the bastard book
the suffering bastard is the king of all coctails. i first became aware of it years ago at our local island watering hole, the kahiki, where they used to ask, "how many can you drink?". indeed. it's sorta the polynesian long island-it's not a girly drink, nor does it need a special glass (though it feels right at home in a skull or tiki mug). above all, it's not for the faint-hearted. it will not be taking names. when i looked up the recipe, i found that there is no one right way to make a bastard. so try one, try 'em all, and then try to stand up.
i've forgotten where i found all these, but i'll get some 'credit where credit's due' up here as soon as i can. some sources are rather obvious. also i've made most of the recipes in 'parts', rather than pick an american or european standard. that way you can make them as big as you want. i encourage you to use the finest quality ingredients you can find and afford. the bastard is by no means haughty-taughty, but nobody deserves the bottom shelf. nobody. i'll get some links to rum distributors and the like up soon as well. by all means experiment; be sure to send me the results. i got a bottle of key west lime juice & i'll be posting my findings forthwith. cheers!
suffering bastard recipes:
- classic bastard: 1 part gin, 1 part rum, 1/2 part lime juice, dash o' bitters, 1 part ginger ale, over ice
- dangerous dave's bastard: 1 part light rum, 1 part gold rum, 1/2 part dark rum, 1/2 part orange curacao, 2 parts orange pineapple juice or maitai mix
- jeeves' bastard:1 1/2 parts dark rum, 1 part light rum, 1/2 part creme de noyaux, 1/2 part triple sec, 1/2 part lime juice
- V bastard: 4 oz. gin, 4 oz. vodka, 1/8 oz. lime juice
- 100 to know bastard: coat inside of glass with a soup spoon o' bitters, then 1 part gin, 3/4 part cognac, 1/4 part lime juice, teaspoonful of sugar syrup, finish with ginger beer
- cyberbastard: 1 oz. light rum, 1/2 oz. dark rum, 1/2 oz. brandy, teaspoon grenadine, teaspoon lime juice, top with orange juice
- booze king bastard: 1 part lime juice, 4 parts ginger ale, dash o' bitters, 1 part bourbon, 1 part gin, garnish with pineapple wedge & maraschino cherry
- dying bastard: 1 part brandy, 1 part gin, 1 part rum, 1 part ginger ale, 1/2 part lime juice, dash o' bitters
- dead bastard: 1 part brandy, 1 part bourbon, 1 part gin, 1 part rum, 1 part ginger ale, 1/2 part lime, dash o' bitters
links to drinks:
the rongovian embassy to the US, home of the dead & dying bastards(and more strangeness)
the kahiki is dead, but it lives on (somewhat) here
home of evan dorkin & his little drunken dairy duo, milk & cheese, as well as his girl and fellow tiki proponent sarah dyer
Email: francois@evilemail.com
