.

I told him that I was afraid that I’d kill our friendship if I was critical about it, but he said I wouldn’t. We’ll see.

I care too much. I’m just so confused.


I went out to lunch with Cathy and Martha today.

Cathy chose the restaurant, one that I hadn’t been to in twenty years. It’s one of those stereotypical New England Inn type of spots. Many years ago it was quite popular, but I never hear about people going there any more.

I think it was because the only people who were there had blue hair and walkers! We were the youngest in the place and being there made me feel elderly! There were little groups of senior citizens sitting around a fireplace. Now granted, it was cool out, but not that cool!

I also thought the place was very overpriced. Which is also typical of a restaurant that fancies itself to be a New England Inn. I was unimpressed and it will probably be another twenty years before I go back. Martha and I gave Cathy a hard time about choosing the place (all in fun) the entire time we were there.

We had our usual gossip session, but there was no really startling or unusual news. Of course because it’s summer there isn’t much happening in the system.


I told them about Michael, and good friends that they are, they are convinced that he won’t be leaving my life.

They also doubt that the relationship will work out based on the age difference, and based on the fact that this relationship has progressed to marriage the week after his mother died.

I want to believe that so much!

They both feel that due to the length of our friendship we will remain friends. They reminded me of the fact that while he was in England with her last summer, he still chose to send me a post card, and that he still asks for my opinion on things.

God I hope they’re right.

Meanwhile I’m still crying at the drop of a hat.


I know that part of the tears still have to do with the sadness I feel over my father and the loneliness that I’ve felt ever since.

I’ve come to rely on my friends so heavily that I can’t seem to get thorough time that I spend alone without having some sort of a crying episode.

It’s been there off and on, but it’s been constant since I got Michael’s news.

So I sit here writing this with tears pouring down my face.

Damn it, I’ve got to get a grip!





Listening to: Songs of Love

Reading: Eclipse Bay

Weather: 75, humid, overcast

Trivia: What's the oldest printed book with a date?

The oldest known printed book that can be clearly dated is a copy of the Sanskrit Vajracchedika-prajnaparamitasutra (Buddha's Diamond Sutra), dated by its maker on May 11, 868 AD in China. It is one of Buddhism's greatest treasures. To make the book, seven rolls of paper were printed with wooden blocks, then cut and glued together. It is written in Chinese, with elaborately detailed illustrations of the Buddha and his disciples. Although the Diamond Sutra is the oldest dated book, it is not the oldest printed work. Wood block printing was known for more than 100 years prior to the Diamond Sutra's printing.

Cool word: mediocre [adj. me-de-O-kur]

Mediocre describes something of ordinary or moderate quality, value, or ability. It is neither good nor bad but indifferent. Near synonyms include: so-so, middling, average, and run-of-the-mill. This adjective has been in use in English since the 16th century. It was borrowed, through French, from the Latin mediocris (in a middle state, literally at middle height). Medius is the Latin for middle and ocris was Old Latin for a rugged mountain. Medius is also the root word for medium (the middle point between extremes), mid (something in a middle position), and median (situated in the middle).
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Horoscope

Aries

Be prepared to think outside the box. Just because you have always done things a certain way is no reason at all why you should continue to do so. Especially when you can now make advances in a single leap of understanding. A flash of insight shows you where you could be and it is a far different place from where you are now. Something inside you wants to pay a visit there. Money comes as surprise, almost as if bolt out of the blue. With it will also come more responsibility, pressure but you will be up to it. Capricorn involved. You might not be feeling particularly generous right now, and if your children or a loved one expect you to buy something for them today, someone could end up a little disappointed. You might be feeling a little possessive where your loved ones are concerned--and you might tend to be a little over-protective towards your children right now as well.