Right, some snipits from my diary. i add some evey now and then! Dear Diary well, this is just a little bit strange, as i am used to writing my diary, not typing! well, this is my first entry...god, what to say? well, i guess i had best explain why i have been away. i got out of hospital about 2 weeks ago now. i was in for what seemed like ages. i guess i kind of just got really, really depressed. Jamie's friends were getting on my fucking tits(i hate men) i had just had a miscarriage, and i thought everybody hated me. i didn't get all angry with my self, like i normally do...if i had i think i would have come off a lot better because i would just have a few stitches in my arms. my self harm is starting to spiral out of control again. i really don't think i can control it anymore. at just the slightest thing, a stupid argument with Jamie, a sleepless night, because i am missing my home...blah blah. thats how bad it is. i kind of find i cant sleep for a few days, and then i just get up in a daze and go and slice up my arm. for some reason this gives me the strangest satisfaction and sense of relief...i can finally sleep. but for some reason, on that particular day, i didn't get angry. just low, and miserable. so i downed as many of my anti D's as i could and promptly passed out. i don't remember anything except the guilt when i woke up. so, apart from not succeeding, i added more problems to my fucking shoulders with all this guilt. anyway, just thought i'd tell you where i had been, in-case you were wondering! and bear this in mind....my psychiatrist told me something the other-day....about the self harm. he said it releases endorphins into the brain. so the hit we get off doing it is about a 1000xS more powerful than a hit of heroin. just took me by surprise. love Zoe Sorry it’s late! 20th February Hey guys, so sorry it’s is late this week, but things have been a little bit hectic. Got offered a cottage Tuesday, so I will finally have my own place! Whoo hoo! I went to have a look around it today, and I can move in the next two weeks. Not really much else happened, ‘cept it’s my 19th b-day soon, and i'm really excited! Love Zoë 23rd april. omg, i am getting bad. i am really sorry i haven't written in here for like, months....but i have just moved house and i havent got my pc yet, so the only time i get access to the pc i have to go to my mothers. um....i had a great party for my 19th, bit of an eye opener! my cat got hit by a car, 11 days after giving birth to a litter of kittens, so, while she was in hospital i have had to adopt them, she is out now and doing well, but i still have to feed the kits every four hours! so, things have been very stressful, but i promise i will write in here as often as i can~! love zoe-x-
