The Dirge!

tune: "Volga Boatmen"

1. Now you've aged another year
   Now you know that Death is near
   Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday!
2. So you've aged another year
   Now you know that Death is near
3. Children dying far and near
   They say that cancer's caused by beer
4. Children dying everywhere
   Women crying in despair
5. Death, destruction, and despair
   People dying everywhere
6. Doom and gloom and dark despair
   People dying everywhere!

7. Doom, destruction, and despair
   Grief and sorrow fill the air
8. Doom, destruction, and despair
   People dying everywhere
9. Death and gloom and black despair
   People dying everywhere
10. Pain destruction and despair
    People dying everywhere
11. Typhoid, plague and polio
    Coffins lined up in a row
12. Now that you're the age you are
    Your demise cannot be far
13. Now you are the age you are
    Your demise cannot be far
14. When you've reached the age you are
    Your demise cannot be far

Other Common Verses:

15. Black Death has just struck your town
    You yourself feel quite run-down
16. Pestilence has struck your town
    You yourself feel quite run-down
17. Birthdays come but once a year
    Marking time as Death draws near
18. Long ago your hair turned grey
    Now it's falling out, they say
19. Soon your hair will all turn grey
    Then fall out (or so they say)

The Viking/Barbarian Verses:

20. Burn the castle and storm the keep
    Kill the women, but save the sheep
21. Hear the women wail and weep
    Kill them all, but spare the sheep
22. May the women wail and weep
    kill them all, but save the sheep
23. Burn, then rape by firelight
    Add _romance_ to life tonight
24. Indigestion's what you get
    From the enemies you 'et
25. May the candles on your cake
    Burn like cities in your wake.
26. May the cities in your wake
    Burn like candles on your cake,
27. May the children in the street
    Be your barbequeing meat
28. We love children, yes we do
    Baked or broiled or in a stew
29. May your deeds with sheep and yaks
    Equal those with sword and axe
30. May your deeds with sword and axe
    Equal those with sheep and yaks
31. They stole your sword, your gold, your house
    Took your sheep but not your spouse
32. This one lesson you must learn
    First you pillage, then you burn
33. While you eat your birthday stew
    We will loot the town for you,

The SCA Verses:

34. We brought linen, white as cloud
    Now we'll sit and sew your shroud
35. You're a period cook, its true
    Ask the beetles in the stew
36. Your servants steal, your wife's untrue
    Your children plot to murder you

Other Verses:

37. Fear and gloom and darkness but
    No one found out you-know-what
38. Just be glad the friends you've got
    Haven't found out you-know-what
39. I'm a leper, can't you see
    Have a birthday kiss from me
40. It's your birthday never fear
    You'll be dead this time next year
41. Now another year has passed
    Don't look now they're gaining fast!
42. So far Death you have bypassed
    Don't look back, he's gaining fast
43. Now you've lived another year
    Age to you is like stale beer
44. Now your jail-bait days are done
    Let's go out and have some fun
45. See the wrinkles on your face
    Like the pattern of fine lace
46. Were I sitting in your shoes
    I'd go out and sing the blues
47. So you're 29 again
    Don't tell lies to your good friend
48. Tho you're turning 29
    Age to you is like fine wine
49. You must marry very soon

50. When you've reached this age you know
    That the mind is first to go

Happy Birthday. [Hunh!] Happy Birthday. [Hunh!]
Doom, destruction and despair,
Grief and sorrow fill the air,
Happy Birthday. [Hunh!] Happy Birthday. [Hunh!]

Birthdays come but once a year,
Marking time as Death draws near,
Happy Birthday. [Hunh!] Happy Birthday. [Hunh!]

May the cities in your wake
Burn like candles on your cake,
Happy Birthday. [Hunh!] Happy Birthday. [Hunh!]

May your deeds with sword and axe
Equal those with sheep and yaks,
Happy Birthday. [Hunh!] Happy Birthday. [Hunh!]

You must marry very soon,
Baby's due the next full moon,
Happy Birthday. [Hunh!] Happy Birthday. [Hunh!]

Your servants steal, your wife's untrue,
Your children plot to murder you,
Happy Birthday. [Hunh!] Happy Birthday. [Hunh!]

They stole your sword, your gold, your house,
Took your sheep but not your spouse,
Happy Birthday. [Hunh!] Happy Birthday. [Hunh!]

When you've reached this age you know
That the mind is first to go,
Happy Birthday. [Hunh!] Happy Birthday. [Hunh!]

While you eat your birthday stew
We will loot the town for you,
Happy Birthday. [Hunh!] Happy Birthday. [Hunh!]

Indigestion's what you get
From the enemies you 'et,
Happy Birthday. [Hunh!] Happy Birthday. [Hunh!]

So far Death you have bypassed
Don't look back, she's gaining fast
Happy Birthday. [Hunh!] Happy Birthday. [Hunh!]

We brought linen, white as cloud,
Now we'll sit and sew your shroud,

Just be glad the friends you've got
Haven't found out you-know-what!
Happy Birthday. [Hunh!] Happy Birthday. [Hunh!]

This one lesson you must learn,
_First_ you plunder, _then_ you burn!
Happy Birthday. [Hunh!] Happy Birthday. [ARRrr!!]

Hear the Women Wail and Weep
Kill them all, But Spare the Sheep

May the children in the Street
Be your barbecueing Meat

May the Candles for your Cake
Leave a fire in their Wake