He was laying down what was left of his hair, he was a bit nervous and he was breathing slightly hard his entire chest moving. He then decided to finally go out, the people waiting for his speach... Then he does not to what to say, he is sweating... He just yells "I've got 4 words for ya, I love this company! yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" in a ver maniacal manner. The crowd cheer on and then he turns into a giant Tux statue. The devlopers stare at him, when sudenlly a sinistar figure dropped from the sky and all of the sudden, the heads of everyone in the audience instantly turned into cheeseburgers!

The figure turns to face our protagonist and it's none other than the Hamburgular!! "Grimace!," he shouts ",where have you been?"

Then i woke screeming from the terrible nightmare, to find myself in my bed. I look at the time 11:23 AM. Wondering what to do i get up, have a drink... eat... sync my computer with the nist.gov server. Then my watch, and everything else.

I log onto forums.fuckmicrosoft.com and then i laugh at all the annoying trolls, who really know nothing about computers. Suddenly the phone rings, i pick up the phone its none other than Anna Kournikova who says shes horny and hot for a date tonight. X11 freaks out jumping all around his room. He bumps his head on the left wing from voidmains airplane that crashed into the room last night and is knocked uncontious. Later, he wakes to find that he has been raped by steve balmer! X11 freaks out and seeks psychiatric help. After a short psychologic evaluation, the doctor says, "You´ve got Microsoftitis, a very common and dangerous disease. The only two known cures are Linux and Macintosh." Then the doctor put pen to a piece of paper and wrote all work and no pay makes jack a dull boy 250,001 times all the while laughing maniacally. X11 slowly backs away from this doctor man and runs through the doctors practice, all the time wondering "why do they call their work practice anyway" He runs and runs and runs when he stubles over a  head of gregory suvuallian... he runs on home!

Meanwhile...

X11 thinks why am i thinking of my name as X11 and not John Tate, i've been on the net to long im gonna go watch porn. X11 watches the porno, {but we'll leave out the erotic details of him jerking off because it will trun you on to much } Then a nock at the door. I get up walk to my door, open it... goto the hallway passage thru to the lounge down the main hallway to the front door open it and its The Quirk... He says "I AM THE CRAZIEST MAN IN TAIWAN"... "HONDA!!!"... "SKRIPT KIDDY".

Then he morphs into a giant cammel... And then into a 3 foot tall bill gates. I grab him, rush him into the freezer in the rear garage at my house. x11 turns the freezer on to the highest setting it can go when it over loads with one of those Fatal Excption errors, he looks a bit closer at the freezer, he notices a small sticker, "Intel Inside", and next to it "Powered by Microsoft windows 98". X11 kicks the freezer as hard as it can. before anything else can happen. it spontaneously combusts, luckily X11 wasnt hurt, he was setting up the VCR getting ready for a pr0n session. he notices the camel thing running after him. he screams "FUCK OFF IM WATCHING PORN YOU MOTHERFUCKER" as loud as he can, the camel runs off into the distance. X11 gets the VCR going and everything pops in his fave pr0n tape. To his surpise he doesnt see two girls going at it. As he is undoing his pants he notices what is actually on TV, it was his nan, he goes ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... then he runs and runs and runs... and runs some more and more and more.

He sees millions of clones of his nan running screaming going "come here jonny" all behind him he runs and runs some more when he runs into a large guy on a motorbike with a Red Hat on... he yells "Get on" more nans on the other side are there, but luckly we ride away.

"You know me," Says the guy in the Red Hat. X11 was breathing heavily, " Are.....you...... Void Main?" asked X11, barely being able to talk. The guy in the red hat says "No.... I am your father!" i go "Really  " he goes "Yes, Really" and then they both fall off the bike falling right at the feet of Linus Torvalds who goes "Hello this is Linus torovalds, and i pronounce Linux as Linux!"

X11 both stare in astonishment. They now know the real pronunciation of Linux X11 says "Haha for all that time ive been pronouncing it as Linux, when its really been Linux. What an idiot i am pronouncing Linux as Linux."

X11's Dad hereby refered to as X12 says "Why are you here Mr Trovalds?" he answers "Because there are lots of penguins this time of year at the southurn beaches and stuff." Linus says "or was staying at the crown casino, till Bill Gates flew a plane into it when he heard i was there"

X11 Says "I never heard of that"

"Yea, he heard i was here so he tried to kill me"

"Nuts"

"Well I need a place to stay"

"Well if we get rid of all these friken nans we will be alright."

X12 says "I have an idea, we lead them off a cliff by throwing a meat pie"

rumble An earthquake... everything shaking

rumble then a cliff formed in front of them as the land trembled. X12 pulled a Four'n'Twenty and threw it over the edge where refalm goes "What a waste of a murdered animal". X11 grumbles, "dont call that delicous meaty delight a murdered animal here mate!". Then all the nans run after it as it is food. As each nan has weight problems... they weigh lots... they hit the ground... another earthquake!

a huge Jimmy James leans down from above and picks up X11.

Hello, X11! I'm The Jimmy James! I'll grant you three wishes! Anything! Anything at all! All you have to give me is your immortal soul, and your Linux box, as well as all your software, and hook me up with every hot girl you know. Sound like a deal?

X11 thought to himself, and replied "I like it! I'll go along with this!"

Jimmy James exclaimed "Great!"

X11 was promptly turned into Bill Gates and said "this is my holosuit i can be who i want", and goes back to X11s normal sexy self meanwhile... On topic instead of editing the middle of a story  but this earthquake is far more violent than the last one. it cant just be the nans. they look behind them and there is

MECHAGATES

MechaGates sees them and says "Good evening, ill be your server today"

X11, X12 and Linus are stunned heres is a Huge 100 Foot mechamachine speaking like a little poofy schoolgirl nerd.

Then all of a sudden MechaGates starts to tilt.
"He's crashing" yells X11
"Typical" says Linus
"Who cares, that things gonna blow! Lets get out of here!!" screams X12

The triplet runs as fast as they can till they are extremely tired, by now MechaGates has died with a fatal error.

They are very tired they need food and drink, they see a food shop they walk in...

I'LL TAKE YOU ON, MECHAGATES!

X11 walks in his room "Oh NO" my uptime has been screwed again, the earthquake killed the power".
He also notices the sound of some mega wepon and Jimmy yelling "hes gone, dont worry"

"Oh no, the Unix forum is fucked" Doogee says

He walks over to his computer switches it on and selects the only option in GRUB, which is Red Hat 8. After booting up he goes to forum.fuckmicrosoft.com where he sees there is no Unix forum whatso ever. He PM's the only moderator online who is X11, Doogee writes this: "FUCKING X11"... but then it apears again, even though the page he is staring at is the cache from when it is gone! X11 must have went back in time and fixed it then a drunk canadian rocked up...

"Hehe, hey guys whats up with the forums" says lazygamer X11 and doogee both say in unison "Refresh the cache"
"hehe thats was cool" lazygamer passes out

Doogee and X11 continue to wait around when suddenly...

REDMOND, WA, Today, Microsoft founder and Chief Software Architect Bill Gates announced today that he was heading to the Seattle Apple Store to buy a Power Mac 970. He cited deficiences in Microsoft's operating system software, Windows, and decided that Apple's UNIX-derived Mac OS XI on new IBM-designed PowerPC 970 hardware was clearly superior.

This is only one in a rash of dramatic "switcher" stories away from Windows. Operating systems like Linux, FreeBSD, Mac OS XI and OS/2 Warp 4.5 are gaining tens of market share points per day based on current trends. ZiffDavis' ZDLabs tested the newest release of Red Hat Linux, 9.0 and announced Windows Longhorn "dead before its time" based on their findings with Red Hat 9.0. Red Hat's newest release is able to run Windows games, as well as a new rash of Linux native games on a new graphics subsystem called "Crystal"... an Open Source X11-compatible version of Apple's Quartz 2.0 framework.

Apple CEO Steve Jobs unveiled Quartz 2 as part of Mac OS XI (Eleven) at MacWorld Expo recently. Of Mac OS XI Jobs says, "Mac OS XI will empower users in ways they never thought imaginable. They can truly break free the shackles of Windows when they try a new Mac."

After years of floundering in the market, Apple struck back last year with sweeping product changes based on new processors and hardware with lower than their normal prices which caught the eyes of PC buyers. Lower prices with comparable and higher speeds boosted Apple's market share to nearly 20% by the first quarter of 2004.

Dell, Apple's biggest competitor has been looking to embrace the PowerPC Open Platform with a new line of computers running Linux. The new Dell Generation line use either a low-cost IBM PowerPC 750fxe running at 1.8 to 2.5GHz, or a big iron PowerPC 970e at 3.5 to 5GHz. Dell will ship YellowDog Linux on the machines with KDE4.5 and Apple iWorks Pro for Linux in time for Christmas.

How is Linux creator Linus Torvalds handling the news? In a recent interview, he told Maximum PC magazine, "I think it's wonderful that people are finally waking up to the joy of real, reliable computing. Apple, Dell, and all the 'UNIX guys' are finally winning the victory they deserve!"

In conclusion, analysts are saying this will be the first Christmas in over two decades that will have a technology company other than Microsoft win big. Apple and Red Hat seem to be the heroes of the day, and it seems that at long last, a computing world without doors, Windows, or Gates might be possible."

X11 says, "where are we"
the others are just waking up...
Then scientests ruch from all directions and freeze them again.

For another 10 years...

An elderly man seems to know who X11 is and tells him that his father, X12, tried to prevent the Great DOS Uprising but was killed in the process by one of Emperor Bill's new CEO's, Studd Beefpile.

Suddenly Studd Beefpile was behind X11 and the elderly man. "So we meet again," he says to the elderly man. They both draw their lightsabers and a battle ensues. In the end Studd Beefpile is victorious. X11 takes up the elderly man's lightsaber and faces Studd Beefpile. "You killed my father," he yells. Beefpile chuckles and exclaims, "I am your father! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"

X11 yells, "NOOOOOOOO!!!" and then X11 pulls off his X11 mask, turns to studd and wiggles his fingers shooting out blue lightning, and ignites his red lightsaber and says, "Nope, I'm your father". And planet earth turns into a giant pickle. 

Unfortunately X11 had never used his secret powers on such a large scale before, the pickle is a sour pickle, with horrid smelling fumes assaulting everyone's nostrils. Many people throw up. The pickle's proprotions are proper enough that many buildings and landmasses are still in correct position...

In a town that is slightly cold and rather small, a man is driving a pimpmobile, he is dressed like a pimp... he IS a pimp! It's Lazygamer! But how did he get here? Lazygamer clumsily parks on the curb and parks his wheels. He talks to one of his "employees". "What up baby? Gotta do a product check, if ya know what I mean." The hot prostitute walks over to Lazy and kicks him in the balls and tells him "you ain't nothin! Speedfreak knows how to treat me right!" Just as he rolls up in his new Lx470, sittin pretty on some 22 inch HREs. "Damn straight," says Speedfreak. "Oh, and learn how to park, dumbass"

Meanwhile, X11 just defeated the Microsoft troll army, He walks outside of the building he is in, but it is not what he thought, the window was actually a 3D Screen and X11 was really in the Austrlaian Desert, outside there was a pole sticking out of the ground, a white pole. It was about a meter high and had a red button on top... he presses it, and just in front of him the red sand tips and 2 large doors open out of the ground, a capsule is raised... Inside is the body of Linus Torvalds himself, it has life signs on the side...

X11 Opens the capsule... Only to find that he awakens and yawns "patrisha i dont feel like work today" he rolls over...

Then X11 says "Linus, its X11 its about... well i dont know what year..."
Linus says, "where am i?"
"Your in the Australian Desert"
"What am i doing here"
"Microsof... Microsoft have taken over the world"
"Everywhere, in the note that was left by some guy it says that the Microsoft Central HQ Computermathingy is in Redmond, there is an Int.. IntelliGate to the Microsoft Headqurters from here."
"Whats an IntelliGate?"
"Its a teleport basicly"
"Oh wait..."
"What is it"
"It, it has somthing on the other side of the note"
"What does it say"
"it says, i must come to Tuxville, USA where master voidmain can complete my training as a geek, with the source as my allie, blah, blah, blah"
"Okay then, lets set cource for Tuxville"

X11 goes to the IntelliGate, and presses an On button and notices a sticker "Fritz Inside". The machine makes noises and then it says loading on its little screen. Saying "Microsoft IntelliGate"
he then clicks a menu, it loads... He then clicks "Goto location" a Window appears and it has Presets on a menu, X11 clicks the one saying Tuxville... then he notices a hole in the side of the machine, and the window on the screen says "Authenticating with TCPA" he notices a small black box with a few hand wired cables attached to the machines circuitary... The box fires up with a led flashing labeled "cDc Fritzer" and the IntelliGate fires up... X11 sees a large portal, and he jumps into it, and is travelling through a large beam like thing where he comes out in a Insidious Lair where he sees a more Fucntiong looking teleport with OpenPort written on it, that has no problems.

He sees that there is an old man and goes... "I am here so you can Complete your training, and defeat the sith"...

Meanwhile, MOR, and the rest of the bobs, where doing a Denaial of Driveway attack on the Microsoft HQ, by blocking its driveway. Then they did a senial of lobby attack, until the insane bobs marched forth into the Microsoft HQ, with Guns and stuff!

They took out their guns, and realized that they had no bullets. They looked at each other, realizing it's all BOB's fault. They start running around in circles screaming at the top of their lungs like little girls. Sudenlly, they see TheQuirk, now morphed in the shape of a small, angry, chinese man with an african-american accent, running in a straight line across the room screaming random crap about jesus, microsoft, and stickfigures. Sudenlly, he crashes into a wall, creating a dent in it. And the wall turned to the quirk and said, "I'm a nice wall now, why did you do that. I'm very hurt by what you did to me.". The quirk looked on puzzled. The wall said, "now I'm sueing you for $14 and 27 cents". Quirk screams "YOU DIRTY BASTARD! I'M JUST A POOR WEBMASTER OF A RETARDED SITE!" and starts pissing on the wall. Becase Quirk eats only bad chemicals, his piss makes the wall dissolve.

Meanwhile...

Lazygamer sits in his pimpmobile, feeling "violated" that someone attacked his nutz0rs. He tries to think back to why he is here, but nothing shows up. Suddenly he gets a brilliant idea! He takes out the Limp Bizkit tape and puts in the Afroman tape.

As the funky beats fill the deserted northeren town, he reaches into his glove department and pulls out a d00bie. He takes a puff...

Suddenly the sky turns blue, very blue. Collosal clouds loom in the sky, they have a pattern that Lazy has never seen before amongst clouds. Upon closer examination it is the... BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH! Suddenly the fish that was dreaming he was lazygamer wakes to see a nice juicy worm on a hook dangeling just above him.

Meanwhile, back at Microsoft HQ, the bobs are still running in circles like pathetic retards and TheQuirk tries to apologize to the wall so he doesn't get sued. Microsoft storm troopers converge on the bobs' location. what will our heroes do now??

Suddenly, with weapons blazing, the Mac Commandos blast through the disgruntaled wall (solving Quirk's problem) and destroy the microsoft storm troopers within seconds. Macman the mighty Mac Commando draws his "KATANA OF POWER!!!" and uses mirror image (WC3 reference) to confuse the oncoming ranks of storm troopers. The bobs take up the weapons of fallen warriors and continue the battle, fighting alongside their Mac Commando brothers.

Through the other wall bursts SUPER ULTRA MEGA TECHNO BILL. The giant robot bill gates shoots his lasers into the ranks of Mac Commandos and Bobs. Macman blocks several beams with his "KATANA OF POWER!!!" and lunges at the geeky robot.

At that moment SUPER ULTRA MEGA TECHNO BILL Starts making a weird clicking noise and stumbles about within seconds the music stops and SUPER ULTRA MEGA TECHNO BILL comes to a complete halt. All the Bobs, Mac Commando brothers and the quirk stand in place almost stuned, thinking how close they came to being annihilated by this gigantic robot drooped over in front of them. They wonder what happened? Did someone pull the plug? Then they realized billy the super bot ran on microsoft's new OS called Absolutist 3000SE. Everyone cheers and thanks M$ for another one of their great OS's. Being that they were just in a bit of a harry situation everyone decides to go to the pub across the street and get a beer. They go inside and get a table, Macman goes to get a drink and the bartender turns around and says "what cha drink?" to Macmans amazement the bartender is none other then the sweaty baboon himself steve ballmer. Just then the quirk wakes up and stumbles out of his room thinking about the strange dream he just had, rushing to the bathroom he runs into a wall putting a dent in it.

"Goddammit!" yells the wall. "My late cousin vinny warned me about you!" I'm sueing you now!

MEANWHILE(back in quirk's dream)...

Macman sits at the bar across from steve balmer sipping some strong irish whiskey. "Why are you working in a bar bahbahbooey-- i mean steve?"

"Well," replies Steve, "After the Great DOS Uprising I decided I could get even richer by cashing off of Microsoft's godly status and starting my own band. We were called 'Balmer and the Balmerettes.'"

"What happened?" asks Macman.

"Our first CD, entitled Developers, Developers, Developers was a big hit. It was number one on the pop music charts for almost a month. We even did a music video and a couple live performances, but then those bastards "Wintallica" hot the market and we were done." Balmer sighed. "Now they're the next Beatles and i'm working in a pub."

"Maybe you should kill yourself," suggested Macman helpfully.

Balmer nods once, turns around, marches into the back room and the sound of a shotgun being fired at point-blank range echoed throughout the pub. Everyone in the pub froze for a moment, saw that it was only Balmer commiting suicide, and went back to their drinks.

"A shame," says Macman to X11. "Now there's no one to man the bar."

Suddenly, from out of no where, the opposite wall of the pub exploded and in walked a man in a godzilla costume.

Mean while yet again...

Philosophy scales an outter wall of waht he thought was the m$ headquaters, looks around and ask's "where the fuck did everyone GO?!" just then Adam West opens a window looks at Phil and says "you missed the war sorry, plyus this is the wrong building", "GODDAMMIT!!" Phil yells in a cartman style fit of rage. so he decides to detonate the building any how. Being the stupid fellow that he is, he quickly calls the priest to tell him what to do. The priest said, "im off to fondle some alter boys, your on your own bud, make sure you don't let anyone near the wall. It might get sad and pray to Jesus so he'll BEAT THE LIVING HELL OUT OF YOU." A bit puzzled, Quirk walks out and walks into a pub, seeing X11 and Macman once again! Macman tells quirk that there's a position available, and Quirk takes it. After a few hours, everyone who was served by Quirk had a terrible head-ache and died, because he didn't wash his hands after going to the bathroom.

when the most pissed-off wall in the backroom fell over and landed on Ballmer's half-decomposed carcass. Quirk ran to the backroom, not paying any attention to his half-decomposed customers, and saw some ugly red shit flowing from under what was left of the wall. He scooped some of it up, took a taste, and a sensorscope exploded from his cheek!

Quirk thought, "OH FUCK, I'm being Assimilated by the MicroBorg... I thought it was dead!" He picked up Ballmer's slightly-used shotgun and blew his own brains out.

Luckily, the entire thing had been a dream. Quirk awoke to see that he was still arguing with the bathroom wall. "I want to call my lawyer!" yelled the wall. Just then, Quirk realized that he was still holding the shotgun from his dream. He fired into the wall several times, demolishing it within seconds. Expecting to see his living room on the other side, Quirk was surprised to see that behind his bathroom wall existed an interdimensional portal. He lept into the swirling vortex and felt every atom in his body tear apart and reassemble. He was thrown from the portal and was very surprised at his new location.

Under Macman's bed, where he could find different fun stuff, such as decomposed kitties, broken guns, VoidMain's right hand, and some beef jerky. After playing with it all, and burning the jerky (AND NOT TASTING IT, BECAUSE IT WAS PROBABLY MADE OUT OF SOME COW WITH THE MAC COW DISEASE), he leapt out from under the bed to see Macman making love to Christina A.! A bit puzzled, he comes up to christina and whispers to her "but. . . he uses a mac!" She answers, "really?" and asks macman when the mac is. He points her to the bathroom. She walks over there, letting everyone hear her playing with Simpletext! Macman, angirly comes up to quirk and says "BASTARD! I ALMOST GOT TO INSERT MY CO. . ." quirk takes his gun, and shoots macman, but misses. Quirk then runs out of the house, and shoots all the chickens who walk around Macman's house for no apparant reason.

Macman unsheathes his KATANA OF POWER!!!, looks toward the sky, and yells, "KHAN!!!!" He then chains christina aguilara to the water heater and pursues Quirk to find that all of his beloved chickens have been murdered. Macman is about to look toward the sky again and yell, "KHAN!!!!" when he realizes he just did that and that would be redundent. So he bottles up his rage (which will build up and explode in the far future, coincidentally when he's in the middle of a large crowd of people) and starts to track down TheQuirk, vowing that he will use his KATANA OF POWER!!! to bring his mortal enemy to justice.

Three years passed. Macman The Mighty searched seattle, then canada, then europe, then walked in circles through the desert for no apparent reason, then trekked across the icy cold of anarctica where he received his ninja training (the all-mighty ninja council is now in antarctica, for those who don't know). As he traveled he met several mighty warriors who decided to journey with him. First was Arthur the Fearsome, Bob the Brave, Lenny the Not-So-Brave-But-Made-Up-For-In-Intellect, Jay Leno, Uther Pendragon, and Popsy the not-too-bright-but-expendable-although-in-a-peculiar-sort-of-way.

They traveled for years across the land, fighting evil and smoking weed, until one day Macman finally received word that Quirk was nearby. But his travelling companions quite enjoyed Belg88 and subsiquently left Macman The Mighty to face his mortal enemy on his own. Drawing his KATANA OF POWER!!!, Macman went to sleep, at which point A BEAUTIFUL PRINCESS ON A UNICORN and/or PONY CAME AND KISSED HIM, WAKING HIM UP FROM A NOT-VERY-ETERNAL SLEEP AND THEN THEY MARRIED AND LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER AND THEN THEY GOT A DIVORCE AND THEN EVERYONE DIED. MACMAN ALSO MADE SURE TO SLIP IN SOME AIDS THAT HE STORED IN A BOTTLE WHILE THEY WERE HAVING THEIR LAST SEX SESSION, SO SHE FUCKING DIED AN EXTRA-SPECIAL DEATH, THAT LITTLE CHEATING SLUT.

What the fuck just happened?!! thought the galactic space baby. at the moment the eternal bill could be heard laughing in the distance "HAHAHA im incredibly amused HAHAHA!!" then some unseen person silenced bill with chloraform. the passing out gates uttered "I am your... Bro... Brother"

Several light-years away, back on Earth, Macman prepared to attack his mortal enemy, TheQuirk because he was jealous of the Quirks marvoulous Stick Figure site and sence of humor. Why might cost his chance at modding. Because X11 worships that Quirk on a daily basis. He hatred for the Quirk is so deep that he quirks on the quirks name. His hatred might lead to his own destruction or it might lead to fish. And then one day Macman said "I've noticed that no one is participating in forum game 3 very often anymore. Should we bring the story to a close and if so what should we call it? Also, who should end it?"

Then Macman said, "Doctor V, what are you doing, you bitch? That was supposed to remain separate from this story, and why did you put my sig in your last post?"

And Doctor V looked on puzzled, and then broke down and started singing 'Jail House Rock' while brushing his teeth with a gigantic bag of mexican jumping beans. Meanwhile, somewhere off in the 45th paralelle dimention of the universe all the "normal" earthlings are having Fritz Chips fitted... To there heads! X11 has snuck into the Microsoft HQ, and stole the source code for Windows... And sold it for just $10 to the lovely people at McDonald's, who used the source code to create a fatty new operating system called McWindows. Many people decided it was easier and cheaper to eat out at McDonald's than use their own operating systems, so They sold it to Osama bin laden who ended up being bombed by the US for the atrocity of forcing thousands of foreigners to eat his high priced fatburgers and everybody else lived happily ever after