DISCLAIMER: Good grief! Of course they're not mine and I'm not making a dime off of this.

CATEGORY: Ficlette (Is that a catergory?)

RATINGS/WARNINGS: PG

As he knelt upon the lush green grass, his eyes staring out at the early light of dawn that was just breaking, his voice rose softly on the light breeze.

"I've been meaning to come by. Just always found some excuse not to. It's just that... well..." The words were hard to come by as his mind tried sorting through the flood of memories that were assaulting him. He had known this would be hard, but this talk was a long time coming. To put it off any longer would only undo all of the progress he had made in the last few months. Ever since he had become a part of something bigger than himself. Something bigger than the dark pain that had become his constant companion for the last few years of his life.

"Things have changed, but then again I guess you know that already. You always had a way of just reading me from the first look. Couldn't hide a damn thing from you." A small smile tugged at his lips at the image that popped into his head. A young slender woman with her hands on her hips staring right through him. "Might not believe this one, but I met somebody else that can do it too."

A picture of the man who had come into his life only a few months ago, tilting his world on its axis, came to mind. From the instant their eyes had met, there had been this strange sensation of knowing. It was hard to explain, and would have made no sense if he even tried, but it was like they had been friends forever. There was something about the other man that spoke to his very soul. A kinship that went deeper than blood. Both men had seen the darker side of life and survived, though barely, as if all of the pain and suffering of the past had been leading up to the moment they met, just so life could start again. Within one another they had found a friend, someone who not only accepted their tainted sides, but understood on a level that very few could. That had been the day the healing had begun, though it had taken until recently for that revelation to come to light.

Thoughts of why he had come to this place, why he had been able to at all, came to his mind. Infusing him with a renewed strength he thought to never feel again.

"Wish you could meet him. You'd like him. And God knows he would have loved you."

'Who wouldn't?' He added silently.

The last few months had changed him a lot. He had gone from a cold mindless existence to friendship, excitement, and warmth. The six men he now worked with and called friends had made all of the difference.

"Wish you could meet them all. My new friends are something else. You'd never believe the bunch a yahoos I've gotten tangled up with now. Never met a more different bunch of men or a better bunch a friends. A man would count his blessings to have one such man watching his back, but guess I really lucked up somewhere cause I've six of them. They remind me every day just what's really important in life. Never imagined to feel like this again. To feel alive."

Allowing his mind to wander he watched the movie in his head. Memories of the two of them walking through the park. The sweet sound of her laughter and the gentle scent that was uniquely her tickling his nostrils, the feel of her warm body snuggled close to him as they sat on the couch watching some movie he wouldn't dare admit to seeing, let alone liking. That special weekend the two of them had spent at a tiny cabin deep in the woods where the only visions of natural beauty either of them had seen was the glory of each other as they became lost in their lovemaking for the entire two days.

Then, just as those sweet gentle memories effortlessly caressed his inner soul, the dark memories of the end swept in, burning like a raging wildfire. Like fireworks exploding within his very mind he saw the horrifying images that had sent his world plummeting into a pit of guilt and anger. Emotions so unbearable they had driven him from caring whether he lived or died. Thoughts of the dark days, months, and years that followed made him ashamed. He had turned his back on everything she had taught him. How to love, how to look upon the good instead of dwelling on the bad, and how to live for the moment. The tragic loss had left him feeling as if he would never care about anything again. The very idea seeming not only impossible, but also terrifying.

But he had begun to care again and though still unsettling at times, it was beginning to grow on him. Slowly but surely he was seeing more sun and less rain. The healing had finally begun and that was why he was here. Not to say goodbye. That was something he would never be able to do, but to say 'hello' again. He needed to reconnect with his past in order to move forward to a future that less than a year ago he would have never dreamed possible.

Taking a moment to regroup his wandering thoughts he glanced up at the area around him. There was nothing really remarkable about it. The grass was green, the grounds well tended to. It was orderly and simple. Just like she would have liked. He remembered her entire outlook on life was to live the moment and to enjoy the simple things. They had done that for sure. Their time together had been all too brief, but who could measure what would be enough. Whether the time was a year or a thousand, every moment he had spent without her touch, her smell, her laughter seemed like an eternity in comparison to the brief time they had spent together. Never enough.

And yet, he thanked God for that short time. Without it he would not have known just what type of joy life could truly offer and he was a better man for it today. Even the grief had its place. He had a greater understanding of the value of time, though he had saw fit to ignore the lessons of that pain for too long, wallowing in self-pity and recrimination. His path was now on a new road full of friendship and purpose.

"Thank you, sweet woman." He didn't fight the tears as he choked out the words that poured from within his heart. "You gave me more joy than I ever thought possible. You showed me what true love was all about. If I retain even a spot of the love and gentleness that you poured into me I will consider myself blessed."

A bone-jarring sob escaped him and he glanced up again to be sure there were no witnesses to his uncontrollable display.

"God, I miss you so bad."

His voiced choked off as his hand instinctively moved out, grabbing the hard cold stone before him. This was so much harder than even his worst nightmares could have ever imagined. A deep steadying breath did little to dislodge the tight lump that had been his companion since the waking dawn when he had made the final decision that today would be the day.

So much he had to say, so much left unsaid. Fighting the tidal wave of emotions he tried to form coherent thoughts in his mind. Still, the words came out jumbled.

"Should have never happened. I'm so sorry. Should have been there. Should have protected you. Oh God, it should have been me."

"Shit." He wiped angrily at the tears that were forming in his eyes. Wanting so bad to keep it all together, he swallowed hard at the churning bile in his stomach. Maybe that cup of morning coffee hadn't been such a good idea.

"I know if I asked your forgiveness, you'd say there was nothing to forgive. But I'm still sorry. Not just for what happened that day, but for my betrayal of your memory afterwards."

The freshly opened wounds bled freely as he fell to both knees, curled in on himself and cried.

Time had little meaning, but only a minute passed before he sat back up and stared at the marker, wiping at his eyes. 'Get it together and get on with it.' He chastised himself.

"I should have come here years ago, but I was a coward. Afraid to face the past and you. Guess I just wanted you to know that I'm okay now. It still hurts like hell and I don't expect that's going to change anytime soon, if ever. But I ain't alone anymore. I got six damn fine reasons to get up in the mornings."

Shaky hands pulled out the wallet from his back pocket and he carefully pulled out the worn newspaper clipping tucked deep within its folds. Gently placing the piece of paper on the ground below the gravestone, he stood on shaky legs.

"There's still a lot of work to be done, my love. Still a lot of things my friends just don't know about. Maybe someday I'll share it with them. One day they'll understand."

With one last longing look he kissed his fingertips and lovingly placed them on the gravestone. Then, with head held high, he walked away.

One day the others would know of this place. One day his new best friend would realize just how much the two of them really shared.

And one day, Vin Tanner would introduce his new family to the one now buried beneath the cold ground.

The piece of paper drifted on the wind toward the lean blond who stood on the far side of the large city cemetery. He had come by as was his habit to leave the flowers on the graves of his lost family. Bending down he picked up the drifting trash to throw it away, not wanting to mar the landscape of the grounds. Seeing that it was a newspaper clipping his eyes were drawn to the headline. "Local Teacher Fatally Wounded In Drive-by Shooting". His eyes began to read the worn article.

The song "Chiseled In Stone" was written by Vern Gosdin and Max D. Barnes.